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Something bothering me

Machine10033

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I don’t know if I’m being a bit dramatic but since April I’ve been somewhat bothered.

Every spring me and two of my “friends” go on a guys trip. It’s always golf, drinking and hanging at the beach. My one friend is 47 now... I’m 41 and the other is 45. Anyway here is why I’m wound up.

We were in a bar and having a good time. Suddenly I got rocked..... some older dude decides to lower his shoulder into me as he was walking past. I initially thought one of my buddies was messing around with me but when I looked at them they said wth was that guy doing ? I looked up and the guy was staring me down as he left the bar. I legit was confused and passed off so I followed him and his buddies outside.

He had know idea I would follow them out but when he turned around I said wtf was that dude? He stood there in a state of shock and mumbled something... I said did i do something to you? He cowered and legit started talking nonsense and tried shaking my hand while his friends yelled at him for being a douche.

So as the adrenaline settles I turn around and my two buddies are not there. I walk back in and they are eagerly waiting for me. Both of them wanted to hear what happened. I blew it off but am I justified in being absolutely pissed that they didn’t follow me out ???

A month later I was with my one buddy and he said man I couldn’t believe you followed that dude and his friends out.... I didn’t go because I would have lost my temper,... wtf


I legit think those two might be dead to me the more I stew on this ? Am I wrong?
 

Modern Man Advice

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I mean, it's a bro code. They broke it. They left you hanging, and it could have ended in you getting beat up by that guy and his buddies.

I understand they might have been afraid or simply pacifist but still, you don't leave your buddy vulnerable. The very least they could have done is hold you back.

I would talk to them and let them know how you feel and iron it out with them. Do not leave this hanging around your head if it bothers you, which it should.

Modern Man Advice
 

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2Rocky

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I'd have had your back in that case where it was 3:1...


I met a guy one time....he was a host on a place we were staying. He traveled with us to do an errand where we had to wait in line to write the order. Another fella walks past us, fills out his own order, and my new friend tells him "Hey we were next. What are you doing? "

The two of them get chest to chest and the business owner tells my buddy "don't worry about it, I'll help you next. He's just doing a drop off..." I really thought these two 60 yo guys were gonna go to blows and I was seriously wondering if I knew the guy well enough to get in a fistfight on his behalf. Luckily it never came to that.

We get back to the house and one of the other locals hears about the confrontation. He says "you are lucky you didn't swing on him. he's a multiple Golden Gloves boxer. He woulda cleaned your clock...."

So I'm gonna let stuff roll off unless I have to defend myself from a direct attack. There's too many hotheads out there who would pull a knife or a gun if the fight wasn't gonna go his way.
 

FlexpertHamilton

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Highly relevant:


Drop your friends now OP.
 

DonBig

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Are you from America? If so I wouldn’t even confront the guy, I don’t know if it’s true but things like that might escalate quickly there or not? Carrying weapons, knifes isn’t uncommon there, I’d be careful too especially when a narcissist targeted you. If it would be in europe or anywhere where they aren’t carefree with weapons I’d understand but in the US no way dude.

if I were one of your friends I would grab you on the shoulder and tell you/stop you that it isn’t worth to confront a retard
 

BillyPilgrim

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I would view this as a red flag but not a deal breaker. The dude was being a douche, but there was no reason to escalate. You can't confront every dude being a d1ck in a public drinking environment.

And as a brief aside, and not saying there's anything wrong with this per se, but in "having a good time" at the bar you could have been loud and obnoxious without realizing it.
 

Gamisch

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I don’t know if I’m being a bit dramatic but since April I’ve been somewhat bothered.

Every spring me and two of my “friends” go on a guys trip. It’s always golf, drinking and hanging at the beach. My one friend is 47 now... I’m 41 and the other is 45. Anyway here is why I’m wound up.

We were in a bar and having a good time. Suddenly I got rocked..... some older dude decides to lower his shoulder into me as he was walking past. I initially thought one of my buddies was messing around with me but when I looked at them they said wth was that guy doing ? I looked up and the guy was staring me down as he left the bar. I legit was confused and passed off so I followed him and his buddies outside.

