She said yes to drinks but set a time limit. Red flag?

[holidayad_]

I generally found it to be problematic when women have other 5hit scheduled on the same day as the date. It makes a cancellation from her more likely. I'd reschedule for another day.

I have had this same experience.

2. Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. It’s also a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Next time, when asking women out, you could give her 2 options (Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know) or ask for her schedule (How's your schedule looking this weekend?). This way, both of you can plan accordingly, arrange time for some fun and hook up.

I mean, if she already had plans that day, she could've easily suggested a different time.

Since she didn't, I'm thinking it's one of two things:

1. She has high-interest (like @Sega Genesis said) and didn't want to miss her shot when I asked.

OR

2. She just said yes because she's gonna flake anyway and didn't know how to turn me down.

 

[zekko]

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.
Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"
This dynamic sounds kinda off for me.
What do you think?

Personally, I think 3 1/2 hours for a first encounter is plenty. How much time do you want? I guess since it's a Saturday, you want an all night thing. They used to advise here to keep first meetings relatively short, so maybe Saturday wasn't the best choice.

I'm curious about the "concert" though. Is she in the band? Does she know someone in the band? Is she meeting some friends there?
Seems like kind of a late start, even for a dive bar, unless it's a multi-band show.

 

[Clockwerk50]

It's possible. I wouldn't count on it. That time constraint is going to hang over the night and it's not going to be good in most cases. There's a reason most guys are advising not to do that date in the Saturday at 7:30 PM time slot.

The difference between BPH’s LR-100 report and this scenario is that BPH met the girl at a club and had a face-to-face interaction, while OP has not met this woman yet. If OP has abundance, he can attempt to re-negotiate for a day focused solely on him. However, since they haven’t met in person, he has less leverage to do so.

As I mentioned before, the first face-to-face interaction that originates from an electronic app would be considered “the approach.” It could potentially transition into “first date” territory the same day, but that depends on whether there’s a romantic connection and if both parties want to move forward.

Also keep in mind, neither of them knows what the other actually looks like in person. It’s possible the concert is simply an excuse for her to eject if OP doesn’t meet her expectations. At this point, it’s essentially a blind date.

 

[holidayad_]

Concert at 11.30 PM !?! what sort of concert is it a strip show ?

I would be more concerned about wtf she is doing at 11.

I'm curious about the "concert" though. Is she in the band? Does she know someone in the band? Is she meeting some friends there?
Seems like kind of a late start, even for a dive bar, unless it's a multi-band show.

Maybe it's not even a concert. Probably just going to a club. Clubs here usually start around that time.

(considering it's not an excuse as @Clockwerk50 suggested)

 

[SW15]

1. She has high-interest (like @Sega Genesis said) and didn't want to miss her shot when I asked.

OR

2. She just said yes because she's gonna flake anyway and didn't know how to turn me down.

#2 would be more probable than #1. The only way #1 becomes more probable is if your Instagram profile is elite. In your Instagram pics/videos, is it clear that you are...

• 6'0"+?
• possessing a top tier fit/muscular physique? Your physique would need to be in the top 10-15% of all men.
• possessing a lot of money? Having pics/videos showing off a top level lifestyle would be good. Luxury cars and boats are common ways to show that off.

You would need to be showing that off in your Instagram to get a female to show high interest in you off of an Instagram presence alone.

1. Her level of interest dictates the outcome. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall.

This is true. It's more difficult to create high interest using a tech method. It's done primarily through physique or showing off an impressive lifestyle.

2. Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. It’s also a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Next time, when asking women out, you could give her 2 options (Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know) or ask for her schedule (How's your schedule looking this weekend?). This way, both of you can plan accordingly, arrange time for some fun and hook up.

When I have asked out women via text message/DM after starting an interaction from a tech method (Instagram or swipe app), I have tended to give 2 options as suggested.

I prefer to approach in-person and ask out immediately in person. I don't collect a phone number off of an in-person approach without making the date plans in that moment. It adds difficulty.

OP, just re-schedule it. Spit a little game and offer another day where she is available and has more time to focus on both of you. If she really likes you she will have no issues with it and make it work.

We agree on this.

At this point, it’s essentially a blind date.

That's not a good position. In the era before website/app dating become popular, blind dates had a really bad reputation. If one can find content from the 1980s-1990s about blind dates, there were many horror stories about them. Additionally, people thought going on a blind date then was a sign of being a loser.

Once website dating got de-stigmatized in the 2000s, the perception of "blind dates" changed. In the last 15-20 years, the majority of first dates have become "blind dates".

The website/app era has created a lot more actual dates than prior to it, but created far more bad dates. The majority of dates that have occurred in the last 15-20 years would not have occurred in the dating world that existed prior to mid-2000s (think roughly 1975-2004).

