Red flags on first dates

[sangheilios]

I haven't posted on here in a while and was reflecting upon some dates I've had in the somewhat recent past. Some of those experiences in the moment I was kind of annoyed that things didn't progress but after some reflection I picked up on some trends and things that I had overlooked in the moment. Looking back I can say that some of these were red flags to be aware of, which I'm thinking I'll apply in the future.

Some examples;

- First date with woman, had a good time and she randomly blurts out "How many relationships have you had?". I gave her some b.s answer but looking back it feels kind of odd to be asking a guy you met on a saturday night out that question out of the blue.
- First date with an older woman, milf mid-late 30s, last spring, again was having a good time. She then mentions how she waited a while before she even started dating and mentioned that she was sexually abused when she was young.

 

[lamath]

I haven't posted on here in a while and was reflecting upon some dates I've had in the somewhat recent past. Some of those experiences in the moment I was kind of annoyed that things didn't progress but after some reflection I picked up on some trends and things that I had overlooked in the moment. Looking back I can say that some of these were red flags to be aware of, which I'm thinking I'll apply in the future.

Some examples;

- First date with woman, had a good time and she randomly blurts out "How many relationships have you had?". I gave her some b.s answer but looking back it feels kind of odd to be asking a guy you met on a saturday night out that question out of the blue.
- First date with an older woman, milf mid-late 30s, last spring, again was having a good time. She then mentions how she waited a while before she even started dating and mentioned that she was sexually abused when she was young.

Imo 1st example is weird but not that bad but 2nd is a big red flag, there is the abuse and there is the fact that she is bringing up on 1st date.

 

[biggoal]

I haven't posted on here in a while and was reflecting upon some dates I've had in the somewhat recent past. Some of those experiences in the moment I was kind of annoyed that things didn't progress but after some reflection I picked up on some trends and things that I had overlooked in the moment. Looking back I can say that some of these were red flags to be aware of, which I'm thinking I'll apply in the future.

Some examples;

- First date with woman, had a good time and she randomly blurts out "How many relationships have you had?". I gave her some b.s answer but looking back it feels kind of odd to be asking a guy you met on a saturday night out that question out of the blue.
- First date with an older woman, milf mid-late 30s, last spring, again was having a good time. She then mentions how she waited a while before she even started dating and mentioned that she was sexually abused when she was young.

I had that tool. I had a 3 hour long OLD date. At lunch she said she was sexually abused by her brother growing up and she still talks to him like nothing is wrong. She said it's all better now because she sees a psychiatrist for it.

She now is in a relationship with a beta she's known for a couple years apparently. Dating 2 months and went on a cruise together that he paid for.

 

[sangheilios]

Imo 1st example is weird but not that bad but 2nd is a big red flag, there is the abuse and there is the fact that she is bringing up on 1st date.

#1 I wouldn't consider that much of a red flag - more just nosy, and in all fairness wanting to protect herself. A bit early to be asking that.

#2 _ maybe she is exceedingly honest, or maybe a fruitcake. The best response would be "That is horrible! Have you been to counselling and able to deal with it?

With the first one what is a good response to something like that? I said some sarcastic "Not as few or as many as you'd think" and just let it end. To me it felt like she was asking this out of insecurity and wanted to avoid a player, which I can understand, but it's odd to ask that on a first date randomly.

With the second one she didn't elaborate on it but looking back it felt very off, like why the hell is she telling me this when I've never spent time with her outside of a handful of texts and a phone call prior to the date. I didn't really say anything because it was not something I was looking to get further into, as I was having a good time up until that point.

 

[lamath]

With the first one what is a good response to something like that? I said some sarcastic "Not as few or as many as you'd think" and just let it end. To me it felt like she was asking this out of insecurity and wanted to avoid a player, which I can understand, but it's odd to ask that on a first date randomly.

With the second one she didn't elaborate on it but looking back it felt very off, like why the hell is she telling me this when I've never spent time with her outside of a handful of texts and a phone call prior to the date. I didn't really say anything because it was not something I was looking to get further into, as I was having a good time up until that point.

Almost all women claim to have been abused one way or the other, sometime its just an ex BF calling her fat.

