Starting to see some distance, or it could just be my thinking

[flowtheory]

Had some complications, so I was in the hos. for a few days and was released today. Pain everywhere and restricted to bed rest for at least a week, maybe more.

NFN, never heard from her again. A bit surprised, as I've never heard of a person being so cold. Oh well, this too will pass.

And so you saw her true interest level. As well as where your learning needs to take place

 

[Glassguy]

You never win or lose in this thing called dating. You just win or learn. Sometimes it takes a lot of dates and meeting many women before you get really good at screening them out. Even at that, one like this woman can slip through the cracks.

At the end of the day you must realize that you can only control your own actions and are not responsible for the actions of others. You already have learned to not share too much about your past or anything else with a woman early on. Part of the mystery that builds attraction is milking her for her info so you can properly screen and give her crumbs.

Lower your expectations of what you expect from women you date. Lower what they should expect from you even more than that and you will see a difference. At the end of the day yourself is the only person that you can truly rely on.

Take a week or two off, recover, get your mind in a better place and then get back on the saddle.
Good luck.

 

[RickTheToad]

Thanks all for the support. I've been getting better and should be at 100 percent soon enough. It's been a whirlwind this month or so.

Oh, interestingly enough, when she came back from her vacay and messaged me that she wanted to talk and come by, stupidly I agreed. She did and stayed the night. The next day she said she'd like to see me again, I said come by Friday. She said oh, I can't as I'm going with the fam to Florida. I am off work for two weeks and since I didn't hear from you, I made plans to go down and relax. I'd like to see you again before I leave. I said whatever. Just have a good time, enjoy the dating apps, fvck and suck as many guys as you wish and be careful with the STD outbreak.. Oh, lose my number. You're just too much trouble to deal with.

I then took some Vicodin and went to sleep. I woke up with a dozen texts or so from her. I read the last one saying, well, I was going to come back early to spend NYE with you, but now I'll just stay in Florida. I have since deleted fb messenger from my phone. I think she's nuts. I can finally say I am done with this one. I thought, maybe she learned that she was wrong and wanted to make it up to me, nope. Just more BS and trying to justify her motives. I have learned. It's better to learn it now rather than later down the road or if a mistake happened by chance.

 

[RickTheToad]

She is wack but you are needy as fvck too. You need to work on that.

Hardly, but think what you want.

 

[RickTheToad]

Dude you spaz out every time your slvt goes on a trip when this is to be expected.

She just came back, now gone again. Why even contact me again? I was wrong to even entertain it again, and I admit that. Never said I always make the right decisions and I was at a low point. She's gone before, didn't care. It's just too weird this time. Didn't spaz out, just don't think it's worth my time. Too much drama.

 

[RickTheToad]

That isn't spazzing? I mean im just saying your perception is off.

No, I do not believe so. I just said what I said and removed the messaging device. Again, think what you must. It's just too weird for me to comprehend. So you would had said what? She's contacts you comes by and said oh I'm leaving again for a couple of weeks. You'd say okay, have a good time? I just cut it off and deleted the app. I don't have time for that crap. Too stressing to deal with anymore.

 

[flowtheory]

You’re needy man. First recognize you are and let it be okay. We all have things to work on.

 

[RickTheToad]

You’re needy man. First recognize you are and let it be okay. We all have things to work on.

I don't think so. I just have no patience for games. Here today, gone tomorrow. No reason to reach out again. I admit, I should not of responded, and that was my error. I do not think my response was that bad. The sex and STD comment only came back to her after she sent text after text, first to come over tonight cause she's leaving on Friday for Florida with family, then asking to talk and then still like to remain friends. It was just like a knife twisting in my back. The kicker was that we had sex Tuesday night with a condom. It was tough for me, but I she was on top so I didn't have to move much.

 

[flowtheory]

No, I do not believe so. I just said what I said and removed the messaging device. Again, think what you must. It's just too weird for me to comprehend. So you would had said what? She's contacts you comes by and said oh I'm leaving again for a couple of weeks. You'd say okay, have a good time? I just cut it off and deleted the app. I don't have time for that crap. Too stressing to deal with anymore.

If you didn’t have time for that crap, you would have severed this connection 4 months ago. If weren’t needy, we wouldn’t be on page 11 of a thread talking about the same issue. If you were willing to learn, you wouldn’t be defending your position so hard of what other non-emotionally entangled posters see in your behaviour. You would ask more questions and be the student you are.
The fact that you defend you’re not needy is sparking a reaction in you; that counts for something.

