Still stuck

Mauser96

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Rejection breeds obsession


I think the key is to accept it is over. Stop hoping.

Once you do that, you set yourself free.
Odds are really good that one year from now you will look back in disbelief at how hung up on her you were.
 

Jager

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It’s more self loathing than anything else. She didn’t deserve my worst. She deserved my best. And I stopped giving it to her. I never had that bond before her. I was always getting ready for it though.

My social proof was thru the roof.
Beautiful women were easy for me.
I had gone thru dozens (being a bartender)
I already knew I wanted to start a business.
I knew exactly the type of woman I wanted.
I was young and driven.
I chose her out of abundance. Not scarcity

But now I’m just a bit lost.

I believe she did the right thing for herself. I wasn’t progressing. I wasn’t moving things forward (with her). I was consumed by my work. I was in a constant negative state (towards the end) due to external and internal factors. Which I’ve now corrected.

I just don’t have the time to grieve this and get back in the horse. I’m 31 years old. Will be 32 in November. Im having a lot of trouble moving FORWARD towards what I’m supposed to be. I’m a hyper learner when I’m pushed to be. This experience taught me things in a few months, that most men spend an entire lifetime learning. But it’s of no help when everyone is settled down and I’m not. It’s like I lost at musical chairs or something.

This kind of thing is my kryptonite and I refuse to go thru it again. And to think that all there is to life is to make money and constantly bed strangers until I no longer can is a sobering thought.
And therein the trap of the feminine imperative is revealed. You have no sense of self. You were raised to discard that, taught that you were a slave, though not in so many words. We men are born with a strength and depth that women, and society for that matter, must beat down in order for men to be controlled. I have experienced the effects of this. When I unplugged there was a gap there. A void in my consciousness, my soul.

Life is, indeed, meaningless without purpose. You need a purpose. Everything in your life is a creation of yourself. While you agree with this data, you need to act on it. What you’re doing right now is looking for validation. Continually talking about your trials in this matter is not going to help you. Right now you’re looking for us to give you attention. The only being that can solve this is you. While others can help guide you, this journey is totally on you. We can give you the gear, but you’re going to have to be the one that climbs out of Hell.

So suck it up. Rebuild your drive, determination. Find ambitions and goals to pursue and master. That is the only cure. Existence only has meaning if you’re actually working toward a constructive goal. Do something worth a d@mn for yourself and others. And don’t ever idolize women ever again.

The time for talk is over, @daproest1. Get it done.
 

daproest1

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And therein the trap of the feminine imperative is revealed. You have no sense of self. You were raised to discard that, taught that you were a slave, though not in so many words. We men are born with a strength and depth that women, and society for that matter, must beat down in order for men to be controlled. I have experienced the effects of this. When I unplugged there was a gap there. A void in my consciousness, my soul.

Life is, indeed, meaningless without purpose. You need a purpose. Everything in your life is a creation of yourself. While you agree with this data, you need to act on it. What you’re doing right now is looking for validation. Continually talking about your trials in this matter is not going to help you. Right now you’re looking for us to give you attention. The only being that can solve this is you. While others can help guide you, this journey is totally on you. We can give you the gear, but you’re going to have to be the one that climbs out of Hell.

So suck it up. Rebuild your drive, determination. Find ambitions and goals to pursue and master. That is the only cure. Existence only has meaning if you’re actually working toward a constructive goal. Do something worth a d@mn for yourself and others. And don’t ever idolize women ever again.

The time for talk is over, @daproest1. Get it done.
I don’t want “attention”. I want a solution. This is a strange and paralyzing feeling. My blood pressure is STILL slightly elevated on a regular basis from this shiit. I really am doing everything I can. Hence the title of the thread. “Still stuck”.
 

daproest1

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Rejection breeds obsession


I think the key is to accept it is over. Stop hoping.

Once you do that, you set yourself free.
Odds are really good that one year from now you will look back in disbelief at how hung up on her you were.
I don’t have any hope. Sure as shiit don’t feel free. It’s more about me than it is about her. I just need this feeling to be gone.
 

daproest1

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I'm 53. I've only loved one woman in my lifetime. We were engaged when I was 27-28 years old. Things didn't work-out, I met someone else, got married, had a couple kids, got divorced when I was 41.

Through fate, I was able to sit down for an evening and have drinks with my ex-fiancee about 10 years ago. Our lives have taken different paths. I was in the middle of raising my two kids. She missed the chance to be a Mom, and she would have been a good one. It was a sad evening for me. Still, it helped me move forward.

