Should I have closed the deal?

[Kineti[C]harm]

I will thy post rip apart since you asked so nicely!

Originally posted by Mercury21
Not my usual style to talk to girls for that long, but it all naturally happened. Ok, 2 weeks of that and I really get the feeling that she is interested in me. So one day after another really long talk I ask for her number.

Good, you built some attraction beforehand... It seemed you did this without thinking of picking her up, not caring = good.

I hand over my pen and notebook to her, and she then writes down BOTH her Cell and Home number! Great, right? Yep...she wants me

Doh

That was this last Monday. So today, Friday I call her up around noon and tell her that I am going to catch a movie tonight..."why don't you come along..?"

Yes I know you had reasons as it being warm etc but seriously something like iceskating? Whatever, just something that will get you either isolated or into physical fun (Skating can be alot of physical fun ) is prefered! This builds up tension faster/Better too over the evening.

She definently went for it, and even started blabbering away again...she kept me on the phone for nearly 15 minutes after my "invite" before I finally cut her off.

I don't follow any phonerules, aslong as it flows cool and we are laughing and/or sexual innuendo is there I'll just stop when it feels natural.

Ok, so she gets off work at 10:30 and immedietly calls me up wanting to meet up at the theater. So I show up, buy our tickets and wait for her inside.

Just want to note that I do not ever buy a girl anything like that.... Sure I have no issues picking up a bottle of cola for a girl if I've seen her multiple times and had sex with her but someone I'm dating will get nothing. This is not out of stubborness or game or whatever it's just a principle I have. This depends on the kind of person you are though (Remember, ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!).

She shows up about 15 mintues later, looking all made over and nice...in other words: it didnt look like she had just got off work. I imagine she hurried home and did her make up, put on some nice clothes and that is why she was late.

Thats Great! So I keep cool, make some funny comments as we walk to the theater, and basically just let her talk the whole time.

Good! Making fun of it is good, since this girl obviously liked you so much I'd probably drop in a genuine compliment here, probably something about her hair or make-up... Seriously this might sound strange but I've gotten mad attraction from girls for saying something as simple but observing as "Oh I like how you matched your eye-shader with your top" or something like that or "It's really cool how your hair goes down over your eye like that"... I have a very big tendency of noticing superficial details. I noticed a girl I had seen 1 time before had added some dark red "highlights" to her black hair the second time I saw her 2 weeks later... That made her go "WTF" since not even her girlfriends noticed. Details = good.

During the movie we sat next to eachother with nothing big really happening between us. Only a little low chit chat.

hence why movies are TEH SUCK.

THEN, half way through she begins to sit in this diagonal position, with her head practically on my shoulder, but not quite. And her left hand was all but reaching out towards mine.

She is seeking bodycontact but is lingering out of fear and anticipation as inn "can i do this? Will he return kino...". See now if we start to over-analyze this we can see what you should do here as two things:
1) If you start to reciproque you may come on fast
2) if you don't you may come on as too hard to get/cold..
None of those are actually necessarily true or should even be worried about. Thing is she has already given you alot of signals of attraction and liking you so either introducing some light accidental kino which boosts up or just going for it is not wrong here.

Nope, I didn't take it..and just played it cool for a little bit. Then, out of no where she says, "See, this is how cold my hands are.." she then takes my hand with hers and holds it momentarily.

This was very good for you, it could have turned awkward in my opinion if she hadn't done this OR it could have built some mad anticipation on her part. But you see, the thing is you didn't analyze this which is GOOD, it flowed naturally. I really like how you aren't thinking over stuff here much.

So then I thought, "what the hell" and held her hand for the duration of the movie.....during which time she would rub her thumb up and down my hand and up my sleeve a little. Being very affectionate.

The thumbrubbing is a classic sign of affection. I'd probably do something simular back. I know personally that if I like a girl and she starts doing that it makes me feel comfortable and good and it builds some tension, this works both ways.

Now, I wasn't getting in body language from her that said, "kiss me" or anything like that. She was sitting in a kind of distant position, although she kept talking and talking to me in the most natural way. I thought about just leaning over and doing it, but at the same time I don't want to come off as needy or pushy. Finally I just said goodbye, walked out and over to my car and got in. She waited in her car next to mine until I turned it on, and kept trying to talk to me.

Two things here... First of all not all girls kiss on the first date even though that protection is most often easily overcome.. The second thing here... Under the movie she gave affectionate kino, did all the initiation etc you gave nothing back except you let her hold your hand, you shouldn't expect her to just put her neck out after that should you!

Ok, now I want you guys to let me have it. Do you think it was a good plan to not want to push things to soon by not kissing her? Or do you think that I should have just gone for it anyway? Who cares about what happens?

This we may never know will we ? The thing is that in such a situation I would do some kino, hand rubbing or something, I would initiate. I would check her hornyness/attraction/affectionlevel this can very very often be read very easily in her eyes... If I find a glimps of "i want to kiss you" or something like that in her face I will move for it and what I tend todo is depending on situation/location etc I will place my hand on her side of her face, maybe by brushing some hair or something first, then do my soulsearching eyes and then we move closer, maybe gently touching nose to nose to feel eachothers breath and anticipation then slowly move for the kiss.

