Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Should you ever compliment a girl on her looks?

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,835
Reaction score
245
Age
42
Location
Northern CALI USA
I am serious with this question.... I always have it in my head that when you compliment a girl's appearance you were lowering your value and also basically giving her power by telegraphing too much interest.

I guess this question is more towards the early dating phase.... If you go on a first date or meet with a girl should you ever compliment her appearance?

I never do but I wonder if it could ever be advantageous?
 

bcude

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
676
Reaction score
1,066
Age
38
Everything depends on what kind of man you're and what kind of vibe you're sending out.
But is it generally advantageous? No.
If you're unsure don't compliment on her looks until you've had sex with her to keep it simple.
Compliments should be given sincerely and preferably tailored to something that's unique to her where she had to put some thought and effort into it ie. fashion, makeup etc. since it's not something she hears everyday and she will appreciate it much more. It also shows that you're aware of details.
 

Visionist

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 27, 2016
Messages
770
Reaction score
751
Age
32
It can actually be the key to a cold approach. Direct and to the point.

Here's the kicker; it has to be genuine.

She actually does have to be a beauty when you open her up by telling her she is. And you have to genuinely be moved by her looks, not just saying it; you have to let your guard down and be vulnerable, take the risk. No game. That means no 8s and sure as sh!t no 7s. Only 9s and the ever elusive 10s.

Whilst she's told she's beautiful all day, every day online, few guys actually have the balls to say it to her face, from a validator's position ie. from a guy who clearly has high value himself (and if you aren't looksmaxed, cold approach is gonna be a waste of time) and not from a needy position, seeking validation.

What I'm saying is that you can open a woman you've never met or talked to with "hey, you're strikingly beautiful"/"hey, you're a rare stunner"/"hey, you look exquisite" and it won't be cringy or needy. Because you aren't supplicating to her when you say it. You're making a statement. You aren't begging her for anything.

If done properly ie. from a position of authenticity and value, she won't look down upon you for saying it. Quite the opposite. She will look up to you as someone who gives her value rather than someone supplicating to her own perceived value (and all women are insecure about their value; that's why trying to fool her that she looks good when she doesn't is a No-No).

TL-DR: if you truly find a woman beautiful and it's making you feel weak inside, you can say so. It won't hurt your chances because the fact you feel weak means you aren't getting with her anyways. There can be no doubt in her chaotic female mind that you're a sexual being and not one for the friendzone.

Just be willing to walk away after she's blushed and said "thankyou" if she doesn't immediately wanna spend time with you or at least give you her number and display strong IOIs back.
 

nismo-4

Moderator
Joined
Jan 31, 2005
Messages
4,191
Reaction score
794
Location
From New Orleans, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia!!!
It could work if you're Chad or Tyrone. Or if you've had sex already. OP, for a first meet or date, the answer is no for the very reasons you stated.
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
8,012
Reaction score
4,604
Age
63
Location
The 7th Dimension
My policy has always been: never. If you’re talking to her, she fully knows that you find her attractive. Beautiful women crave to be valued for something other than looks. Complimenting her on her looks immediately puts you into her mental and emotional “file cabinet” as just another salivating admirer.

When I first met my fiancé, whom I met from an online site, by the way, I was pleasantly surprised to see that she looked way better than her already attractive profile picture. I never complimented nor mentioned her looks, and she is a stunner.

Once, via text, I floated a vague compliment about her appearance, and I could tell that she didn’t value that very much at all. My usual modus operandi is to tell her how I’m obviously the “cute one” in the relationship, but she’s ok too. She loves it.

I think the best rule of thumb is to differentiate yourself by finding other, less tangible things to compliment her on.

