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Recent observations on Confidence.

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I use to think fake it till you make was what you said until i realized there was some truth to it.
I guy growing up sheltered or behind the curve might need a little taste of success in something to let his subconscious mind start to be reprogrammed.
Eric Disco aka, i dont know his real name, thats his pen name i think.
wrote a book called Approach Anxiety and he did a great job explaining exposure in steps rather then all in at once. Hes helped a lot of guys. And he was spot on about working out the social muscles.
Thanks very much for the recommended reading!

In that sense i'm okay with a little "false confidence" - in a sense of needing a base level of confidence to even try a new task.

That's one thing but building an ego or identity around false confidence is ****ed up.
 
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overconfidence works with women that are ovulating. a week or two later the same girl will see right through it; but on those few days, she will go blind and not think about the truth of anything; she will just suck up the confidence regardless of its origin. for non-chad tier guys; it is important to know and understand the cycle. the overconfidence can get through on those days a few days; especially if no obstacles other than the girl.

chemistry 101.
Interesting. I've had similar experience.

I wonder why the fluctuation in value of confidence may be tied to ovulation?

Cheers,
 
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Dont be so sure, women all what care about outside , if you look outside as confident you will score more with women regardless of if you are faking it or not, simply because women find it hard to fake such things so they assume everyone is like that.
Hang on.... I don't want to straw man your point but are you saying its harder to fake confidence than be actually confident?

I'd imagine the opposite is true..
 

Lynx nkaf

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Interesting. I've had similar experience.

I wonder why the fluctuation in value of confidence may be tied to ovulation?

Cheers,
faked confidence is better than no confidence-if there was only these 2 types of con-men left in the world, she's spreading her legs for fake confidence guy
 
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Yup, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. And the solution is simple:

Actually be that overly confident guy.

It’s something that I noticed socially in my everyday life. The person who ‘wins’ in an argument isn’t the person who’s actually right, it’s the person who is more sure of himself. People will take that side even if he’s wrong simply because of the background thought “he can’t be this sure of himself unless he’s actually right”. It’s just how social dynamics work. Especially because most people don’t have that type of confidence.

I’m speaking as someone who does have that confidence lol. But it’s true though, it works. And to an extent, having strong opinions do too, oftentimes because it mimics this effect.

If I’m being honest though, most of the time, those people don’t last. For one thing, it’s possible that your friend’s friend was just acting like that because there were girls around. Plus he joined late too, meaning that he may have just been trying to be that guy, if you know what I mean (like that ‘cool’ guy). And it goes without saying, alcohol also has that effect on people too oftentime. The truth is, most people are just like that in the moment, but in actuality aren’t really that confident deep down inside (maybe they’re just really really passionate about the topic at hand; it goes back to the strongly opinionated thing I said before). But even if he is genuinely like that, like I said, they don’t last. At some point in time, someone who REALLY knows his shit is gonna call him out (and I say “him” because let’s face it, when’s the last time you’ve ever met an overconfident girl before? It doesn’t happen, only guys are like this lol; gotta love that testosterone :devil: ). And I know this because it’s happened to me a few times before too, although I usually try to see things from all sides before making an opinion on something; but that’s besides the point.

Here is where the self-improvement stuff comes in though. Not only do you have to be irrationally self-confident in these social situations, you also have to actually have the skill and knowledge base too. Lemme give you a real-world example: I’m sitting in my gender studies class calling out all the leftist progtard feminist bullshit that’s been shoved down our throats for the last 6 decades. When I’m giving my argument (debunking this stupid ****), I don’t just say it’s bs and leave it at that lol; yes, I have to be irrationally confident, but I also have to know the actual facts too, AND why the feminist narrative is wrong. And not only that, I need to know why someone else is wrong if they disagree with me.

In other words, you must be able to poke holes in other people’s arguments if they start to argue against you, because when it comes touchy subjects like the ones in my class, you best believe people won’t back down without a fight; you’re basically saying that their life is a lie and that a part of their identity is completely wrong/faulty. It bothers them because it gives them a mini existential crisis in that they have to question their own reality afterwards. Also because attacking something like this is like attacking them as individuals because it’s become a part of their own personal identity.