How many relationship have you had - lost count - this month? - none women only wants me for my body etc....
Or if not at ease with those..... brutal honesty in a non apologetic way

 

[sangheilios]

Almost all women claim to have been abused one way or the other, sometime its just an ex BF calling her fat.

How many relationship have you had - lost count - this month? - none women only wants me for my body etc....
Or if not at ease with those..... brutal honesty in a non apologetic way

With that particular woman she specifically stated sexual abuse when she was growing up, though she didn't elaborate on details that I honestly had 0 desire to listen to. I feel like mentioning something like this would be normal after having spent a lot of time with one another but definitely not on a first date.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

Had one chick tell me on a date her lifes goal was to play 100 levels of candy crush a week so she could catch up to the creators of the game.
I listened intently, spell bound actually and when she was done I grabbed her wine glass , took it to the kitchen and came back and told her we're done here. That was a red flag to me.

 

[AttackFormation]

The first one isn't a red flag, she is screening you for stability.

Wouldn't she just be more attracted to him if she thought he was a player? To me that moniker is just positive. It implies the man is hot, smooth and popular with other women, all of which women like. I mean even the women on this forum will say it's positive.

Personally every time a woman has asked about my sexual experience I've noticed a positive reaction when they projected I must be a player/really experienced (because I purposely gave a vague answer for them, knowing they want to think I'm an experienced player), and a negative one when they didn't (because I was honest).

 

[AttackFormation]

Depends on what she is looking for from him. Women will put you into categories. As a general rule though even as a player you should have relationship experience.

I guess so. I strongly believe she would become more attracted at the thought of him being a player based on my experience and what the women here say. But I guess we are talking about her premeditatively looking for a man she can control? That's what you said women look for in a man to marry in that other thread. And so that would screen him out, unless she can't help herself.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yeah, I mean women like relationships too and select men for that. Just because they also like action on the side does not mean you qualify for that role in their mind, they only want you as the boyfriend experience.

Which would backfire for her by disqualifying her as a girlfriend to me. Women have different rules for different men, as you just said. They have casual sex with the men they actually desire, so if she won't have casual sex with you then she just doesn't desire you. And so why would you want to commit to someone who doesn't desire you. I guess men are so desperate to believe they've found an exception and a steady source of sex and affection, they'll just go along with it.

Any man with a modicum of experience will know this is true. I can see exceptions to the rule, but wouldn't count on finding any.

 

[devilkingx2]

Had one chick tell me on a date her lifes goal was to play 100 levels of candy crush a week so she could catch up to the creators of the game.
I listened intently, spell bound actually and when she was done I grabbed her wine glass , took it to the kitchen and came back and told her we're done here. That was a red flag to me.

That girl sounds awesome, she was wasted on you bro.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I had that tool. I had a 3 hour long OLD date. At lunch she said she was sexually abused by her brother growing up and she still talks to him like nothing is wrong. She said it's all better now because she sees a psychiatrist for it.

She now is in a relationship with a beta she's known for a couple years apparently. Dating 2 months and went on a cruise together that he paid for.

She chose a beta orbiter over you. Let that sink in for a minute and then maybe you can understand why you are having issues.

 

[biggoal]

She chose a beta orbiter over you. Let that sink in for a minute and then maybe you can understand why you are having issues.

It looks like from Facebook postings that he's beta buxxing her. 20 years retired from the air force ( pension) plus hes a real estate agent who sells a lot of houses.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

I had that tool. I had a 3 hour long OLD date. At lunch she said she was sexually abused by her brother growing up and she still talks to him like nothing is wrong. She said it's all better now because she sees a psychiatrist for it.

She now is in a relationship with a beta she's known for a couple years apparently. Dating 2 months and went on a cruise together that he paid for.

You could have something. When you're dealing with a soldier in between you and the girl you'd like. Usually the situation can unfold where in as soon as 3-6 months she drops him. I once was with a girl that was an Army staffer. While first kid I had with her happened early. While we were away from each other she picked up a small b/f for a while. In 3 months she broke up with the army vet. b/f. So on and so forth we then got together again and had our second kid... Chances look good for you if it's an Army vet.

 

[biggoal]

You could have something. When you're dealing with a soldier in between you and the girl you'd like. Usually the situation can unfold where in as soon as 3-6 months she drops him. I once was with a girl that was an Army staffer. While first kid I had with her happened early. While we were away from each other she picked up a small b/f for a while. In 3 months she broke up with the army vet. b/f. So on and so forth we then got together again and had our second kid... Chances look good for you if it's an Army vet.

