Text to remind her of tomorrows date
- Thread starter Mr.Fantastic
- Start date
I like how people who said he shouldn't remind her of the date are labeled anal retentive virgins who take things too seriously, wow, lol.
When you've been going out with someone for a while, calling to confirm plans is pretty ordinary, but I think it's different when you're going out with someone new for the first time. 3 days isn't enough time to "forget" about going on a date with someone new, unless your feelings are a bit lukewarm to begin with.
I think there should be some sort of "eagerness" on the part of the other person. I'm not saying you should just next the chick, but I'd use this incident to gauge interest and to proceed accordingly. If she remembers, great, if not, you aren't high on her list of priorities, it's as simple as that.
When you've been going out with someone for a while, calling to confirm plans is pretty ordinary, but I think it's different when you're going out with someone new for the first time. 3 days isn't enough time to "forget" about going on a date with someone new, unless your feelings are a bit lukewarm to begin with.
I think there should be some sort of "eagerness" on the part of the other person. I'm not saying you should just next the chick, but I'd use this incident to gauge interest and to proceed accordingly. If she remembers, great, if not, you aren't high on her list of priorities, it's as simple as that.
i usually do this instead but i dont know if people on here agree. I know you're not suppose to text 1 hour before u go on the date but sometimes it's better as a quick reminder to say you're going to be 5 mins late so u have an excuse to text.
i usually say 'hey, im on my way down now but im going to be about 5 mins late. sorry'
i send this about 1 hour before we're suppose to meet which is about 15mins before i'm suppose to leave. usually girls will text me on the day to ask if we're still meeting (it's not my responsibilty to have to check if we're still on.. if i dont contact to cacncel then it's assumed it's on but that's logic so women dont follow that.. however the 'forgot' thing is a valid but annoying excuse'
i always say i'm already on my way down so they can't pull out last minute if they did forget but usually if she doesn't text u to ask if you're still meeting up then it's not good, think about it, she isn't going to get all dressed up and made up to find out she's being stood up.
i dont know, do some girls say if he doesn't confirm on the day then hes forgotten? but if shes thinking that shouldn't she then text u to confirm the meeting?
this is why i dont like setting up dates for the day after or 2 days time cos u dont wanna have to send a reminder text cos it looks needy and insecure but at the same time u want to eliminate the chance that she forgot.
but i agree there should be some eagerness on her part to want to meet u too thereby she should therefore contact u if shes not sure if you're still on,
i usually say 'hey, im on my way down now but im going to be about 5 mins late. sorry'
i send this about 1 hour before we're suppose to meet which is about 15mins before i'm suppose to leave. usually girls will text me on the day to ask if we're still meeting (it's not my responsibilty to have to check if we're still on.. if i dont contact to cacncel then it's assumed it's on but that's logic so women dont follow that.. however the 'forgot' thing is a valid but annoying excuse'
i always say i'm already on my way down so they can't pull out last minute if they did forget but usually if she doesn't text u to ask if you're still meeting up then it's not good, think about it, she isn't going to get all dressed up and made up to find out she's being stood up.
i dont know, do some girls say if he doesn't confirm on the day then hes forgotten? but if shes thinking that shouldn't she then text u to confirm the meeting?
this is why i dont like setting up dates for the day after or 2 days time cos u dont wanna have to send a reminder text cos it looks needy and insecure but at the same time u want to eliminate the chance that she forgot.
but i agree there should be some eagerness on her part to want to meet u too thereby she should therefore contact u if shes not sure if you're still on,
Mr.Fantastic
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Update
Hi there guys, well seen as this thread has taken off to monumental proportions I feel I had better settle the arguing with the real world results!
I decided to text her in the end, after an upswing of sense on this thread.
I text her 'see you at 7 x' about 3 hours before meeting her.
(by the way, this is the only text where i have put an 'x' in and i thought, **** it, why not - before anybody starts with the analysing of that! anyway that is besides the point)
She text back immediately (as she always tends to do) with:
Her: 'where are we going? How come you work so late?'
Me: 'xxxxx station at 7, you was ok with this the other day, are you not able to make it now?'