The whole thing with that is building anticipation and lust for the kiss and it's a very good way to test if she is open for it.... The initial hand movement and placement is an initiation and an invitation and her reaction to it will give it off what she wants, same with eyes. Eyes tell everything. Maybe someone will disagree with me on this one but if you get good at reading eyes and facial expressions you can read a females emotions, lust and reactions pretty damn spot on.

I must point out that she is not your typical "slut looking for a ONS" that we so commonly pick up in clubs. No, she is more of the "pretty, although innocent stay at home" kind of nice girl. Remember, she doesn't even drink!

No but these kind of girls tend to really fall for the whole romance and a goodnight kiss is usually spot on.

I wouldn't sweat it though, the whole affectionate handrubbing shows alot of interest in my opinion and you had no major screwups.

Now my plan is not to call her for the rest of the weekend, and only talk to her again on Monday when we will see eachother in class. There I will invite her to go get coffee or something after class. This all of course assuming she doesn't call me between now and then.

If this was me I'd setup a date again in a couple of days and try not to see her in the meantime (including school...). The whole asking her out at school is quite suiting, she will probably refer/comment on your date when you see her so this would be a good opportunity.

Btw for guys that wonder about kisses and building anticipation... The hand, look, kiss move is very good it truely is and if you really know how to do this you can add what I call "lingering lips" (yes i just made the name up cause this is something I do naturally but have never told anyone cause it's like doh logical".

When in a 1v1 situation where kino is in work that is you feel that you are into eachother, use ec (with or without the hand move but this can often add) this works both if you have already kissed or your in a situation where you feel it will happen. What you do is you look at her but you loosen up your face, you give HER a somewhat affectionate lingering look and while doing this you slightly open your lips as if you were touching hers, while doing this you can add triangular gazing and even slight teeth to lip (that is run gently touch your lower lip with your teeth as this is very sensual). (Btw if this is more of a partysetting a push/pull move with the lips can work very good too, that is almost kiss but pull back making her taste air but this is not something you should pull on kozy dates except when you are nose to nose before the kiss you can move your lips around on hers without actually kissing)

The whole EC + facialmovement + lipmovement gives alot of mental kino which is very arousing.

 

[Mercury21]

You guys rock! Thanks for your help!!

MVPlaya: You made me realize just what kind of opportunity I let slip that Friday night. After reading your reply, I asked myself for the first time, why in the hell didn't I flirt/use kino on her during the movie?? Especially after she took my hand! Damn...

I'll never let that happen again.

Kinetic: You are were right on to about not adjusting to a girl just because I may think she is different. You gave me a good idea to: Ice skating! That sounds top! Plus you were probably right about why she seemed kind of distant in the car..she didn't want to put herself on the line again without getting some sort of sign from me first.

Once again I asked myself, what the hell was I thinking??

There is a nice twist to this story though. About an hour ago she called me up on my cell....just for the hell of it. I told her I was busy and would call her back. So I did, and she just started this whole big conversation, going from one topic to the next without wanting me to ever hang up it seemed like.

Mostly I just let her talk while steering the conversation by asking questions, letting her answer and talk about it while I would just add "really?" and "oh.." here and there. Not to mention some C&F to! She was really digging it, so...

I set up for ust to get together on Tuesday. I told her I was going to take her to one of my favorite pizza joints around here...and I kind of felt in her voice that she just melted over the idea So its on!

I'll be seeing her tomorow in class where I will definently apply kino and some good flirtation. One thing is for sure: I won't let anything get in the way of me kissing her this time!

Once again, you guys are the best! That is what makes this forum so great!! I'll give you guys an update either tomorow or Tuesday to let you know how things went...especially how that "first kiss" went!

Lets see how all of your tips shape up out there in the field!

Thanks again guys....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You played it pretty well Mercury and I agree with most of the thorough replies that were given. I did notice one thing, there was usually a theme of adhering to the Bible. I agree with most of the theories therein, however things can be modified given the situation.

I'll give you some examples but first I must preface it by saying that although I follow the Bible, it can be said that I break a couple of rules.
1.) I flirt
2.) I tease

There have been posts that say that men shouldn't do these things but for me it is the basis of charisma, the ability to make a woman feel good about herself by just being around you. Given that premise and the knowledge that women want to feel accepted by women and wanted by men (or whomever tickles their ****); here's how I would have handled your situation:

There is this girl in one of my college classes whom I have been chatting with since the first day. We only have class together 2 days out of the week, but on those two days we would always talk after class for an hour or so

Consider including other people in these discussions, the more women the better. You can work your DJ skills on several women at once while being a challenge since your girl does not have you to herself. Believe it or not, this is a great place to get some light kino going on between you two. She'll notice that your occasionally touch her but not the other women. That will definitely make her curious.

Not my usual style to talk to girls for that long, but it all naturally happened. Ok, 2 weeks of that and I really get the feeling that she is interested in me. So one day after another really long talk I ask for her number.