In your typical social situations, just mocking them (the other party) and their arguments will do the trick. But if it’s in a more serious environment, you may need to actually elaborate why it’s wrong. This type of stuff gets into philosophy and psychology bc when someone disagrees with you when you KNOW you are right, even after you’ve explained the facts to them, the only way for them to really argue against you is through logical fallacies (e.g. humans need to be alive in order for cancer to grow, and because water keeps humans alive, water therefore causes cancer). And even though logically these arguments don’t make sense, socially people may not recognize that until you break it down to them. The best way I’ve found to deal with situations like these is to use clearly faulty analogies/comparisons that use the same logic the person arguing against me is using (you’ve seen them before; these analogies typically start off with “but that’s like saying...”) because it lets other people understand how the argument the other person is making is wrong, and it works in more serious environments too because it also explains why they’re wrong.

Even then, people may disagree with you. At that point, you just make fun of them and/or mock them though. Why? Because others around you now KNOW you are right and they (the other party) is wrong, but is just being too stubborn to admit it. Doing this will emphasize you being right, while also socially punishing/humiliating the other person so as to not mess with you again, which in turn shows more confidence on your end while also showing that you have self-respect. Just make sure that when you do it, you don’t name-call or mock them for something completely unrelated to the discussion at hand because then THAT shows weakness (bc it means that your ego is hurt).

So yeah, social dynamics in a nutshell. This should be in all books teaching social skills and confidence. DJ Bible material. Beyond even Pook. (Like I said, irrational confidence, eh? ;) )

They don’t hate the guy himself, they just hate the fact that he’s so sure of himself because they know they never could be. It’s just their own insecurity speaking lol
Thanks for the detailed post!

Although I'm not really on board for the "if you cant beat them join them" point I'll defs give it a try.

Right. In some cases it's almost (but obviously not always) like arguing louder lets you win. haha.

If you are one of the guys who does have the confidence but is aware of the mismatch between confidence and skill does it not bother you at your like core that this problem exists? or is that a me thing?

Sometimes yes sometimes no. thats the whole problem. If overconfidence was always a short-term strategy I'd be okay with it cuz you can just tell yourself your playing the long game and these dudes are not.

I usually don't mind chad-lads cause they are mostly harmless. it's just when a chad is trying to make policy decision that effect people outside himself. if the dude wants to spend 100k+ on cars clothes tattoos and steroids to live to an archetype then be my guest. but if the guy is running a business and people depend on that income and hes playing fast and loose with the truth cuz hes confidence thats a formula for disaster.

Thanks again for the points.

It's funny cuz at my work Im more on the Chad side of the spectrum than my a lot of male coworkers (although im not by any means more than lets say 65% chad haha) and it does seem to be helping with the ladies. So I cant argue that it can't work. Given that my work is analytical though I cant in good conscience live my life in a way that is essentially saying 2+2 = 5. Maybe that's why it annoys me so much.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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If you are one of the guys who does have the confidence but is aware of the mismatch between confidence and skill does it not bother you at your like core that this problem exists?
It doesn’t bother me in the sense that my confidence will get lowered like “uh oh, idk what I’m talking about omg what if they find out???” lol no **** that. I never lie, I’m not gonna act like I know how to do something I don’t. But I’m decisive; I make decisions quickly and don’t second-guess them because if I’m right, I’m right, and if I’m wrong, I’ll learn for next time. Most people are so afraid of making a mistake when itndoesnt make thatmcuh of a difference.

But yeah, back to your question, it’s more like “okay, you have the confidence to know you’re awesome, but now you gotta have the shit to back it up too if things happen”. Like ‘look great, be even better’ kind of thing. It lets me know my weaknesses because I know there’s a way I can get better/strong, that there’s something I can get better at. So yeah.
 

Lynx nkaf

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It doesn’t bother me in the sense that my confidence will get lowered like “uh oh, idk what I’m talking about omg what if they find out???” lol no **** that. I never lie, I’m not gonna act like I know how to do something I don’t. But I’m decisive; I make decisions quickly and don’t second-guess them because if I’m right, I’m right, and if I’m wrong, I’ll learn for next time. Most people are so afraid of making a mistake when itndoesnt make thatmcuh of a difference.

