Should a man ever seek emotional security in a woman?

[Mike32ct]

Thanks for this post, because now I'm understanding why or how some guys are thinking about it.. thats such an odd perspective to have lmao waht the ****. losers don't have friends, simple as that. if you only have guy friends, you have half a social life. and if you get pu$sy, why would you care about banging ur friends? who wants to bang friends thats just weird unless they're smoking hot, but even then, it makes **** weird in your friend group, unless shes a certified thot and u know everyones banging her

Yup. The mindset (that I warned about above) is not only toxic but it's also "butthurt" in a sense.

Think about it... "I can't associate with you because you're not having sex with me."

If THAT isn't putting puzzy on a pedestal, I don't know what is lol.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[EyeBRollin]

As the title says, is vulnerability and having a woman be your shoulder to cry on ever a good or acceptable idea? I know it seems rudimentary, but I seem to see happy couples behave in that fashion.

No. Never. Women are ruthless when it comes to weakness. Go cry on the couch at a therapist.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No. Never. Women are ruthless when it comes to weakness. Go cry on the couch at a therapist.

In men. They share weakness and cry for each other.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Short answer is no.
Long answer is everything you do and say will be used against you. If your parents died and you cry out of sadness, of course it's not the end of the world to cry in front of her, but crying because of her or anything deemed 'not deadly serious', you'll be seen as potentially weak. It doesn't make sense but women only need to see strength to feel attraction for you. Now, it is okay to be vulnerable, that's part of what makes you a human being, but telling someone it's okay to be vulnerable is a dangerous road since he'll probably misapply and overuse it, so i tend to tell someone that asks this question no. Seek this security from your male friends/father instead. You'll slip up from time to time in front your girl too, that's not the end of the world.
Regarding the couples who seem happy, well you can't know. They just seem happy from the outside but i can promise you that's often not really the case.

Agree with all points here. Especially the bit about overusing and also slipping up.

It’s another piece of the red pill that you need to choke down. Women are not there to support you emotionally. You are there to support THEM emotionally. They need that strength and leadership from you. But beyond what they want, you will find you break through your own barriers as a man, and as a human, once you find the strength in yourself to solve your own problems and be the source of your own strength. That may sound overly tough or hard, given what movies and TV have lead us to believe, but in actuality it is freeing and empowering. The answer is within you.

A part of boys growing up is separating from the security of their mothers. If you really think about your coming of age, you’ll remember it yourself. In a healthy family, the mother is a security blanket to a child. All problems and answers and emotions can be fixed by her. But as you (should) know, at some point, you outgrow her advice and learn that you are on your own. It can be a tough moment.....situations arise where you are challenged and really want an answer but you realize there is no one qualified to give it to you. You are left to make your own best choice and live with the result. While this all focused on advice, children also use their mothers as a shoulder to cry on. That’s natural and ok. But ask yourself this: if a boy naturally uses his mommy as a shoulder to cry on, will a man using his female partner as a shoulder to cry on elicit a mother/son feeling from her? Is that what a woman wants in a lover/husband?Is that what you want to depend on for yourself?

You don’t have to be an emotionless robot but 99% of the time, you must be the wise one and the one who is able to manage his emotions. We all slip up (unless we are psychopaths or sociopaths), and it’s nothing to beat yourself up over when it happens but it should be rare.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Agree with all points here. Especially the bit about overusing and also slipping up.

It’s another piece of the red pill that you need to choke down. Women are not there to support you emotionally. You are there to support THEM emotionally. They need that strength and leadership from you. But beyond what they want, you will find you break through your own barriers as a man, and as a human, once you find the strength in yourself to solve your own problems and be the source of your own strength. That may sound overly tough or hard, given what movies and TV have lead us to believe, but in actuality it is freeing and empowering. The answer is within you.

A part of boys growing up is separating from the security of their mothers. If you really think about your coming of age, you’ll remember it yourself. In a healthy family, the mother is a security blanket to a child. All problems and answers and emotions can be fixed by her. But as you (should) know, at some point, you outgrow her advice and learn that you are on your own. It can be a tough moment.....situations arise where you are challenged and really want an answer but you realize there is no one qualified to give it to you. You are left to make your own best choice and live with the result. While this all focused on advice, children also use their mothers as a shoulder to cry on. That’s natural and ok. But ask yourself this: if a boy naturally uses his mommy as a shoulder to cry on, will a man using his female partner as a shoulder to cry on elicit a mother/son feeling from her? Is that what a woman wants in a lover/husband?Is that what you want to depend on for yourself?