I feel that you can't recapture love that's lost. It's an ephemeral thing that can't be controlled. Others will disagree and that's fine. For me, I simply enjoy my empty nest years and meet other ladies. As for you at age 31, I suggest that you find a way to move forward without her.
This is what scares me. To look back 20 years from now knowing I was only able to love her.
 

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Epic Days

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I don’t want “attention”. I want a solution. This is a strange and paralyzing feeling. My blood pressure is STILL slightly elevated on a regular basis from this shiit. I really am doing everything I can. Hence the title of the thread. “Still stuck”.
There isn’t one. There’s no magic words or pill.
 

Mauser96

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I don’t have any hope. Sure as shiit don’t feel free. It’s more about me than it is about her. I just need this feeling to be gone.
Don't speak it to power anymore then.

Time heals all wounds. Focus on your fitness, social outings, etc.
 

Mauser96

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This is what scares me. To look back 20 years from now knowing I was only able to love her.
If that is the case, you have only yourself to blame.

That is a ridiculous statement my friend.
 

daproest1

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If that is the case, you have only yourself to blame.

That is a ridiculous statement my friend.
I’ve had a lot. Never got attached to any. Just doesn’t really happen. I always find something intolerable about them. No matter how hot they are. Except with this one. Nothing was “intolerable”. Frustrating? Sure. A woman is still a woman. But nothing intolerable. You guys don’t understand how picky I am. I rather have a dry spell than settle and regret what I put my diick in after a nut. That happened to me only ONCE... as a teenager.

So for me to only try and make things work with 8-10s my whole life, only to find out right away I’m not interested in anything serious with them, for YEARS, and then finally finding an exception, and then losing said exception because of my own stupidity (while being faithful the entire time) with no way to resolve the problem... well... it’s serious. To me at least.

Like I literally just left a plates house. She’s my neighbor lol all the men in my building act defeated around me now. Guess they’ve all had their eye on her for a while and never succeeded. Anyway... To me... shes a 7.5. U guys might say a 10 depending on where you live and what you’re exposed to. No kids. Sweet chick. She always wants me to stay over. The other 2 (8, 9) do too. I don’t. I rarely ever have in my life. I like to sleep alone. And who am I thinking about? The ex. It’s a mindfuuck. Weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve lost friends and family members. Some to death. Others are still alive. I’ve had pets die. Cat. Although she behaved more like a dog. She was 22 years old. Got her when I was a little kid. Was with her until the injection kicked in. That one was rough. I’ve lost jobs (back when I was stupid enough to have jobs). I’ve lost money. I’ve lost a lot in my life. I always bounce right back better than before. No problem. I’m relentless. But for some reason, THIS particular loss is just way too heavy. Irrationally heavy. It. Is. So. Stupid. My logical brain knows that. Is it my age? Was it the time lost since I can’t get it back? Whatever it is, i need it gone. If I end up like spaz, or anyone else on here just moving from pvssy to pvssy their whole life, so be it. Not thrilled about it... it’s not what I want... but fine. I just need the heaviness gone so I can be awesome again.

Earlier I read a thread on here from some dude that’s been with his ex wife since they were 15. They just split at 41. Idk.... that’s some depressing shyt. He seems ok about it. I dare say even comfortable with it. I’m a decade younger than he is. If I can’t do anything about it, and I can’t reverse it according to everyone on here, at the very least.... I want to be THAT comfortable with it. Because this is stupid.
 

Spaz

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I’ve had a lot. Never got attached to any. Just doesn’t really happen. I always find something intolerable about them. No matter how hot they are. Except with this one. Nothing was “intolerable”. Frustrating? Sure. A woman is still a woman. But nothing intolerable. You guys don’t understand how picky I am. I rather have a dry spell than settle and regret what I put my diick in after a nut. That happened to me only ONCE... as a teenager.

So for me to only try and make things work with 8-10s my whole life, only to find out right away I’m not interested in anything serious with them, for YEARS, and then finally finding an exception, and then losing said exception because of my own stupidity (while being faithful the entire time) with no way to resolve the problem... well... it’s serious. To me at least.

