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She broke up with me over text need help.

Epic Days

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Gentlemen are consistent with whomever is in front of them, irregardless of the other person. Clearly this class is way too advanced for you. Judging by your first sentence, still reacting way too much to female behavior.
They are not communicating an emotion concerning it. It’s called indifference.
 

vic1234

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It's amazing to read different sides of opinion from different angles... It just shows how everything we are looking for hides in the asking rather somebody have a solution for my need, questions etc. Am more than greatful for all your input ,I feel way much better now and wiser...if I knew all this before I would have played it differently but nothing is lost,I got great answers here
 

bcude

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I would response "I was starting to question things with our relationship too but wasn't sure how to tell you. Thank you for making this easy for me. Take care"
Never thought of it that way. That's hilarious.
If you want to play games this is very good. Accept and make her question herself can make her start pursuing you, it's a blow to their value and as we know women can't live with that. At the very least you level out the power balance somewhat.
 

ShePays

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So abit of update am radio silence but yesterday and today she liked my Instagram photo i posted and today she even commented on the photo saying nice jacket. The photo I posted today was with the jacket she baught me as a gift. Why is she following me up on social media liking my stuff and comment ing. ?
Guilty conscience for acting like a d ick? Just tell her you're cool with her decision, that she was right, and that you hope this doesn't mean she still can't come over and cook you dinner, and give you head, once in a while.
 

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SoSuave666

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Gentlemen are consistent with whomever is in front of them, irregardless of the other person. Clearly this class is way too advanced for you. Judging by your first sentence, still reacting way too much to female behavior.
I literally laughed out loud. Man. If only you guys knew me in person a sentence like that would never come out of your mouth. I don’t agree with your response and I think it should be left there. I’m not one for personal attacks. Happy to agree to disagree.
 

ShePays

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That strategy backfires like crazy when she has the same mentality. She'll cheat, lie, and could get you robbed or killed. Some women want you to dump them, AMS has a video on it. They're craving for you to stand up for yourself. If you don't they continue to fuuck around, effectively having their cake and eating it too. They get to do whatever and they have a little cuck bf tagging along to torture. And once you dump them they'll act like it's the worst thing in the world. If you stay cool they come back around but obviously you shouldn't take them back.

@EyeBRollin
You're right, it's a good habit to communicate, and being super accepting when being dumped is the best way to go. At the same time if OP is super hurt and overanalyzing everything her follow up could give him hope for a rekindling. If she smells that hope she could torture him for longer, it's a bad way to go. If OP was detached enough to go through with an 'ok' then silence, awesome. But that's not the case, he's already talking about meeting up with her and playing hard to get. He's hurt and has hope. Silence from the get go would help him get through the pain faster and keep him from analyzing this to death. He needs to be left alone to heal, not toyed with for further validation or thinking about how she perceives him. He's too deep in the hole emotionally speaking. Let her think he's hurt, it doesn't matter. If she stalks his social media and he posts one picture of himself having fun that idea will be out of her mind.
Re-read my first paragraph. Getting them to dump you is only a good idea IF ending the relationship is YOUR idea. Otherwise, AMS is correct. If you're laying down the law, but would take her back IF she straightens her act up, then walk....but if you walk, don't look back. If she comes back, and if you still want her when she does, let that just be serendipity; don't count on it.

My buddy I was talking about was a genius. He knew just how to get each girl to break up with him, in a way that would make them feel too guilty to be mad at him. He even got a couple of them to break up with him by proposing to them.
 

Mauser96

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EyeOnThePrize

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Re-read my first paragraph. Getting them to dump you is only a good idea IF ending the relationship is YOUR idea. Otherwise, AMS is correct. If you're laying down the law, but would take her back IF she straightens her act up, then walk....but if you walk, don't look back. If she comes back, and if you still want her when she does, let that just be serendipity; don't count on it.

My buddy I was talking about was a genius. He knew just how to get each girl to break up with him, in a way that would make them feel too guilty to be mad at him. He even got a couple of them to break up with him by proposing to them.
Sure it could be your idea. As soon as you act out to instigate it then it can become her idea. Or more likely she just acts out because she's upset. she acts, you walk, the guilt is still arguably on you for dumping. Maybe a bit on her for acting out, if she cares. She's justified though, and deep down you know it.

Aside from that if she's honest and dumps rather than being indirect and subversive back to you then sure it can work, but then you're just exploiting an honest person. For example if she quits her job or does some drastic self sacrifice to try and make it work rather than dump you then you'd probably be feeling guilty af. You become a parasite. She could go years trying to make it work with you. Meanwhile you're trying to sabotage things. That's how guys get stabbed to death in their sleep.

I can see the angle and it's interesting, that's definitely some manipulation game, but i can't help think it does your buddy more harm than good. The more he does it the more manipulative girls he'll attract. Women get resentful easily and one day he may attract a bigger manipulator than himself. Not to mention this is all time better spent learning how to own up to things and spending time with women he actually likes.
 

