Really need a man’s advice. He broke up w/ his ex. Got with me. Got back w/her. They broke up and now he’s back w/ me. Has he developed feelings?

[manfrombelow]

Yikes. Like I said I’m really shocked by this. I just thought if you didn’t like someone you wouldn’t want to be around them for so long. I can barely get through an evening with a guy that I don’t like.

how do you all (men) spend days with a woman you don’t like? We don’t annoy you after a while?

Unlike women, men can have sex without being emotionally invested in you. To have sex, we can do pretty crazy stuff like spending days with women we don't like enough to make her LTR but enough to FVCK.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I appreciate the advice, you’re right. So basically you’re saying: 1. He still wants his ex 2. He doesn’t have feelings for me?

Yes. Now go live your life. You will look back at this as a learning experience.

But at the end of the day, I'm not your dad so you do you. Just whatever you decide, value yourself first.

Feel free to reach out to me directly if you need further input, but generally speaking, there are very good men here with valuable opinions and perspectives.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Dilemma99]

Unlike women, men can have sex without being emotionally invested in you. To have sex, we can do pretty crazy stuff like spending days with women we don't like enough to make her LTR but enough to FVCK.

Again, mind blown lol. 2 questions:

1.What is it about a woman that makes you like her enough to only f*ck her? If that makes sense lol
2. What makes you decide she isn’t what you want LTR?

just curious because clearly I don’t have a lot of experience....

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, sorry for your situation. Get rid of him. Block him if you have to. Move on. Don’t waste any more time with this clown.

 

[Dilemma99]

Yes!!! Some will spend years, if it means he’s getting regular sex and the woman is tolerable enough to him. There are LTR’s. Unfortunately lots of men that feel trapped in bad marriages now living lives they don’t like. It’s really unfortunate. Make no assumptions on how deeply a man cares about you.

A man wanting to have sex (with you) often just means a man wants to have sex. You personally are the best match in the moment between what he finds most desirable (looks) and his easiest/best option to have sex with. Depends on how much effort he is willing to put in, to get sex. Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.

Don’t mistakenly project your caring deeply about him, as to his also caring deeply about you. Look at a man’s/person’s actions over their words.

Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to prioritize connection. Men are internally wired to prioritize sex. It’s an internal drive exponentially stronger than a woman’s. Neither is right. Neither is wrong. In the end we all desire both. We perceive and experience life and relationships differently. Yin and Yang.

For clarity, I am a woman, not a man. My perspectives are such.

I need to run. Final thoughts...

You are young and will learn lots more as you grow.

Value yourself. Look after yourself. That’s your #1 job.

“Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.”

Very true. So how do I know a man actually has feelings for me then? Like I said we’re (me and him) spending ample time together and we’re going out, which I thought equated to having feelings because that’s what people who are dating do too. So how do you know if a man has genuine feelings then?

 

[Bokanovsky]

gotcha, I get it. I’m just shocked to be honest because like I said I didn’t know men would spend so many days with a woman and take her out if he didn’t have feelings for her. Like I said, I’m just very surprised.

so men really will spend many days with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

This may come as another shock, but men do not all act or think alike. You are asking us to psychoanalyze a guy that none of us has met. You are also making it impossible to give any kind of meaningful advice because you are not telling the whole story. You’ve been asked why you are so hung up on this particular dude and you’ve been very careful not to answer the question. Is the super good looking? Rich? A celebrity? All of the above? Why would you jump on a plane for a chance to fvck him the moment he is dumped by his ex? How attractive are you compared to his ex? These are all relevant context questions.

 

[Dilemma99]

This may come as another shock, but men do not all act or think alike. You are asking us to psychoanalyze a guy that none of us has met. You are also making it impossible to give any kind of meaningful advice because you are not telling the whole story. You’ve been asked why you are so hung up on this particular dude and you’ve been very careful not to answer the question. Is the super good looking? Rich? A celebrity? All of the above? Why would you jump on a plane for a chance to fvck him the moment he is dumped by his ex? How attractive are you compared to his ex? These are all relevant context questions.

okay I’ll address all of your questions.

