I’m with
@Dash Riprock on this one. Your daughter and her boyfriend need to have a conversation about this issue (and whatever iceberg this might be the tip of.)
My son is 17 and just graduated high school last month. For most of his junior & senior year (about 14 months) he had a cute girlfriend...but she had a body type prone to weight gain. She is a state champ softball player and a cute girl, just pudgy in places. He dumped her (I don’t know exactly how the conversation went) because he was more attracted to another girl who is thinner and also pretty. More naturally pretty Id say.
Point is your daughter has got to communicate.
Weight issues granted are sensitive with young people. I have a 15 year old daughter who has Barbie looks...but she has gained weight up to 156-160 lbs. on her 5’8” frame. She’s too heavy. She’s going to be at a disadvantage in life due to the weight, and it sucks because she has model caliber height & beauty.
I actually think that similar to
@lynx Naf here she subconsciously eats to keep weight on to avoid male attention. Boys have hovered around her for years since she was about age 9 because she’s so pretty...she has the thickest most gorgeous blonde hair too with natural waves and body that is shampoo commercial type hair. She chops it off shoulder length I believe for the same reason (to avoid male attention and downplay her natural beauty.)
No offense Lynx by the way...I know you deal with a very masculine career and understand your rationale...
I just feel my daughter is squandering her natural blessings by letting herself go. She is disrespecting herself and her health and her body that way...but everyone around her is also fat so therefore I’m the problem.
When I had a delicate but direct conversation about it with my 15 yo daughter my daughter tried to turn the whole conversation into a narrative of “you are judging me and don’t like me because I’m fat” etc. etc., and I could smack my ex husband who took my daughter’s side, got her into a grossly overweight therapist who thinks I’m out of line and of course my daughter lives in the Midwest where women run heavier anyway...and of course none of my daughters friends are thin...they are all heavy.
Point is, weight is a sensitive issue independent of everything else. My plan is to move my daughter to a warmer, fitter environment and get her into the gym & hiking & playing soccer regularly with young women who are a better lifestyle influence. I’m going to do that if possible prior to the start of the next school year.
Strangely enough the fact that Im 5’6” and 115 lbs. kinda works against me in this. The overweight herd doesn’t like their own obesity to be a focus vis a vis my daughter.
But my ex hus band (who has also let himself go physically) has been no support in this whatsoever. Deeply disappointing.
Your daughter has to lay it out for him Lefty. If that happens and the BF wants to make the effort then you guys can lift or work out together and you can model good eating & lifestyle habits. But that’s really all you can do. She’s got to talk to him about it and not avoid the inherent conflict. That’s the lesson you must teach her. Not to avoid conflict.