I would be more concerned about wtf she is doing at 11.

I'm curious about the "concert" though. Is she in the band? Does she know someone in the band? Is she meeting some friends there?
Seems like kind of a late start, even for a dive bar, unless it's a multi-band show.

I wouldn't like the idea of being scheduled as the opening act/appetizer ahead of a later scheduled main course in the evening. Additionally, the plans at 11-11:30 PM on a Saturday night sound a bit sketchy to me. Women who go out that late on a Saturday night are often seeking sex.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I wouldn't like the idea of being scheduled as the opening act/appetizer ahead of a later scheduled main course in the evening. Additionally, the plans at 11-11:30 PM on a Saturday night sound a bit sketchy to me. Women who go out that late on a Saturday night are often seeking sex.

I met my current LTR in a similar situation. She had dinner plans with friends later which meant a hard stop. I went on the date, we had a good time, and she cancelled them to continue the date. At the end of the day, Op got a date which is good enough. Does he have to invest his 401k in this date? Nope, but he will be fine and if it fails then oh well.

 

[Glassguy]

The AWFUL advice given on this forum is just stupid.
Don't give women Friday through Saturday. Don't do this, dont do that, no IG, no FB, blah blah blah.
THERE ARE NO RULES other than DO WHAT YOU WANT.
She could have shot you down if she has something going on at 11pm. Then everyone here would be saying to delete her number. Stupidity!
But she accepted. Meet her for drinks. Have fun. We only live once.
If things go well maybe she will invite you to go with her afterwards. Who knows. Just go have fun and enjoy the night out with her.
This is why so many men STRUGGLE with dating. They try to play games and then get gamed....and then turn into the victims of the dating world.
OP- have fun. Don't listen to poor advice from strangers.
Geez looking at some of these comments, it's no wonder the average guy can't get a date and over analyzes everything. Life must be stressful for you folks.

 

[Glassguy]

Started chatting with this girl on Instagram yesterday.

Kept my approach simple: opened with something light and threw out a creative line about "Wednesdays needing a good story."

She was totally into it and shared two stories with me (one about her cat and another one about a childhood memory).

I kept things playful and shared a couple of my own stories back (my football team Flamengo winning + this awkward work meeting where everyone thought I was a foreigner).

The whole conversation had a cool energy.

She sent a disgusted emoji when I mentioned Flamengo. Then she asked if I looked like a foreigner in person, so I teased her with "wanna find out?" and she shot back "is that an invitation?"

I took the opening and said "how about drinks?"

Her response: "Sounds fun! I'm down."

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

This dynamic sounds kinda off for me.

What do you think?

Go on the date dude. Have fun. See my above post.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The AWFUL advice given on this forum is just stupid.
Don't give women Friday through Saturday. Don't do this, dont do that, no IG, no FB, blah blah blah.
THERE ARE NO RULES other than DO WHAT YOU WANT.
She could have shot you down if she has something going on at 11pm. Then everyone here would be saying to delete her number. Stupidity!
But she accepted. Meet her for drinks. Have fun. We only live once.
If things go well maybe she will invite you to go with her afterwards. Who knows. Just go have fun and enjoy the night out with her.
This is why so many men STRUGGLE with dating. They try to play games and then get gamed....and then turn into the victims of the dating world.
OP- have fun. Don't listen to poor advice from strangers.
Geez looking at some of these comments, it's not wonder the average guy can't get a date and over analyzes everything. Life must be stressful for you folks.

Amen!! I posted the exact same, different words of course.

Bolded, I wanted to say it, but I'm a chick and wasn't sure it was my place to do so; I'm glad you chimed in!!

And to the OP have fun, enjoy!

 

[Bingo-Player]

Go on the date dude. Have fun. See my above post.

The OP wasn't about going on a date , the date hasn't even happend

OP asked was her saying she had something else booked a red flag and unfortunately yes it was

 

[Glassguy]

The OP wasn't about going on a date , the date hasn't even happend

OP asked was her saying she had something else booked a red flag and unfortunately yes it was

Its not. I can't believe you guys look at it as a red flag. She accepted and was up front.
Is that such a terrible start?
Wow.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The AWFUL advice given on this forum is just stupid.
Don't give women Friday through Saturday. Don't do this, dont do that, no IG, no FB, blah blah blah.
THERE ARE NO RULES other than DO WHAT YOU WANT.
She could have shot you down if she has something going on at 11pm. Then everyone here would be saying to delete her number. Stupidity!
But she accepted. Meet her for drinks. Have fun. We only live once.
If things go well maybe she will invite you to go with her afterwards. Who knows. Just go have fun and enjoy the night out with her.
This is why so many men STRUGGLE with dating. They try to play games and then get gamed....and then turn into the victims of the dating world.
OP- have fun. Don't listen to poor advice from strangers.
Geez looking at some of these comments, it's no wonder the average guy can't get a date and over analyzes everything. Life must be stressful for you folks.

