Obliteraga said:
Ok, some background. so I began dating a pregnant girl (who was around 7 months at the time) for around 8 months ago. We hit it off good. We got along well and within a few weeks she was telling me she loved me.
This is already a disaster in the making.
Incredibly affectionate and nice, seemed to like me quite a bit. She said she couldn't believe how fast she fell in love with me. This was one of the few girls who seemed to accept me for everything that I was.
So in other words, you couldn't get another girl, and decided that this "easy" one was the only good thing that was likely to come along??
We became boyfriend and girlfriend. This was the first girlfriend I've ever had and I was a virgin at the time. Obviously I have no experience with this. Eventually, she delivered the baby, and I was one of the few people to show up at the hospital to comfort her after she had given birth. They even took a picture of me with the baby like I was the father or something (I wasn't, I'd never had sex with her)
This is going from bad to worse. You can't see that you're getting clowned at this point??
You are coming to visit your girlfriend of two months after she has a baby that is not even yours. This is pathetic. You should not be there. You should not even be involved.
Later on, while we were talking, this girl (my girlfriend) began telling me some of her deep dark secrets. She used to do coke and smoke marijuana and participate in threesomes. She then tells me that the current guy who she says is the baby's father is most likely not the real father at all. She claims she dated a guy around 9 months ago who brutally raped her. This, she said, was who she believed the father was.
See what happens when you just settle for whatever accepts you?
You are in this mess because you refused to have some self-respect, improve your marketability to women, and seek out other prospects. You are stuck with women who will "take anyone", because they are so damaged that nobody wants them.
The rape is a horrible thing, but honestly, given the company she keeps (druggies, etc), it was probably bound to happen sooner or later.
Fast forward a couple months. She goes to get a DNA test to see if this is indeed the case. Apparently, she was correct, and this first dude (the one who showed up at the hospital thinking he was the dad) was NOT the actual father. Thus, I assumed the guy who raped her was the actual father. She never spoke with him.
This should all be none of your business. Anyone with half a brain and a shred of self-respect would be GONE at this point in time. Why are you still in this situation??
She understandably does not want to reconcile with this rapist guy, so I resume the relationship as normal. I spend weekends over her house, help her take care of the baby, run errands, and yes, even spend money on her (though we split a lot of things, so I didn't totally chump out here.)
LOL...everything you have done so far with regard to this girl, from the initial "romance" to right now, has been "totally chumping out". This is a miserable situation you are in, my friend, and you have set yourself up for it every step of the way.
Everything you have done here is a precise and emphatic example of what NOT to do. You could not be making more mistakes if you were trying. Do not kid yourself that you have done anything well with regard to this situation.
You are being abused by a bad situation. Stand up and have some self-respect, dammit! Why are you allowing this woman to clown you??
I did everything with her. Went to house parties, drank, clubbed, bar hopped, watched movies, etc.
Soooo...she has an infant child, and she's skipping out on him/her to drink/party/go clubbing. Quality.
Fast forward once again a few months. I notice she's always getting text messages from random guys. she even takes calls from one in particular. At first this raises my red flags, but she assures me over and over again they're nothing to worry about. Everything's fine she says. I tell her I'm extremely worried and she comforts me by kissing me passionately and getting all sexual. I feel like she's telling me the truth, and I really wanted to believe it, but my instincts were telling me something is just not right at all. She doesn't act congruent with what she says. She claims she loves me but I see very little sign of it. She's reluctant to give head anymore (she did it all the time in the beginning). She seems cold and distant and she snaps at me. This is all mixed in with occasional affection.
Your instincts should've told you something was not right when you met her, she was pregnant, and she fell for you in 2 weeks.
At this point they are SCREAMING to you to get out, but you are ignoring them. WHY??
Of COURSE she's distant...because she can be, and she knows she can reel you back in at any time by showing just enough affection to make you doubt your own instincts. You KNOW she's a druggie, a slvt (not the good kind), and you KNOW she's screwing around.
When are you going to stand up for yourself? When are you going to say, "hey, I deserve better than this!"?
Now, this guy she seems to be talking on the phone the most with, we'll call him Bill, seems to be the most suspicious. She takes the call in front of me the first time, and this dude apparently hears my voice and says he hates me and wants to shoot me. I ask why she continues to talk to people who openly hate someone she supposedly loves, and she says he's just a good friend. Whatever. All the calls from then on out, she takes in another room where I can't hear.
Dude, you are pathetic. You really are. Why do you continue to tolerate this? Have you NO self-respect? Have you no sense of dignity left?? When are you going to stand up for yourself?
In the messages, she's telling him how he's her everything and she loves him (same thing she said to me) and she can't wait for him to SEE HIS DAUGHTER in a few months. And she badmouths me in there as well. This guy is stationed overseas in the military. I don't think her friends know this guy is the true father (if he even really is). But from the sounds of the messages, he's head over heels for her and PLANS TO MARRY HER IN A FEW MONTHS WHEN HE RETURNS FROM ACTIVE DUTY. She can't wait for him to put the ring on her finger she says! She misses him so much! Apparently this guy knows who I am but I don't think she's told him she's "seeing me." It was pretty sickening to read
I guess at this point I have to ask what I should do. I want to tell this guy she's been messing around on him,
Tell him that she's screwing around?? Are you a vag!na?? Because that's what conniving little cvnts do when they're competing for a man. Are you a cvnt?? When are you going to start acting like a man??
What should you DO?? What should you DO??!! The same thing you SHOULD have done since the BEGINNING!!
1) Leave this situation. Entirely. Disappear. Drop contact completely. File a restraining order if needs be. Get away from her and everything miserable she is bringing into your life.
2) Figure out what you need to do to regain your dignity and self-respect. Start asking yourself how you were foolish enough to get into this situation, and what you can do to correct it. Start thinking about how to put together a life better than what you are subjecting yourself to now.
I do know she didn't mention anything romantic between me and her in the messages to him, and this guy was just gushing over her and wants to marry her and was sending her song lyrics that "expressed their love." It was absolutely disgusting.
No more disgusting than what you are doing. Honestly, reading your story disgusts me more than hearing about love-songs.
I apologize if this is rather convoluted but my head is spinning right now and I'm a mmess and I feel nauseous. My world has been turned upside down and I don't know how I'm going to recover from this.
You set yourself up for this. You recover from this by having some respect for yourself and getting away. FAR away.
I know I obviously have to cut things off (to say the least) but I feel like justice needs to be served.
Justice HAS been served. You acted like a pathetic b!tch and you got played like one. That's justice in the REAL world. He will get his when he comes back to this slvt and she plays him just like she played you. His justice is none of your damned business. NONE of this is your business. It wasn't from day one. When are you going to get your nose out of it??
I was thinking about sending an anonymous message claiming to not be any of the parties involved to this "bill" explaining the situation to him, but I don't know if that's wise or not. I also want to at least confront her about this, and I'm not sure how I should go about letting her know how I know. I also don't want some love-blinded military dude on my ass either.
I really need advice here. I'm at a loss.
I might have left some things out as I'm still stunned by this, so if there are any questions, please let me know.
Here's how you get out of it...you tell her, "I'm done. I owe myself better than this. I've let you screw me over way more than I deserve and I'm walking. Don't ever contact me again. Best of luck...goodbye."
Then you end this travesty. Entirely.
Then you click here:
http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/
Then you start learning how to regain your masculine dignity.