Her: 'No, I can! Hope it's ok that i'm not going home first, so will be in work clothes, where are we going?'
(I think she was worried that she may not be suitably dressed for the venue - this seems to be why she was so keen to know where we were going)
Me: 'We are going to a little bar on the river, its a nice place. Work clothes will be fine, as long as you look sexy!'
(now, I don't know if the sexy remark was a good idea or not, but i figured it would be as it establishes a sexual intent (i have made out with her already so this should be fine) and is not overly gamey with ****ey funny etc.)
So I turn up at the station and meet her exactly on time!!
BAM!!! THE ANSWER IS TO TEXT
It was several days since setting up the date and the 'normal' thing to do is to reestablish connection and confirm plans, as people have said, it is just polite to do this, since people have other things going on in their lives than dating!!!
Now, the date itself I feel could have gone better, we had a nice enough conversation etc, but I was quite in my head the whole time and pretty polite etc with how I was acting - i.e work related convo and other boring stuff - not much kino - (I was pretty different to how I was when we met - that night I was spinning her around and making out with her!!) anyway, there were a few awkward silences etc - she was a good conversationalist though so she filled a few gaps.
Unfortunate as it was, I feel she cut the evening shorter than it might have been, she said she needed to get home to get an hour of studying in before bed. I could feel a lack of sexual tension the whole time.
I feel that the lack of sexual vibe can be attributed to several things, firstly - she seems to be genuinely busy and have not a lot of time, and therefore she only really intended to go for a 'quick' drink in the first place - (she said 'quick drink' in the text when we set it up).
In addition to this, I think the main problem was me not being in such a great vibe on the night and not flowing in my conversation and having fun as much as I should have - I failed to build any kind of connection and sexual tension.
Frankly though, she is only some girl I met in a bar, and she wasn't as hot as I remembered (although definitely do-able) and we are quite different people. I was only really bothered about this from a learning point of view (i.e why I was asking the best way to proceed with it to test things out) so i'm not really bothered about it.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: I FEEL THAT THE TEXT WAS BENEFICIAL IN THIS CASE AND RECOMMEND THAT A COURTESY TEXT TO CONFIRM BE SENT.
She didn't flake, which means that she had enough interest to give the situation a chance. If a girl turns up to meet you then she is open to the idea of being turned on by you - from this point it is up to you to turn her on! Ha, this is where I failed this time, but never mind, as I said, I'm learning, and it's only a game.
Thanks for the replies guys, keep truckin' and get out there and make some mistakes and gain some experience!
Hi there guys, well seen as this thread has taken off to monumental proportions I feel I had better settle the arguing with the real world results!
I decided to text her in the end, after an upswing of sense on this thread.
I text her 'see you at 7 x' about 3 hours before meeting her.
(by the way, this is the only text where i have put an 'x' in and i thought, **** it, why not - before anybody starts with the analysing of that! anyway that is besides the point)
She text back immediately (as she always tends to do) with:
Her: 'where are we going? How come you work so late?'
Me: 'xxxxx station at 7, you was ok with this the other day, are you not able to make it now?'
Her: 'No, I can! Hope it's ok that i'm not going home first, so will be in work clothes, where are we going?'
(I think she was worried that she may not be suitably dressed for the venue - this seems to be why she was so keen to know where we were going)
Me: 'We are going to a little bar on the river, its a nice place. Work clothes will be fine, as long as you look sexy!'
(now, I don't know if the sexy remark was a good idea or not, but i figured it would be as it establishes a sexual intent (i have made out with her already so this should be fine) and is not overly gamey with ****ey funny etc.)
So I turn up at the station and meet her exactly on time!!
BAM!!! THE ANSWER IS TO TEXT
It was several days since setting up the date and the 'normal' thing to do is to reestablish connection and confirm plans, as people have said, it is just polite to do this, since people have other things going on in their lives than dating!!!
