"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

Serious relationship pros and cons

pyros

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 31, 2011
Messages
1,699
Reaction score
206
Hello,

I've been dating this cute Moroccan woman for the past 5 months. She asked to make it official one month ago. So far so good.
She is 32 years old (I'm 40), lives in my city, has been living here for 13 years since she came from Morocco, running away because her family wanted to marry her to some guy they kind of selected for her. Besides, she did not want to live there, and wanted to come to Europe for a more modern way of life. Came here when she was 19 with her brother. After a few motnths, she met an older, wealthy, guy from a common friend. She says that the moment they met, this guy wanted to marry her, but she was unsure and thought it was too soon. Anyway, after a few encounters (no sex, no kisses, nothing) in around 10 months she married at 20 (virgin) (I think she did more for stability than love, but ok). Also, she's been working in this guys business for all these years. First as a shop assistant, now she's the manager: handles clients, accounts, budget, trips, providers, etc. so she's pretty capable.

After 10 years of marriage and no kids, she found out he was cheating on her with wh-ores, so she decided to finish the relationship straighaway. Went to live with a female friend for a few months, now she will move to one of her two tiny apartments she rents. In month 4 after leaving her husband we met.

Well, the relationship it's been a bit complicated because of her circunstances, and eventhough she has several great traits, again, her circunstances are kind of difficult which makes me feel a bit stressed about the future, and also about whether or not this will be a great thing or if it will be a mistake. So far she seems the most down to Earth, sweet girl I've met, so I'd like to have an honest, rational perspective from you guys.


PROS

1 I find her pretty cute, femenine, clean, etc.
2 She expresses excitement and genuine joy when she sees me.
3 She is emotionally warm and shows genuine affection in a natural way.
4 She shows strong sexual compatibility and mutual desire.
5 She demonstrates strong loyalty.
6 She values building a stable relationship.
7 She is financially responsible and independent.
8 She manages work and any other decisions with maturity.
9 She reflects on conflicts and is capable of repairing quickly after emotional reactions.
10 She respects clear boundaries when they are communicated calmly.
11 She is not financially dependent and does not seek to rely on me for security.
12 She demonstrates courage for having built an independent life away from a restrictive family system.
13 She is willing to move step by step rather than rushing the relationship.
14 She values stability over drama.
15 She has very similar views regarding important topics like: money, politics, family, etc.
16 She does not drink alcohol, smoke, has any tattoos, or any male "friends".
16 We've had 4 serious conversations/arguments about important topics, but after a bit she took the right steps
to fix these issues. So she has good will.
17 She would like to have one kid.
18 She only had sex with her ex husband, and now with me. So body count is 1 prior to me.
19 She's not religious, she dresses like any other european woman, etc.



CONS

1 She still works in her ex husband's business. It is the only place where she has ever worked. (10 years).
2 She comes from a very rigid and patriarchal Moroccan family system.
3 ** She hid her marriage from her family for ten years. That's because the guy is not muslim, and SHE CHOSE HIM, not her father. She feels terrible for that, and says she did it that way because she was 20, was scared of her family's reaction, and did not know better, but now she does not want to hide it again once she has a strong, serious relationship with me. She says she lived with a lot of anxiety during all these years and was sad because she could share it with her mom or dad.
4 She sometimes reacts emotionally in the heat of the moment when she feels pressured, but process it and fixes it after a while.
5 She initially minimizes or avoids conflict instead of addressing it directly.
6 She carries unresolved emotional weight from her family background, and from her divorce.
7 She is in a transitional life phase (divorce and housing changes).
8 Because of all this stress, eventhough she has nice long hair, she is kind of "bolding" or losing a lot of hair in the past months, she just went to the dermatologist for this...
8 She does not speak too much.


Thanks.

P.S.

