Regret getting married: Peace is all that matters

[BackInTheGame78]

BeExcellent you are spot on. Her father is the one that is stopping her from making progress. I have noticed that women take on the traits of their father. Her father is very explosively angry. He has severe emotional regulation issues and no insight into his condition.

Yes I live in the USA most of the time and she in Turkey. Our plans to move to the same country are on hold because of legalities ( we hired lawyers ) that we are sorting out.

I hope that her nervous system can be reset because she is really a wonderful person when she is calm. She also loves me so much. She tells me that it would destroy her if something happened to me. This girl has been 100% faithful to me for years. Always there when I call, she follows me to different countries when I visit, I can go through her phone anytime etc. She sits at home waiting to hear from me etc.
This is why I will not break it off until I have exhausted all options to get her better.

I also need to be slightly less reactive. I hope it is not too late for her to heal. She has made extraordinary strides in the last few years too. It used to be a lot worse.

Türk Müsünüz?

 

[Pandora]

Türk Müsünüz?

Ahh i see you know a little Turkish lol.

 

[Pandora]

disagree. do not bring to US. the pattern she has will cause legal issue for the OP. if she ever makes a complaint, he is toast. He will not even be heard.... I know this sounds extreme, even for me. True all the same.

So I have a Russian homie. Had a Ukrainian girl living with him in the US. She came here after the war. They got romantically involved. She was nuts but loved him. One day she attacked him. He called the cops. He got arrested ( i think they both did). Spent 1 night in jail.

This is what forced him to finally break up with her. Luckily they took it off his record.

Foreign women are not " better". They are just different.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ahh i see you know a little Turkish lol.

Babam Istanbullu

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I think marriage is good for society. But, not necessarily good for men, as individuals.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok fair enough @Pandora. Then you must relocate to a country you can both live in or you gotta let her go. Have you considered Canada?

In any case if you stay together you must extract her from dad's house. Period.

 

[Barrister]

@Pandora

I missed this thread earlier this week. First, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I am also guilty of marrying for the wrong reasons and share your sentiment at this point in life that looks are important, but they are not as important as an emotionally grounded personality in a woman. In fact, the looks become pretty much immaterial if you are dealing with a woman who is otherwise impossible to be around. I have learned this lesson the hard way.

If you know it isn't right, absolutely pull the trigger and get out. Admit a mistake is a mistake. I think you are savvy enough to know it already having been here a long time, but it won't get better -- only worse. So if you are sure right now even at 1.5 years it is time, trust your gut and don't look back. Without any kids in the picture, there might be some financial loss, but it won't be too difficult and you can't put a price on your freedom and piece of mind. Always worth it.

 

[Slowhandluke]

I think marriage is good for society. But, not necessarily good for men, as individuals.

actually traditional marriages are good for society. the type that includes the vows: to "love, cherish, and obey" her husband, while the groom pledged to "love and cherish" her.

when that went out of style, so did marriages.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Pandora,
Get her away from her Family....Turkey is a fascinating Country to tour, particularly if you appreciate Greek or Roman History,cheap with a remarkable network of Coach travel...Take her for a trip,spend some time in Istanbul my favourite City....If the beach is your thing,then Fethiye or Antalya.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I was once with a woman with emotional issues - almost 2 years of crazy emotional rollercoaster - her emotional stability in relationship was 3/10, I think she is borderline but dgaf anymore because my wife emotional stability is 8.5/10 and she is great companion - also smart and slightly more attractive. The result is model relationship.

I have no idea how OP got into US-Turkey disrance marriage, probably sending money to wife or smthng. How can you be a part of this community and still jump into distance marriage? If you do not know how it is to live day-by-day under one roof and still got married - its unreasonable.

 

[Pandora]

So update on my situation. Warning this is a long post.

1.) Me and the wife went on a trip to another country. I had not seen her in months but we talk all the time.

2.) I went to her country to pick her up. For two days no fights ( but the peace is fragile like two armies with a tense ceasefire). She had improved. Sweet as pie. On day three we went to her fathers town. He was emotionally dysregulated as usual.

He starts yelling at me in his language for 1 hr. He is really yelling at her and humiliating her. She just takes it. I see in her that little girl that had to deal with a dysregulated father. I feel so bad for her like " i cant leave her in this mess and I see why she is nuts". I also think " i gotta get out of this". Her mother and other family members apologize to me later.

