Serious help. Did I overreact? What would you have done DJs?

[Divorced w 3]

You have to keep boundaries. Whenever a woman asks/requests/hints some change in your behaviour, it's mostly about testing your boundaries of being manipulated.

Very true. They may not even realize in the moment what they are doing, but it will catch up to them eventually.

For example, I am in a very sticky situation right now with a woman I have been seeing for about two years. The crux of it is whether or not a future beyond dating and mutual commitment is in the cards. The steady line from me has been, yes I’m open to it, including having a child but she would need to pursue a certain type of job in a certain type of location (all within her career trajectory and possible, to save everyone reading all the extra unnecessary background). The rationale on my side is really simple; finances and building of a family are intertwined, it’s not graduate school level economics to understand that certain careers don’t make the money necessary to pay the overhead of long commutes to work somewhere for the sake of saying you work there; if the family and the future are the priority then that’s a tough but necessary decision to make. Further, there was a graduate degree recently being pursued and it was supposed to yield opportunities within the next year that increased income. She is already done with a semester so that’s on track - but wavering now, actually out right stating that she is not interested now, on the part of the plan which changes jobs to something more lucrative and / or relocates more locally for economic reasons and family development.

This is important. Its important because it forms a basis for whether or not we become engaged; it’s important because what was a joint idea (albeit not one she loved but at least agreed) is now a unilateral one; and if the relationship moves ahead on the basis of this new decision she made, I’ve essentially discarded a real need not just for me and her but for the kids and everyone’s overall best interests.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thank you. The issue was not the picture. It was uncomfortable though. The issue is she re added her "abusive ex" after telling me 2 weeks prior that she felt uncomfortable that I was following my ex (that I followed before meeting her and with which I did not have such a toxic past with). So I unfollowed my ex out of respect and then I realize that 2 weeks after that convo, she and her ex re followed each other and she did not tell me anything. I don't know if they texted or not. I did not check the phone. She deleted and blocked him right away, said it was out of "curiosity", ackowledged her mistake and apologized. But for me the damaged was done, you know?

I can’t make out from this if she is being tit-for-tat, if she is cheating, I just don’t know. I will tell you this, women that truly care and want a future with you will do pretty much any reasonable thing they can to make the situation work. They’ll do unreasonable things to but eventually that’ll backfire, but it’s just the emotional component that I am illustrating, if they love you they’ll pretty much do what they have to and expect you to guide the decision process thoughtfully.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Very true. They may not even realize in the moment what they are doing, but it will catch up to them eventually.

For example, I am in a very sticky situation right now with a woman I have been seeing for about two years. The crux of it is whether or not a future beyond dating and mutual commitment is in the cards. The steady line from me has been, yes I’m open to it, including having a child but she would need to pursue a certain type of job in a certain type of location (all within her career trajectory and possible, to save everyone reading all the extra unnecessary background). The rationale on my side is really simple; finances and building of a family are intertwined, it’s not graduate school level economics to understand that certain careers don’t make the money necessary to pay the overhead of long commutes to work somewhere for the sake of saying you work there; if the family and the future are the priority then that’s a tough but necessary decision to make. Further, there was a graduate degree recently being pursued and it was supposed to yield opportunities within the next year that increased income. She is already done with a semester so that’s on track - but wavering now, actually out right stating that she is not interested now, on the part of the plan which changes jobs to something more lucrative and / or relocates more locally for economic reasons and family development.

This is important. Its important because it forms a basis for whether or not we become engaged; it’s important because what was a joint idea (albeit not one she loved but at least agreed) is now a unilateral one; and if the relationship moves ahead on the basis of this new decision she made, I’ve essentially discarded a real need not just for me and her but for the kids and everyone’s overall best interests.

You are still with that chick? Hopefully less drama than before...

 

[BaronOfHair]

"Over reacting" is similar to a problem with booze... If you suspect that you're doing so, then you probably are

 

[Divorced w 3]

You are still with that chick? Hopefully less drama than before...

The one in which you said very, very few women would love someone as much as she did me? Yes, still. Your words actually resonate periodically in my thinking.

We are good, I had to realize and understand a bit about myself as well, it was just a striking comment though that you shared given what I was saying at the time and not what I had expected to read in that moment.