Now, the date itself I feel could have gone better, we had a nice enough conversation etc, but I was quite in my head the whole time and pretty polite etc with how I was acting - i.e work related convo and other boring stuff - not much kino - (I was pretty different to how I was when we met - that night I was spinning her around and making out with her!!) anyway, there were a few awkward silences etc - she was a good conversationalist though so she filled a few gaps.
Unfortunate as it was, I feel she cut the evening shorter than it might have been, she said she needed to get home to get an hour of studying in before bed. I could feel a lack of sexual tension the whole time.
I feel that the lack of sexual vibe can be attributed to several things, firstly - she seems to be genuinely busy and have not a lot of time, and therefore she only really intended to go for a 'quick' drink in the first place - (she said 'quick drink' in the text when we set it up).
In addition to this, I think the main problem was me not being in such a great vibe on the night and not flowing in my conversation and having fun as much as I should have - I failed to build any kind of connection and sexual tension.
Frankly though, she is only some girl I met in a bar, and she wasn't as hot as I remembered (although definitely do-able) and we are quite different people. I was only really bothered about this from a learning point of view (i.e why I was asking the best way to proceed with it to test things out) so i'm not really bothered about it.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: I FEEL THAT THE TEXT WAS BENEFICIAL IN THIS CASE AND RECOMMEND THAT A COURTESY TEXT TO CONFIRM BE SENT.
She didn't flake, which means that she had enough interest to give the situation a chance. If a girl turns up to meet you then she is open to the idea of being turned on by you - from this point it is up to you to turn her on! Ha, this is where I failed this time, but never mind, as I said, I'm learning, and it's only a game.
Thanks for the replies guys, keep truckin' and get out there and make some mistakes and gain some experience!
PectoralisMajor
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good work on the update,
not all dates go well - some personalities just dont flow together and its often not anyones fault. so dont be too hard.
she clearly had high interest, pity it couldnt be escalated further during the date.
a tip - avoid work chat where possible.
id wait to see if she texts or contacts you, seeing as you dont get the best vibe from the date. sounds like you didnt hit it off together tho!
not all dates go well - some personalities just dont flow together and its often not anyones fault. so dont be too hard.
she clearly had high interest, pity it couldnt be escalated further during the date.
a tip - avoid work chat where possible.
id wait to see if she texts or contacts you, seeing as you dont get the best vibe from the date. sounds like you didnt hit it off together tho!
Smartone84
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this is a tough one. A SIMPLE and I do mean SIMPLE text isnt the end of the world. This is a date after all, and u wanna make sure shes gonna be there for this special time u reserved just for her.
i remember i texted this girl asking if she was sure if she didnt need a ride on our first date bc she insisted on meeting there. Idk what ur plans are as far as that but if u wanna text her just make it very casual, and not desperate sounding at all. "See you at 7" sounds ok to me
i remember i texted this girl asking if she was sure if she didnt need a ride on our first date bc she insisted on meeting there. Idk what ur plans are as far as that but if u wanna text her just make it very casual, and not desperate sounding at all. "See you at 7" sounds ok to me
The whole point in people suggesting that you not text her was to gauge her level of interest. The text in and of itself was not a huge deal.
In fact, my prediction was correct as far as I'm concerned. Not about sending the text, but what you could expect by her actions based on whether or not she would even make an effort to show up and/or "forget" about the date all together, which she definitely implied.
So in the end, she either forgot or pretended to forget, shows up in her work clothes and cuts the date short. I honestly think there wasn't much to work with here from the start, I wouldn't analyze what you did and didn't do right during the date.
My advice would've saved you the hassle in the first place.
In fact, my prediction was correct as far as I'm concerned. Not about sending the text, but what you could expect by her actions based on whether or not she would even make an effort to show up and/or "forget" about the date all together, which she definitely implied.
So in the end, she either forgot or pretended to forget, shows up in her work clothes and cuts the date short. I honestly think there wasn't much to work with here from the start, I wouldn't analyze what you did and didn't do right during the date.
My advice would've saved you the hassle in the first place.
I'm hoping you atleast understand why people had an opposing view.Mr.Fantastic said:
I think its funny how much thought went into this small detail.
For the record, they usually txt or call me a day or 2 before anyway, I think that's best but probably won't always be the case.