1 It's very clear she does not want to go back to her ex. She says he betrayed her, and there is no fix for this.
2 Ex husband is not interested in getting back together anymore at this point. He tried the first two months, she says.
3 She says he travelled a lot, drank a lot, and used to party with his guy friends once a month.
4 It's clear that her marriage has helped her financially a lot, because, she has her job (manager in ex husbands business), and during those years she could afford to buy two small apartments for renting as personal investments.
5 Eventhough she run away from Morocco, she still loves her parents so much, and also her brother who lives in our city. She goes to Morocco like once a year, speaks to her parents via phone call a couple of times a week, and sees her brother in our city like once a month for dinner, or whatever.
 
Last edited:

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Gamisch

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 2, 2022
Messages
5,321
Reaction score
6,216
Gütentag? Just a geuss..

Bruh...soooo many red flags. And don't get me wrong,morrocan_ arab women are my ABSOLUTE favourite ( kinda jealous lol). They got it all...body of a black woman, Persian hair, European eyes...hmmm. Petite feminine and all of that good stuff. I most definitely understand why they shelter their women AND why for example Egypt has a population explosion lol. I would also put tons of babies in those women! To kinda get the juices flowing: images (18).jpeg
Jesus church...Imagine a lethal azz on that ( they actually got that) and some nice melons...I would be on it ALL DAY LONG!!


Having said that: I wouldn't date one seriously or long term...I grew up around Marocs and the if you wanna know what the women of a country be like just look at the men....


- working for her ex? That's a possible death sentence. If he knows about you and loses his shyte one day....or the other way around; if you guys hit a rock she might fall back to him for comfort...

- she definitely will move back one day even if it's just to visit her parents. The fact that she should culturally please her parents is a huge redflag( had tons of arguments my aarab homies about their dependency on family, on the hypocrisy of remaining a man child)

I geuss most women over react. That's a global thing. The balding? ...what can I say...it's prolly genetic rather than just physical.

Biggest issue is that arab women are fecking drama queens , high maintenance and especially in your case her dependency on her ex husband...if there will ever be a stand off between two men over a woman, then your case fits that description PERFECTLY. And let's not forget that there is actually ALREADY a third man waiting in the background!!!! Especially once contact with her parents is reestablished.

Tbh , as difficult as it might be, I would rather EJECT. Imagine you as a man was still having daily physical contact with your ex wife...no worthy woman will be able to live with this! Women sometimes already stressed out because I got kids = baby momma. Let alone actually being around her every day at least 8 hours per day...not realistic.


Eject before shyte gets even more messy...
 
Last edited:

Gamisch

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 2, 2022
Messages
5,321
Reaction score
6,216
Wait a sec!!

"""She goes to Morocco like once a year, """

What's up with this????
Alone? To do WHAT?
Who pays for this??

That's a couple of thousands depending on your departing country..even in my country, in my city it would be kinda expensive to be in a hotel for ...two(?) weeks . So I kinda assume she stays with family?

And her brother lives close by???

Damn bro..that's a hazardous piece of p00sy you're dealing with!

Edit: about her ex visiting hookers; if it's indeed where I think it is ..yeah...hookers are pretty cheap yet...pretty hot..once a man gets a taste from the forbidden fruits...no way back! Especially once the marital sex gets dull..just had to add this for context.
 

Clockwerk50

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 5, 2023
Messages
2,295
Reaction score
2,317
Age
41
I’m not really going to read that whole wall of text with pros and cons. However, I’m a firm believer that some people deserve second chances and that the past is the past. It all depends on whether you want to be involved with all that baggage.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

Gamisch

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 2, 2022
Messages
5,321
Reaction score
6,216
I’m not really going to read that whole wall of text with pros and cons. However, I’m a firm believer that some people deserve second chances and that the past is the past. It all depends on whether you want to be involved with all that baggage.
Gotta at least read to give feedback LOL?

This is a somewhat...different and difficult case imo. Second chance isn't the issue, but rather future dangers!
 

plumber

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 1, 2022
Messages
1,014
Reaction score
860
Maybe its ok. Worth investigating more.