You don’t have to be an emotionless robot but 99% of the time, you must be the wise one and the one who is able to manage his emotions. We all slip up (unless we are psychopaths or sociopaths), and it’s nothing to beat yourself up over when it happens but it should be rare.

well-written

 

[daproest1]

No. With women anything u do will be used against u whether you or they are aware of it or not. Example:

was with my ex almost 6 years. She adored me. Worshipped the ground j walked on. She was my... “one”. We grew together, and succeeded in both of our paths together. Helped eachother. Both got hotter as we got older. Etc.

year 4... my 21 year old cat died. I had to put her down. I came back from the vet crying. She smiled and hugged me. The smile was.... weird. Like... pity. Not good.

5 years and 9 months into the relationship, she broke up w me. I cried then. I lost it. BUT.... BEFORE all that, she was the one sad about it. Poured her heart out to me. Balled her eyes out. Yelled. Etc. She Wasn’t sure about it. Etc. Once she saw ME weak, she was certain **** her decision, cold, stern, Blocked me, treated me like I never existed. It is still a mindfvck to this day.

I gave u my embarrassing story as a goddamn good example... never... EVER.... show weakness to a woman. Ever. No exceptions. If your parents die, tell her to Fvck off and that u need time to yourself.THEN cry. Fvck that b!tch. Don’t trust her. They’ll turn on u bro. Quicker than you’d think.

they are NOT wired to support YOU. They are wired to emotionally support their children. Not u. U don’t matter. It’s a turn off. They expect YOU to support THEM.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The modern, first world woman has been trained to literally fear the emotional man, but especially anger... This is why she sh1t tests, to provoke you, looking for a response of anger.

No, your emotions dont come before any narrative of her being a victim and this will be every single narrative she can create if you let her and one of those narratives are when she tells her friends about you being emotional, that is game over.

 

[samspade]

As the title says, is vulnerability and having a woman be your shoulder to cry on ever a good or acceptable idea? I know it seems rudimentary, but I seem to see happy couples behave in that fashion.

Emotional security doesn't always mean crying on a shoulder, which I'm guessing most men here don't want to do but once in a blue moon.

Someone to support you in your life and mission can be a form of emotional security. Women have been encouraging the men they believe in since time immemorial.

Should a man seek it? I don't think it's necessary, but obviously a man should SCREEN for it if he's choosing a partner.

 

[RangerMIke]

There are times you must show emotional vulnerability or else you won't be able to form any long term meaningful relationships but to "need" a woman to cry to that just comes off as really weak.

Very true... you have to show a "little" vulnerability or you will not be successful with women. A healthy normal woman WANTS to be your emotional support... this is what they do. If you are nothing but a stoic robot she will not think you need her. Everyone wants to feel needed. But she wants to know her support his something she gifts... not something she HAS to do to keep you functional. This is the difference between being needy and wanting emotional support.

You are not a strong male if nothing effects you. A strong male is defined by a man that is effected by events, but can still bull though it. It's okay to be sad that your mother has died, but if that turns you into a helpless depressed POS... that's bad.... However, if you can feel that sadness, and still do things like make arrangements for the funeral, take care of her estate, find homes for her pets, and generally function and take care of business... this is VERY attractive to women. However, if you are not emotionally effected and still do the things needed... well... you are just heartless.

@BackInTheGame78 is 100% correct. It is fine to let emotion slip out, it's not okay if it makes you useless. It's fine if your favorite sports team loses and it ticks you off... but it's not okay to lose emotional self control where you are putting holes in the wall... feel what you feel... then move on without causing any trouble. Emotional self-control is one of the most important traits a man MUST have, but if you have to have emotion to control to demonstrate this.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Generally speaking, the answer is a resounding NO.

Women want STRONG men despite what they say or tell you about liking "sensitive" men who "open up." BS.

Only exceptions would be death of a pet, relative, friend. Even then, keep it to a minimum in her presence--or you will lose status in her eyes. Use it like hot sauce, not ketchup.

Wish it weren't this way gents, but it's all part of the laws of attraction and what's buried deep in our DNA.

Rule #1 in ANY intereaction with a woman: Don't EVER be a p*ussy.

 

[corrector]

There is no woman like your mom, from the sounds of this.

 

[corrector]

Think about it... "I can't associate with you because you're not having sex with me."

Women think like that too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There is no woman like your mom, from the sounds of this.

Corrector. We have member blacksheep whose mom was narcissistic and her ego was limiting and hurting him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women think like that too.

Many of the big dating coaches limit time with non sexually attracted females. There is a legit reason for it that you may not understand.

 

[Mike32ct]

Many of the big dating coaches limit time with non sexually attracted females. There is a legit reason for it that you may not understand.

Fair point. I would say that context matters a lot here.

For a hardcore player, then yes, definitely limit time with non-sexually attracted females. Too much time non-sexually with women might actually dull his sexual vibe. I agree completely.