Have you guys ever seen a YouTube video of a woman doing anything at all, and in the comments you see all these guys saying “You’re so beautiful”? It gives you a sickening feeling, doesn’t it? These simps are telegraphing loud and clear that she has them under her spell, just because of her hair and makeup. We need to differentiate ourselves from being categorized as one of them.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,835
Reaction score
245
Age
42
Location
Northern CALI USA
Everything depends on what kind of man you're and what kind of vibe you're sending out.
But is it generally advantageous? No.
If you're unsure don't compliment on her looks until you've had sex with her to keep it simple.
Compliments should be given sincerely and preferably tailored to something that's unique to her where she had to put some thought and effort into it ie. fashion, makeup etc. since it's not something she hears everyday and she will appreciate it much more. It also shows that you're aware of details.
Yeah I've definitely read from multiple sources complimeneting something she chooses is better than something she doesn't. For example her shirt versus her eyes etc..

It can actually be the key to a cold approach. Direct and to the point.

Here's the kicker; it has to be genuine.

She actually does have to be a beauty when you open her up by telling her she is. And you have to genuinely be moved by her looks, not just saying it; you have to let your guard down and be vulnerable, take the risk. No game. That means no 8s and sure as sh!t no 7s. Only 9s and the ever elusive 10s.

Whilst she's told she's beautiful all day, every day online, few guys actually have the balls to say it to her face, from a validator's position ie. from a guy who clearly has high value himself (and if you aren't looksmaxed, cold approach is gonna be a waste of time) and not from a needy position, seeking validation.

What I'm saying is that you can open a woman you've never met or talked to with "hey, you're strikingly beautiful"/"hey, you're a rare stunner"/"hey, you look exquisite" and it won't be cringy or needy. Because you aren't supplicating to her when you say it. You're making a statement. You aren't begging her for anything.

If done properly ie. from a position of authenticity and value, she won't look down upon you for saying it. Quite the opposite. She will look up to you as someone who gives her value rather than someone supplicating to her own perceived value (and all women are insecure about their value; that's why trying to fool her that she looks good when she doesn't is a No-No).

TL-DR: if you truly find a woman beautiful and it's making you feel weak inside, you can say so. It won't hurt your chances because the fact you feel weak means you aren't getting with her anyways. There can be no doubt in her chaotic female mind that you're a sexual being and not one for the friendzone.

Just be willing to walk away after she's blushed and said "thankyou" if she doesn't immediately wanna spend time with you or at least give you her number and display strong IOIs back.
I always felt there could be something to a good delivery with looks complimenting but through some experiments a while back it really hasn't been too successful. I also do have to whole heartedlty disagree that very attractive women aren't told by many guys in person they are beautiful. I am sure they hear these compliments more times than they can count. I do like the "you look exquisite" as I don't think that is one used too common.


My policy has always been: never. If you’re talking to her, she fully knows that you find her attractive. Beautiful women crave to be valued for something other than looks. Complimenting her on her looks immediately puts you into her mental and emotional “file cabinet” as just another salivating admirer.

When I first met my fiancé, whom I met from an online site, by the way, I was pleasantly surprised to see that she looked way better than her already attractive profile picture. I never complimented nor mentioned her looks, and she is a stunner.

Once, via text, I floated a vague compliment about her appearance, and I could tell that she didn’t value that very much at all. My usual modus operandi is to tell her how I’m obviously the “cute one” in the relationship, but she’s ok too. She loves it.

I think the best rule of thumb is to differentiate yourself by finding other, less tangible things to compliment her on.

Have you guys ever seen a YouTube video of a woman doing anything at all, and in the comments you see all these guys saying “You’re so beautiful”? It gives you a sickening feeling, doesn’t it? These simps are telegraphing loud and clear that she has them under her spell, just because of her hair and makeup. We need to differentiate ourselves from being categorized as one of them.
Amen.
 

Hamurabimbi

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 4, 2018
Messages
253
Reaction score
158
Location
California
I am serious with this question.... I always have it in my head that when you compliment a girl's appearance you were lowering your value and also basically giving her power by telegraphing too much interest.

I guess this question is more towards the early dating phase.... If you go on a first date or meet with a girl should you ever compliment her appearance?

I never do but I wonder if it could ever be advantageous?
I do. I've never found it to be bad. Girls get all giggly and happy.
 

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,835
Reaction score
245
Age
42
Location
Northern CALI USA

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,093
Reaction score
1,908
Age
44
Totally depends on the scenario.