He had know idea I would follow them out but when he turned around I said wtf was that dude? He stood there in a state of shock and mumbled something... I said did i do something to you? He cowered and legit started talking nonsense and tried shaking my hand while his friends yelled at him for being a douche.

So as the adrenaline settles I turn around and my two buddies are not there. I walk back in and they are eagerly waiting for me. Both of them wanted to hear what happened. I blew it off but am I justified in being absolutely pissed that they didn’t follow me out ???

A month later I was with my one buddy and he said man I couldn’t believe you followed that dude and his friends out.... I didn’t go because I would have lost my temper,... wtf


I legit think those two might be dead to me the more I stew on this ? Am I wrong?
There are multiple sides to the story imo. I respect the responses in this thread but I disagree with most.

First off all, I ve been in countless street fights. Been stabbed twice, got arrested few times. Started kickboxing and ever since I stepped inside the ring I haven't been in fights. Sometimes things got iffy, but I always managed to de escalate with my friendly ,confident demeanor. When I go out I always make it clear I am there to party, not to fight. I'll be dammed if a buddy drags me into a fight. I'll back him up, but be really angry with him afterwards. A man must be able to pick his battles wisely. No need to prove yourself , especially if you're over 40.

At that age fatal stuff might happen. People have more to lose then in their 20 league. No need to test your people's loyalty. What if one of your buddies got stabbed bc you decided to follow that dude? If I would get into a fight, I'd go alone.

So imo you were wrong. One body check, mweh. I would shrug it off, and if the guy keeps bullying me I would tell my friends we should leave. You got emotional, it was your decision to go outside and now you expected everyone to follow you and make it a groups brawl?

Life is not a movie. Just get over this, talk with your buddies about it and make sure this was the last time you did something foolish like this.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

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I'd have had your back in that case where it was 3:1...


I met a guy one time....he was a host on a place we were staying. He traveled with us to do an errand where we had to wait in line to write the order. Another fella walks past us, fills out his own order, and my new friend tells him "Hey we were next. What are you doing? "

The two of them get chest to chest and the business owner tells my buddy "don't worry about it, I'll help you next. He's just doing a drop off..." I really thought these two 60 yo guys were gonna go to blows and I was seriously wondering if I knew the guy well enough to get in a fistfight on his behalf. Luckily it never came to that.

We get back to the house and one of the other locals hears about the confrontation. He says "you are lucky you didn't swing on him. he's a multiple Golden Gloves boxer. He woulda cleaned your clock...."

So I'm gonna let stuff roll off unless I have to defend myself from a direct attack. There's too many hotheads out there who would pull a knife or a gun if the fight wasn't gonna go his way.
As a 5’10” guy I’ve learned to focus on my ground game, take some jitz. Once you get a boxer on the ground it’s all the same. Getting a big guy to the ground is key if you want to survive these encounters.

Always look at a man’s stance when about to fight, you can evaluate your ability to drop him. Most big guys do t pay attention to their feet, they pay attention to the upper body and their reach and ability to drop a punch that’s devastating- focus on their feet and knees. Usually stomping the top of their feet get them off balance the. You sweep them to the floor. A well landed and place tracheal punch does wonders as well. Mass can be overcome with smarts and strength.

jus’sayin
 

Tilex

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There are multiple sides to the story imo. I respect the responses in this thread but I disagree with most.

First off all, I ve been in countless street fights. Been stabbed twice, got arrested few times. Started kickboxing and ever since I stepped inside the ring I haven't been in fights. Sometimes things got iffy, but I always managed to de escalate with my friendly ,confident demeanor. When I go out I always make it clear I am there to party, not to fight. I'll be dammed if a buddy drags me into a fight. I'll back him up, but be really angry with him afterwards. A man must be able to pick his battles wisely. No need to prove yourself , especially if you're over 40.

At that age fatal stuff might happen. People have more to lose then in their 20 league. No need to test your people's loyalty. What if one of your buddies got stabbed bc you decided to follow that dude? If I would get into a fight, I'd go alone.