I used to be needy AF and I can get like that still from time to time, when it comes to women who I have high interest in. For what reasons? I don’t know, maybe self trust in my value.. who knows, but I’m working on it. And that’s okay.

We’re here to learn and grow as men. To create more intrinsic value and in turn create more value for others as a by-product of that work. However, it’s really difficult to build and repair aspects of ourselves that were not even willing to acknowledge.
It’s like having a leaky pipe in your basement. How can you repair or take it apart if you won’t even turn on a light and look at the issue?

Just because @LARaiders85 said you’re needy, it doesn’t mean it’s an attack. He’s just pointing it out so you can get better results on the next go around. To investigate. This is called putting in your work.

You get attached. It’s okay. It can be a great thing with the right people and circumstances. The downfall is when your world gets chaotic and you get bent out of shape emotionally because of these situations, which are ephemeral. Wait for the good ones, then it makes the bucking at least half worth it.

 

[marmel75]

That isn't spazzing? I mean im just saying your perception is off.

Exactly...OP says she isn't his GF but then expects her to act like his GF...WTF dude...its either one of the other.

If you say she isn't your GF then whatever she does when she isn't with you isnt your concern. You should literally not care instead of getting all bent out of shape whenever something happens with other guys

 

[RickTheToad]

If you didn’t have time for that crap, you would have severed this connection 4 months ago. If weren’t needy, we wouldn’t be on page 11 of a thread talking about the same issue. If you were willing to learn, you wouldn’t be defending your position so hard of what other non-emotionally entangled posters see in your behaviour. You would ask more questions and be the student you are.
The fact that you defend you’re not needy is sparking a reaction in you; that counts for something.

I used to be needy AF and I can get like that still from time to time, when it comes to women who I have high interest in. For what reasons? I don’t know, maybe self trust in my value.. who knows, but I’m working on it. And that’s okay.

We’re here to learn and grow as men. To create more intrinsic value and in turn create more value for others as a by-product of that work. However, it’s really difficult to build and repair aspects of ourselves that were not even willing to acknowledge.
It’s like having a leaky pipe in your basement. How can you repair or take it apart if you won’t even turn on a light and look at the issue?

Just because @LARaiders85 said you’re needy, it doesn’t mean it’s an attack. He’s just pointing it out so you can get better results on the next go around. To investigate. This is called putting in your work.

You get attached. It’s okay. It can be a great thing with the right people and circumstances. The downfall is when your world gets chaotic and you get bent out of shape emotionally because of these situations, which are ephemeral. Wait for the good ones, then it makes the bucking at least half worth it.

She wasn't doing this four months ago. This started two weeks ago. I then said bye. I admit, it was wrong for me to entertain her again two days ago, but I do not think I overreacted in my message back to her saying good bye for good.

Exactly...OP says she isn't his GF but then expects her to act like his GF...WTF dude...its either one of the other.

If you say she isn't your GF then whatever she does when she isn't with you isnt your concern. You should literally not care instead of getting all bent out of shape whenever something happens with other guys

I originally thought she was, but she's been buggy as you can see for the past few weeks. I said bye two weeks ago, then she reached out again and I stupidly took her back, just to say bye again. Not doing that again. That was my error and I own up to it.

 

[lamath]

I said whatever. Just have a good time, enjoy the dating apps, fvck and suck as many guys as you wish and be careful with the STD outbreak.. Oh, lose my number. You're just too much trouble to deal

Btw on your side here and wishing you the best

However
It does sound a little needy


And
Did you realy her that msg?
That send all the wrong signal if you did, very bad

 

[flowtheory]

Btw on your side here and wishing you the best

However
It does sound a little needy


And
Did you realy her that msg?
That send all the wrong signal if you did, very bad

Yea that’s a horrendous text to send. Psycho sh!t

 

[The Diver]

You said over and over that you had enough of her, you done. If so you should have deleted her from every possible communication platform. You didn't do it b'cos somewhere you hoped she'll contact you again, as surely happened. Not only that, after you said you have done with her, you found yourself fuc*king her . And surprise surprise, she pulled more sh*it at you, . And here we go again, a new cycle begins.

Man you should have cut this BS a long time ago. Your sickness and self pettiness is just an excuse not to do so.

 

[Glassguy]

No, I do not believe so. I just said what I said and removed the messaging device. Again, think what you must. It's just too weird for me to comprehend. So you would had said what? She's contacts you comes by and said oh I'm leaving again for a couple of weeks. You'd say okay, have a good time? I just cut it off and deleted the app. I don't have time for that crap. Too stressing to deal with anymore.