If you cold approach a girl, you kind of have to compliment her appearance in order to set the frame of the interaction so she knows why you are talking to her. AKA being direct.

If, for whatever reason, it is already established why you are seeing her, that it's romantic, I generally will not compliment her on her appearance. Women want to date as far above their league as they can and one of the signals they look for is a guy who isn't enthralled with their looks (in other words, complimenting her looks could be perceived to mean he doesn't usually get girls as hot as her). You want her to think you are attracted to her but only just-enough to date. Third-wave feminism has also taught girls to reject/dislike compliments on appearance, even though they secretly love to receive them. If you are going to compliment her it's best to compliment her on something she did something about - like an interesting dress or cool shoes..... a unique hairstyle, or something about her attitude, ambition, humor, outlook, etc.
 

Suave88

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 23, 2019
Messages
541
Reaction score
192
Age
41
I am serious with this question.... I always have it in my head that when you compliment a girl's appearance you were lowering your value and also basically giving her power by telegraphing too much interest.

I guess this question is more towards the early dating phase.... If you go on a first date or meet with a girl should you ever compliment her appearance?

I never do but I wonder if it could ever be advantageous?
I only speak from my experience. So to answer your question, I say "NO" But I have done it and when I have done is always and ONLY when I am thrusting my peenes inside of her or after I have fvcked her at least once. NEVER before.
 

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,835
Reaction score
245
Age
42
Location
Northern CALI USA
Totally depends on the scenario.

If you cold approach a girl, you kind of have to compliment her appearance in order to set the frame of the interaction so she knows why you are talking to her. AKA being direct.

If, for whatever reason, it is already established why you are seeing her, that it's romantic, I generally will not compliment her on her appearance. Women want to date as far above their league as they can and one of the signals they look for is a guy who isn't enthralled with their looks (in other words, complimenting her looks could be perceived to mean he doesn't usually get girls as hot as her). You want her to think you are attracted to her but only just-enough to date. Third-wave feminism has also taught girls to reject/dislike compliments on appearance, even though they secretly love to receive them. If you are going to compliment her it's best to compliment her on something she did something about - like an interesting dress or cool shoes..... a unique hairstyle, or something about her attitude, ambition, humor, outlook, etc.
Most of the cold approaches I've done haven't been where I complimented their looks. Usually I just strike up a casual conversation then go for the number .

Your second paragraph is more of how I look at it.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,996
Reaction score
6,190
Compliments should be given sincerely and preferably tailored to something that's unique to her where she had to put some thought and effort into it ie. fashion, makeup etc. since it's not something she hears everyday and she will appreciate it much more.
I agree with what you're saying, but this (like many PUA tips) strikes me as being kind of supplicating. In the sense that it's not good enough to compliment her appearance, you have to also make her feel that she personally brought it about by her intelligence and creativity. It also irritates me that I have to hide that I like the way she looks. It seems like it would be more manly to just say "Woman, I like what I'm seeing". Not that I would use that line, but you get the drift.

If, for whatever reason, it is already established why you are seeing her, that it's romantic, I generally will not compliment her on her appearance. Women want to date as far above their league as they can and one of the signals they look for is a guy who isn't enthralled with their looks (in other words, complimenting her looks could be perceived to mean he doesn't usually get girls as hot as her). You want her to think you are attracted to her but only just-enough to date.
Again, I agree with what you're saying. I just feel like it's a shame that we can't honestly appreciate a woman's appearance, because of "game" or ego or whatever. Because let's face it, a woman's appearance is what draws us to them.
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,093
Reaction score
1,908
Age
44
Again, I agree with what you're saying. I just feel like it's a shame that we can't honestly appreciate a woman's appearance, because of "game" or ego or whatever. Because let's face it, a woman's appearance is what draws us to them.
I agree it is a shame but you said it yourself... it is part of the game... the dance that is between a man and a woman. And you can appreciate her appearance without saying so. Your appreciation also manifests itself in the way you look at her, touch her, escalate with her, etc. I would dare to say the majority of attractive women have a negative association with being told by a guy that they are attractive. It’s because they hear it all the time and it isn’t unique and they see it like they see “nice guys”: guys using the same words they have heard 1000000x before to try to get into her pants. That’s boring for women. They’d MUCH prefer waiting and wondering about a guy who seems somewhat into them, but not completely sold, and also seems high value. A guy like that isn’t going to compliment them on their looks much, if ever. He could go get a hotter girl.

