She said yes to drinks but set a time limit. Red flag?

[BillyPilgrim]

Yeah, what got to me was when she mentioned she had a "concert" to go to right after our date tbh. But yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

It's a cover band at a dive bar and she's trying to make it sound extravagant

 

[SW15]

Yeah, what got to me was when she mentioned she had a "concert" to go to right after our date tbh. But yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

It's a cover band at a dive bar and she's trying to make it sound extravagant

A cover band at a dive bar sounds like the kind of concert that starts at 11 or 11:30 PM on a Saturday night.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I took the opening and said "how about drinks?"

Her response: "Sounds fun! I'm down."

^^This reflects high interest!

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

My feminine perspective is this^ was a shyt test.

IF you're cool with it, she knows you're interested in getting to know her and taking things as they come organically. Including sex, eventually.

3.5 hours is plenty of time to determine that, it's a first date!

If you're not cool with it and ask to reschedule she will wonder why and may assume your only purpose is to bang her.

So It depends on what you want.

If you're dead set on banging her on the first date, then ask to reschedule but be prepared to lose her. As again she may assume (and rightfully so) you only want sex. Which is not cool with many high quality women. Especially if she's looking for a relationship.

If not, meet her for 3.5 hours and check out the in-person vibe and chemistry between you and if it's there, schedule a second!

JMO.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

^^This reflects high interest!



My feminine perspective i this^ was a shyt test.

IF you're cool with it, she knows you're interested in getting to know her and taking things as they come organically. Including sex, eventually.

If you're not cool with it and ask to reschedule she will wonder why and may assume your only purpose is to bang her.

So It depends on what you want.

If you're dead set on banging her on the first date, then ask to reschedule but be prepared to lose her. As again she may assume (and rightfully so) you only want sex.

If not, meet her and check out the in-person vibe and chemistry between you and if it's there, schedule a second.

JMO.

No, that's not high interest. Run along, little girl.

Her masturbating to the thought of you and telling you about it is high interest.

Generically agreeing to a date with a statement of superficial interest is not high interest.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Generically agreeing to a date with a statement of superficial interest is not high interest.

It wasn't the words or that she agreed, it was that she responded with enthusiasm (use of the exclamation point specifically).

Superficial interest doesn't typically include exclamation points.

Not in my experience, I wouldn't.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Her masturbating to the thought of you and telling you about it is high interest.

LOL get real 'little boy' they just met on IG ffs.
IF you were serious this is about as unrealistic as it gets under those circumstances.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Generically agreeing to a date with a statement of superficial interest is not high interest.

I concur

I wouldn't exactly be holding my breath on a random instagram chick although something tells me this OP has in fact started from a swipe app interaction not a random DM

There are red flags the conversation is soft and a bit too friendly but the biggest one is her ejecting herself early from the proposed date before its even started

Concert at 11.30 PM !?! what sort of concert is it a strip show ?

I would proceed with extreme skepticism.

There is a very high chance that none of this will happen

 

[SW15]

There is a very high chance that none of this will happen

If he tried to hold her to the Saturday night plan, there's a good chance she will flake before it. I think extreme skepticism makes sense.

I think my first post on this topic was a good one. I would not agree to this date based on the compressed time schedule. Saturday night for a first date also is its own issue too.

No, that's not high interest.

Generically agreeing to a date with a statement of superficial interest is not high interest.

I didn't perceive high interest from her text messages about Saturday. I saw medium interest at best. If she didn't have that compressed time schedule, it still wouldn't be easy to determine high interest because @holidayad_ opened by offering Saturday.

 

[Desdinova]

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

I generally found it to be problematic when women have other 5hit scheduled on the same day as the date. It makes a cancellation from her more likely. I'd reschedule for another day.

 

[BaronOfHair]

She sent a disgusted emoji when I mentioned Flamengo

Did you accidentally spell that "Fiamengo"? If so, she likely fears encountering a guy who mistakes Janice Fiamengo for The Second Coming Of Ava Gardner(Just like Messrs Elam&Golden here

Who've spent over 1,000 hours giggling like 8th graders desperate for a peek up the prom queen's skirt, whenever she's within 500 feet of them, yet think.they have any business labelling SOMEONE ELSE a "simp" or "cuck"), and who approaches dates as a vehicle for "Red Pilling" the infidels

Her setting a time limit is thus completely understandable. Demonstrate that your a reasonably sane person, and your chances of getting a second date + Taking her to bed are strong

 

[SW15]

I generally found it to be problematic when women have other 5hit scheduled on the same day as the date. It makes a cancellation from her more likely.

I have had this same experience.

I'd reschedule for another day.