3.) Next day we board the plane. For about 6 days we are in this other exotic nation. Overall it was good. She only had 3 crazy days with one instance per day. If I was a more chill guy I could let her one freak out per day slide but I am also reacitve. She apologized after an intense fight. She says that her old habits from living in a messed up house come out and she does not like it. She cries and thanks me for putting up with her. The majority of the trip is good though. She had massively improved but still not good enough for me.

4.) I leave her and travel to Russia. I hang out with a Russian female friend ( yeh yeh yeh judge me if you want). This friend is chill no issues except that she has a kid. It was peace. Literally the most emotionally stable woman. Most slavic women are either insane or very emotionally cold/ stable. There is no in between. It made me contrast how my wife is. Even though this other woman is very chill and pleasant ( ive know her for about 6yrs) I still miss my wife. I just wish my wife was as chill. It was so peaceful knowing that nothing you say or do will be misinterpreted. Russia is interesting. No internet, drones but its a very clean beautiful place.

5.) I leave Russia sad, happy, hopeful, regretful.

6.) My wife is still the same. Slowly improving I guess. It is difficult because I know that totally sane peaceful women are out there ( like 25% of them). I cope with saying that the chill ones often have kids or cheat or something idk.

7.) I met with my Chad friend. He recently married a woman from the same region. They live in the USA. We had dinner and we took a ride. He told me that her moodiness is getting to him esp since she is pregnant. It made me realize that many women have emotional issues.

8.) I truly love my wife. If I leave I will think about her everyday. She truly loves me and has been 100% loyal. I will give our relationship 1 more year to improve. I will try to be less reactive ( even though I know the problem is not me because I get along with everyone else). I will give it 100% and then if I have to pull the plug I will. She is trying her best. Im in a tough position but hey love is not always pretty.

 

[Slowhandluke]

So update on my situation. Warning this is a long post.

1.) Me and the wife went on a trip to another country. I had not seen her in months but we talk all the time.

2.) I went to her country to pick her up. For two days no fights ( but the peace is fragile like two armies with a tense ceasefire). She had improved. Sweet as pie. On day three we went to her fathers town. He was emotionally dysregulated as usual.

He starts yelling at me in his language for 1 hr. He is really yelling at her and humiliating her. She just takes it. I see in her that little girl that had to deal with a dysregulated father. I feel so bad for her like " i cant leave her in this mess and I see why she is nuts". I also think " i gotta get out of this". Her mother and other family members apologize to me later.

3.) Next day we board the plane. For about 6 days we are in this other exotic nation. Overall it was good. She only had 3 crazy days with one instance per day. If I was a more chill guy I could let her one freak out per day slide but I am also reacitve. She apologized after an intense fight. She says that her old habits from living in a messed up house come out and she does not like it. She cries and thanks me for putting up with her. The majority of the trip is good though. She had massively improved but still not good enough for me.

4.) I leave her and travel to Russia. I hang out with a Russian female friend ( yeh yeh yeh judge me if you want). This friend is chill no issues except that she has a kid. It was peace. Literally the most emotionally stable woman. Most slavic women are either insane or very emotionally cold/ stable. There is no in between. It made me contrast how my wife is. Even though this other woman is very chill and pleasant ( ive know her for about 6yrs) I still miss my wife. I just wish my wife was as chill. It was so peaceful knowing that nothing you say or do will be misinterpreted. Russia is interesting. No internet, drones but its a very clean beautiful place.

5.) I leave Russia sad, happy, hopeful, regretful.

6.) My wife is still the same. Slowly improving I guess. It is difficult because I know that totally sane peaceful women are out there ( like 25% of them). I cope with saying that the chill ones often have kids or cheat or something idk.

7.) I met with my Chad friend. He recently married a woman from the same region. They live in the USA. We had dinner and we took a ride. He told me that her moodiness is getting to him esp since she is pregnant. It made me realize that many women have emotional issues.

8.) I truly love my wife. If I leave I will think about her everyday. She truly loves me and has been 100% loyal. I will give our relationship 1 more year to improve. I will try to be less reactive ( even though I know the problem is not me because I get along with everyone else). I will give it 100% and then if I have to pull the plug I will. She is trying her best. Im in a tough position but hey love is not always pretty.

90% of all marriages have issues. The other 9% are comprised of REALLY, really happy people. The people who smile all the time.. have happy thoughts all the time.. Think their SO are the greatest even if she had put on one too many lbs.. or even if he has just been laid off/ let go for the 5th time. Basically, the 9% that when given a shietsandwich, takes a bite; thinks its the greatest thing ever; and ask for 2nds.. The other 1%.. these are the unicorns. We don't talk about them because, if we did most of us would self delete.