Roommate Drama? Some Tea? A Life Update of Sorts? Going out Solo

[nicksaiz65]

So not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this thread here yet, but I'm just typing. Venting? Pouring some afternoon tea? Life update? Something like that.

As of one year ago, I moved into an apartment in a bigger city with a guy I had been going out to the bars with for a while. We had lots of shared history with successful cold approaches, pulls, and closes, so I thought this would be awesome. It worked out at first. But over time, he seemed to burn out and just not care anymore. He was constantly whining about the game and cold approach, letting himself go and gain a bunch of weight via fast food and sugary sodas, would get out so late that we weren't gaming until well after midnight, and would get jealous + try to minimize me when I started going out solo because I was so sick of his behavior. It was like he didn't even want to be there going out anymore. Absolutely miserable attitude. He would barely even wing me anyways. He wouldn't help with groups, he'd often just walk away if it didn't benefit him, and I’d say I was doing 80-90% of the work. He would really only talk to solo girls(to which I will note he did pull some of them.) He just didn't seem to have that fire. Something changed.

Eventually, he started being very delinquent on his rent too. I noticed that he was racking up a bunch of late fees with our apartment. At first I was thinking that I wouldn't intervene until the complex did(if he wants to pay exorbitant rent fees that's on him right? I'm not paying that when he's late on his portion) but this time he said he wouldn't have it until the 15th of the month, and the apartment emailed us starting to talk about legal action.

That was where I drew the line, so I went downstairs to talk to the leasing office. I then discovered that our unit had been in "Pay or Quit" status a couple of times, and he sneakily took the notes off the door, hid them, and didn't even tell me. I had no idea that it was that bad(the legal step right before an eviction.)

After I realized he was actively hiding information, I knew this living situation was no longer sustainable. I went back downstairs, explained the situation, broke the lease, paid the fee, and moved out within the weekend. I also crashed out at him over the phone(because how does he have money to do weekend getaways and eat out every day but not pay rent?) about the situation. I later calmly explained to him why what he was doing was unacceptable, but he just proceeded to try and gaslight me. Crazy.

Long story short, I have my own unit now for not much more, and he won't be at that apartment anymore due to his terrible payment history. Looking back on this, I should have set a hard boundary about rent way earlier. I was very hands off and too "chill" about the whole situation.

The life update part of this is, I won't be living with roommates anymore ever. I'm 28 now, so I'm deciding to move past this phase of my life. I would rather spend more on rent and have my own space. One day into having my own apartment and the peace of mind is amazing.

Secondly, I'll be doing all of my cold approach sessions solo. I'm not going to try and "find another wing." When he had just totally given up, I was going out solo for about a month to the bars/clubs. I feel that made my game extremely sharp, I made great progress, and I'm really excited for the next phase where this becomes the default. I think this should make my game better than ever and it's an excellent opportunity to push myself.

Just wanted to pour some tea and chat about that... living solo is dope.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Congrats for the way you handled it. Would have been very easy to get in a physical altercation or end up in jail. Just never worth it.

You did the right thing. Someone is disrespecting you in that manner, there is nothing else to talk about or discuss, you just walk away and then afterwards you can have a conversation about why it happened and how that wasn't cool on his part. Seems like he is one of those people who take no responsibility in life for their bad decisions and it's always someone or something else's fault.

Honestly just being away from him in and of itself is beneficial. He is one of those energy vampires that will suck the life out of you the longer you stay around them.

Yeah at 28, it's definitely time to not have any roommates if you can afford not to. Look for other ways to save money, you can likely find enough other things that you can cut out of your expenses to make up the difference if you need to.

Most of all, I am proud that you took ACTION. Too many people would complain in this situation but not do anything about it. You found out, handled all of it properly and then said F this, I'm out.

 

[Solomon]

OP congrats on getting your own place, now you don't have to worry about an unreliabile roomate, or privacy
Also OP don't let anyone live with you, I did for 6 months and yes saved money and bought a car but towards the end it was not worth it

 

[Clockwerk50]

I don't have much to add, but it seems like this is just part of life. Later on, you'll probably have women wanting or trying to move in with you.

Either way, your situation reinforces why I'm so type A about things. I need to know every single detail, and everything has to be in order: bills paid on time, a clear plan for the next two week, etc. I'm usually the one initiating plans. I genuinely believe that level of structure makes me a better leader. I know some people don’t like that and prefer to improvise, but that’s just how I operate.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Congrats for the way you handled it. Would have been very easy to get in a physical altercation or end up in jail. Just never worth it.

You did the right thing. Someone is disrespecting you in that manner, there is nothing else to talk about or discuss, you just walk away and then afterwards you can have a conversation about why it happened and how that wasn't cool on his part. Seems like he is one of those people who take no responsibility in life for their bad decisions and it's always someone or something else's fault.

Honestly just being away from him in and of itself is beneficial. He is one of those energy vampires that will suck the life out of you the longer you stay around them.

Yeah at 28, it's definitely time to not have any roommates if you can afford not to. Look for other ways to save money, you can likely find enough other things that you can cut out of your expenses to make up the difference if you need to.

Most of all, I am proud that you took ACTION. Too many people would complain in this situation but not do anything about it. You found out, handled all of it properly and then said F this, I'm out.