I like him because he’s very attractive, he’s really funny, has a great job, a home, older, wants to settle down so he’s done with the dating without a purpose phase.

I got on the plane because I thought he had realized he wanted to be with be me - not his ex.

how attractive am I compared to his ex? Well we’re both petite and have curly hair so we’re similar in features.Personally I don’t think she’s all that attractive, she’s his age so she looks much older IMO, and I have a more natural look. Here are some pics of both of us. I tried to show us done up, body, face, etc. for a fair comparison

me:

http://imgur.com/q5mz31A

http://imgur.com/FSHEU2k

http://imgur.com/GO3SB5n

https://i.imgur.com/Oqz0fuD.jpg

her:
https://i.imgur.com/u1eOy53.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/IxrA2Mg.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/Mn4YMiF.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/E1xHdTq.png
https://imgur.com/a/k2OOeEc

 

[Glassguy]

If it's any consultation, I'd bang you.

And to answer your question from earlier:
Just because a guy will fvck you, doesn't mean he wants more with you.

We (alpha males/men with abundance and options) love women and sex. We like some women enough to "date", some enough to fvck and some aren't worth our time at all.

This guy you're talking about wants his ex. Its over. You are the backup for however long you let him pull your strings.

Move on. Tough to do, I know, but you need to stop asking yourself all of these questions because they're all questions that you're never going to have answered. Not from us and not from him.

Hope this helps.

 

[Dilemma99]

If it's any consultation, I'd bang you.

And to answer your question from earlier:
Just because a guy will fvck you, doesn't mean he wants more with you.

We (alpha males/men with abundance and options) love women and sex. We like some women enough to "date", some enough to fvck and some aren't worth our time at all.

This guy you're talking about wants his ex. Its over. You are the backup for however long you let him pull your strings.

Move on. Tough to do, I know, but you need to stop asking yourself all of these questions because they're all questions that you're never going to have answered. Not from us and not from him.

Hope this helps.

haha thanks

I just assumed he didn’t want his ex because he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her and then had me with him so quickly. How can he want her if he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her in the first place? That’s part of the reason why I didn’t think I was a rebound...

 

[Glassguy]

haha thanks

I just assumed he didn’t want his ex because he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her and then had me with him so quickly. How can he want her if he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her in the first place? That’s part of the reason why I didn’t think I was a rebound...

You're still asking unimportant questions. You shouldn't assume. He obviously jumped right back with her for a reason......he wasn't unsure. He wanted fun with you and a relationship with her when the opportunity presented itself.

You should be asking "do I want to settle for being the backup ". Based on your pics, you shouldn't be someone's backup IF you stop this over thinking. Its honestly insecure behavior and that's a major turn off to all of us men who have high standards and options of women.

 

[Dilemma99]

Were you at all in sugar baby, sugar daddy sort of relationship dynamic / set-up that you were hoping might become more???

How did you meet the guy? How much older? How far away are you? Who paid for the plane tickets?

no lol. I met him in the mall. I’m 22 he’s 30 (so is his ex), will be 31 in August. I’m out in TN he’s in DC. I paid for the flights.

 

[metalwater]

- she didn't want him any more for whatever reasons or whatever feelings, board, hypergamy, was always transactional.
- you look a little bit like a younger version of her.
- you and he get together
- she either knows it or feels it and now she wants him again for shor time due to competition
- he runs right back, she lowers her interest again because of that and whatever is the original issues. she has other option.
- goes back to you cause that's much better than nothing.

in short, might be a great guy and might not.
you are option #2 for him and it sounds like he is option #2 for his ex.

you deserve to be option #1, and make sure you are also picking option #1 unless you're just looking for fun.

you can be option #2 for almost any guy, as your not fat and your teeth are ok.

pass on this one.

