"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Synonyms for masturbation

flyinshark

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I remember reading the "masturbation thread" some time ago and being really amused by the funny expressions some people came up with to designate masturbating. Here are some i extracted from that thread:

'peelin' the banana'
rub the standing soldier
"choak charlie 'till he throws up"
"choked the chicken"
the 'special touch'
'buffing the pylon'
"playing tug of war with Cyclops"
"Sent the rocket to Mars" (for ejaculation)

Feel free to add to the list...
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Unregistered

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waxing the carrot
spanking the monkey
performing autoerotic aerobics
rapid one armed horizontal pullups
wanking the beef
whacking off
beating the meat
shaking hands with the Man
stroking the T-Bone
 

quest

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having a flog.

close the thread
 

flyinshark

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I know masturbation has been discussed a lot, but this isn't about it per say. It's just about synonyms...as simple as that!

I find it fun reading what people come up with, and i am probably not the only one. It adds a bit of humor to this place, so i'd like this thread to stay alive.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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DogFashionDisco

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Oiling the motor
Jacking off
Playing mind games with Mr. Johnson
Energizing the battery
Shooting the catapult (ejaculation)
Wiring the bomb
Lighting the candle
Fencing the musketeer
Drilling for oil
Gaggin' the clam
Visiting niagra falls
Uncloggin' the drain
Workin' out the Y
Brushin' your afro
Hitchhikin' south
 

Centaurion

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walking the dog
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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LowPlainsDrifter

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"Close the thread?" Hmmm... haven't heard that one.

How about this one for tech geeks:

"Palm Piloting"
 

h2o

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welcome to my world
this may take the fun out of it, but...check this out, it's the

The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator:

http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: ...some people just have way too much free time

here's a really long list too: http://www.worldwidewank.com/funniest.html

(although i think i too am one with way too much free time for searching google and finding this wonderful synonym generator :D)

btw, my favorite is "Molesting my pogo stick" :woo:
 

flyinshark

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Originally posted by h2o
this may take the fun out of it, but...check this out, it's the

The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator:

http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: ...some people just have way too much free time

here's a really long list too: http://www.worldwidewank.com/funniest.html

(although i think i too am one with way too much free time for searching google and finding this wonderful synonym generator :D)

btw, my favorite is "Molesting my pogo stick" :woo:
from the random generator:
Cuddlin' the purple helmet
Polishing your twinkie
Slap-Boxing the burrito
Rubbing the skin bus
preparing your shlong

Bwahahahaha:crackup:

Ok, sorry.
I guess this takes out some of the answers some people might have come up with. I hope this thread doesn't die because of those links, but then again dumb threads usually dont have a very long life span.
 
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