That girl from work

[popsickle]

Not sure how to handle that one.
Girl from work, never really noticed her until a couple of months ago. We started going for coffees, etc and think it was obvious we were both interested.
Things cooled off a bit until everyone got quite drunk on a work occasion and we started making out. Made out again on the next occasion, where she also told me she was attracted. Things are going well, a common friend throws a party and we again make out. At this point I'm quite confident. A week or so passes and we go out for drinks just us two. Make out again.
Now since then she's been quite cold - doesn't come over to my desk anymore, doesn't come up with plans, doesn't text. Asked her to lunch a few days back and she "already had plans".
Been playing it safe and just went ghost as well but it's definitely pissing me off. What to do?!

 

[popsickle]

We don't actively work together on anything and never will. Trust me it's fine.

 

[marmel75]

We don't actively work together on anything and never will. Trust me it's fine.

Chance after chance to escalate further and yet all you seem to want to do is make out. She decided you aren't man enough for her and dropped you.

 

[sazc]

what's the timeline on this? I'm wondering if she was hoping you would want to get to know her quicker than you are (t least escalate the interest level) and she's feeling like you are using her as a convenient make out buddy every now and then?

 

[popsickle]

She's quite conservative...probably both cultural and upbringing - i doubt she was hoping for things to move faster. Timeline is first kiss close 1 month ago

 

[RangerMIke]

She let her emotions control her... normal for a chick. Then something snapped and she realized she works with you. A couple of things could be going on.

Another dude or she wants to see if you are going to mirror her behavior which will make her more comfortable.

The best thing to do in either case is to back off and go after other chicks, just don't do this at work. If she likes you she will be back. But I wouldn't take her back, never mix fun with work. This seldom works out to the benefit of a dude. At any point she can push the "He is harassing me" button and now you on the street looking for a job with the reputation of being a dude that make chicks "uncomfortable". This is the much more likely outcome then you two being happy forever after.

 

[sazc]

the only way you will ever really know is to ask her

 

[popsickle]

She let her emotions control her... normal for a chick. Then something snapped and she realized she works with you. A couple of things could be going on.

Another dude or she wants to see if you are going to mirror her behavior which will make her more comfortable.

The best thing to do in either case is to back off and go after other chicks, just don't do this at work. If she likes you she will be back. But I wouldn't take her back, never mix fun with work. This seldom works out to the benefit of a dude. At any point she can push the "He is harassing me" button and now you on the street looking for a job with the reputation of being a dude that make chicks "uncomfortable". This is the much more likely outcome then you two being happy forever after.

Sigh...sadly you may be right, it's probably for the better

 

[lizardking82]

Well, when I was reading your bit up there, all I could read was "first date, we made out" "second date, we made out again" "party, we made out third time"... I'm like, dude, do you ever escalate? Do you ever touch her boobs? Her ass? So as to give her a signal that "hey, I wanna bang you, not simply make out like little kids"

 

[popsickle]

Well, when I was reading your bit up there, all I could read was "first date, we made out" "second date, we made out again" "party, we made out third time"... I'm like, dude, do you ever escalate? Do you ever touch her boobs? Her ass? So as to give her a signal that "hey, I wanna bang you, not simply make out like little kids"

I gotta say this one gave me a good laugh. You may totally be right - it wasn't my impression at first sight because as I said above, she seems quite conservative. Is there any coming back from that?

 

[lizardking82]

Here's the funny thing, I wanna share with you a short story of mine to give yours perspective cause I don't wanna just tell you "this one's gone, so let it go": I am a photographer so about a year and a half ago, this girl writes to me on Facebook inquiring for some pics, asking about price, etc. I answer back and she starts makin' small talk so I start makin' small talk back. We quickly got into it and she turned me on in the best way I have ever been turned on in my whole life (no exagerations). We met, we banged a couple of times and it was extremely hot for both of us and then she pushed to be exclusive, but that was completely out of the table for because back then, I was greatly in love with my girlfriend. I said no, I kinda flaked LOL and expectedly, she started becoming more and more distant until we stopped talking for good, like no goodbyes or sth, it just stopped. A couple of months later, I called her, she answered at 1 AM, we arranged to meet again. We met, she was a bit more careful this time out (expectedly) and when I was about to salute her after the drink, she said "please don't kiss me" and pulled away". Well, maybe some here would argue that I should have kissed and they are probably right, but it so happens that I didn't. From that moment on, we talked on the phone once in 2/3 months a couple of more times and then it was dead for good. A couple of months ago, in desperation after my recent breakup and seeking for the some affection (the wrong kind at that time), I contacted her again. She was ice cold and when I asked her if she wants to hang out again, she said she is seeing someone.

This is the perfect example of how sometimes, we like to pursue things we know are so low probability it;s not even necessary to do them, but we still do them. Right now, you're probably thinkin "oh, ****, I gotta have this girl cause she's hot and all that, there is no other one like her". What you need is abundance and you don't have that right now. When you got no abundance of anything, you tend to become desperate and follow lost causes. I would say ditch her and start working on your next one/ones, but you're the boss of yourself. I gave you my perspective, hope it serves

 

[popsickle]

Thanks for the illustration man. Yes I'd definitely benefit from spinning more plates - time is the bottleneck though. This girl is not that attractive on paper to be honest, but I genuinely quite like hanging out with her. I'll be fine getting over it but can't say I'm not hoping she'll make a move in the coming days.