So imo you were wrong. One body check, mweh. I would shrug it off, and if the guy keeps bullying me I would tell my friends we should leave. You got emotional, it was your decision to go outside and now you expected everyone to follow you and make it a groups brawl?

Life is not a movie. Just get over this, talk with your buddies about it and make sure this was the last time you did something foolish like this.
The way I see life now, I realize how it's the ego that gets you in trouble during your 20's.
When a man reaches his 40's, it literally feels like death is around the corner.
 

Billtx49

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So imo you were wrong. One body check, mweh.

Life is not a movie. Just get over this, talk with your buddies about it and make sure this was the last time you did something foolish like this.
Yep, It was in a bar, some get so inebriated in those places they lose balance and physically stumble into furniture and other people. Those that take offense to that behavior can also overreact mentally from their own alcohol content…
One bump isn’t a punch thrown or the threat of one to come…
 

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in my southern california hood , we never left no soldier behind. on some ride or die s**t.
If a homie was threatened then we all came out from the alleys and bushes ready to get busy. Some of us were packin. I got that code and honor omerta in my bloodline from my past environment. But now Im more pragmatic and calculated when it comes to violence. But still f that , I would have walked out with my boy to diffuse or get active if they pressed the issue. Your buddies breached the homie code and pulled some coward s**t. Real talk.
 

Bible_Belt

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Getting a big guy to the ground is key if you want to survive these encounters.
In a limited sense, possibly, but just for everyone reading this, not in the tournament bjj style, which relies on there being a mat. Wrestling is similar, you tear up your knees badly on concrete. Street ju jitsu is about keeping your head and mostly your body off the pavement. Knee on belly from side control is optimal. If your head is on the pavement, the other guy's friends stomp on you.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I probably would have simply left the establishment. This is the type of thing where you wind up reading about people leaving and then coming back and shooting you afterward.

People are psychotic these days, I am not putting myself at risk of being killed over something stupid regardless of who was in the wrong. This type of thing is exactly what happens when someone is looking for a target.
Luckily I have some good muscularity and size so I rarely appear to be a good target for these type of things.

Confrontation of any kind with strangers no matter how minor holds a much higher risk of something bad happening these days and I avoid it at all costs. You never know how close a person is to snapping and you ending up on TV a victim of it.
 

bat soup

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I don’t know if I’m being a bit dramatic but since April I’ve been somewhat bothered.

Every spring me and two of my “friends” go on a guys trip. It’s always golf, drinking and hanging at the beach. My one friend is 47 now... I’m 41 and the other is 45. Anyway here is why I’m wound up.

We were in a bar and having a good time. Suddenly I got rocked..... some older dude decides to lower his shoulder into me as he was walking past. I initially thought one of my buddies was messing around with me but when I looked at them they said wth was that guy doing ? I looked up and the guy was staring me down as he left the bar. I legit was confused and passed off so I followed him and his buddies outside.

He had know idea I would follow them out but when he turned around I said wtf was that dude? He stood there in a state of shock and mumbled something... I said did i do something to you? He cowered and legit started talking nonsense and tried shaking my hand while his friends yelled at him for being a douche.

So as the adrenaline settles I turn around and my two buddies are not there. I walk back in and they are eagerly waiting for me. Both of them wanted to hear what happened. I blew it off but am I justified in being absolutely pissed that they didn’t follow me out ???

A month later I was with my one buddy and he said man I couldn’t believe you followed that dude and his friends out.... I didn’t go because I would have lost my temper,... wtf


I legit think those two might be dead to me the more I stew on this ? Am I wrong?
You should have taken out the big one first and then banged the other two's heads together. That's what I always do.
 

Scars

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They don't sound like very good friends to me. It should be an unspoken rule that you have your friends back in situations like this. What if it went a different way and you ended up getting stomped by multiple dudes and your friends are just cowardly waiting for you in the club. Even if they don't want to be involved in confrontation they should at least be around to make sure things don't get too crazy.
 
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