ShePays

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Sure it could be your idea. As soon as you act out to instigate it then it can become her idea. Or more likely she just acts out because she's upset. she acts, you walk, the guilt is still arguably on you for dumping. Maybe a bit on her for acting out, if she cares. She's justified though, and deep down you know it.

Aside from that if she's honest and dumps rather than being indirect and subversive back to you then sure it can work, but then you're just exploiting an honest person. For example if she quits her job or does some drastic self sacrifice to try and make it work rather than dump you then you'd probably be feeling guilty af. You become a parasite. She could go years trying to make it work with you. Meanwhile you're trying to sabotage things. That's how guys get stabbed to death in their sleep.

I can see the angle and it's interesting, that's definitely some manipulation game, but i can't help think it does your buddy more harm than good. The more he does it the more manipulative girls he'll attract. Women get resentful easily and one day he may attract a bigger manipulator than himself. Not to mention this is all time better spent learning how to own up to things and spending time with women he actually likes.
Something could always goes wrong with any poorly executed strategy. I find it interesting that no-one here seems to object too strenuously, when someone suggests a strategy for separating a girl from her panties, but suggest a strategy for separating from a girl, which has the potential to reduce animosity and to produce more positive feelings and actions towards you, post relationship, and suddenly everyone is a paragon of virtue, too honorable to manipulate a poor lass in such a way? Undoubtedly, it's master-level game, and shouldn't be attempted by amateurs; I'll give you that.
 
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Spaz

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Something could always goes wrong with any poorly executed strategy. I find it interesting that no-one here seems to object too strenuously, when someone suggests a strategy for separating a girl from her panties, but suggest a strategy for separating from a girl, which has the potential to reduce animosity and to produce more positive feelings and actions towards you, post relationship, and suddenly everyone is a paragon of virtue, too honorable to manipulate a poor lass in such a way? Undoubtedly, it's master-level game, and shouldn't be attempted by amateurs; I'll give you that.
U r right.

Most of my EX's are still sending me birthday wishes etc, probably a good 90% of them do so for years, even when they have married.

Women are just that.

But you need to understand that not all men are the same even if you teach them how it benefits them.

Teach them in accordance with their inherent personality traits.

They are born into it and because of that it influences how they think.
 

Cloudtopsun2100

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Ignore or not ignore? Doesnt matter cause if she doesn't want you around you shoudn't be trying to use techniques to get her back.
Like I did with my ex, when she did the lets break up text I just looked at it shook my head and now its been almost a year.

You aren't butthurt by not responding, there sometimes isn't a reason to once this person has made it clear you are yesterdays news.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Something could always goes wrong with any poorly executed strategy. I find it interesting that no-one here seems to object too strenuously, when someone suggests a strategy for separating a girl from her panties, but suggest a strategy for separating from a girl, which has the potential to reduce animosity and to produce more positive feelings and actions towards you, post relationship, and suddenly everyone is a paragon of virtue, too honorable to manipulate a poor lass in such a way? Undoubtedly, it's master-level game, and shouldn't be attempted by amateurs; I'll give you that.
I've never been one to manipulate(out of naivety) and after reading the 48 laws of power I realized how much harder not knowing those skills has made my life. I'm not some white knight by any means, but in my experience there's no cheating life. There's always some sort of balance, everything has a price. And it's true. When going down any path and there's a fork, you pick one at the expense of the other. All we do here is rationalize one path over the another. To think a certain path doesn't have a price is foolish and wrong, yet that's the attitude with a lot of folks here and everywhere in the world. They want to go down both paths at once. They think there's some easy magic combination of words or actions that will work on all women. It's the reason there are so many snake oil 'solutions' in the world.

It's interesting because to avoid repercussions I have to take a lot of joy out of the exploit. If I exploit and indulge too much it makes me quite weak of mind and body. I begin to normalize the exploit rather than stay vigilant. The more comfortable I get the higher chance I get burned, and badly since I allowed myself to relax so much. Rather successful people seem to normalize discipline. As a result I exploit rarely, and when I do I'm extremely vigilant, always thinking what price I'm paying.
 

ShePays

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I've never been one to manipulate(out of naivety) and after reading the 48 laws of power I realized how much harder not knowing those skills has made my life. I'm not some white knight by any means, but in my experience there's no cheating life. There's always some sort of balance, everything has a price. And it's true. When going down any path and there's a fork, you pick one at the expense of the other. All we do here is rationalize one path over the another. To think a certain path doesn't have a price is foolish and wrong, yet that's the attitude with a lot of folks here and everywhere in the world. They want to go down both paths at once. They think there's some easy magic combination of words or actions that will work on all women. It's the reason there are so many snake oil 'solutions' in the world.