A red flag doesn't necessarily mean don't go. A more interested woman might have counteroffered a night when she didn't have anything planned after. A lukewarm woman doesn't mean you can't have fun or win her over, it just means your odds of getting P are lower. This is a lukewarm prospect, partially on OP for not warming her up more.

Lol it's ok for peeps to have different philosophies.

 

[CornbreadFed]

A red flag doesn't necessarily mean don't go. A more interested woman might have counteroffered a night when she didn't have anything planned after. A lukewarm woman doesn't mean you can't have fun or win her over, it just means your odds of getting P are lower. This is a lukewarm prospect, partially on OP for not warming her up more.

Lol it's ok for peeps to have different philosophies.

If the date goes well then he gets the P.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Its not. I can't believe you guys look at it as a red flag. She accepted and was up front.
Is that such a terrible start?
Wow.

What women say and what women do are two very very different equations they are extremely flaky by nature and OP has never met and barely knows this chick.

This is very very basic stuff to determine

If they were 100% congruent with their words this forum probably wouldn't exist

 

[Clockwerk50]

Well, OP, let us know how the date goes. Bring your A game to prove the board wrong

 

[BillyPilgrim]

If the date goes well then he gets the P.

If the season goes well you win the championship. Why bother with strategy? Just show up and see how things go.

Said no coach or athlete ever

Situations like the OP are why guys make threads going "the date went well, so why did she ghost me?" not understanding the fluidity of the word "well" in this context. OP has a 5-10% chance, those are chump odds. Unless she's really hot or the best OP could get, which isn't known here.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The AWFUL advice given on this forum is just stupid.
Don't give women Friday through Saturday.

I suggested he put himself in the best position to succeed moving ahead.

Women’s minds are unconsciously locked up from years of bad, thirsty approaches (or worse) and unfortunately there is a bit of nuance (code, game) that needs to be used to create curiosity and help them get out of their own way. Sex starts in the mind.

I should have explained this in better detail when I wrote it. I was posting from a Disney concert at Madison Square Garden.

I do agree that these advice threads quickly turn into paralysis by analysis and can become overwhelming. I go over old posts of my own sometimes and look at how many different and conflicting ideas were given. In the moment it can be overwhelming but if he steps back, and thinks about what he was doing from the jump that worked for him, hopefully a nugget in this thread may help.

I never told him not to go. It’s a learning experience either way. Also, the date is still yet to happen. I hope he keeps us posted.

 

[Glassguy]

I suggested he put himself in the best position to succeed moving ahead.

Women’s minds are unconsciously locked up from years of bad, thirsty approaches (or worse) and unfortunately there is a bit of nuance (code, game) that needs to be used to create curiosity and help them get out of their own way. Sex starts in the mind.

I should have explained this in better detail when I wrote it. I was posting from a Disney concert at Madison Square Garden.

I do agree that these advice threads quickly turn into paralysis by analysis and can become overwhelming. I go over old posts of my own sometimes and look at how many different and conflicting ideas were given. In the moment it can be overwhelming but if he steps back, and thinks about what he was doing from the jump that worked for him, hopefully a nugget in this thread may help.

I never told him not to go. It’s a learning experience either way. Also, the date is still yet to happen. I hope he keeps us posted.

Just to be clear: I wasnt focusing on just one poster or piece of advice.
Just look at the overall view points on the thread. Most are extremely negative. Why even go out with a chick these days when 90% of men on here will be negative Nancy's and spread their poison into the situation when asked.
I agree that there are some red flags that shouldn't be ignored and the date should be canceled. But the majority of people seem to be so critical and negative that I'd only imagine how BAD it is when they actually get a date.

Thats all. Carry on. Everyone can go back to eating Cheetos and enjoying their online arguments from their parent's basement now

 

[Divorced w 3]

Just to be clear: I wasnt focusing on just one poster or piece of advice.
Just look at the overall view points on the thread. Most are extremely negative. Why even go out with a chick these days when 90% of men on here will be negative Nancy's and spread their poison into the situation when asked.
I agree that there are some red flags that shouldn't be ignored and the date should be canceled. But the majority of people seem to be so critical and negative that I'd only imagine how BAD it is when they actually get a date.

Thats all. Carry on. Everyone can go back to eating Cheetos and enjoying their online arguments from their parent's basement now

Either way, when I said I want more seduction content, this is exactly what I meant.

I hope it works for him, but he asked for our help and I hope he reports back either way. Lots to ve learned here.

Go get her OP!

 

[sevbucmash]

She was totally into it and shared two stories with me

Bro. When you say she shared two stories with you, does that mean she typed you a story, or shared a video reel?