Its NEVER perfect...

if its safe for you, travel with her to see the parents and visit her home town AND schooling area. required before any type of long term decision to keep her.

working in the business of the ex is a BIG deal. eventually it will bother you and might be source of trouble. can you afford her if she leaves that job and takes a smaller one or none for some time. if no, that's a problem. never ever pick a long term that requires her money. this is a red flag topic. if this can not be changed, then pass on her.

from what you tell she sounds better than the average your going to cycle through....
 

Clockwerk50

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 5, 2023
Messages
2,295
Reaction score
2,317
Age
41
Gotta at least read to give feedback LOL?

This is a somewhat...different and difficult case imo. Second chance isn't the issue, but rather future dangers!
I just read the pros and cons. It seems that she is loyal and committed (ex-husband of 10 years, employment), and she’s good with money. On the other hand, like many women her age, she may carry trauma from her past relationship, as well as ongoing drama with her family. Some of the pros even contradict the cons in certain ways, such as “she values stability over drama” versus “Her life circumstances (divorce, family tension, working with her ex)" since it is objectively dramatic.

But like I said, I’m more of a glass-half-full type of guy. Dating her is not for the weak.
 

Gamisch

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 2, 2022
Messages
5,321
Reaction score
6,216
Maybe its ok. Worth investigating more.

Its NEVER perfect...

if its safe for you, travel with her to see the parents and visit her home town AND schooling area. required before any type of long term decision to keep her.

working in the business of the ex is a BIG deal. eventually it will bother you and might be source of trouble. can you afford her if she leaves that job and takes a smaller one or none for some time. if no, that's a problem. never ever pick a long term that requires her money. this is a red flag topic. if this can not be changed, then pass on her.

from what you tell she sounds better than the average your going to cycle through....
No offense but he clearly ( wall of text I know) said she is a muslima, and even her ex HUSBAND wasn't " given away" the ahum " proper way".
.
Now imagine some random non Muslim bf suddenly shows up ...

But my real question is how you came to the conclusion that she is a keeper? Don't you think here are wonen with way way less baggage available (for him)?
 

plumber

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 1, 2022
Messages
1,014
Reaction score
860
No offense but he clearly ( wall of text I know) said she is a muslima, and even her ex HUSBAND wasn't " given away" the ahum " proper way".
.
Now imagine some random non Muslim bf suddenly shows up ...

But my real question is how you came to the conclusion that she is a keeper? Don't you think here are wonen with way way less baggage available (for him)?
i missed the muslim thing... i'll defer to you about that.

the why... no i don't think there are less baggage women at that age range. different sorts of bags and different problems, but that is not less. not including what you know about muslima...

from what he tells she tried to do the right thing. perhaps its not the whole story, just taking it as told. don't see any character flaw from the info. she would not accept unfaithfull husband(assuming that info is true), that suggest she values promises, can and will enforce boundary.

she can disagree and resolve things. that's huge....

much better than sexy girl from the club and 100 boyfriends.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

pyros

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 31, 2011
Messages
1,699
Reaction score
206
she goes to Morocco to visit her family, usually once a year or every two years. She goes by plane (there are cheap flights from here), or by car (8 hours drive). She has a house there, so she does not need to stay with her parents.
I feel, and I see she is a very good woman. She seems very loyal, down to Earth, etc.

And, if I am looking at women around 30 years old, many of them come with drama or baggage, or they are just crazy or with ****ty lives, or everythin at the same time.

I know there are problems with this woman (rigid family, work dependency with ex husband), I do know. The thing is if they are something that can be handled or they are just too much, considering her good, and not so common, traits.

