She said yes to drinks but set a time limit. Red flag?

[holidayad_]

Started chatting with this girl on Instagram yesterday.

Kept my approach simple: opened with something light and threw out a creative line about "Wednesdays needing a good story."

She was totally into it and shared two stories with me (one about her cat and another one about a childhood memory).

I kept things playful and shared a couple of my own stories back (my football team Flamengo winning + this awkward work meeting where everyone thought I was a foreigner).

The whole conversation had a cool energy.

She sent a disgusted emoji when I mentioned Flamengo. Then she asked if I looked like a foreigner in person, so I teased her with "wanna find out?" and she shot back "is that an invitation?"

I took the opening and said "how about drinks?"

Her response: "Sounds fun! I'm down."

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

This dynamic sounds kinda off for me.

What do you think?

 

[SW15]

I took the opening and said "how about drinks?"

Her response: "Sounds fun! I'm down."

So I suggested Saturday at 7:30pm at this bar I know.

Her reply: "Yes, but I can only stay until 11 - I have a show after. Is that cool?"

This dynamic sounds kinda off for me.

What do you think?

I think it would be best to postpone to a better night without a compressed time schedule.

I don't like that she's placing an artificial time limit on the date. It isn't an unreasonable one. Most sexless first dates will end within 2.5 hours. The time window isn't awful but it does prevent spontaneity and the possibility of a longer date possibly resulting in sex.

Additionally, a Saturday night first date would have been considered a bad decision according to the rules of the game I learned in the 2000s. Back then, it was taught for men not to schedule first dates on Friday or Saturday night, which were supposed to be peak nights for meeting new people. Friday or Saturday nights were for established girlfriends or meeting new people. A woman had to earn that valuable time slot.

I don't think people born after 1990 adhere to that one as much as 1970s-1980s born people did back in the 2000s-early 2010s.

 

[BPH]

Why are you opening girls through Instagram? I thought this was a Reddit problem, not a SoSuave problem.

If the goal is to get laid, suggest another date and time where she doesn't have obligations afterwards. I ran into something similar with either my 100th or 101st LR, so you can read about those if you want to see how I handled it. Whichever one was the college girl around my birthday.

Personally, I wouldn't set a date up if there's a time limit that comes with it, but that's just me. Your goals might be different, and you might be willing to play the long game, but with the added possibility of her losing interest.

 

[SW15]

Why are you opening girls through Instagram?

Many men are starting interactions with women via Instagram DM. It's a common tech method for starting interactions now, just like the swipe apps.

Even though it is common, it doesn't mean it is good to do.

I wouldn't set a date up if there's a time limit that comes with it, but that's just me.

You and I agree on this one.

Your goals might be different, and you might be willing to play the long game, but with the added possibility of her losing interest.

I would consider a 2.5 hour first date with some escalation (but no sex) to be a good outcome on a first date. However, the real test of a sexless first date is if she returns for a second date. Some women might not return for a 2nd date after that first date. You bring up a good point about the risk of interest loss.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Never give her Thursday, Friday or Saturday out of the jump. She needs to 1: earn your social calendar and 2: she now knows you’re not doing anything on the most social day of the week

any number of reasons this went wrong but you definitely sent the wrong nonverbal communication

 

[holidayad_]

Why are you opening girls through Instagram? I thought this was a Reddit problem, not a SoSuave problem.

Why not? Instagram is almost the same as Tinder/Bumble/Hinge.

 

[BPH]

Why not? Instagram is almost the same as Tinder/Bumble/Hinge.

Exactly, and how good are those for men?

 

[holidayad_]

I think it would be best to postpone to a better night without a compressed time schedule.

Additionally, a Saturday night first date would have been considered a bad decision according to the rules of the game I learned in the 2000s. Back then, it was taught for men not to schedule first dates on Friday or Saturday night, which were supposed to be peak nights for meeting new people. Friday or Saturday nights were for established girlfriends or meeting new people. A woman had to earn that valuable time slot.

I don't think people born after 1990 adhere to that one as much as 1970s-1980s born people did back in the 2000s-early 2010s.

Never give her Thursday, Friday or Saturday out of the jump. She needs to 1: earn your social calendar and 2: she now knows you’re not doing anything on the most social day of the week

any number of reasons this went wrong but you definitely sent the wrong nonverbal communication

Agreed. I don't usually go out on Saturdays with any plates or potential plates. Tuesday and Thursday are my favorite days. However, I took advantage of the fact that I was free that day to strike while the iron was hot.