Like I literally just left a plates house. She’s my neighbor lol all the men in my building act defeated around me now. Guess they’ve all had their eye on her for a while and never succeeded. Anyway... To me... shes a 7.5. U guys might say a 10 depending on where you live and what you’re exposed to. No kids. Sweet chick. She always wants me to stay over. The other 2 (8, 9) do too. I don’t. I rarely ever have in my life. I like to sleep alone. And who am I thinking about? The ex. It’s a mindfuuck. Weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve lost friends and family members. Some to death. Others are still alive. I’ve had pets die. Cat. Although she behaved more like a dog. She was 22 years old. Got her when I was a little kid. Was with her until the injection kicked in. That one was rough. I’ve lost jobs (back when I was stupid enough to have jobs). I’ve lost money. I’ve lost a lot in my life. I always bounce right back better than before. No problem. I’m relentless. But for some reason, THIS particular loss is just way too heavy. Irrationally heavy. It. Is. So. Stupid. My logical brain knows that. Is it my age? Was it the time lost since I can’t get it back? Whatever it is, i need it gone. If I end up like spaz, or anyone else on here just moving from pvssy to pvssy their whole life, so be it. Not thrilled about it... it’s not what I want... but fine. I just need the heaviness gone so I can be awesome again.

Earlier I read a thread on here from some dude that’s been with his ex wife since they were 15. They just split at 41. Idk.... that’s some depressing shyt. He seems ok about it. I dare say even comfortable with it. I’m a decade younger than he is. If I can’t do anything about it, and I can’t reverse it according to everyone on here, at the very least.... I want to be THAT comfortable with it. Because this is stupid.
U r not comfortable with it or this break up simply because of ur ego.

Recently I had discussions with members here on the term ego with many not even bothered to give me an example of its meaning to them, but they were adamant on what it means to be egoless.

I raise this up once again as it pertains to ur particular story.

Yes, it's a story, ego is a life story one places within him and it (ego) has him trying to meet the objective of his life story.

Like those I had the discussion with and the same with you, once a life story is unravelled, such as an ex not being in it or others, a man then does not know how to move forward since his 'life story' is missing a component or finds that its all an elaborate lie.

It can be hard.

It will be hard.

To make a new life story.

Ur ego or life story is like a book, for now ur 'book' is has plenty of memories of ur ex, regrets, happier times, future plans and etc.

Despite ur assertions that women are not important, we all can see how an ex has affected your ability to move on.

The conclusion is, at least in this chapter of ur life story, is that women plays a central part. And in that story ur Ex is the hero.

But that chapter in ur book has come to an end. The hero has left. Yet you're still stuck in it, reliving it, dreaming about it like a foolish little girl yearning for her hero to come flying back in.

It's time for you to now bravely open a new chapter in ur book.

And in the next chapter, it's time for you to be the hero.

Create a new life story.

What are you actually afraid off?
 

Epic Days

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A man can start a new life anytime he wants. Listen to spaz.

In fact I like tossing all the stuff of my old life every time I make a new decision. Some things, even stuff you’ve accumulated that locks you into that previous life.

If you vehicle reminds you of your old life, sell it. Start out with the clothes in your back if that’s what it takes.
 

Tdawg

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Na I believe the truth. That’s what bothers me most. I’ve always looked for truth. I’ve always thought outside the box. Social conditioning doesn’t mean much to me. I do what I want and believe my own beliefs.

And I believe, I stumbled across a unicorn (kinda) and ruined it because of lack of LTR experience. I don’t get into LTRs. I never did before her, and haven’t after her. But we both wanted the same thing. To grow old with one another. But women are so easily influenced by outside sources. Something I was ignorant of at the time. I was always doing my own thing. WORK, and my hobbies. While she was getting brain washed by friends, family, co workers, her own insecurities, etc.

It’s not like it was a few generations ago. And there are few (if any) women I actually want to commit to. She was the exception. It’s just sad to accept that this was it for me. And now I don’t have much to look forward to really. Endless flings. Money. It’s all pretty empty. I don’t want children. I have a small family. No siblings. So once they’re gone, that’s it.

It’s just empty. Women aren’t programmed this way. They just move from dck to dck and never take accountability for their actions. With every dck, they lose a little of themselves. This is why she was different. Young. Low body count (I was her 4th). She followed my lead (until she didn’t). And only did LTRs.

There’s just no sanctity in this shiit anymore. It kinda sucks.
You're story is a hard one to read. I was your age when I met my unicorn. like you, I was her 4th. I didn't do LTR's very well myself and never let myself get close to anyone. I almost lost her when she was hired for her dream job in another far away city. I remember that conversation vividly. I'm glad I was smart enough to fight for her as it's been an amazing ride ever since. Like you, i'm also kind of a dyck and my wife and I both kid around about it cause we know it's just how I am and it's not going to change. Every once in awhile, I'll apologize for my dyckness and tell her that i'll one day repay her with something; i don't know if that day will ever come.

lately i've been feeling exhausted, just tired all the time. I'm also dizzy a lot so I don't know what's going on but I do know that I am underperforming in my marriage and my wife called me out on it last night. I hate to see her sad but don't know what to do. She said i'm not attracted to her anymore, but that is so far from the truth, but when I say it, it sounds hollow.
 

