She said yes to drinks but set a time limit. Red flag?

[CornbreadFed]

OP, this is no diss on you because you are just seeking advice. However, the advice on this topic is deeply concerning. This is a typical low risk, low investment first date, so Op will be fine regardless of the outcome. Sounds like a bunch of posters are either Super Chads pulling high interest green tier dates or are accustomed to escorts.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP, this is no diss on you because you are just seeking advice. However, the advice on this topic is deeply concerning. This is a typical low risk, low investment first date, so Op will be fine regardless of the outcome. Sounds like a bunch of posters are either Super Chads pulling high interest green tier dates or are accustomed to escorts.

You don't have to be a super chad, you just need a repeatable and flexible routine stack to identify genuinely interested prospects and amplify that interest. It's really just a matter of finding and saving your best lines (that are congruent to your pickup persona), use them in escalating fashion, and then applying it (at least loosely) to your prospects.

It should concern anyone wanting to avoid wasting time and/or cash, which I assume is anyone wanting more than just experience.

 

[BPH]

The AWFUL advice given on this forum is just stupid.
Don't give women Friday through Saturday. Don't do this, dont do that, no IG, no FB, blah blah blah.
THERE ARE NO RULES other than DO WHAT YOU WANT.
She could have shot you down if she has something going on at 11pm. Then everyone here would be saying to delete her number. Stupidity!
But she accepted. Meet her for drinks. Have fun. We only live once.
If things go well maybe she will invite you to go with her afterwards. Who knows. Just go have fun and enjoy the night out with her.
This is why so many men STRUGGLE with dating. They try to play games and then get gamed....and then turn into the victims of the dating world.
OP- have fun. Don't listen to poor advice from strangers.
Geez looking at some of these comments, it's no wonder the average guy can't get a date and over analyzes everything. Life must be stressful for you folks.

I clicked on this thread, and for some reason, this was the first piece of advice I read, and I'm glad I did.

This is the right answer.

But it's technically Sunday morning now, so I'm curious what OP ended up doing.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You don't have to be a super chad, you just need a repeatable and flexible routine stack to identify genuinely interested prospects and amplify that interest. It's really just a matter of finding and saving your best lines (that are congruent to your pickup persona), use them in escalating fashion, and then applying it (at least loosely) to your prospects.

It should concern anyone wanting to avoid wasting time and/or cash, which I assume is anyone wanting more than just experience.

Unless he keeps building rapport over text about this concert, I think she’ll flake again if he agrees to the Friday/Saturday reschedule. That’s six days away, long after the excitement of this weekend has faded.

Don’t be afraid to make yourself a little difficult; people tend to flake on those who come across as boring.

 

[Gamisch]

OP, this is no diss on you because you are just seeking advice. However, the advice on this topic is deeply concerning. This is a typical low risk, low investment first date, so Op will be fine regardless of the outcome. Sounds like a bunch of posters are either Super Chads pulling high interest green tier dates or are accustomed to escorts.

Not every thread is just about the topic at hand. Sometimes its about learning principles in general.

It's fun to analyze situations and learn from them. Again, it's complete bs to tell a man to " just follow his feewings ".if thats the case you can close the forum right now.

How do you know it's a low investment date? Do you know how much he'll spent? How far he'll travel? How much it hurts his self esteem if she keeps flaking? Or even if theyll go on a date how it will affect a possible relationship in the future?

He made the damn thread himself saying he is unsure. He didn't say " hey guys just got a hottie wish me luck". He specifically stated he has his doubts HIMSELF.

If any man is smart he learns from other's mistakes.

 

[Divorced w 3]

So, @holidayad_ what did you end up going with, and how did it go?

Just trying to reign this back in a little

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’d message her something like:

“I’d prefer with something on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. Next weekend it is a difficult for me. If you can’t make it I understand”.

I would leave it like that, and if she can’t compromise then it is not meant to be. Communicate like an adult.

Yes, I agree, after saying something c0cky funny back to her, but pick two days and stick with that. Otherwise, he’s going to telegraph that he has absolutely nothing happening during his week.

 

[SW15]

But it's technically Sunday morning now, so I'm curious what OP ended up doing.

There was no date. The woman sent him a text mid-day Saturday asking for a postponement.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Well.... the bad news is she prefers to wait another week to meet you which (1) suggests low interest and (2) furthers the chance of this fading away...

