"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Sh*t My Dad Says

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Razor Sharp

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Looks like I have a new hero:

http://twitter.com/****mydadsays

"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or sh*t it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

"See, you think I give a sh*t. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of sh*t? That's why I look interested."

"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a f*cking parade every time i take a piss."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has 'f*cking people' down to a science, like they practice it in a f*cking lab on mice first."

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a sh*t on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their f*cking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started f*cking."

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it f*cked you."
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F*cking LOL - will be interesting to see how the tv show pans out. http://gawker.com/5401019/cbs-picks-up-**-my-dad-says-twitter-sitcom

Edit: Aww for the love of Jesus the H Bastard Christ, the f*cking SoSuave cuss filter just wrecked those links. Seriously what the f*ck is up with this sh*t? Are we not grown adults? Why is a site dedicated to spreading buttcheeks forced to use PG-13 language? It makes no f*cking sense at all!

Does anyone know why this gay-ass pottymouth filter even exists? I really hate having to type the f*cking asterisk key when it doesnt capture what I really want to say, god-motherf*cking dammit!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Trader

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Razor Sharp said:
Looks like I have a new hero:

http://twitter.com/****mydadsays



"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or sh*t it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

"See, you think I give a sh*t. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of sh*t? That's why I look interested."

"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a f*cking parade every time i take a piss."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has 'f*cking people' down to a science, like they practice it in a f*cking lab on mice first."

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a sh*t on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their f*cking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started f*cking."

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it f*cked you."
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Classless and lame.

But I am assuming the OP is under 20, so I will give him a free pass
 
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Razor Sharp

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Dammit, I made the most rookie mistake of all - leaving sessions open on my laptop while family is visiting. My punk nephew posted this before upping the ante and writing love notes to warpigs on POF, I just caught him posting that I've "come out of the closet" on Facebook, the little bastard.

Note to self: NEVER hit the "Remember Me" checkbox!

Sorry for the noise bros. And to the 5 people he PMed, that's only half true! :eek:

Mods feel free to delete this trash
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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