But yeah, back to your question, it’s more like “okay, you have the confidence to know you’re awesome, but now you gotta have the shit to back it up too if things happen”. Like ‘look great, be even better’ kind of thing. It lets me know my weaknesses because I know there’s a way I can get better/strong, that there’s something I can get better at. So yeah.
Stay honest.
 

mrgoodstuff

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For the sake of dialogue I'll assume you are actually serious with that comment.

Yes it matters. it matters a lot.

1)it's the same phenomenon that give con-men the charm they have.

2) it's one of the underlying reasons for the glut of misinformation.

3) It can contribute to high anxiety to those prone to it.

4) It's the reason Trump can out persuade large groups vs experts.

5) It's a reason that people get promoted or hired over others that may be better candidates.

that's 5 reasons of the top of my head.

Cheers.
Thank you for clarifying. I know confidence matters a shyt ton. Some just have it. Others build it.
 

evan12

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Hang on.... I don't want to straw man your point but are you saying its harder to fake confidence than be actually confident?

I'd imagine the opposite is true..
No, I am saying faking confidence could get results with women , simply because women look at the final results , they will say that man is confidant , but they dont analyze from where it came .
 

HyenaPrince

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No, I am saying faking confidence could get results with women , simply because women look at the final results , they will say that man is confidant , but they dont analyze from where it came .
You'd have to be a devilish good actor in order to pull that off naturally. Authenticity is almost impossible to fake. Even if you manage to fake confidence, you'd probably merely attract low quality women. Women can smell those things.
 

Epicenter

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You'd have to be a devilish good actor in order to pull that off naturally. Authenticity is almost impossible to fake. Even if you manage to fake confidence, you'd probably merely attract low quality women. Women can smell those things.
Fake confidence is good for the women. The guy shows that he is ready to take risk for girls. That is important. The more he invests by trying to put energy to create fake confidence the more is he in here spidernet. He shows he is ready to sacrifice his integrity (energy) for her. That means she can expect more sacrifice from him.
 

HyenaPrince

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Fake confidence is good for the women. The guy shows that he is ready to take risk for girls. That is important. The more he invests by trying to put energy to create fake confidence the more is he in here spidernet. He shows he is ready to sacrifice his integrity (energy) for her. That means she can expect more sacrifice from him.
I disagree. Your statement sounds like a generalization. Good for all (the) women or good for (the) women that are repelled by that fake confidence in the first place and, in turn, use that particular man for further purposes? Because you'd have to assume that there is a large portion of women that wouldn't even start engaging in a sexual or emotional relationship with a man that shows fake confidence. I see your point, but it's not comprehensive.
 

zekko

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Fake confidence is good for the women.
Women wouldn't know authentic confidence if it hit them in the arse. Here's a video talking about how studies show that bullies have more dating success with women. I see no reason to disbelieve that, it matches what I have seen. But as the host notes, bullying tends to result from an insecure attitude, but they put up an aggressive front. This is just an example of how fake confidence will work with women. I don't buy this idea that women have this super power that allows them to sniff out what a guy is really thinking. To me, it appears they just go off of superficial cues.

 

Mike32ct

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Women wouldn't know authentic confidence if it hit them in the arse. Here's a video talking about how studies show that bullies have more dating success with women. I see no reason to disbelieve that, it matches what I have seen. But as the host notes, bullying tends to result from an insecure attitude, but they put up an aggressive front. This is just an example of how fake confidence will work with women. I don't buy this idea that women have this super power that allows them to sniff out what a guy is really thinking. To me, it appears they just go off of superficial cues.

That's why I think it's almost pointless for a guy to focus on "improving confidence." Men and women can't even agree on what confidence is.

If a guy wants to focus on conversational skills, dressing better, getting in better shape, getting rid of his negative attitude, etc., great. His "confidence" may well improve as other areas improve. But "confidence" shouldn't necessarily be the goal.

Assuming women can "read your mind" always seemed a bit superstitious to me. Or that they can "size you up in seconds" sounds a bit overblown.
 
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