She has a BF. Is she really interested, or out for attention?

crowes22

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#1
I was asked by a DJ to give my thoughts on this, so I will. I know many guys don't like the idea of messing with a girl that has a BF, and I respect that, this post is for the other fellas like myself.

I do not condone stealing a girl from a guy persay. The only way I handle this is to let the girl show interest in me, then I may show interest in her. I have had this happen numerous times, and all I can put it down to is that alot of hot girls have BF's they aren't happy with. But as we know they'll keep the chump until another guy peeks their curiosity. I won't get into the moral issues of what these girls are like, for example thinking they'll leave you for another guy too. It may happen, but that can happen with any girl. Also keep in mind all the fallout that can occur, so don't do this to friends and such. I think we all know to asess things like this first.

Also I have to give alot of credit to Pook for educating us on this subject. I'll try to post a link to the threads that he wrote on this subject.

All I can say is for a long time I thought if she had a BF, I had no chance. But in the past 5 years or so, I learned otherwise. Do not overlook the fact the fact that many of these girls will want to get involved with you behind the chumps back. No strings attatched sex. This is a fact. Is it wrong to do? Probably, but has it happened to me? Yes. The girl made me the chump I just mentioned. So it's just life, I choose to seize opportunities like this, after all I am living life for me, not some chump BF.

OK, here is what I've experienced. When these girls were interested, I was showing no interest in them, posiibly ignoring them because they had a BF. I never spoke of girls I was seeing or of their BF. In fact these girls usually knew very little about me. Yes we all know they may act interested for the attention, but I don't think it's hard to determine if it's true interest. Look for the normal signs of attraction of course.

I noticed that like all girls, they will be asking about you behind your back, possibly to your friends, despite their BF. If they mention the BF to you, don't worry, doesn't mean shyt, so act unphased. When they did I'd usually ask something like, "How long have you been seeing each other" If she is interested, she is metioning him to see how you react. So don't go AFC, and look defeated when she mentions the chump. I think they mention him to clear their own conciense, so that when you are banging her she doesn't feel guilty, because she told you of the BF, yet you still banged her. See boys, it's always our fault, that is the way they see it.

Here is a link to Pook's thoughts on the type of talk to look for when she is blabbing about the BF. He is dead on. The only part I disagree with is that it has to be a one on one encounter between you. I don't know if he meant it had to, but I know it doesn't have to be just you and the girl, others may be present.
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/002629.html


Other than the normal signs of interest, I think the info Pook wrote there is VERY valuable in determining if her interest is real. If they haev flirted, and given you a chance to make a move, but you didn't, and then the BF talk starts or increases, rest assured she wants you and the chump is actually being used by her to get you, what a sucker! It's funny to watch this happen, so don't burst out laughing when they are giving you social proof through the chump, ok. It really is hilarious, the guy is totally cluless, and the girl too, if you already know she wants you.

Since wer'e on that topic, this is a way again to see if she is really interested. I've only used this once, cause it's too hard to keep from laughing, but I did pull it off this time. Here's what happened. I knew she was interested, she asked me if I was going to a bar where we all hung out regularly. Now think, she wasn't going with us, but she showed up there with the chump BF, cause she had flirted and given me chance to make a move and I didn't bite. So she is hanging al over the chump so I'll see she is desired. BTW, I ignored her hello and her most of the night. So you'll notice she'll try to get you to notice her with the chump BF. Anyway I tested her when she walked away from him to talk to a friend, leaving chump BF all alone. I didn't know him, but I bought the chump a beer and sat down to talk to him. We could not have talked more than 45 seconds before she rushed over to him, looking flustered,and whispered to him for them to leave. Now don't bust out laughing if this shyt happens to you, so prepare yourself beforehand, cause it's funny. So if she acts nervous when you and the BF are around each other, especially talikng to each other, she is really interested.


Also kino is a superb way of guaging her interest and letting her no you are interested in a subtle way. If she returns your kino, SHE WANTS YOU! I have NEVER had a girl, BF or not, that returned my kino, that wasn't truly interested. And about her flirting and givng you a chance to make a move and you don't, this will drive her crazy, you'll be more of a challenge, and she'll be dying to have you. But don't take it too far.

Oh yea, I also know that I don't talk about other girls in this situation, that's up to you. But if you have other's mention you and some girl, see how your target reacts. You'll see if it really bothers her. Of course if it does, true interest. If you are around other girls take note of how she acts, she won't like it worth a shyt, even though she has a chump BF where she is getting sex from, she, through her actions, will forbid you from being with another girl.

That is about all I can think of at the moment. If I think of anymore, I'll add them. Hope this helps a little, although most of it's elementary, but I've missed the signals before, so I know you gotta be keen.

Later--Crowes
 
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#4
Can you tell me how do we analyze women and check whether she is wanting you or is she just talking about her boyfriend to push you off?

Well, what I am expecting here is some sort of signs/techniques that I can rely on if there are any.
 

VeryBadGirl

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#5
Touching is definetly a HUGE sign. When you have a boyfriend you are happy with and head over ass for, touching another guy is not even in the realm of your thoughts.
 

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crowes22

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#6
Originally posted by IntermediateDonJuaner:
Can you tell me how do we analyze women and check whether she is wanting you or is she just talking about her boyfriend to push you off?

Well, what I am expecting here is some sort of signs/techniques that I can rely on if there are any.

Yea man, the shyt I wrote above. Also I thought of this. I have had 2 girls do this that had BF's so it's not concrete but it may be something to take note of. Say the chump BF is named Tom. Now instead of her calling him Tom around you, she'll refer to the chump as 'my boyfreind'. Not all the time, sure she's gonna call him by name some.