Mauser96

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Daproest, you know my sitch through pm.

As you know, I am going through similar.

For me, there is only one path ahead.

Stop obsessing
Move forward.
Don't reach out to her.

If/when she reaches out to me, I will see where I am at. I suspect she will be ****ttt out of luck
 

daproest1

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You're story is a hard one to read. I was your age when I met my unicorn. like you, I was her 4th. I didn't do LTR's very well myself and never let myself get close to anyone. I almost lost her when she was hired for her dream job in another far away city. I remember that conversation vividly. I'm glad I was smart enough to fight for her as it's been an amazing ride ever since. Like you, i'm also kind of a dyck and my wife and I both kid around about it cause we know it's just how I am and it's not going to change. Every once in awhile, I'll apologize for my dyckness and tell her that i'll one day repay her with something; i don't know if that day will ever come.

lately i've been feeling exhausted, just tired all the time. I'm also dizzy a lot so I don't know what's going on but I do know that I am underperforming in my marriage and my wife called me out on it last night. I hate to see her sad but don't know what to do. She said i'm not attracted to her anymore, but that is so far from the truth, but when I say it, it sounds hollow.
Yeah mine felt the same... but you kept her. And married her. And you have access to information now that i didn’t even know existed. Use it.

Read:
the rational male
No more mr. Nice guy
The tactical guide to women
The book of pook
The way of the superior man

And stop watching porn.
 

daproest1

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U r not comfortable with it or this break up simply because of ur ego.

Recently I had discussions with members here on the term ego with many not even bothered to give me an example of its meaning to them, but they were adamant on what it means to be egoless.

I raise this up once again as it pertains to ur particular story.

Yes, it's a story, ego is a life story one places within him and it (ego) has him trying to meet the objective of his life story.

Like those I had the discussion with and the same with you, once a life story is unravelled, such as an ex not being in it or others, a man then does not know how to move forward since his 'life story' is missing a component or finds that its all an elaborate lie.

It can be hard.

It will be hard.

To make a new life story.

Ur ego or life story is like a book, for now ur 'book' is has plenty of memories of ur ex, regrets, happier times, future plans and etc.

Despite ur assertions that women are not important, we all can see how an ex has affected your ability to move on.

The conclusion is, at least in this chapter of ur life story, is that women plays a central part. And in that story ur Ex is the hero.

But that chapter in ur book has come to an end. The hero has left. Yet you're still stuck in it, reliving it, dreaming about it like a foolish little girl yearning for her hero to come flying back in.

It's time for you to now bravely open a new chapter in ur book.

And in the next chapter, it's time for you to be the hero.

Create a new life story.

What are you actually afraid off?
I’ve already done all this. To answer your question, I’m afraid of never coming across another “her” again. Took me long enough to find her the first time around.

She was exactly what I’ve always wanted since I was a kid. Down to the very last detail. Blah blah blah. I’ve said all this to you before.

I know what went wrong. Where I was at fault and where she was at fault.

Can I start a new life? Yes. And I have.
Can I get other women? Yes. I’ve done that too.

But just like there’s only one spaz, and only one me, there’s only one her. She’s not my “hero” that’s absurd. I was hers, until I wasn’t.

If I was younger, and still tending bar at nightclubs, I guess this might be a little easier. MIGHT. As a matter of fact, I dare say the split wouldn’t have happened at all. I’m happier and more in touch with people when I tend bar. She was happier with me (and I with her) when I was tending bar. But that’s not the case anymore. I started my business during the first year of our relationship, and the bartending became random. An event here and there. I’m a business owner who spends most of his work time behind a computer screen. I have friends. I have women. I have money. I’m in shape. But it’s all hollow and empty.

I’m afraid of having to settle for less than what I want. I’m afraid of having to move on over and over and over until I drop dead. Or just spin plates forever like I did before her. That’s not what I want.

In my 20s, no big deal. Easy. But now in my 30s... meh... pretty lousy.

I spent so much time calling her selfish, when in reality not only are all women selfish, but she was one of the most selfless and submissive women I’ve ever come across. I was out of touch with reality. Being stuck behind a computer by yourself on a daily basis for hours on end tends to do that. You lose yourself a bit.
 
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Spaz

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I’ve already done all this. To answer your question, I’m afraid of never coming across another “her” again. Took me long enough to find her the first time around.

She was exactly what I’ve always wanted since I was a kid. Down to the very last detail. Blah blah blah. I’ve said all this to you before.