He's retired airforce. Looks about 40-43 so went in pretty young and retired right at 20 years probably. She is a teacher and she also just got a real estate license too to do part time. But just the looks of it he's beta buxxing and she knew him as a friend before me for a few years now and he has a couple kids too from his previous marriage. But I mean dating for less than two months and he takes her on a cruise?

But, why is it these women love Beta Buxxers but the advice I get on here is the opposite and men on this forum oppose beta buxxing and paying for women's stuff. That you lose frame by Buxxing. yet the Beta Buxxers are getting the pVssy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

He's retired airforce. Looks about 40-43 so went in pretty young and retired right at 20 years probably. She is a teacher and she also just got a real estate license too to do part time. But just the looks of it he's beta buxxing and she knew him as a friend before me for a few years now and he has a couple kids too from his previous marriage. But I mean dating for less than two months and he takes her on a cruise?

But, why is it these women love Beta Buxxers but the advice I get on here is the opposite and men on this forum oppose beta buxxing and paying for women's stuff. That you lose frame by Buxxing. yet the Beta Buxxers are getting the pVssy.

Because there is a huge difference between a woman wanting to be with you because of how you make her feel and a woman who wants to be with you because of what you can provide for her.

Until you get that through your immensely thick skull and start to actually understand it there can be no help for you.

 

[biggoal]

Because there is a huge difference between a woman wanting to be with you because of how you make her feel and a woman who wants to be with you because of what you can provide for her.

Until you get that through your immensely thick skull and start to actually understand it there can be no help for you.

Seems this one looks to be a beta buxxer. I mean look at Melania. Trump is way older. Same with Rush Limbaugh. Do you think them way younger women want Limbaugh for his looks?

 

[Vantagepoint34]

He's retired airforce. Looks about 40-43 so went in pretty young and retired right at 20 years probably. She is a teacher and she also just got a real estate license too to do part time. But just the looks of it he's beta buxxing and she knew him as a friend before me for a few years now and he has a couple kids too from his previous marriage. But I mean dating for less than two months and he takes her on a cruise?

But, why is it these women love Beta Buxxers but the advice I get on here is the opposite and men on this forum oppose beta buxxing and paying for women's stuff. That you lose frame by Buxxing. yet the Beta Buxxers are getting the pVssy.

You're on to something. Once again take note the divorce rate is %70 and going higher. On top of that look at that statistic %20 drop in birth rates. Also yes gifts too early in the relationship or in this case a trip are a big indicator that guy doesn't know what he is doing. Remember this a woman doesn't have the word "no" in her vocabulary. You should look into that and Cold approach/day game and check out the frame work. Women don't have no in their vocabulary. You should looking into the fact they do have a language "woman*se" If half of the memebers on here would get that. You would get more quality answers. So look forward to try and get 2 or 3 more meetings with this girl in the next 3 weeks. Strike while the iron is hot. Remeber first 3 months is how you read where this will play out. Always apply that to your interactions and you'll get somewhere.

 

[Georgepithyou]

If she uses her phone during the date infront of you, unless it's an emergancy call I don't like when women bring their phones

If she just answers your questions but doesn't ask any back, either she is boring or not interested or both.

If she brings up Sex or exs, it's an automatic next from me

If she wants to change venues during the date it's an instant next for me, one time I planned out this rock climbing session in advance and before we went in she kept saying she wantes to see some horror movie. I don't care for horror movies and ditched here right there, and enjoyed my time rock climbing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If she uses her phone during the date infront of you, unless it's an emergancy call I don't like when women bring their phones

If she just answers your questions but doesn't ask any back, either she is boring or not interested or both.

If she brings up Sex or exs, it's an automatic next from me

If she wants to change venues during the date it's an instant next for me, one time I planned out this rock climbing session in advance and before we went in she kept saying she wantes to see some horror movie. I don't care for horror movies and ditched here right there, and enjoyed my time rock climbing.

She probably dodged a bullet...you sound like the stick is shoved so far up your ass you cant even pull it out. Take some xanax bro. Relax. Chill. No need to be that high strung...my God...

You must be a blast to hang out with