You're too expectant of women in general. When things dont go your way you let them see you sweat. That leads to them not submitting to you, thus they come and go as they please and not on your terms.

Appropriate response (and mentality) would be:
Have a fun trip and I'll see you when you get back. "Dont let that pvssy get too beat up as I expect my share of it when you return"

He (or she) who has invested the least has control. I'm not trying to kick you while you're down, but IMO you need more of an IDGAF attitude and less of an investing and expecting attitude. Remember that women want what they cant have easily.

The easiest way to keep a woman from screwing others is her knowing that you have other women wanting you and that you'll bounce her ass at the first sign of disrespect.

I think you put up with way too much from this one from the beginning. When she had you providing rides to and from seeing you, she was controlling.

The good news: find a new canvas to paint (or several) and start out with a stronger frame from the beginning.

Be honest with women. If your gut doesnt like it, tell them no. Lead. It makes them wet and submissive even though they will throw a tantrum and act like a child now and then.

Learn to walk away and if you ever walk YOU NEVER contact them first. If they dont come crawling back you let them go (disrespect, expecting you to do what they want at the snap of their fingers, etc).

You're getting digits, so start every lead with a solid (honest) frame. Honesty to yourself and looking out for numero uno is the first step in a strong frame my man.

 

[sazc]

Wow, this got out of hand.

I hope you are on the mend.

Slow the fuk down about all of it.

Know what? You may very well be acting needy, but do you really expect anything else? You're sick, in pain, needed hospitalization, and now in narcotics/opiates. Sh1t, your situation is making ME feel needy!

I think you overreacted about her Florida trip. You were hoping she had a change of heart and was going toprioritize you, and in the end because she felt like she was getting mixed signals from you, she prioritized her family. Not to mention there's no telling if she would have prioritized you anyways because it didn't seem like she was doing that before.

Okay. It is what it is.

Will you just stop, calm the fuk down, chill out and let yourself heal now? Take a break from the ladies and focus on what you need to heal.

My guess is that you are just too right now because of your illness

 

[flowtheory]

Wow, this got out of hand.

I hope you are on the mend.

Slow the fuk down about all of it.

Know what? You may very well be acting needy, but do you really expect anything else? You're sick, in pain, needed hospitalization, and now in narcotics/opiates. Sh1t, your situation is making ME feel needy!

I think you overreacted about her Florida trip. You were hoping she had a change of heart and was going toprioritize you, and in the end because she felt like she was getting mixed signals from you, she prioritized her family. Not to mention there's no telling if she would have prioritized you anyways because it didn't seem like she was doing that before.

Okay. It is what it is.

Will you just stop, calm the fuk down, chill out and let yourself heal now? Take a break from the ladies and focus on what you need to heal.

My guess is that you are just too right now because of your illness

Can’t hide behind the illness or use that as a scale goat.
I had a kidney stone last year. Hurts like hell, but once the initial 36 hours go by, you let it move on through you, or you go get it layered or removed.

 

[sazc]

My real point is that ppl need to stop, assess, and check in with themselves before they act impulsively.

Plenty of ppl on this board get emotionally embroiled, altered on substance or, like you, go thru some real life bullsh1t, and act out because they aren't thinking straight.

Check in with yourself, assess your real feelings and situation. Determine if you are operating at a level of proper expectations. THEN respond.

Expectations are pre meditated resentments.

Know thyself

 

[sazc]

Can’t hide behind the illness or use that as a scale goat.
I had a kidney stone last year. Hurts like hell, but once the initial 36 hours go by, you let it move on through you, or you go get it layered or removed.

You are not the be all and end all of men.

I have a high pain threshold and am also able to maintain emotional composure, and sanity, in 95% of situations.

One of the biggest things I had to learn was not to judge others based on my own personal yardstick. What makes perfect sense to me is a foreign concept to others, and that doesn't make them any less valuable or intelligent.

We grow up learning different lessons. I'm guessing he's never self assessed his neediness during vulnerable times. I'm hoping that pointing this out will help him, moving forward, to slow down and consider his emotional state before he acts

 

[HankHill]

I said this several pages ago and I'll say it again. She's shown by her actions that she's plate material. I think it was totally fine to have her over for s3x IF you'd done that without the emotional attachment.

As for your reaction to her FL trip, same thing, you're not seeing her as a plate, if you did you'd have a IDGAF attitude. In fact, she seems to be treating you like a plate and most guys here would jump on that because she's fine being a booty call.

There's always something to be learned from every experience like this.