If, when, and how to compliment a woman is, in my opinion, a very delicate and nuanced subject and I think it’s a very good question to ask and discuss. I’ve done it incorrectly enough in the past to have learned a lot about it.

Some things I have learned through my own experiences (always the hard way, of course):

You can compliment a woman who is really into you any time you want.

There shouldn’t be a big gap between how often she compliments you and how often you compliment her.

Early on in the dating (before sex especially), women are mostly focused on judging your value.... your desireability to other women and how successful you are with other women. You have to be very careful during this time regarding how much validation you give her. Generally, the less the better at this time.

Compliments about nearly any aspect of her will be more appreciated and more striking than a compliment on her looks.

It is always better to compliment her on something she did herself, than something genetic. For example, if she is a natural red head, don’t compliment her on her beautiful
red hair as she did nothing for it and it’s not really a compliment. If she works out really hard and has incredible legs then complimenting her legs would be appropriate because they are the product of her deliberate effort.

So many women have been brainwashed by third wave feminism that if your compliment is about her body, especially early on, an indirect compliment is a often better accepted. Like, “those jeans look incredible on you” instead of “you have incredibly sexy long legs.” Plus you are complimenting her on something she did (her fashion sense and awareness in picking a pair of jeans that are flattering to her).
 

da storm

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2,215
Reaction score
4,285
Age
32
If you are trying to get something out of her, nothing works. Not even the best game. But if you genuinely appreciate her, anything can work. Even generic compliments.

But women are experts at knowing if you want something from them or if you genuinely appreciate them.

They deal with d1cks on legs 24/7. I’m surprised some of you guys are wondering if you can be sneaky and do something to cause some positive reaction. You can’t do anything to cause any reaction.

They invented manipulation. You can’t sneak anything by them.

Either you have the value or you don’t. That’s pretty much the game. And you should always act from a genuine place. Otherwise you are a phony and nobody wants to be around phony people.

This is just common sense. Some of you guys in the manosophere are too caught up in game theory and the art of seduction that common sense/normal human decency seems to fly over your head and you end up sounding autistic like you haven’t been around a woman in 10 years or something.

And the op been here since 2002 and this is a serious question, lol.

The intent has to be genuine interest, not can I do such and such to create such and such reaction.

If you are genuine and she takes it the wrong way, then fvck her, that’s her problem. I’m not going to be phony just to appease feminist women. There are enough “normal” women out there that I can show genuine appreciation for without worrying about tripping up her outraged womanhood.

The game isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes you run into dumb a$$ chicks who can’t take a genuine compliment and you have to dismiss them.

Don’t ever calibrate to dumb a$$ chicks. You will ruin what is genuine about you. They have to calibrate to YOU, or your dismiss them.

As long as you are a solid guy, you never need to calibrate to anybody. There will be women in your wavelength that will appreciate your sincerity.

We are not women. Our job is not to calibrate to random strangers and appease everybody. We have to act with backbone and conviction and believe in our own principles.

Remember guys, we are not seducers. Our job is not to appease 99/100 women. Our job is to be ourselves so strongly that the 1/100 woman who is on our wavelength sees what is truly admirable about us.

We need to be more exclusive, not inclusive. A man is an island, he’s not part of the herd.

Hes supposed to be the change he wants to see, he’s not supposed to be like everyone else.

The word Calibration should be banned from sosuave.

Fvck what these feminist chicks think. They are children.
 
Last edited:

skinnyguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
3,479
Reaction score
1,265
i don't think you can compliment them on their looks for the purpose of getting laid.

if there is another purpose, maybe.
 
Top