I'm not sure how cool you were playing the situation but 2 weeks (4 days in your case) is a bit long to figure out she was interested. Remember, you had spent an hour with her each time. Sometimes playing it too cool keeps things a bit refrigerated a bit too long.

...

That was this last Monday. So today, Friday I call her up around noon and tell her that I am going to catch a movie tonight..."why don't you come along..?"

She deficiently went for it, and even started blabbering away again...she kept me on the phone for nearly 15 minutes after my "invite" before I finally cut her off.

Let me just insert this note here: The only reason I invited her to come out to the movies and not some "action" date is beacause, #1, it is damn cold over here today..supposed to even snow later. #2, I remember her saying that she doesn't drink(DAMN ) and #3: I remember her also saying that she likes to go to the movies. So...I figured, just for now, it would be an acceptable date.

Alright, I don't need to say anything about the difficulties of sarging at the movies. However, if you had played your kino right you may have suggested that you were going to the video store since it was going to be a frigid night and would be willing to bring it over to her house (or would invite her over) if she's grab the snacks.

*Note, I would have done this if we had mutual heavy flirting and kino previously.

Ok, so she gets off work at 10:30 and immedietly calls me up wanting to meet up at the theater. So I show up, buy our tickets and wait for her inside.

She shows up about 15 mintues later, looking all made over and nice...in other words: it didnt look like she had just got off work. I imagine she hurried home and did her make up, put on some nice clothes and that is why she was late.

Thats Great! So I keep cool, make some funny comments as we walk to the theater, and basically just let her talk the whole time.

This is all good, it was also a good thing that you had noticed that she was dressed up. I would have said "I was going to ask you if you usually dress up for work but I'd rather think that you dressed up for me..." I'd give her a wink and then take her by her hand and lead her (almost pulling her) into the theater. It should be said that I am a kino hound.

...

During the movie we sat next to eachother with nothing big really happening between us. Only a little low chit chat.

THEN, half way through she begins to sit in this diagonal position, with her head practically on my shoulder, but not quite. And her left hand was all but reaching out towards mine.

I'm bold and I usually let the woman know that I'm aware of what she is doing. Not blatantly telling her but I will acknowledge that I noticed it. I would have leaned over close to her ear and whispered "I don't know if that's your hair or your perfume but your scent is crazy." Then I would turn back to watch the movie, not even wanting to know her expression. The beauty about this is that she wouldn't know for sure if I had given her a complement or if it were a neg hit.

Nope, I didn't take it..and just played it cool for a little bit. Then, out of no where she says, "See, this is how cold my hands are.." she then takes my hand with hers and holds it momentarily.

So then I thought, "what the hell" and held her hand for the duration of the movie.....during which time she would rub her thumb up and down my hand and up my sleeve a little. Being very affectionate.

When she took your hand I would brought them up to my lips (but not touching them) and blow hot air lightly onto them while looking into her eyes. After a few seconds of that I would ask if that was a little[/l] better.

As I held her hand to make them warm and noticing that she rubbing her thumb up and down my hand, I would have brought her thumb to my lips and held it there as a light kiss, then after a few seconds I would hold it very lightly for a couple of seconds then abruptly stop and tell her "I shouldn't do that, I should be good.

* Note - I did mention that I was a flirt and a kino hound, right?

After the movie is finished we walk out together into the cold only to find that we parked on opposite ends of the parking lot. I ask her to give me a ride to my car, which of course she does. When we get to my car, we stayed in hers talking for a while longer.

Good move having her drive you to your car. I hope you were warming up your car when the two of you were talking. You wouldn't want her to think that she could keep you out in the cold for no reason...

Now, I wasn't getting in body language from her that said, "kiss me" or anything like that. She was sitting in a kind of distant position, although she kept talking and talking to me in the most natural way. I thought about just leaning over and doing it, but at the same time I don't want to come off as needy or pushy. Finally I just said goodbye, walked out and over to my car and got in. She waited in her car next to mine until I turned it on, and kept trying to talk to me.

Want to know why you weren't getting any body language? It was because she hadn't gotten any real response from you from her attempts of kino towards you. Imagine what she had done if you would have done something like..... maybe kissing her thumb a little???

I just rolled down my window, smiled and said, "bye, see ya later" and we both drove off in separate directions.

Hopefully you won't let that happen again...

Ok, now I want you guys to let me have it. Do you think it was a good plan to not want to push things to soon by not kissing her? Or do you think that I should have just gone for it anyway? Who cares about what happens?

In a nutshell, you played things a little too close to the vest. The night wasn't a total loss, but it could have been a little better while still being a challenge to her. Things to remember.
- Women enjoy knowing that a guy thinks she is attractive (if she goes out of her way to dress up, notice it)
- They also enjoy kino with someone they feel a connection (if she invites touching, accept it. It should be a mutual give and take)
- Nice girl or not, they all enjoy being sexually stimulated, but not necessarily directly. (kissing her thumb is much different than sucking her thumb)
- Feminist or not, they like to feel safe with their man or at least taken care of their personal needs (my hands are cold, warm them)

Her being sober and your ideas about calling her I can cover in another thread. I think this is enough to consider for now.