Are there "better" women out there with less bagagge etc? I gues so, a few maybe. Is there a real possibility of me bumping into them and having a conexion etc? little in my experience, very hard to find.
 

jhonny9546

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2024
Messages
2,613
Reaction score
549
Location
Italy
10 She respects clear boundaries when they are communicated calmly.
This is a big pro, should be position one
11 She is not financially dependent and does not seek to rely on me for security.
But is she financially dependent on others and not you? Or on herself?



One key thing: describe her ex more
 

pyros

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 31, 2011
Messages
1,699
Reaction score
206
she works as a manager for the ex husband business. She's been there for 10 years. She thought about leaving the job when she left her husband, but after a couple of months, she reconidered it, and thought that she likes the job, and does not need to leave. She says her relationship with her ex husband/boss is neutral, and do not see each other much because he travels a lot, and works in the office, not in the shop where she works. But I pointed out that she should think about finding a new job sometime in the future. She's scared of going to work somewhere else, but this in only because she's only worked in this business. She's very capable.

She has her salary plus two small apartments she rents.

Ex husband... as far as I know:

Older than her
Travels a lot all the time
They saw each other little during the marriage because he travels all the time
He had to go to party like once a month with guy friends to get wasted, and she had to drive to pick him up after the party
He came home late sometimes with silly unbeliable excuses as for why he came so late
Sex life was only correct, nothing exciting, that's why many things we do are new to her
Married him when she was still a virgin
Has other business besides the one where she works
It seems he has a girlfriend now
He tried to get back with ther the first two or three months, and denied over and over that he cheated on her, eventhough
she has whatsapp screenshot conversations of him talking with the a special wh-ore.
 

pyros

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 31, 2011
Messages
1,699
Reaction score
206
As far as I know, no abuse.
Narcisist? no idea.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

BaronOfHair

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 14, 2024
Messages
5,534
Reaction score
3,010
Age
37
@pyros "Well, the relationship it's been a bit complicated because of her circunstances, and eventhough she has several great traits, again, her circunstances are kind of difficult which makes me feel a bit stressed about the future, and also about whether or not this will be a great thing or if it will be a mistake"

The adjectives you're compelled to invoke("complicated", "difficult", "stressed", "mistake")when describing this conundrum are essentially a road sign, emblazoned with neon letters, which read:

"Put on running shows, then flee from all this nonsense, now and forever"
 

The Duke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
6,541
Reaction score
11,501
@pyros you are approaching this with a good mindset.

I would continue forward like you have and see what unfolds. You are only a few months into this and she is only a few months divorced. Its pretty common for women to gravitate to security and stability. Only allow what you are comfortable with. I for sure wouldn't let her move in with you.

The biggest concern of mine is her relationship with her family.

I've seen divorced folks still work together in a business and there be no issues. But if its a point of contention for you then you need to make your expectations clear now.
 

BadBoy89

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2020
Messages
2,406
Reaction score
2,709
@pyros I didn't even read it all

How can any man NOT know what to do with a 32 year old divorced women?

Now if she 23 and hot, then OK, you could come in here and say "she's acting up, is worth it?" 32 and divorced? The answer is "she cuts ALL ties with her ex, she doesn't travel alone, she signs get a prenup, she gets pregnant within 2 months"

Come on men, if you can't handle a 32 year old divorced women, how the hell can you handle real life?
 

jhonny9546

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2024
Messages
2,613
Reaction score
549
Location
Italy
I've seen divorced folks still work together in a business and there be no issues. But if its a point of contention for you then you need to make your expectations clear now
Actually consider this a huge red flag.
Would be curious to hear about your perspective.
Also, how you would declare boundaries
 

The Duke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
6,541
Reaction score
11,501
Actually consider this a huge red flag.
Would be curious to hear about your perspective.
Also, how you would declare boundaries
Depends on how secure you are. I'm highly secure.

What keeps her from getting a different job and hooking up with some other dude? At least this way you know who to suspect.

Regardless if she is going to cheat she will find a way. And if you are on your toes you will see the signs.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

Top