Until the divorce laws change, I know many men who will not not marry or cohab with a woman w/o a cohab agreement signed with two lawyers present and a videographer. Only one word is to blame. Feminism. Congrats to all the die hard feminists. You've destroyed many female (and male) lives, children's lives, the family unit and brought in the hookup/std culture.
It sucks when everything is fine w/o a marriage cert. As soon as that is achieved, I still find it amazing on how women change. I know so many men that are so fvcked it isn't even funny. One brother, had two kids with a wife who was a lawyer. As soon as the kids were born, she cheated on him and then filed for divorce. He stupidly married again, and had two other kids with a wife who is a SAHM. He works 6 days a week and is the sole bread winner for both families. He's 47. I'd be amazed if he makes it to 50. Damn shame. He's a good guy.
Agreed. The whole concept of marriage seems a bit silly now, but for those that value that permanence it is absolutely essential. Not sure I will ever get married again, not out of spite, but primarily because it seems pointless. You can get everything from an LTR, with a reduced chance of your partner changing on you post marriage. However, I do believe most of these enormous changes in partners after marriage can be mitigated with a strong frame.
Your friend sounds like a typical "nice guy", not a good guy.
It sucks when everything is fine w/o a marriage cert. As soon as that is achieved, I still find it amazing on how women change. I know so many men that are so fvcked it isn't even funny. One brother, had two kids with a wife who was a lawyer. As soon as the kids were born, she cheated on him and then filed for divorce. He stupidly married again, and had two other kids with a wife who is a SAHM. He works 6 days a week and is the sole bread winner for both families. He's 47. I'd be amazed if he makes it to 50. Damn shame. He's a good guy.
Man, that guy again... just a sad, tragic story. This guy's situation really is something else. I remember how you wrote that he almost doesn't sleep, because with his pay he has to take as many shifts as he can so he can get his income garnished by the two exes. He was literally working himself to death with stress and sleep deprivation like a 19th century raw materials laborer in a company town. What tops it off must be the treatment and view he then gets from the women...
Spinning plates is like being homeless and occasionally making enough money to rent a single night in a different motel room each week. Only crack addicts and bums live like that.
Spinning plates is like being homeless and occasionally making enough money to rent a single night in a different motel room each week. Only crack addicts and bums live like that.
Man, that guy again... just a sad, tragic story. This guy's situation really is something else. I remember how you wrote that he almost doesn't sleep, because with his pay he has to take as many shifts as he can so he can get his income garnished by the two exes. He was literally working himself to death with stress and sleep deprivation like a 19th century raw materials laborer in a company town. What tops it off must be the treatment and view he then gets from the women...
That is sad...his tribute song Killing Yourself to Live by Black Sabbath
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A friend of mine has been plate spinning for 30 years. Now he's older and spends most of his time alone because the game changed. You can only balance the crazy lifestyle for so long before you start to lose balance. Im not saying to get married.... just evolve and remember it's gets harder the older you get. Tastes, interests, and the world changes
A friend of mine has been plate spinning for 30 years. Now he's older and spends most of his time alone because the game changed. You can only balance the crazy lifestyle for so long before you start to lose balance. Im not saying to get married.... just evolve and remember it's gets harder the older you get. Tastes, interests, and the world changes
Yeah, at my phase of life, unclear how well I can spin plates with Post-Wall women, tend to my part-time child duties, rebuild my post-divorce career...
Not that I don't want to try. I have some beta-killing to do, some more work on my SMV, and skills to hone. If I can get good at that, then I'll be happy to enjoy my freedom for at least some amount of time.
But I think one answer comes from Rollo, which is taking these skills and transforming them such that they apply in an LTR context. He has plenty of posts that demonstrate how Alpha qualities keeps his marriage and family life healthy.
Try making a list of everything from life goals to the mundane day to day tasks and create two columns on the page. In column A write down how an alpha would approach resolve. In column B write down how the Beta would handle it. Each time you’re faced with one of the tasks and you become comfortable that you have alphatized the task in you’re life draw a line through it and add another task to the list. Smaller steps will prevent it from becoming overwhelming.
Funny. Before my brief marriage (I was at a weak time in my life. It happens, albeit rarely), many elders, work and friends warned me against marriage. I said, what's the worst that can happen? It was an actual nightmare. Another friend of mine said he's getting married and I said, sorry to hear. I'll throw you a divorce party in a few years..
Marriage doesn't have to be a prison mindset. If a relationship of any type is built on honesty and status that way it can go for a long time. Too many people lie about so many things that keeps the relationship from ever being real to begin with. If you want to play .... just play and be honest about it
To add to this discussion, many of us sleep around then get tired of sleeping around. Then some of us "find god" or some other religious nonsense so we can justify that we are not the same anymore and want to find a Madonna and not a lillith of the madonna/hore complex. But that doesn't mean that you won't go AFC on her, and its not a smooth transition to stop going from being a hole puncher. How will you find this perfect girl? Some of us have been spoiled by online, the clubs and parties, and wouldn't know how to get a good girl. You can try and spin plates for life, even a long time, but you will get old, and either end up becoming a sexpat in asia or east europe, a sugar daddy if you have the money for it, or settle to get away from the feeling of being alone.