I know what went wrong. Where I was at fault and where she was at fault.

Can I start a new life? Yes. And I have.
Can I get other women? Yes. I’ve done that too.

But just like there’s only one spaz, and only one me, there’s only one her. She’s not my “hero” that’s absurd. I was hers, until I wasn’t.

If I was younger, and still tending bar at nightclubs, I guess this might be a little easier. MIGHT. As a matter of fact, I dare say the split wouldn’t have happened at all. I’m happier and more in touch with people when I tend bar. She was happier with me (and I with her) when I was tending bar. But that’s not the case anymore. I started my business during the first year of our relationship, and the bartending became random. An event here and there. I’m a business owner who spends most of his work time behind a computer screen. I have friends. I have women. I have money. I’m in shape. But it’s all hollow and empty.

I’m afraid of having to settle for less than what I want. I’m afraid of having to move on over and over and over until I drop dead. Or just spin plates forever like I did before her. That’s not what I want.

In my 20s, no big deal. Easy. But now in my 30s... meh... pretty lousy.

I spent so much time calling her selfish, when in reality not only are all women selfish, but she was one of the most selfless and submissive women I’ve ever come across. I was out of touch with reality. Being stuck behind a computer by yourself on a daily basis for hours on end tends to do that. You lose yourself a bit.
You're done nothing except reaffirming ur current life story, which has ur ex in it.

Nothing has change except being more obsess with it.

Hence ur regrets and continued postings of the same thing, over and over again.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I came to this forum initially because of a bad break up. I wanted to get her back and eventually marry the girl. That’s what she wanted but I kept side stepping the issue. That was ONE of our problems. An LTR of 6 years. For me from 25-31. For her from 21-27. I explained the details in a thread. I took everyone’s advice. Inboxed a few people. And have done what I could.

I’ve been with 6 other women. Women have always been pretty easy for me. I’m a good looking dude, and I took the time to learn about female psychology when I was younger. I’ve put my head down and focused on my business. On my martial arts. And on my lifting (going on 14 years now). But I still miss this girl every single day.

It’s pretty pathetic. Our issues were/are fixable. Idk how to move on. Most women are hardened now and I cant help but just pump and dump them. I just want mine. The one I had. I have no motivation to do anything. Everything I do is forced. I don’t see myself committing to anyone any time soon. Or ever... after this.

It’s been 8 months since the split, and about 3 since last point of contact. Each day I realize a bit more about where I went wrong as a man. As the leader. The guilt is killing me. And this’ll be one of my biggest regrets later on in life. Any tips? Ideally I’d like to get her back. BUT I understand why it’s unlikely, and/or impossible.

At this point I just want to.... not feel the sinking chest hopelessness anymore. I want to be ambitious and driven again. I adore the retard, but i dont think there’s much I can do.

I’ve always kept women at arm’s length before her, and I’m doing the same thing now. Difference is before her I had hope. I was right to. I met her. She was.... unique. Now, I don’t.
Not following why you broke up. The ambivalence has me believing she dumped you. If I were to guess, she is seeking what female logic deems as her last opportunity to optimise hypergamy.

The good news is, at 31, you are nearing your prime. Your ex has slipped out of top form by several years. Assuming you lift, keep testosterone up, eat well, you can maximise your potential. I highly recommend that you go through the fire, learn from the experience, and process.

Step game up. You only have one life to live (as far as I know). Live it up.
 

daproest1

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Not following why you broke up. The ambivalence has me believing she dumped you. If I were to guess, she is seeking what female logic deems as her last opportunity to optimise hypergamy.

The good news is, at 31, you are nearing your prime. Your ex has slipped out of top form by several years. Assuming you lift, keep testosterone up, eat well, you can maximise your potential. I highly recommend that you go through the fire, learn from the experience, and process.

Step game up. You only have one life to live (as far as I know). Live it up.
It wasn’t hypergamy. It was neglect on my part, failure to propose/move forward, arguments, I never moved in with her or gave her a key to my place, just dumb shiit. 6 years.

And no. She hasn’t slipped out of top form. We’re Hispanic. It’s different. Her moms in her late 40s and still hot. My ex was hotter when she left (27) than when I met her at 21.
 
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daproest1

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You're done nothing except reaffirming ur current life story, which has ur ex in it.

Nothing has change except being more obsess with it.

Hence ur regrets and continued postings of the same thing, over and over again.
Over and over again because I’ve done everything I can do that’s within my control. And it doesn’t help.
 

Mauser96

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Time to accept and move ahead.
 
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