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Should a man ever seek emotional security in a woman?

FloggingDavid

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As the title says, is vulnerability and having a woman be your shoulder to cry on ever a good or acceptable idea? I know it seems rudimentary, but I seem to see happy couples behave in that fashion.
 

BackInTheGame78

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There are times you must show emotional vulnerability or else you won't be able to form any long term meaningful relationships but to "need" a woman to cry to that just comes off as really weak.

It's one thing if your Mom dies and you are really sad and cry, it's another thing if you are doing it every week.

It's like anything in life. A little can be good, a lot can be deadly.
 
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bcude

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Short answer is no.
Long answer is everything you do and say will be used against you. If your parents died and you cry out of sadness, of course it's not the end of the world to cry in front of her, but crying because of her or anything deemed 'not deadly serious', you'll be seen as potentially weak. It doesn't make sense but women only need to see strength to feel attraction for you. Now, it is okay to be vulnerable, that's part of what makes you a human being, but telling someone it's okay to be vulnerable is a dangerous road since he'll probably misapply and overuse it, so i tend to tell someone that asks this question no. Seek this security from your male friends/father instead. You'll slip up from time to time in front your girl too, that's not the end of the world.
Regarding the couples who seem happy, well you can't know. They just seem happy from the outside but i can promise you that's often not really the case.
 

Lookatu

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Personally, I don't think guys should cry unless someone close to them dies.

I tell my sons this. Just the other day my youngest kid got his loose tooth knocked out playing and rough housing. He cried because he started seeing blood. I asked him if crying made it any better or helped it in any way. I asked him if he was feeling any pain which he said no. Then I asked him why he's crying then.

Any other comforting, guys should keep at a very minimum. They need to be the head and the women be the shoulders that support the head in a relationship. Once you reverse this role, there's no going back so tread lightly in what you seek comfort in. Most of the time, it's better to seek comfort in your guy friends if possible.

Crying and comforting is a feminist narrative and agenda to make it acceptable and make guys weak.
 

Who Dares Win

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Asking emotional support to a woman is as wise as discussing with the bank employee about how to invest your savings letting him know that you know nothing about finance.

Accept the fact that there are problems or situations that you have to deal by yourself no matter how hard or painful is.

Women despise weakness as much as bank employees cant wait to take advantage of someone wealthy and ignorant...so we better learn to deal with such things ourselves otherwise we will be miserable and paying huge costs for worthless bonds.

There is a reason for which men since forever always kept problems inside them and dealt them privately with hard work, alchool or physical exhaustion...dont believe this bullsh1t about being open about your weaknesses with people around you, thats what women can do since they count of outside help while no one relies on them for guidance.
 

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BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

You don’t want to be an emotional mess all the time for any and all reasons....

But your woman, if she is a ride or die type...she should be a safe place for her man to express emotion and receive support...

My ex BF’s father was terminally ill. He had to be strong and supportive of his dad but he was dealing himself with emotional swings and long standing upheaval surrounding their complicated relationship and needed a safe place to be broken and upset which would then help him steel himself to be strong for his father...I was his safe place. I had the utmost respect that he trusted me enough to feel safe like that with me...and I did not see him in a lessor way at all...in fact I cared for him more having seen his humanity and vulnerability.

Real humanity and vulnerability gentlemen comes from strength. Remember that.
 

Serenity

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A man should never seek emotional security in anyone besides himself. With that said, if something is seriously sad like someone close dying and you must have some sort crying will be a release then go for it. I don't depend on having a woman comfort me, I would achieve the same in solitude, but it sure doesn't hurt to have a woman show understanding and support.

If you regularly cry for smaller things you should seek professional help. My friends father was crying his eyes out for the smallest thing, he got help and it turned out to be hormone imbalance. Got some testosterone from his doctor and went back to essentially being himself again. Oversensitivity and excessive crying in men can be caused by physical and psychological conditions, worth checking out if you experience it.
 

2Rocky

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Question to the folks who say no....What woman should seek Emotional Security in YOU?

We all have a skill set. Your Life partner mate has a skill set. They should compliment each other.

Don't use them as a Crutch, but you need to have someone who can help catch you if you trip...
 

Trojan3000

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Simple: have good female friends. A lot of these dudes on here don't believe in female friends, why? because they simply don't have any. Trust me, its a fuccin amazing blessing to have female friends. Take it from a guy who used to be completely mysognistic to the point I literally thought women were dumber than men for the longest. I used to think that's why they didn't get difficult jobs, or why they didn't play video games. I also looked at them all like objects and would never really hang with them or talk to them, just bone. Thank for **** sake that life changed me for the better. I was a complete menace growing up..
 

