Should the man pay on the first date?

[Last Man Standing]

Whoever pursues pays!

 

[edger]

Whoever pursues pays!

I don't get that mentality, never have. So what, you invited a chick to hang out with you. Nobody said she had to accept your invitation. You didn't force her, right? So why should you fit the bill?

 

[mzilla2]

What can a guy accomplish on an "expensive date" which he couldn't accomplish on a regular date?

Probably not much, I agree any date's outcome is to a large degree dependent on her IL, her having it, and you maintaining / raising it. My context was that of a date rewarding a chick thats shown you genuine interest and respect.

Personally, I'll splurge if I'm into a chick and its reciprocated, but no big $ dates until thats been established.

 

[Colossus]

I recently had a coffee date. They can be awkward, but so can any first date. Coffee is good because it is casual, cheap, and low-risk. Coffee is not good if you want to get some physical contact going, and it often does have the interview feel to it.

After the ice is broken, activity dates can be great, or lounge dates. Big cities are great for these, The stylish, low-key lounges with cool comfortable furniture, low-lighting, and nice music. I think they are best after doing something fun or out and about. If you are both digging each other, a couple drinks in a comfortable atmosphere can be a great segway to taking her home.

 

[AlphaSoldier]

Go for a coffee. It works out with your date, great. It doesn't.. you only lose 2 bucks.

-AS

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...My context was that of a date rewarding a chick thats shown you genuine interest and respect....

So dinner and a movie has more value than her sharing your company??? Spending time with you isn't worthwhile unless there is something else attached to it?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Coffee is not good if you want to get some physical contact going, and it often does have the interview feel to it...

I beg to differ on both counts. Don't treat it like an interview and you have a much better chance of having a bit of kino.

 

[Mr. Me]

Another advantage to having a "coffee" date, is that, if she's out to use guys for free meals, she'll typically balk and refuse the date.

"I only go to dinner dates", she says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because that way, if it doesn't work between us, we still can enjoy a nice meal, so the evening's not a total loss." She'll say. But why would I want to have a "nice meal" with someone it's not working out with? And you'll get stuck with the bill most probably. I've even heard of women who order lots of food and then take it home in a doggie bag, your treat.

It's better to determine in short order over a cup of coffee if this person is someone you wouldn't mind spending some time over a meal with first - and more importantly, if she's really into you or not. It just saves you from getting into those bad sitches.

Likewise, watch out for those that do accept coffee dates but then pull the same crap, that it's about them getting a treat rather than the focus being on meeting you:

"Okay. But not at Starbucks", she'll say. "There's a place uptown that has nicer ambience and exquisite coffees. Let's meet there!"

This helps screen out the Users up front. But when I do invite a woman out to a meal, usually after a few dates, I pay. If she offers, that's good, but I refuse that offer and I pay. It doesn't go unnoticed, because most guys will take her money at that point, and I don't want her to lump me in as being like all the others.

Before anyone jumps all over me, let me add that I'm no fool. I do look to see that within a few dates that she, in turn, is inviting me out, her treat, or offering to cook me dinner. If she doesn't, then I drop her. Plus, I don't do a lot of dinner dates. I prefer activity dates.

I also watch to see if, those times when I'm treating and she offers and I refuse, if she then keeps on insisting. That's usually a sign that she doesn't want to feel any obligation at all, which means that you only serve as a means for getting her out of her boring life for a little while, but she's not really interested.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Another advantage to having a "coffee" date, is that, if she's out to use guys for free meals, she'll typically balk and refuse the date.

"I only go to dinner dates", she says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because that way, if it doesn't work between us, we still can enjoy a nice meal, so the evening's not a total loss." She'll say. But why would I want to have a "nice meal" with someone it's not working out with? And you'll get stuck with the bill most probably. I've even heard of women who order lots of food and then take it home in a doggie bag, your treat.

It's better to determine in short order over a cup of coffee if this person is someone you wouldn't mind spending some time over a meal with first - and more importantly, if she's really into you or not. It just saves you from getting into those bad sitches.

Likewise, watch out for those that do accept coffee dates but then pull the same crap, that it's about them getting a treat rather than the focus being on meeting you:

"Okay. But not at Starbucks", she'll say. "There's a place uptown that has nicer ambience and exquisite coffees. Let's meet there!"

This helps screen out the Users up front. But when I do invite a woman out to a meal, usually after a few dates, I pay. If she offers, that's good, but I refuse that offer and I pay. It doesn't go unnoticed, because most guys will take her money at that point, and I don't want her to lump me in as being like all the others.

Before anyone jumps all over me, let me add that I'm no fool. I do look to see that within a few dates that she, in turn, is inviting me out, her treat, or offering to cook me dinner. If she doesn't, then I drop her. Plus, I don't do a lot of dinner dates. I prefer activity dates.

I also watch to see if, those times when I'm treating and she offers and I refuse, if she then keeps on insisting. That's usually a sign that she doesn't want to feel any obligation at all, which means that you only serve as a means for getting her out of her boring life for a little while, but she's not really interested.

See the things you can learn when you don follow arbitrary societal rules.

 

[mzilla2]

So dinner and a movie has more value than her sharing your company??? Spending time with you isn't worthwhile unless there is something else attached to it?

Don't read too much into it. Reward vs. bribe concept.

Personally, I keep it low key until genuine rapport and attraction are established, to screen the professional daters / low IL's / AW's out. Mr. Me's got some solid advice Re:coffee. Also good 1st non-"dates" are shopping (for you of course) and the offleash. In both case you get some conversation, some covert observation of how she interacts and treats others (can be very telling), and an opportunity for kino...

That said, even a chick thats really into you will still also ENJOY a nice night out WITH YOU, if you feel like springing for it... :cheer: Lord knows I enjoy a nice meal with good company.

 

[Adam007]

obviously yes it's right manner ...........ha,ha, ha ..........