It really doesn't matter whether you do or you don't, it's whatever you want to do. Just be cool and don't get creepy n weird if you do.
For the record, they usually txt or call me a day or 2 before anyway, I think that's best but probably won't always be the case.
It really doesn't matter whether you do or you don't, it's whatever you want to do. Just be cool and don't get creepy n weird if you do.
You got a girl who had zero investment in the date (wearing work clothes) & showed up for a free drink, while constantly thinking about studying for the exam. Other than a boring conversation, you got zip from her.
Congrats, it really worked.
Listen to Tazman, mate.
Congrats, it really worked.
Listen to Tazman, mate.
Mr.Fantastic
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Jitterbug said:
Yeah, that about sums it up, but hell, i'm not the most experienced guy in the world with dating and I believe that you should get as much experience as possible in these situations - create new reference points for the future.
Yeah, if i had more girls on the go I wouldn't have been so bothered, I certainly can see the sense in not texting - if her interest was high enough she would have text. But is that to say that I should not bother texting if they dont text? I mean even if they have low interest, if I was amazing on the night then she would perhaps be keen to see me again.
As it stands I don't think the girl has enough time to date anyone from what she was saying, she works full time and studys in the evenings, so whatever, im not worried. But I always think it is best to gain as much experience as possible, and this has brought a little bit of that to me.
I have learned that basically, in these situations, you should be waiting for the girl to text something to confirm (this will show high interest on her part) - if she does not text, then you can assume she has low interest, but a short text of your own will ensure the meeting, from where you can proceed (if you think its worth it) with the knowledge that she has lower interest.
If I had more options I probably wouldn't be bothered about any of this, and might not have bothered with her, and that seems to be key : having lots of options.
But hell, if we were all dating numerous chicks at the same time we would have no problems in this area and wouldnt need this board!!!
Experience is everything! Thanks to everyone who has replied, it is amazing how much scope there has been for discussion on this - i just expected several small replies of 'text her this, or not' etc. I have definitely learned something here.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Okay, first of all, women ALWAYS have time to date SOMEONE. If the IL is high enough, they will find a way to MAKE time. I've actually gone out with full-time students/employees, and trust me, if they thought highly enough of me, they found a way to make time.Mr.Fantastic said:
But then again, we're men, we're busy too. We have things to do like work, gym, study, go out with other people, hang out with our friends, etc...
But you are right, it is good to get more experience with time. So that's definitely a good attitude to have.
I will agree with Tazman, the point wasn't the text, but the point was the WHY of the text. Not all cases will be like yours.
And about your second point, you shouldn't be expecting texts at all, you should just be expecting her to show up, and that's it. All you need is to get her to say "yes" to a date and then she has to show up. That's it. No "in-between" texts or a phone call are required on behalf of either one of you. So don't sit there analyzing whether she has or hasn't texted/called before a date.
I've been seeing a girl myself that we basically call every 2-3 days and just talk for about 15 mins, set up a date, and then don't talk until we see each other at the place. It works out great, and we always have something to talk about and I don't have to sit there wondering why she won't text/call. I let her worry about that.
Whatever happens in between the time from which you asked her out the first time, to the actual date, should mean little or nothing at all. If she shows up, you still have a chance to push her from the neutral into the positive.
Just build up your options and then soon you'll be finding that a subject like "Whether to text or not" becomes a moot point.
Good luck in the future.
Rescue Mission
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Everyone on this whole entire thread is missing this guy's biggest mistake!!
Because all of you have missed it, I am assuming that you all make this same mistake more often than you should, thus you might not even think it is a mistake in the first place!!
what is the mistake? one word - ISOLATION
listen, dude, I know you want to learn this the hard way, and have your wallet take a hit of thousands of $$'s before it finally clicks in your head, so I am going to do you a favor and tell you exactly how you get sex from women (and how YOU could have gotten sex from YOUR chick in this thread):
You had a nice 1st date makeout session........so why in the hell are you not hanging out with this woman somewhere isolated the next time you see her?
WHY are you with her in a local place having a goddamn conversation as your date????