Multiple posters have advised this.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Her setting a time limit is thus completely understandable. Demonstrate that your a reasonably sane person, and your chances of getting a second date + Taking her to bed are strong

Sure if it was 1983

 

[Clockwerk50]

1. Her level of interest dictates the outcome. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall.

2. Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. It’s also a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Next time, when asking women out, you could give her 2 options (Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know) or ask for her schedule (How's your schedule looking this weekend?). This way, both of you can plan accordingly, arrange time for some fun and hook up.

OP, just re-schedule it. Spit a little game and offer another day where she is available and has more time to focus on both of you. If she really likes you she will have no issues with it and make it work.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Sure if it was 1983

Yeah, chloroform wasn't nearly so regulated back then, and(in a pre-SOTL America)chicks were much less resistant to keeping their flesh moisturized, once you'd thrown them into that pit in your basement

Not every aspect of the present is superior to the past

 

[Sega Genesis]

I took the opening and said "how about drinks?"

Her response: "Sounds fun! I'm down."

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

^^To the OP., if your response to her asking "is that cool"? is "no that's not cool let's reschedule," as some others have advised (not those exact words but that's the message SHE will hear which some of y'all are not considering), you may as well call it a day now; I can almost guarantee it will NOT be taken well.

It reflects a rigid inflexible attitude and that you have another agenda other than meeting her, getting to know her, determining the in-person vibe/chemistry and going from there.

You just met on IG, this is a first date! Her interest level is right where it should be under those circumstances.

And 3.5 hours is more than enough time to determine vibe/chemistry and all that..

In fact, it's ideal imo to avoid first date overkill and leaves you both anticipating more, which can be exciting and increase tension!

As I said in.my previous, if the vibe/chemistry is there, schedule a second. What's the rush?

That said IF your only goal is to bang on first, then sure go ahead and tell her you're not cool with it let's reschedule and take your chances SHE will be cool with that!

Next time to avoid this and if you're not willing to be flexible on time, ask her if she's free Saturday (or whatever day) before you pin her down on a specific date..

JMO and I'd actually love to be proven wrong!

Keep us posted!

 

[Sega Genesis]

To add, it's also possible that if the chemistry is there and you're totally vibing, she may end up ditching the show!

I've done that plenty of times. Extended the first date/meet longer than I intended when we're vibing well and the chemistry is there!

Play it by ear and having an open and flexible attitude is best when first meeting and getting to know each other.

 

[SW15]

it's also possible that if the chemistry is there and you're totally vibing, she may end up ditching the show!

It's possible. I wouldn't count on it. That time constraint is going to hang over the night and it's not going to be good in most cases. There's a reason most guys are advising not to do that date in the Saturday at 7:30 PM time slot.

You just met on IG, this is a first date!

This is looking like a classic case of how starting interactions behind electronic screens can be challenging.

It is impressive that he slid into her DMs, got a response, and did get some interest. That's not easy to do.

And 3.5 hours is more than enough time to determine vibe/chemistry and all that..

In fact, it's ideal imo to avoid first date overkill and leaves you both anticipating more, which can be exciting and increase tension!

3.5 hours without an artificial time constraint is often enough time to do a sexless first date. It's possible to have a 2-3 hour first date with some sexual chemistry that doesn't result in sex.

The amount of time in the time constraint isn't unreasonable. I said that in the first post.

Women today have higher quality expectations for a first date than they had pre-smartphone, pre-social media, and pre-dating apps. There's an expectation today of immediate chemistry and "all the feels" right away. With women today having an abundance of options, men have noticed that any date short of very good/excellent often results in no 2nd date. Some men believe that sex on a first date is an indicator of such quality and first date sex gets her invested in the interaction enough to bother to show up a 2nd time. It's a debatable point.

As I said in.my previous, if the vibe/chemistry is there, schedule a second. What's the rush?

The rush is the perceived competition. It's unknown how many guys are in her DMs. It's unknown if she's also using swipe apps. Additionally, she's still also meeting men in real life.

Men faced less competition when the only competition was other men in real life. Now, men are competing with more options from the tech methods.

Women have higher expectations now because they have more options due to the tech methods. Meeting someone via the tech methods also reinforces this idea.

I prefer starting interactions in real life vs. starting interactions via Instagram or swipe app.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I would be more concerned about wtf she is doing at 11. Either way, go if you feel like it tbh. I agree that if she likes you then she will ditch her other plans. These rigid posters are acting like you are the only person with a dvck left on earth with no competition.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why not just ask for an open ended date (i.e. "let's get a drink sometime") get the # and game her from there? If she ends up being down for a potential SNL, you want one of those weekend or Thursday nights open.

given that men lead, using a specific day and time is the right move, to assess interest further

he just chose the wrong day

yes, grab her phone number, so that communication can happen day of date

 

[holidayad_]

I wouldn't exactly be holding my breath on a random instagram chick although something tells me this OP has in fact started from a swipe app interaction not a random DM

We met through Instagram. I followed her about a week ago, she followed back, then a couple days ago I slid into her DMs