"Side-chick" completely flipped the tables on me...

[European-DJ]

Fellow DJ's,
After long absence from the site, I am now back to get some guidance on a situation that I am very, very unfamiliar with.

Background:
I met this girl ~2 years ago, and for the last year and a half she has been the last thing on my mind. We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

 

[Macaframalama]

Fellow DJ's,
After long absence from the site, I am now back to get some guidance on a situation that I am very, very unfamiliar with.

Background:
I met this girl ~2 years ago, and for the last year and a half she has been the last thing on my mind. We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

Grow up. Why would you want to re-establish her interest level in you? You knew what she wanted and you know what you wanted. You got exactly that. Did you honestly think you were going to get to eat the fruit forever, without watering the tree?

 

[skinnyguy]

Lol, she took the power in the relationship and you pretty much let her. Why would you care so much about a plate? Because now she’s playing hard to get?

 

[TheGambino]

When you become uncertain about the relationship, she becomes distant or she behaves really bad towards you NC is the way to go,

 

[Lvdegen]

Well im about to employ her tactics on someone and now i really am after seeing how u feel about it lol

 

[Billtx49]

She’s either playing extremely harsh push/pull game on you and she obviously knows she’s not on your front burner right now and may want things to change,or she has already established another option.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Fellow DJ's,
After long absence from the site, I am now back to get some guidance on a situation that I am very, very unfamiliar with.

Background:
I met this girl ~2 years ago, and for the last year and a half she has been the last thing on my mind. We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

I think you pretty much got what you deserved.

 

[dude99]

Fellow DJ's,
After long absence from the site, I am now back to get some guidance on a situation that I am very, very unfamiliar with.

Background:
I met this girl ~2 years ago, and for the last year and a half she has been the last thing on my mind. We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

It's quite simple. Go date other women. You have oneitous over her because you can't have her and now you have put her on a pedestal she doesn't deserve.

Any time you put a girl on a pedistle it goes bad. Every time.

 

[zekko]

Unless you actually now want a relationship with her, I would leave the poor girl alone.
It's obvious you're just making her unhappy.

 

[Macaframalama]

Some of the same posters putting you down for your "ethical engagement" of this girl are also high-fiving another gentleman elsewhere for shagging a prostitute. Make of that what you will...

Who's putting him down bih? He played the game he thought he wanted, got the exact results one should expect of his strategy, relinquished power and now he's whining almost as bad as you on one of your ban hammer rants. FOH busch league.

 

[AJ84]

Fellow DJ's,
After long absence from the site, I am now back to get some guidance on a situation that I am very, very unfamiliar with.

Background:
I met this girl ~2 years ago, and for the last year and a half she has been the last thing on my mind. We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

She moved on. Whatever her initial interest level was it's lower now, otherwise she would be jumping at the chance to be with you and happy that you have done this 360 in your feelings for her.

But she's not. Before you end up behaving in a way that goes against your usual frame, and that you end up regretting, break contact and resume things with the other plate while looking for more.

 

[marmel75]

She didn't flip anything. This is your ego unable to handle her leaving because you did whatever you wanted and she chased you until she stopped...you enjoyed the exhilirating feeling, doing whatever you wanted and now that its all gone you want it back again.

Except you can't get it back with her. You claim you didnt want anything except sex, and now that she took that away you are desperately seeking Susan to get it back. As soon as you get it back your ego will have "won" and you will go back to feeling the same as before.

This is pretty lame. You want it both ways and it just doesn't work like that long term. You had your chance, you screwed it up. Deal with and move on. Learn from your mistake if you dont want it to happen again.

 

[Trump]

We casually hooked up every 2nd to 3rd week, but she wanted more than that. After asking me twice "where we were heading", I told her straight up that I did not see it develop into a relationship – I told her this both times.

Translation; ‘You are good for sex, more than that, you are nothing to me.’

Very sexy bro.

Anyway, things changed this summer after I went abroad to work. During my summer job, I would receive her daily messages and reply whenever I felt like. Gradually, the texts diminished and by the time I returned, she was not writing me anymore.

I’m like a broken record. We pretend we are millionaire actors who should have sexual with any girl we want at any time. So ridiculous.

OF COURSE she wasnt writing anymore. You told her ‘get lost’ when she asked for a relationship and you respond to her texts when you feel like. Brutal.

I reached out to her and asked, in a teasing way, why she wasn't stalking me anymore. She told me that she was not interested in seeing me again, as she had felt utterly alone during my work abroad and that she badly wanted a relationship with me, which I clearly did not. This is when the tables flipped.

Tables flipped? I’m surprised she wasn’t pregnant by another dude.

I felt a strong urge to see her one more time, and for the next 3 months (until mid-November/start December) I became overly available and texting her multiple times a day (mind you, I would usually text this girl once every 2nd day or so). Eventually, I landed her and we had sex, twice. I expected my hunger to disappear after this, but instead I became indifferent towards my “main-plate” and was putting everything into this girl I was utterly careless about for 1½ years.

The other night we meet at my place, which I expected would result in sex per usual. Nevertheless, after a very nice and playful date we went to my place were things went sour. After watching half a movie, she became profoundly sad and silent and ended up telling me that we shouldn’t speak no more after which she left (shortened version). Over the next few days I have been trying to reach out to her, as I have become completely head-over-heals for this girl. However, her replies are distant and she is clearly not as interested as she used to be.

My question is:
Do any of you have advice or experiences with the tables turning like this - Is it possible to reestablish her interest level? Or should I just throw the towel in the ring and go No Contact?

/European

Agree with marmel above.

