Hey team. I went on 3 dates with a girl. Definite chemistry and a lot of fun. Kissed her on the second date and she came over on the third. We did the deed and she was asking about sleeping over. I told her that I usually don’t do sleep overs this early. She got pretty angry and things got awkward. She ended up calling it a night and left. I tend to not do any sleep overs until there has been a talk regarding exclusivity. What do you all do?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Sleeping over?
- Thread starter Cavalier
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
FlexpertHamilton
Master Don Juan
I have never quite separated sleepovers from commitment, but I don't tend to do them early on, at least the first few weeks or month or so. Personally I don't like them, but literally 100% of women get indignant about sleepovers after a certain point.
Pierce Manhammer
Moderator
Just make sure to change the linens between plates and look for their hair everywhere…
I don’t mind sleepovers either. But it’s case by case.
I don’t mind sleepovers either. But it’s case by case.
I'm with Howiestern, I have no issue with it. I just tend to shoo them out the door as early as possible come the morning.
Just remember women tend to be upset 'right now'. If she likes you she'll respect it in another moment.
Just remember women tend to be upset 'right now'. If she likes you she'll respect it in another moment.
Hah. I swear redheads are the worst for this!
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
EyeOnThePrize
Master Don Juan
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@Cavalier
That's pretty cold and makes it seem like all you wanted was sex with a random object, since not letting her spend that same night implies you don't like spending time with her as a person at all, and that the dates were just fake shiit to get your diick wet. I think most self respecting women would get upset or cut ties unless you had a good reason.
What's the problem with letting girls crash and fuucking em again in the morning?
That's pretty cold and makes it seem like all you wanted was sex with a random object, since not letting her spend that same night implies you don't like spending time with her as a person at all, and that the dates were just fake shiit to get your diick wet. I think most self respecting women would get upset or cut ties unless you had a good reason.
What's the problem with letting girls crash and fuucking em again in the morning?
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SW15
Master Don Juan
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I don't think it's a big deal. I also wouldn't read that much into it in terms of her desire for commitment either. Are you not wanting her to sleep over due to not wanting to commit to exclusivity or be pressured for exclusivity?
roaming shark
Don Juan
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I avoid them especially early. It generates unnecessary and superficial attachment
BackInTheGame78
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I will let them stay over but I won't stay over at theirs for a while. I'm at my best in the mornings in regards to sex.
IKO69
Master Don Juan
Well you piped her man, she's in the palm of your hand now. Emotions are running high - she will probably push you more and more to become serious and that's really what her outburst was all about.
Don't worry about her being upset. She will likely hit you up soon. I think you did the right thing. If you don't do sleep overs with girls you barely you know, then that's that. If you are firm about it she'll respect you more
Don't worry about her being upset. She will likely hit you up soon. I think you did the right thing. If you don't do sleep overs with girls you barely you know, then that's that. If you are firm about it she'll respect you more
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Doctor Europeo
Moderator
You had sex, you won. At that point, I wouldnt mind letting her spend the night.
FlexpertHamilton
Master Don Juan
I sleep much better sleeping alone.
There are studies that show married couples who sleep in seperate beds get far better sleep.
Biggest issue for me is the fact that I like it around 64F which is too cold for 100% of women. They also want to cuddle which also warms me up way too much to sleep. And if you're a very light sleeper it's hard to share a bed no matter what, since they'll wake you up constantly with their tossing and turning or snoring.