Romanemp22

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As the title says, is vulnerability and having a woman be your shoulder to cry on ever a good or acceptable idea? I know it seems rudimentary, but I seem to see happy couples behave in that fashion.
Yea crying when you fell broken because of death of a loved one is ofcourse normal but remember, never, ever cry because of your SO. Im not trying to be a duche but as soon as you drop one tear in front of your gf because of her, its over for you. She will never look you the same way as she did before and will losse respect for you in an instant.
 

Kotaix

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Women may say that they want men to be emotional, but you should not be overly emotional in front of women. This includes bitching, crying or getting angry. If you can endure it, then endure it. 'Don't you cry, boy.' is still valid.

I don't think there are many woman out there who would stick around a man who was a crybaby long enough to form a happy relationship. Women will tolerate this type of behavior for a short period of time. Happy couples can endure it because the woman knows that her man will stand up every time he falls down, because he's proven that's the kind of man that he is, and she knows the behavior isn't normal or permanent. I've literally watched this happen to my own parents who are very happy together.

It's when a man assumes victimhood and starts making excuses for his failure that he becomes pitiful. This is the kind of behavior that makes women check out.

TL;DR: Don't be a pvssy.
 

Who Dares Win

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Women may say that they want men to be emotional, but you should not be overly emotional in front of women. This includes bitching, crying or getting angry. If you can endure it, then endure it. 'Don't you cry, boy.' is still valid.

I don't think there are many woman out there who would stick around a man who was a crybaby long enough to form a happy relationship. Women will tolerate this type of behavior for a short period of time. Happy couples can endure it because the woman knows that her man will stand up every time he falls down, because he's proven that's the kind of man that he is, and she knows the behavior isn't normal or permanent. I've literally watched this happen to my own parents who are very happy together.

It's when a man assumes victimhood and starts making excuses for his failure that he becomes pitiful. This is the kind of behavior that makes women check out.

TL;DR: Don't be a pvssy.
Agree with all except with the anger part, actually I believe that never showing anger is a malus not a bonus.

Controlled anger is a huge plus, it shows that you have the right emotions to deal with disrespect but at the same time you can control them and use them to get strenght out of it.
 

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Kotaix

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Agree with all except with the anger part, actually I believe that never showing anger is a malus not a bonus.

Controlled anger is a huge plus, it shows that you have the right emotions to deal with disrespect but at the same time you can control them and use them to get strenght out of it.
Agreed.

Emotions are only problematic when they are the norm and not the exception.
 

bat soup

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You can probably get away with it if the relationship is strong enough, but you should be wary of doing anything that makes you look weak because that could reduce her attraction to you, even if it is subconscious. Generally you should aim to remain in control of your emotions and not be led by them.

If you think about the hero in the movies - someone like James Bond doesn't tend to cry on a woman's shoulder. It's not that he doesn't have emotions, but they are very much suppressed and women tend to find that attractive - the fact that his emotions are hidden make him seem mysterious, exciting etc. Not that you should necessarily live your life based on what women want, but at least you should be aware of it.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Simple: have good female friends. A lot of these dudes on here don't believe in female friends, why? because they simply don't have any. Trust me, its a fuccin amazing blessing to have female friends. Take it from a guy who used to be completely mysognistic to the point I literally thought women were dumber than men for the longest. I used to think that's why they didn't get difficult jobs, or why they didn't play video games. I also looked at them all like objects and would never really hang with them or talk to them, just bone. Thank for **** sake that life changed me for the better. I was a complete menace growing up..
Let me clear the air. I've had quite a few intelligent GF's and wives. So I never thought women as a whole were "dumb". As usual there are many different classes and types of people in the manosphere. There are also many types and classes of people in the female sphere. Women friends can be "ok". You need some male friends too though.
 

Trojan3000

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Let me clear the air. I've had quite a few intelligent GF's and wives. So I never thought women as a whole were "dumb". As usual there are many different classes and types of people in the manosphere. There are also many types and classes of people in the female sphere. Women friends can be "ok". You need some male friends too though.
I think that it goes without saying that you need male friends. "Female friends can be "ok"." <-- This is simply your perspective. For myself, female friends are great because they always bring other women around, especially to parties/potlucks/get togethers. Besides that, it's great social value.. anywhere you go. It's on another level than going out with just a guy or a group of guys. All you need is one girl with you to make other girls notice. Now, if you have a few, guess what? Even more attention and curiosity "whos this guy, with those girls".. (been there HUNDREDS of times, thanks to my friends).. now if you go out with all ur friends, which we used to do alot, its not necessarily better but its great social value ofc. Now, the only problem with my female friends is, not all of them like going to the clubs.

Having dude friends are alright man.. But we're used to that and they just don't have that feminine perspective.. and, you can't bone them on a lonely horny night / they won't use you as a rebound **** lmao. I don't know man, maybe im weird but i enjoy hanging out with my female friends. and its dope because if you're me, they let you sleep on their bed instead of their couch..cept one of my friends lol shes changed after while.. but i know why
 
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