 

[SW15]

Instagram is almost the same as Tinder/Bumble/Hinge.

how good are those for men?

All of those platforms are skewed towards elite looking men. Mid-tier looks men are going to struggle on all of those.

 

[plumber]

if she likes you in person the time limit will be forgotten. its an interview.....

 

[Divorced w 3]

Exactly, and how good are those for men?

You can’t blow off advancements in the marketplace.

 

[SW15]

I took advantage of the fact that I was free that day to strike while the iron was hot.

You initially offering a Saturday communicates fewer prospects. If you initially offered Sunday-Monday on a Wednesday night (4-5 days in the future) and she countered with Saturday night, you could have accepted with the justification of striking while the iron is hot.

You're 26 and this woman is likely 22-26. She's in peak demand as a prospect. Girls in their peak aren't typically giving Saturday nights to new men from an Instagram DM in most cases, unless your Instagram profile shows you as extremely high value (8.5+ looks with possible money/status).

I have found that 30+ women are more open to first dates on Fri/Sat nights because their female friends are often unavailable due to LTRs, marriages, and often younger children.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Agreed. I don't usually go out on Saturdays with any plates or potential plates. Tuesday and Thursday are my favorite days. However, I took advantage of the fact that I was free that day to strike while the iron was hot.

Have to stick to script buddy

you lowered your SMV doing this

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP if you're going to recruit off a platform known for narcissism and superficiality (but not t&a like Tinder is) you need to build up more rapport. I assume you have her number, use it to build up comfort and sexual tension before the meet. If you don't, you'll need to put up an A performance just to get to a 2nd meet. Where as you could get by with an A- or B+ performance and get laid if she left the night open. You've put yourself in a position where she's holding a high bar for you to jump over. You need to stand out more, give her more feel good vibes, and tingles. Right now this chick doesn't feel much of a connection to make this worth your while unless you invest in more pre-meet communication. But even then, your odds aren't the best. If she's hot enough to pursue with low odds, then go for it. Chances are you're just validation at this point. And maybe a slim chance for something more.

As @plumber said, you've got yourself an interview. Yawn.

Ideally you want the vibe to be hot by the time you meet, not just "cool".

 

[BPH]

Agreed. I don't usually go out on Saturdays with any plates or potential plates. Tuesday and Thursday are my favorite days. However, I took advantage of the fact that I was free that day to strike while the iron was hot.

I don't think that's an issue, though it seems others may disagree with me.

Almost all my dates or meetups are on a Friday or Saturday. I do it because most people don't work on the weekends, so the night doesn't have the same curfew as another night may have.

It's not that deep. I would suggest another date when she doesn't have to leave early. If she's interested, she'll be flexible and may even offer alternatives.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Never give her Thursday, Friday or Saturday out of the jump. She needs to 1: earn your social calendar and 2: she now knows you’re not doing anything on the most social day of the week

any number of reasons this went wrong but you definitely sent the wrong nonverbal communication

Why not just ask for an open ended date (i.e. "let's get a drink sometime") get the # and game her from there? If she ends up being down for a potential SNL, you want one of those weekend or Thursday nights open.

 

[holidayad_]

I don't like that she's placing an artificial time limit on the date. It isn't an unreasonable one. Most sexless first dates will end within 2.5 hours. The time window isn't awful but it does prevent spontaneity and the possibility of a longer date possibly resulting in sex.

Yeah, what got to me was when she mentioned she had a "concert" to go to right after our date tbh. But yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

 

[MatureDJ]

She might be the kind of gal that entertains men so long as they have enough coins put into the pvssy parking meter for the time.

 

[MatureDJ]

Girls in their peak aren't typically giving Saturday nights to new men from an Instagram DM in most cases, unless your Instagram profile shows you as extremely high value (8.5+ looks with possible money/status).

I've had a few girls say that they could see me on a weeknight.

 

[SW15]

I've had a few girls say that they could see me on a weeknight.

That wasn't wise on your part to initially offer a Fri/Sat night, then get counteroffered with a Sun-Thurs night.

I've been offering first dates in the Sun-Thurs night range since the 2000s.