Thanks, I appreciate it. I think this absolutely had to happen. He really didn’t like that I was yelling at him over the phone. I get the feeling that he’s never really been held accountable & doesn’t like criticism.

He eventually started straight up threatening me by saying things like “as a man you’re not going to come at me any sort of way!” “You’d better watch how you come at me” and “that conversation could have ended very differently.” I disarmed the first two and to the last two and to the last one I just straight up laughed & shook my head.

I took a hit to my emergency fund, with all the fees I’ve spent upwards of $2000 to get out of here & get my own space. But I consider living with a guy making threats like this and willing to lie about the state of the apartment an emergency. I also just straight up paid the transfer fee: trying to split it with him would have been a mistake imo because he would 100% have dragged his feet and been petty about it.

I tried to explain it to him but oh well. I won’t be around this guy anymore. Game wise, I feel that I’ll improve from my solo sessions and he won’t be dragging his feet to get out the door because well, he won’t be there lol.

I’ll be paying just slightly more, sure. But I can definitely make this work for my budget and it’s worth every penny. Solo living is so worth it. The dude was a mess too, and all those sodas around EVERYWHERE made it tougher to meal prep, etc.

If I had continued to live with the guy I would’ve been sending the message it’s ok to disrespect me however. The office told me he wouldn’t even have qualified without me on the lease!

 

[nicksaiz65]

OP congrats on getting your own place, now you don't have to worry about an unreliabile roomate, or privacy
Also OP don't let anyone live with you, I did for 6 months and yes saved money and bought a car but towards the end it was not worth it

In a weird way, it’s good this happened. I’m not sure if I would’ve made the move to get my own spot otherwise. He used every gaslighting trick in the book to try and get me to not break the lease, and I was like it’s already done lol.

Yeah, no more roommates, ever. I’d rather just spend less somewhere else or pick up an extra shift or two at my side hustle.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I don't have much to add, but it seems like this is just part of life. Later on, you'll probably have women wanting or trying to move in with you.

Either way, your situation reinforces why I'm so type A about things. I need to know every single detail, and everything has to be in order: bills paid on time, a clear plan for the next two week, etc. I'm usually the one initiating plans. I genuinely believe that level of structure makes me a better leader. I know some people don’t like that and prefer to improvise, but that’s just how I operate.

I need that structure too. Some of his arguments were “but I always pay it!” Or “they probably like getting the late fee!” I can’t have that lol. I always pay rent first, it’s the first line item in the budget.

 

[BaronOfHair]

But over time, he seemed to burn out and just not care anymore. He was constantly whining about the game and cold approach, letting himself go and gain a bunch of weight via fast food and sugary sodas, would get out so late that we weren't gaming until well after midnight, and would get jealous + try to minimize me when I started going out solo because I was so sick of his behavior. It was like he didn't even want to be there going out anymore. Absolutely miserable attitude. He would barely even wing me anyways

Pretty obvious he was bored of poonany, and started craving your ass, hombre... Be grateful you escaped this scenario, without being roofied then waking up with a rectum that'd been shredded 12 ways to Sunday

 

[nicksaiz65]

I thought I’d just share some interesting reading I did on my lunch break today.

Rent prices in this country are OUT OF CONTROL. I’m a software engineer & I make good money, but there’s 0% chance I could afford a solo apt in some of these really big cities. Miami, New York, LA, so on. I’d literally be spending 50% of my paycheck on rent.

So to have a solo apt, if I ever wanted to move, I’d need to do something like Vegas(shockingly affordable), Austin, Dallas, possibly Phoenix or Chicago… something like that where the rent is doable.

Seems like for the Miami, New York, LA, there’s just no way around having a roommate. Unless you make like $200K. That’s crazy to me, but I guess that’s the way it is.

If I ever wanted to move I’d probably live in a place like Vegas with a solo spot, build there financially, and then book weekends in cash in your Miami, New York, LA.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Rent prices in this country are OUT OF CONTROL

This one's similar to folks griping about crime rates... Somehow MORE persistent than both genital herpes AND KStew's Post-Twilight career, no matter what the raw data states*


*If cheap sh-t is what one is the market for, pitch the ol' tent out in The Ozarks or the like. As long as you're in a major metropolitan area, things'll be pricey

 

[nicksaiz65]

This one's similar to folks griping about crime rates... Somehow MORE persistent than both genital herpes AND KStew's Post-Twilight career, no matter what the raw data states*


*If cheap sh-t is what one is the market for, pitch the ol' tent out in The Ozarks or the like. As long as you're in a major metropolitan area, things'll be pricey

Yeah, I expect to spend some money. But there’s a big difference between $1500 rent in Nashville or Vegas and $3000-4000 rent in downtown Miami. That Miami rent is actually impossible without a roommate. I need to be strategic about where I’m living. A city that is big enough for pickup, yet not so expensive that I need a roommate to survive.

 

[Travel memoir21]

While roommates can suck, if you have a great roommate, you’ve pretty much gained another family member and a lifelong friend. That’s how I feel about living with my parents, were both grown adults and we help take care of each other. So if you happen to find that roommate who is absolutely golden, don’t let go of it, nourish it and build memories.