Also if she is equating things you do to the things her chump BF does. For example, let's say she knows you ride motorcycles. She may say if the topic is mentioned, "My chump BF rides motorcycles" It may not be true, but she may be telling you that you are her type or that she wants YOU as her BF, not the chump she is currently with.

Also I noticed that if she wants to keep the BF, but have you bang her behind the chumps back, she won't ask you things about yourself. She may ask what you did today or whenever, but nothing that would reveal what type of guy you are. She doesn't care about that, she just wants you to bang her. Now if you fukk her good enough, she may wish to dump the chump and be with you, so keep this in mind.
 
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#7
Thanks crowes...an excellent primer!

One question though...

She has done all the "advertising"...you know (from her) about the bf...she knows, you know about the bf. She's given you the correct signals so you hit her up...

And then she comes up with the blatantly *obvious* (but, oh, so *innocent*), "Oh, I thought you knew I had a boyfriend?!" Would you consider this even more smoke-screen or at this point write her off as an drama queen?

Your thoughts?

[This message has been edited by Stroke Artist (edited 03-14-2002).]
 
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crowes22

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#11
Hey thanks Don the Legend, that is the other one I was wanting to post, but I didn't have time to look for it then. I appreciate it.
 

crowes22

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#12
Originally posted by Stroke Artist:
Thanks crowes...an excellent primer!

One question though...

She has done all the "advertising"...you know (from her) about the bf...she knows, you know about the bf. She's given you the correct signals so you hit her up...

And then she comes up with the blatantly *obvious* (but, oh, so *innocent*), "Oh, I thought you knew I had a boyfriend?!" Would you consider this even more smoke-screen or at this point write her off as an drama queen?

Your thoughts?

[This message has been edited by Stroke Artist (edited 03-14-2002).]

I'm assuming you mean like you went for the kiss and she pulled away, saying 'I thought you knew I had a BF'. I'd be pissed. I have not had that happen though.

But that is why it's important to look for the subconcious signals (the ones they can't control) from these women, not from single women. Like her being nervous, skin flushing red around you, sparkling eyes, eye contact then she looks down and away.

That's why kino is good, it's very hard to hide that you are not comfortable w/ a persons touch you're not attracted to. Think man, if a guys hand brushes yours (innocently hopefully) ya know how it makes your damn skin crawl.

But you can't just rely on kino either. You need to look at the whole picture if you are trying to determine if her interest is genuine. That is where it's different from single women, you don't need to analyze as much, if at all.
 

PoachR75

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#13
crowes22

great post as usual
 

Jester

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#14
I believe it really really depends on the girl.

If she is really flirty, in otherwords, an ATTENTION *****, you are basically running into a brick wall splattered with the bodies of dozens of other afcs that have run into it before you.

But if she is more normal, and looks like she has taken a special liking to you, it will be really easy to take her.
 
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#17
I back up the observation when a woman's interested, she refers to the boyfriend as "my boyfriend," not his name. It, in some sort of way, distances her from her boyfriend. Saying the name is vey intimate, whereas the generic "my boyfriend" comes off cold. Also, how long until she mentions the boyfriend is important; if she mentions him right off the bat, she just might not be interested, whereas if it's a long while (or never!) she didn't want to you to flee.


Clouseau
 

BGMan

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#18
I'd have to disagree. If she says "my boyfriend" instead of the guy's name, she's telling you flat out that the guy is her boyfriend and not just a good "friend".

I still believe that a girl with a boyfriend who mentions having one is NOT interested in you at all (double for girls WITHOUT BFs who mention having them). If she flirts with you, your ATTENTION WH0RE alarm should be going off.

If she shows signs of interest (such as staring at you a lot, getting flustered when she encounters you, etc.) she probably has an "illegitimate" crush on you, but is still in love with her borefriend. There's this girl that I know here that's like that exactly, by the way. This is really frustrating because you know that she'd go for you if she wasn't already taken.

I just try to find girls without borefriends. It's much easier and better in every way.

BGMan
 

comote

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#19
I wish I had known this a while ago. This hot chick was giving me all the buying signs for like an hour or two at a party. Then she lays the bf line on me, I ended up never calling her and the next time I saw her(single) she gave me the complete cold shoulder.

------------------
The very first step to becoming what you want to be is to accept all responsibility for the situation you are in.
in short: quit whining!!!!!!!!!

Why should I care about her, because she looks good? She has given me no reason to care yet.

screw what's right, do what works.
 

BGMan

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#20
Comote:

There are a few possibilities here:

1) She wanted to get some no-strings-attached sex (i.e. a one-night stand), but she didn't want to be your girlfriend.

2) She's an ATTENTION WH0RE who was p!ssed that you actually had brains and didn't fall for her bullshytt.

3) She's a stupid girl who thinks that the BF line will net her a guy by making him want her. If a sensible girl really likes you, she wouldn't risk discouraging you by saying she has a boyfriend.

4) She's trying to make her boyfriend jealous because he did something to tick her off (for any here who have seen "Orange County", you'll know exactly what I'm talking about); she's testing HIM and has no interest in YOU.

Personally, I'm leaning toward #2.

Unless the girl is single, she's out of consideration in my book. If she's interested in you, she'll break up with Mr. Wonderful soon enough. You did well in blowing her off. Don't fall for thinking it was a sign she's attracted to you.

BGMan the Cynical
Doc Love's Representative

[This message has been edited by BGMan (edited 07-22-2002).]
 
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