This is where this site messes up. If I like a girl now, I will throw the kitchen sink at her and then some to make sure she knows she feels loved. Sosuave really frowns upon that which messes guys up. Heck, it’s messed me up before pretty bad too.

 

[user43770]

If I like a girl now, I will throw the kitchen sink at her and then some to make sure she knows she feels loved.

Have you ever actually been in a relationship where you've tried this? I would think not, because if you had you wouldn't be expressing such nonsense.

The person that cares less always has the upper hand in a relationship.

 

[sosousage]

Grow up. Why would you want to re-establish her interest level in you? You knew what she wanted and you know what you wanted. You got exactly that. Did you honestly think you were going to get to eat the fruit forever, without watering the tree?

shoulda bait her more. just like women bait their eternal orbiters without saying directly they are not interested. tell her things like "ohh relationship could be good idea, but now sounds like a bad time" etc

 

[Trump]

Have you ever actually been in a relationship where you've tried this? I would think not, because if you had you wouldn't be expressing such nonsense.

The person that cares less always has the upper hand in a relationship.

What does one thing have to do with the other?

Doing everything you can to show your love does not mean you don’t care less. I’ve bought girls stuff, call them lots, text them lots, send them gifts, and still go out with other girls. Have them fall in love, THEN decide if you want proceed. Not the other way around.

 

[user43770]

What does one thing have to do with the other?

Doing everything you can to show your love does not mean you don’t care less. I’ve bought girls stuff, call them lots, text them lots, send them gifts, and still go out with other girls. Have them fall in love, THEN decide if you want proceed. Not the other way around.

"Throwing the kitchen sink at them" will not make women fall in love with you. If that's your goal, it would benefit you to do the opposite.

 

[user43770]

What does one thing have to do with the other?

Doing everything you can to show your love does not mean you don’t care less. I’ve bought girls stuff, call them lots, text them lots, send them gifts, and still go out with other girls. Have them fall in love, THEN decide if you want proceed. Not the other way around.

The one thing has everything to do with the other.

Any time a woman has showered me with anything I wanted, be it sex or gifts, I knew I had the upper hand in the relationship. I eventually determined how said relationship progressed.

The times that I showered them, be it attention or gifts, I eventually came out on the losing end.

You want to be on the winning side, and this is what game provides you.

 

[European-DJ]

Thank you all for your insights; whether it was a critique of my approach or general advice.

To shed some additional light on the situation, especially for the critics of my “ethical standards”, I never dated this girl, I merely slept with her. Thus, I never really knew her and couldn’t see us in a relationship. Also, for the record, I never provided this girl with any false hope, nor did I signal that I wanted more.

However, this changed after I returned from my work abroad; now, I had to reestablish the contact by putting in effort and getting to know her. After getting to know her, I realized that she was an interesting girl, a person that I wanted a relationship with, which includes more than just sex.

This might all be fiction, in my mind, my “ego” as some of you have suggested, but I profoundly feel like I am missing out on something good, by not being with her.


As suggested, I will back of for a bit and try to reinitiate contact at a later point - in doing so, I will ensure that it isn't just my Ego that wants her back.

Thanks again,
/European

 

[fastlife]

I'd also recommend op to read some @fastlife posts regarding management of one's ego whilst spinning plates. Really great stuff.

Yeah, what OP is experiencing is totally just an ego-related reaction--and a super natural one (been there a couple times myself, as I'm sure everyone else has as well). In fact, this aspect of the ego is pretty much the basis of Cosmo Girl-Game (5 Ways to Make Him Chase), most romance novels, & was pretty much backwards engineered for the Mystery Method Style Game.

But the template pretty much goes like this:

• You have a girl you like well enough but not enough to commit to; but she gives you a lot of validation & you enjoy feeling like you have the upperhand. The fact that the validation comes so easily & effortlessly means you take it for granted.
• Girl pulls away (takes away the 'supply' you're now hooked on).
• Guy (delusionally gets the impression he) falls in love with girl. Wants things back the way they were. Chases girl. Becomes source of validation for girl, who realizes he was never really the guy she was chasing to begin with.

Listen @European-DJ, at some point you were acting from a place of abundance. From that place of abundance you decided (and probably for good, rational reasons) that this girl didn't qualify for monogamy. That was an authentic reaction. Chasing her & throwing her the kitchen sink isn't you, it's just your ego trying to avoid taking (a perceived) L.

This 'out of control' feeling your reeling in right now, accept it, internalize it, and remember that it's not a good feeling. The only thing you can do to possibly get this situation back on the rails, and it isn't the answer you're looking for right now, is to move forward. Forget the girl, this is about you. Commit yourself to making the next four months the best four months of your life--do whatever it takes to make them that way for you (besides texting this girl lol). If you're able to do that, then text the girl at the end of those four months (if you still feel like it--betting $5 you won't).

And, really, that's the solution to all of this. You have to live your life for you--unapologetically & ruthlessly. You can do nice things & help people out along the way, but only as long as you are moving in your direction. Your ego is how people are able to manipulate you. Your ego doesn't care about direction, it cares about reactions. The minute a woman learns she has the power to manipulate you is the minute you're fvcked (maybe this month, maybe 25 years from now). You'll never be a guy she can respect or count on. So drop the ego. She might not come back, but chances are she will once she realizes you're operating under a new paradigm she no longer has control over. (The flipside of this is a lot of predatory female types will not get involved for any length of time with a guy she isn't able to manipulate. Accept that for what it is too--some of these girls are super hot, fun people--but often even these girls come back when they already have a primary partner/provider).