Maybe. Or possibly, you and some others here are operating from bias from bad experience. Each person, and each experience, need to be given some latitude of space to do things honestly and with good intentions before assuming bad.

Given that it’s easier to take people at face value first, I would suggest the ideas following totally plausible alternatives;

1) She could be aloof and programmed to think those are the only two days of the week to date, plus I would guess she only gave it a few minutes of time and then went on with her day. It’s not reasonable to think anything should be super high interest when you meet online. (That is not a statement against meeting online, just how online works).

2) Maybe she had plans with friends that evening and she knows herself and very well could have invited @holidayad_ to the show or gone home with him; maybe she didn’t want to stand her friends up.

3) Maybe, she had a friend give her crap about it when she said she had drinks beforehand. I had the sister of a ONS come up to her sister when we were waiting for our cab out of somewhere and try to tell her to ‘be good’. It’s completely plausible.

It seems ironic that the ones suggesting ulterior motives for the 11pm plans are the same one claiming it’s bad advice to have a simple plan to offer less social days of the week that allowed OP to have a repeatable process, that he can build an entire life around, not just his dating life

They are convoluting the thinking way harder than need be and they don’t even realize it.

 

[holidayad_]

So, @holidayad_ what did you end up going with, and how did it go?

Just trying to reign this back in a little

I sent her this message:

"Hi.
All right.
I'll see how my week goes and let you know."

Maybe it doesn't give me much room to keep building rapport, but it lets her show interest over the next few days.

The fact that she didn't just say no upfront and only mentioned having limited time, then bailed on the actual day, has me a bit discouraged about her.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I sent her this message:

"Hi.
All right.
I'll see how my week goes and let you know."

Maybe it doesn't give me much room to keep building rapport, but it lets her show interest over the next few days.

The fact that she didn't just say no upfront and only mentioned having limited time, then bailed on the actual day, has me a bit discouraged about her.

I don’t like that, being honest. She may have displayed low interest, but you definitely did.

If you don’t like her, all good, you definitely telegraphed that - you also telegraphed that you don’t have plans the following weekend, but you made her the backup to the non existent plans.

This was not the response of a confident, go with the flow type of guy. It feels unconfident, somewhat insulted.

I wouldn’t expect a response, I could be wrong.

Let us know!

 

[holidayad_]

I don’t like that, being honest. She may have displayed low interest, but you definitely did.

If you don’t like her, all good, you definitely telegraphed that - you also telegraphed that you don’t have plans the following weekend, but you made her the backup to the non existent plans.

This was not the response of a confident, go with the flow type of guy. It feels unconfident, somewhat insulted.

I wouldn’t expect a response, I could be wrong.

Let us know!

I get your point. Here's how I see it:

She already showed low interest by bailing and trying to push me into some 'next weekend, Friday or Saturday' thing.

So instead of just going along with what she wanted, I matched her energy. When I said 'I'll see how my week goes and let you know,' I wasn't trying to act like I'm booked solid. I mean, today is still Sunday. I have no idea what will happen next weekend. I don't plan that far ahead.

If she's genuinely interested, she'll reach out. If not, then I saved myself from chasing after someone who's barely invested anyway

 

[Divorced w 3]

I get your point. Here's how I see it:

She already showed low interest by bailing and trying to push me into some 'next weekend, Friday or Saturday' thing.

So instead of just going along with what she wanted, I matched her energy. When I said 'I'll see how my week goes and let you know,' I wasn't trying to act like I'm booked solid. I mean, today is still Sunday. I have no idea what will happen next weekend. I don't plan that far ahead.

If she's genuinely interested, she'll reach out. If not, then I saved myself from chasing after someone who's barely invested anyway

You wouldn’t know she’s low interest. She offered dates back which refute that thinking, and you didn’t counter with alternative options to affirm or reject your own thesis. You can only judge her intent by her actions. So far she has countered in a positive way. Your approach is wrong here.

Not that you asked, but here’s what you should have said back: ‘Hahahaha’ and waited.

Keep us posted on how this goes.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Side note to this thread, I am going to start a thread on the hard earned wisdom of being in no obligation to quickly respond.

 

[SW15]

I sent her this message:

"Hi.
All right.
I'll see how my week goes and let you know."

This is a great example of how text messaging is complete crap.

