Reyaj
Master Don Juan
I guess I am human...jophil28 said:
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
She needs space...where did it go wrong??
- Thread starter Sandow
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Sandow, kudos to you for taking it. Most guys just run and/or get butthurt when told of their mistakes and ways to improve. Glad to see you're still around.
And since I've already said my piece earlier, I'll bow out.
Remember kids, experience and learn but also move on. Don't over-analyze things to death!
And since I've already said my piece earlier, I'll bow out.
Remember kids, experience and learn but also move on. Don't over-analyze things to death!
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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jophil28 said:
Although both your criticisms are correct, I am strongly convinced that this IS the right way to go, nevertheless. In order to achieve balance in anything, one goes through a constant process of alternating between two opposites, learning to move less far along the spectrum (and straying closer to the middle) with each alternation. Someone learning to walk a tightrope will feel his weight shifting to the right and then clumsily shift it all the way to the left, in order not to fall off. But shifting it all the way to the left, he almost falls off again, so he shifts it to the right again but less far than the last time. And so forth and so forth... Through training, he learns to move less far to each side at the moment of alternating, until finally, he finds a perfect balance in the middle, where his body moves right nor left but just stays in balance.Jamo said:
Same thing goes for any 'skill' a person wants to master, whether it is a physical or mental skill. Guys who have a tendency to supplicate and let women control them, will have to shift to the other extreme (treat them like wh0res and not giving a damn about them) and back again etc. Through constantly shifting between the two, he'll gradually move away from the extremes in attitude and behaviour (total supplication vs. total disrespect) and starts getting closer to the middle ground between the two with each shift.
Think of an old fashioned balance scale at the butcher's shop, with two big pieces of meat on each side. The scale tips to one side, so you cut off some meat there. Now it tips to the other side so you cut off some meat there etc. etc. You start off with cutting big pieces from the meat but as the scale is getting more balanced and you try to fine-tune it towards perfect balance, you'll start to cut off ever smaller pieces. It's a constant process where the scale shifts from one side to the other, back and forth, the difference becoming smaller with each shift.
At the start, when one side greatly tips over compared to the other, it is not possible to cut off exactly the right amount of meat on that side in one attempt. You have to alternate between the two sides before reaching the middle ground.
Just like that, I do not believe an 'AFC'/'nice guy'/'white knight' can make some sort of direct step towards being a DJ. He'll have to go AT LEAST THROUGH ONE phase of being a total jerk/not giving a damn about women, before he can reach the middle ground and be a DJ.
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Ever since I was able to achieve this BALANCE, my life's being great. To be successful (not only with women but also at Life), you have to have both Nice Guy and Bad Boy living inside you.
Like Batman.
Ever since I was able to achieve this BALANCE, my life's being great. To be successful (not only with women but also at Life), you have to have both Nice Guy and Bad Boy living inside you.
Like Batman.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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Hahaha, I just totally sh!t my pants when I read that. I know exactly what you're talking about! When you've always been a nice guy, there's such new joy to be found in being an azzhole, it's like a whole new world opens up to youSandow said:
I'm totally in that phase right now. All women are evil and should only be approached with a 'kill or be killed' attitude, lol. Only once I've learned how to dominate them and how to defend myself effortlessly against their treacherous ways, will I be nice to them........once in a while, that is
Keep up the good work!
romanticman
Don Juan
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I thought the same thing onreading post 1vatoloco said:
I'll never know the answer to that. Everyone here forbids me from contacting her. But if you guys wanna know more, I can always call her and find out, haha. I know I'll get bashed for it, but at least we'll know.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
thirdtimescharm
Senior Don Juan
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- Dec 14, 2007
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- 9
From Blade Runner:
"The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. And you have burned so very, very brightly.."
"The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. And you have burned so very, very brightly.."
Sandow, remember that No Contact is for you, not for the chick. It s a way for you to get over her, stop thinking of her and moving on with your life. Within 2 months after I broke up with my last LTR, I had already banged 5 chicks. Did the thought of my ex still pop in my head once in a while? sure, but never to the point where I would be tempted to respond to her (she tried to contact me an insane amount of times).
Think of no contact as being on probation: if you fail one single drug/alcohol test you're going to jail, there is simply no middle ground. It's not "limited contact" or "minimal contact". It s none at all.
Think of no contact as being on probation: if you fail one single drug/alcohol test you're going to jail, there is simply no middle ground. It's not "limited contact" or "minimal contact". It s none at all.
This quote is absolute gold, sums up my evolution over the last 4 years...Die Hard said:
typical
Master Don Juan
I stopped reading this thread on page one where it said "Calling and Texting all the time"
Red flags galore there, honestly stay away from that rubbish, either your not busy enough with your own life or she has no life and needs to cling onto you.
But anyway in the end it's not worth thinking about or stressing about much more interesting things to worry about then some relationship that went sour.
Red flags galore there, honestly stay away from that rubbish, either your not busy enough with your own life or she has no life and needs to cling onto you.
But anyway in the end it's not worth thinking about or stressing about much more interesting things to worry about then some relationship that went sour.
Something like this happened to me. This girl was the hottest I ever banged. I am a chubby fellow so they don't come that often. Took her to concerts, dinners, comedy clubs. Kept asking if I was sleeping with anyone and I would tell her no.
So we started having arguments. She had me waiting for a few hours while she got ready and I got angry and checked her. We let it slide and had a blast at the concert. Then I let her go with her girls to the club while I hung out with my boys...she said she will call me after the club so I can pick her up and take her back to my place. When I called her phone was off. She texted 630 in the morning saying she just go home...saying her and her girls went to the after hours spot and her phone died. It just seemed shady so i texted and told her it wasnt workign for me. She got defensive and stuff and when I called she agreed we should break up cos all we do is argue (because she does stuff like what i said above).
Still fresh for me...been a week..but I am going with no contact...just like u.
So we started having arguments. She had me waiting for a few hours while she got ready and I got angry and checked her. We let it slide and had a blast at the concert. Then I let her go with her girls to the club while I hung out with my boys...she said she will call me after the club so I can pick her up and take her back to my place. When I called her phone was off. She texted 630 in the morning saying she just go home...saying her and her girls went to the after hours spot and her phone died. It just seemed shady so i texted and told her it wasnt workign for me. She got defensive and stuff and when I called she agreed we should break up cos all we do is argue (because she does stuff like what i said above).
Still fresh for me...been a week..but I am going with no contact...just like u.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Delly2000 said:
The beginning of the arguments is the the beginning of the 'power struggle' phase.
The honeymoon is starting to lose its dreamy quality for at least one of the parties.
If that is her, she often starts to become more demanding, more edgy and less giving and compliant. Sex can become a bargaining chip and a tool in her quest for control.
The beginning of the end with that particular kind of woman .
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
jophil28 said:
Thanks for the insight Jo. It really does say alot. Not sure where I went wrong. She sent a text last night asking for me to pick her up. I didnt reply. Then she sent one this morning..i didnt reply. Its hard because I like her but she just messes up. I just want things to be smooth like before. And I want respect. If she doesnt think I am right for her...we should just go our seperate ways so she can find someone she really likes. I wont post anymore as this isn't my thread. But thanks again.