Until the divorce laws change, I know many men who will not not marry or cohab with a woman w/o a cohab agreement signed with two lawyers present and a videographer. Only one word is to blame. Feminism. Congrats to all the die hard feminists. You've destroyed many female (and male) lives, children's lives, the family unit and brought in the hookup/std culture.
It sucks when everything is fine w/o a marriage cert. As soon as that is achieved, I still find it amazing on how women change. I know so many men that are so fvcked it isn't even funny. One brother, had two kids with a wife who was a lawyer. As soon as the kids were born, she cheated on him and then filed for divorce. He stupidly married again, and had two other kids with a wife who is a SAHM. He works 6 days a week and is the sole bread winner for both families. He's 47. I'd be amazed if he makes it to 50. Damn shame. He's a good guy.
This is the big brick wall for me, right here. I've done my share of spinning plates, I've been married 1.5 times (one legit and one annulled, long story), and I've been in LTRs for 1-4 years at a time. My preference for all three said scenarios would be a permanent LTR with separate finances and no kids together. I don't want to be stuck like the guy referenced above. I think permanent LTR is the best bang for the buck for a guy who gets older and tired of plate spinning. I just dumped a GF of 18 x months which I made another thread about. But even if the issues hadn't came about that made me dump her, I still don't think we could have lasted forever status quo. She was dropping hints about getting married and sharing bank accounts. Eventually I think she would have told me to 'paint or get off the ladder'. I think eventually it would have been either I marry her, or she makes my life so miserable that I dump her for just that misery alone, or she dump me cuz she is tired of the status quo and wants to get married.
So now I'm back to spinning plates at 45 for right now. It will fun again short term, but long term, I'm just getting too darn old for it.
This is the big brick wall for me, right here. I've done my share of spinning plates, I've been married 1.5 times (one legit and one annulled, long story), and I've been in LTRs for 1-4 years at a time. My preference for all three said scenarios would be a permanent LTR with separate finances and no kids together. I don't want to be stuck like the guy referenced above. I think permanent LTR is the best bang for the buck for a guy who gets older and tired of plate spinning. I just dumped a GF of 18 x months which I made another thread about. But even if the issues hadn't came about that made me dump her, I still don't think we could have lasted forever status quo. She was dropping hints about getting married and sharing bank accounts. Eventually I think she would have told me to 'paint or get off the ladder'. I think eventually it would have been either I marry her, or she makes my life so miserable that I dump her for just that misery alone, or she dump me cuz she is tired of the status quo and wants to get married.
So now I'm back to spinning plates at 45 for right now. It will fun again short term, but long term, I'm just getting too darn old for it.
The fact that she wanted to get married while behaving the way she did tells me it was ALL about her, not about you. She just wanted the feeling of validation, the security to quell her neuroticism, and probably the momentary attention she feels she'd get from it. That probably goes for why a lot of "serious relationships" are formed and why a lot of children are born.
The fact that she wanted to get married while behaving the way she did tells me it was ALL about her, not about you. She just wanted the feeling of validation, the security to quell her neuroticism, and probably the momentary attention she feels she'd get from it. That probably goes for why a lot of "serious relationships" are formed and why a lot of children are born.
Yep, I think you are right. Even my mother made the comment "I think she loves you Lefty, but I cant' say for sure if she will love you or your money more for long term if you marry her". Straight from the mother's mouth right there. Moms don't always have the best advice but in this case I think she was spot on.
If you are going to get married make sure you are satisfied with life you have now; finances especially and make sure you understand what you are getting yourself into. Women subliminally start make men beta after marriage. I have tough men after marriage behaving like simps and saying "my wife won't...." ( fill in the blanks) and I think being in good financial standings saves you a lot divorce come in. You can literally secure your assets easily when you are single that when you are married. Woman who knows divorcing you bring her no good won't even think about. Which I have in mind. I am trying to secure my assets like what Achraf Hakimi did (you can read more about him; just type his name in Google).
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It's the way to go unless you are lucky to meet a truly exceptional women. They do exist - I have a couple friends that been happily married now for close to a decade. I won't kid you though, they are a handful compared to the usual. You can usually tell when two people are "right" for each other.
Seems with most couples that spark eventually fades away. Doesnt always result in divorce but some manage to stay together out of necessity (family etc) while sacrificing personal happiness.
Times have changed. When these now old people where married, marriage was seen as something sanctumious what you should cherish, protect and work for - both in bad times and good times. An steady pillar and institution of society itself if you will.
When Warren Buffer was a young poor punk, this was a good life decision add divorces were few. People stuck together and made it work even though it was tough times times in the relationship. But oh how life and things have changed since back then..
Unfortunately this not the case anymore with modern women and they do not see marriage as life commitment. It's quite reverse (80% of all divorces are filed by women these days.), and they will check out as soon they find an opportunity to do so because they think they can trade up to something better (than you).
A friend of mine has been plate spinning for 30 years. Now he's older and spends most of his time alone because the game changed. You can only balance the crazy lifestyle for so long before you start to lose balance. Im not saying to get married.... just evolve and remember it's gets harder the older you get. Tastes, interests, and the world changes
I'm ten years older than you are, and I dare say it only became easier for me. Especially when you live in abundance and don't need to chase skirts to get nookie, you don't have to 'spin plates'. For me it's the other way around, I have to tell them I'm unavailable because I'm writing and I need to be alone to do so.
With women, I think that the less you care about being intimate with them, the more they want it.