No one makes voice calls any more on telephones. Now, the emphasis is on heavily curated text messages. Everything is de-personalized and not done in real time. This is not a new problem. This started with the 1980s born Millennials doing this in the late 2000s. I remember being frustrated with some of this stuff as far back as the late 2000s/early 2010s with the 20 somethings of that time.

It's not that voice calling solves everything. It doesn't. There were plenty of people complaining about voice calls in the 1980s-early 2000s.

Removing technology from the equation lessens potential complications.

@holidayad_ is a member of Generation Z and so is the woman we're discussing.

This whole interaction has lacked a personal touch and a human element since it started in the Instagram DMs and later transitioned into text messages on a cellular phone.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is a great example of how text messaging is complete crap.

No one makes voice calls any more on telephones. Now, the emphasis is on heavily curated text messages. Everything is de-personalized and not done in real time. This is not a new problem. This started with the 1980s born Millennials doing this in the late 2000s. I remember being frustrated with some of this stuff as far back as the late 2000s/early 2010s with the 20 somethings of that time.

It's not that voice calling solves everything. It doesn't. There were plenty of people complaining about voice calls in the 1980s-early 2000s.

Removing technology from the equation lessens potential complications.

@holidayad_ is a member of Generation Z and so is the woman we're discussing.

This whole interaction has lacked a personal touch and a human element since it started in the Instagram DMs and later transitioned into text messages on a cellular phone.

I believe we need to embrace the new medium, while merging into time tested ones like the phone. The right answer is somewhat in both. You have to fish with the right bait

OP had her on and tangled his line in his own bad behavior.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Maybe. Or possibly, you and some others here are operating from bias from bad experience. Each person, and each experience, need to be given some latitude of space to do things honestly and with good intentions before assuming bad.

Absolutely. I have had such interactions fade out, especially online before meeting in person. And IF the initial momentum isn't maintained.

Which is why I mentioned keeping the momentum going during the week before the meet/date.

My philosophy, especially online, is strike while the iron is hot! Otherwise, it's quite easy to have things fade out.

I'm also projecting because when I have high interest (and he's local) I would be handing the situation quite differently from her.

But you are right, every woman is different, and there are lots of 'maybe's' here, not necessarily bad or negative.




.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Absolutely. I have had such interactions fade out, especially online before meeting in person. And IF the initial momentum isn't maintained.

Which is why I mentioned keeping the momentum going during the week before meet/date.

My philosophy, especially online, is strike while the iron is hot! Otherwise, it's quite easy to have things fade out.

I'm also projecting because when I have high interest (and he's local) I would be handing the situation quite differently from her.

But you are right, every woman is different, and there lots of 'maybe's' here, not necessarily bad or negative.




.

Can’t mind read - have to test the hypothesis

 

[Sega Genesis]

I don’t like that, being honest. She may have displayed low interest, but you definitely did.

If you don’t like her, all good, you definitely telegraphed that - you also telegraphed that you don’t have plans the following weekend, but you made her the backup to th plans.

This was not the response of a confident. with the flow type of guy. It feels unconfident, somewhat insulted.

I wouldn’t expect a response, I could be wrong.

Let us know!

I wholeheartedly agree with this^^!! 100%.

@holidayad as a woman and I received a response like that? Pretty much next!

I wish some of you guys would move on from the notion that a woman must "prove her interest." Especially when you've simply been chatting online! Before meeting in person.

It's likely to have the opposite effect of what you're hoping.

Anyway @holidayad let us know if/how she responds!

Good luck.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wholeheartedly agree with this^^!! 100%.

@holidayad as a woman and I received a response like that? Pretty much next!

I wish some of you guys would move on from the notion that a woman must "prove her interest." Especially when you've simply been chatting online! Before meeting in person.

It's likely to have the opposite effect of what you're hoping.

If you don't like women or don't trust them, don't date them! Keep them all as plates and be done with it.

Anyway @holidayad let us know if/how she responds!

Good luck.

This will be the third time I am saying this. Until shown otherwise, she did prove her interest. I explained how to lock it in or weed her out. Both outcomes would have been fine. Unlikely now to find out. I guarantee you other members here could have met this girl and fvcked her.

To another point, the act of coming to seek advice and then thumbing nose at that advice is the foundation of the issue he’s having itself.