It's interesting because to avoid repercussions I have to take a lot of joy out of the exploit. If I exploit and indulge too much it makes me quite weak of mind and body. I begin to normalize the exploit rather than stay vigilant. The more comfortable I get the higher chance I get burned, and badly since I allowed myself to relax so much. Rather successful people seem to normalize discipline. As a result I exploit rarely, and when I do I'm extremely vigilant, always thinking what price I'm paying.
Exploit? The only way to exploit a woman, in the context of this forum, is to seduce her. I've been pretty vocal in opposing male seduction. What i have proposed in this thread is not being a d ick about getting dumped, and compounding the injury, by deceiving yourself that your relationship occurred in a social vacuum.

Look, when you make a woman scream in bed, she tells all her friends. If you have whisky d ick, well, she'll tell all her friends that, too. That's just how it is. If you're a big boy about getting dumped, and don't burn down the house over it, a lot more of her friends who remembered that you made the chick who just dumped you scream in bed...well, they might be more inclined to help you get over the chick who just dumped you.

What's the cost? As far as I can tell, the only cost is controlling your emotions, and acting in your own rational self-interest, which is what men are supposed to do, anyway.
 

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EyeOnThePrize

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Exploit? The only way to exploit a woman, in the context of this forum, is to seduce her. I've been pretty vocal in opposing male seduction. What i have proposed in this thread is not being a d ick about getting dumped, and compounding the injury, by deceiving yourself that your relationship occurred in a social vacuum.

Look, when you make a woman scream in bed, she tells all her friends. If you have whisky d ick, well, she'll tell all her friends that, too. That's just how it is. If you're a big boy about getting dumped, and don't burn down the house over it, a lot more of her friends who remembered that you made the chick who just dumped you scream in bed...well, they might be more inclined to help you get over the chick who just dumped you.

What's the cost? As far as I can tell, the only cost is controlling your emotions, and acting in your own rational self-interest, which is what men are supposed to do, anyway.
Those are not the costs. The cost is everything else you could be doing.
You could make her scream in bed and she can still hate your guts and talk a lot of sheet to her friends about you in an attempt to sabotage you. There's no magic unbreakable correlation between making her cuum and what she thinks about you. She could hate you because you don't show as much affection as she wants, which is usually the case when you rock her world. Personally I like the girls that remain as independent as I do after sex. And it might as well happen in a social vacuum if you don't like her friends or never see them.

I'm not saying acting in your self interest is wrong. I agree that staying pragmatic is the way to go. But knowing what's best for you can be incredibly hard in the moment. The time sink is what's important. For example my self interest was sex and getting it conveniently. I found a cute girl that adored me and let me take her when and wherever I wanted. I got what I wanted. I fuucked her every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, for years. I began to indulge with drugs to up the ante and have long crazy fuuck fests with her. I was acting in self interest and enjoying myself, but the time sink meant I neglected other parts of my life.

The sex kept being normalized because we had it so often(and I was stagnating as a result) so we would keep upping the ante. The right thing for me to do in that situation is abstain, tear myself away, and continue molding other parts of my life until she explodes at the sight of me again(but for me, not for her). Alas we lie to ourselves and say there's nothing wrong with indulging. What's worse is finding validation in the indulgence. I cringe when I see posts by guys that are revolving around sex or women and how to get laid when they have very little going on otherwise. They're putting the cart before the horse. They are making it harder for themselves every second they aren't pursuing self mastery. If they work on molding themselves(the hard stuff that is hardly in a lot of men's self interest) all that would come naturally, in fact it becomes so trivial by comparison to other endeavors that they would hardly post here, if at all.

Personal relations with the opposite sex are so multidimensional that we can misunderstand each other and bullsheet ourselves endlessly.
 
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ShePays

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Those are not the costs. The cost is everything else you could be doing.
You could make her scream in bed and she can still hate your guts and talk a lot of sheet to her friends about you in an attempt to sabotage you. There's no magic unbreakable correlation between making her *** and what she thinks about you. She could hate you because you don't show as much affection as she wants, which is usually the case when you rock her world. Personally I like the girls that remain as independent as I do after sex. And it might as well happen in a social vacuum if you don't like her friends or never see them.

I'm not saying acting in your self interest is wrong. I agree that staying pragmatic is the way to go. But knowing what's best for you can be incredibly hard in the moment. The time sink is what's important. For example my self interest was sex and getting it conveniently. I found a cute girl that adored me and let me take her when and wherever I wanted. I got what I wanted. I fuucked her every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, for years. I began to indulge with drugs to up the ante and have long crazy fuuck fests with her. I was acting in self interest and enjoying myself, but the time sink meant I neglected other parts of my life.