Your "second date" should have been as simple as this:
1) your place/her place/hotel room
2) alcohol/movies/music/games
3) start making out again like you did on the 1st date, except this time.........get ready for this.............ready???............YOU ARE ALL ALONE WITH HER, WHICH MEANS THE NATURAL PROGRESS FROM MAKING OUT TO EFFING THE HELL OUT OF HER ACTUALLY HAS A CHANCE TO HAPPEN!!!
When you go out somewhere public, especially with a girl who you know is attracted to you (since you made out the 1st date), then you are automatically lowering your shot at getting some azz just by the fact that you CHOSE to be in public
if the attraction is there, she should have ZERO problem being with you somewhere in isolation, and still having a few drinks with you (much cheaper ones than at some bar by the way!!).......cuddling, kissing, making out, removing clothes, having sex
I have learned this through years of experience - every single girl that was into me that I did the above with, I ended up having sex with, whether it was 1st date, 2nd date, 3rd date, or whatever
also, stop thinking of your time spent with chicks as DATES - that is soooo 50's and we are not in that world anymore - these days, you hang out with women, you have fun with women, and you fvck women - let some other chump take them out on "dates" - YOU are her sex toy
understood??
Because all of you have missed it, I am assuming that you all make this same mistake more often than you should, thus you might not even think it is a mistake in the first place!!
what is the mistake? one word - ISOLATION
listen, dude, I know you want to learn this the hard way, and have your wallet take a hit of thousands of $$'s before it finally clicks in your head, so I am going to do you a favor and tell you exactly how you get sex from women (and how YOU could have gotten sex from YOUR chick in this thread):
You had a nice 1st date makeout session........so why in the hell are you not hanging out with this woman somewhere isolated the next time you see her?
WHY are you with her in a local place having a goddamn conversation as your date????
Your "second date" should have been as simple as this:
1) your place/her place/hotel room
2) alcohol/movies/music/games
3) start making out again like you did on the 1st date, except this time.........get ready for this.............ready???............YOU ARE ALL ALONE WITH HER, WHICH MEANS THE NATURAL PROGRESS FROM MAKING OUT TO EFFING THE HELL OUT OF HER ACTUALLY HAS A CHANCE TO HAPPEN!!!
When you go out somewhere public, especially with a girl who you know is attracted to you (since you made out the 1st date), then you are automatically lowering your shot at getting some azz just by the fact that you CHOSE to be in public
if the attraction is there, she should have ZERO problem being with you somewhere in isolation, and still having a few drinks with you (much cheaper ones than at some bar by the way!!).......cuddling, kissing, making out, removing clothes, having sex
I have learned this through years of experience - every single girl that was into me that I did the above with, I ended up having sex with, whether it was 1st date, 2nd date, 3rd date, or whatever
also, stop thinking of your time spent with chicks as DATES - that is soooo 50's and we are not in that world anymore - these days, you hang out with women, you have fun with women, and you fvck women - let some other chump take them out on "dates" - YOU are her sex toy
understood??
Mr.Fantastic
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ha, yeah thats good advice, im not sure most girls would be willing to come round on first meeting though? perhaps meet them in a pub/bar near my place, then suggest moving on to watch a movie there?Rescue Mission said:
also, I too hate the idea of a 'date' I was actually aware that word was inappropriate, but I also hate the idea of calling it a 'day 2' as I refuse to be overly gamey in my approach to any of this. Anyway, yeah, I should have gotten more sexual and had more drinks.
Frankly, I just don't think the girl was up for anything much from the start.
I mean girls usually have a whole bunch of drinks on the first meetup, oh well, on to the next one!
I'm a bit late here, but for future reference, screw the 'no text' opinions. Why would you take the risk of wasting your gas and not knowing whether she's going to flake or not?
Every date I have EVER had, I've called or text to confirm. I've NEVER been flaked on before when the girl answered or returned my message and I've been on billions of dates.
Every date I have EVER had, I've called or text to confirm. I've NEVER been flaked on before when the girl answered or returned my message and I've been on billions of dates.