On the other hand, a nerdy guy that is otherwise ignored by women has nothing to lose. "Only deal with sexually attracted women" would be tantamount to not dealing with women at all. He should definitely not chase or have false hopes about chicks that put him in friendzone. But I don't think it hurts him to interact with women socially. He can still learn to be comfortable and chill around chicks.

Can a nerd even develop a truly "sexual vibe?" I don't know. That's another topic for another day lol.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Fair point. I would say that context matters a lot here.

For a hardcore player, then yes, definitely limit time with non-sexually attracted females. Too much time non-sexually with women might actually dull his sexual vibe. I agree completely.

Thank you sir... Corrector might not have understood that, because maybe he never had a high enough sexual swagger to see a "before and after" comparison on. It's reality.

In some of us, that sexual energy was our stock factory settings.

Female "friends" often will do some things behind your back to limit your choices and force their viewpoint. But then again male "friends" can do the same things. Female "friends" enjoy their connection being your "friend" and it makes them feel more powerful in their dating lives. If anything or anyone starts to minimize that connection, they are likely to react in a way to bring you back closer...

On the other hand, a nerdy guy that is otherwise ignored by women has nothing to lose. "Only deal with sexually attracted women" would be tantamount to not dealing with women at all. He should definitely not chase or have false hopes about chicks that put him in friendzone. But I don't think it hurts him to interact with women socially. He can still learn to be comfortable and chill around chicks.

]

He simply might need to drop his standard until he finds someone who wants to be sexual. Getting used to being treated as a "non sexual" person hardens that part of your image and makes it harder to get out of it.

I think that sort of many needs to listen to people who are currently living in a sexual "space" and mimic and do some of the things they are doing to start getting into that space.

Can a nerd develop a truly "sexual vibe?" I don't know. That's another topic for another day lol.

What's a "nerd"? To some of the "intelligent" babes, the more a "non nerd" talks, the less attractive he looks, because she realizes he doesn't understand what he is saying. Or that he simply reiterates a bunch of common "cool" statements.

BTW, I also ascribe to the belief that MOST of your time spent around women should be around ones who desire you or would have you sexually. Ones who see something in you.

 

[Mike32ct]

Cool. I'm always open to hear another side to the story. Thanks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The woman you choose. In whatever woman you are with

Truly there are different perspectives. I usually have a woman and do my woman stuff with her. My female friends ill talk to less often and see a couple times a year if that. When I don't have a woman I found spending "too much" time around non sexual female friends drags my sex drive down and I get less IOI. As I'm getting older I don't feel I have the excess to waste and I don't want a completely non sexual image. Hence my advice.

 

[corrector]

I've read through both @Mike32ct and @mrgoodstuff, and honestly I don't see how I can resonate with any of the statements.

Mike32ct is making an argument that any non-sexual interaction is better than no interaction at all. My interactions with women are limited to people I'm familiar with at a local health food store and there is just a nice connection with some of the ladies in the shop. I don't want things to get awkward there so I'm not interested in making any moves where I would feel pressure or think twice about going inside the store if I need something if things just get awkward. So, really I don't have any female friends or female family members other than my mother so I can see Mike32cts point.

Mrgoodstuff talks about lowering standards. I don't get that at all because I'm not talking or dealing with any females in the first place.

Generally, I feel great, and I think it's because I understand my SMV isn't that great and will only feel bad or worst if I deal with any woman in any involved way period. It's better to remain Blackpilled and enjoy the copes because unless there is a solid SMV then don't think Mrgoodstuff advice makes any sense other than to make you feel bad. Its' not to say there could be some miracle woman drop from the sky, (if I'm ready for that or not is another story), but I think I'm over-invested in a cope lifestyle that's flooded with video-escape. I've under-estimated how addictive changing a 4:3 to a 16:9 aspect ratio computer monitor, Tablets, 16:9 HDTV, and a movie projector would be effective in submerging any desire to want a woman. I noticed a change since I invested in a 58 inch HDTV back in 2017, and watched Tablet-video from my bed.

It reminds me of a time in 2014. I dealt with a couple of escorts, and while I had some panic attacks or mental issues, overall I felt normal. When I tried speed-dating in 2015 twice and went nowhere with it, or I'm not easily connecting with women, then my ego took a hit again as I'm reminded of my low SMV. I did meet someone in 2015 on the bike trail but I feel it's more of a chance encounter meeting, and maybe a bit of good poetic justice for failed efforts tried earlier in that year so I won't feel it's an absolute waste of time trying stuff to meet women,e tc... But overall, nobody can satisfactorily answer "why bother" doing anything at all if I'm feeling good enough in my reality bubble as it is.