The sex kept being normalized because we had it so often(and I was stagnating as a result) so we would keep upping the ante. The right thing for me to do in that situation is abstain, tear myself away, and continue molding other parts of my life until she explodes at the sight of me again(but for me, not for her). Alas we lie to ourselves and say there's nothing wrong with indulging. What's worse is finding validation in the indulgence. I cringe when I see posts by guys that are revolving around sex or women and how to get laid when they have very little going on otherwise. They're putting the cart before the horse. They are making it harder for themselves every second they aren't pursuing self mastery. If they work on molding themselves(the hard stuff that is hardly in a lot of men's self interest) all that would come naturally, in fact it becomes so trivial by comparison to other endeavors that they would hardly post here, if at all.

Personal relations with the opposite sex are so multidimensional that we can misunderstand each other and bullsheet ourselves endlessly.
You just got dumped. There's no way out of it. You're not getting her back. She was using you to make her ex jealous, and it worked. He bought her a ring, and proposed. She's gone.

What you do next is up to you. You can brood and talk crap about her to everyone you know, or you can be gracious and wish her well. Does she deserve it? Probably not, but it isn't about her; it's about making YOUR life better.

What do you choose? Looks like you're just gonna decide she's gonna burn you, and you're gonna try to burn her first. But, she's prepared for that, because she knew she was going to break up with you, and you didn't. What she isn't prepared for is you being cool with it....and not in a passive-aggressive way, but genuinely being happy for her. That will blindside her.

Even if she does talk sh!t about you, people are going to see how you behave, and if it's incongruent with what she says, they won't believe her.

I'm not having any further discussions about all the things that can go wrong, though, because something always can. So what.
 
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ShePays

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Those are not the costs. The cost is everything else you could be doing.
You could make her scream in bed and she can still hate your guts and talk a lot of sheet to her friends about you in an attempt to sabotage you. There's no magic unbreakable correlation between making her *** and what she thinks about you. She could hate you because you don't show as much affection as she wants, which is usually the case when you rock her world. Personally I like the girls that remain as independent as I do after sex. And it might as well happen in a social vacuum if you don't like her friends or never see them.

I'm not saying acting in your self interest is wrong. I agree that staying pragmatic is the way to go. But knowing what's best for you can be incredibly hard in the moment. The time sink is what's important. For example my self interest was sex and getting it conveniently. I found a cute girl that adored me and let me take her when and wherever I wanted. I got what I wanted. I fuucked her every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, for years. I began to indulge with drugs to up the ante and have long crazy fuuck fests with her. I was acting in self interest and enjoying myself, but the time sink meant I neglected other parts of my life.

The sex kept being normalized because we had it so often(and I was stagnating as a result) so we would keep upping the ante. The right thing for me to do in that situation is abstain, tear myself away, and continue molding other parts of my life until she explodes at the sight of me again(but for me, not for her). Alas we lie to ourselves and say there's nothing wrong with indulging. What's worse is finding validation in the indulgence. I cringe when I see posts by guys that are revolving around sex or women and how to get laid when they have very little going on otherwise. They're putting the cart before the horse. They are making it harder for themselves every second they aren't pursuing self mastery. If they work on molding themselves(the hard stuff that is hardly in a lot of men's self interest) all that would come naturally, in fact it becomes so trivial by comparison to other endeavors that they would hardly post here, if at all.

Personal relations with the opposite sex are so multidimensional that we can misunderstand each other and bullsheet ourselves endlessly.
On the other aspect of your post...yes, sexual obsession and indulgence is beyond a waste of time. However, if you're going to have casual sex, you might as well have it as conveniently as possible, instead of sinking countless hours and dollars into the pursuit of it, like too many here. When chicks show up at your place, with food, no strings attached, that seems like minimum investment of both, to me. If you can't pull yourself away, that's something you need to work on.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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@ShePays
Again absolutely agree that wishing her well is the best mindset. Doing so genuinely means you weren't resentful or conditional with your attention towards her in the relationship, an ideal we all shoot for, and something fostered with some serious discipline. Although I think it's easy to fool yourself into thinking you're being genuine when you're not, easy to BS the self. You're right it's great when exes come over with food or whatever. I may be projecting a bit with discussing pulling away and maintaining resolve being difficult, that's a personal problem.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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My main concern is OP trying to be genuine rather than just being genuine. He says ok, but deep down he's torn. The advice is good, to say ok to save face then go radio silence. Imo if he's torn the silence has to persist though, the self work to heal and start coming from a place of authenticity can't be stressed enough. And that is very hard to do if he's clinging onto hope. It's safer to not even worry about not appearing to be phased, otherwise he could get lost in a perpetual trap of faking and internally build resentment, which will only prolong the healing. Maybe I'll write a book on the subject, most stuff men turn to after a break doesn't talk about this enough imo.

Anyway no one knows this better than the OP. I'm only going off how easily he seemed to be ready to meet her again.
 
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