 

[Velasco]

Personally I don’t think she’s all that attractive

It doesnt matter what you think. It's what he thinks. To him, she's hot and u aight. Nothing you can do about it.

 

[Dilemma99]

It doesnt matter what you think. It's what he thinks. To him, she's hot and u aight. Nothing you can do about it.

how do you figure that I’m just alright to him? I would think looks have no bearing here.

 

[Velasco]

how do you figure that I’m just alright to him?

By the way he treats you and the way you respond to him. He knows he can have you if he wanted to. Cuz ur not "hot" to him.

I would think looks have no bearing here.

She on the other hand is "hot" to him, so he acts the way he does (like a simp) in response to how he views her. She in turn responses to him the way he views her (how a hot girl would act towards someone she views as beneath her).

That's why we on here to treat hot girls as aight girls. Game.

No game = simp like behavior.

 

[Glassguy]

Just a few more thoughts:

1.) He was with her apparently for a long time, so there is much more invested in her than you. Just the way it is.
2.) He ALWAYS had full intentions of running back to her once the opportunity was there.
3.) He knew he could have you and his ex was more of a challenge. Now I dont think things end well for him with the ex, and I am going to assume she dumped him in the original relationship, but OP should move on no matter what. At this point she is sacrificing her self esteem and standards while trying to hang on to this dude.

Guys- pay attention to a few things (sorry OP but I am going to use you as an example) as they are VERY important in female behavior:

1.) When you dump a chick, they will do this sort of stuff. They will sit around wondering what happened, trying to digest all the details, etc. This thread just goes to show that once you make a female invest (plane tickets, etc) she will be right there waiting for you if you decide to come back. It doesnt work the other way around. This is why you DUMP/Exit/Disappear when a woman starts pulling back (loss of attraction, loss of respect, etc). It puts you in this exact same position most of the time.

2.) He/she that is invested the least will always have the upper hand.

3.) When you throw women crumbs they will gobble them up and just keep coming back for more.

4.) Women want what they cant have or what is a challenge. When you dudes throw yourselves at a woman who has done nothing to have earned it, desperation reeks in the air. You must be the challenge to get any woman to willfully submit.

 

[Dilemma99]

Just a few more thoughts:

1.) He was with her apparently for a long time, so there is much more invested in her than you. Just the way it is.
2.) He ALWAYS had full intentions of running back to her once the opportunity was there.
3.) He knew he could have you and his ex was more of a challenge. Now I dont think things end well for him with the ex, and I am going to assume she dumped him in the original relationship, but OP should move on no matter what. At this point she is sacrificing her self esteem and standards while trying to hang on to this dude.

Guys- pay attention to a few things (sorry OP but I am going to use you as an example) as they are VERY important in female behavior:

1.) When you dump a chick, they will do this sort of stuff. They will sit around wondering what happened, trying to digest all the details, etc. This thread just goes to show that once you make a female invest (plane tickets, etc) she will be right there waiting for you if you decide to come back. It doesnt work the other way around. This is why you DUMP/Exit/Disappear when a woman starts pulling back (loss of attraction, loss of respect, etc). It puts you in this exact same position most of the time.

2.) He/she that is invested the least will always have the upper hand.

3.) When you throw women crumbs they will gobble them up and just keep coming back for more.

4.) Women want what they cant have or what is a challenge. When you dudes throw yourselves at a woman who has done nothing to have earned it, desperation reeks in the air. You must be the challenge to get any woman to willfully submit.

so basically he doesn’t respect me and sees me as low value?

 

[Lookatu]

Ok which SS member is playing around with this poor girl?

Mall pickup? Who has done those the most?

 

[Lookatu]

Speaking of mall pickup. Random story from high school.

Met this girl at a mall when I was in 10th grade. She gives me her #, then when I call a few days later, she acts like she doesn't know who I am. When I tell her how we met, she goes 'oh yeah. I didn't give you my #. Don't know how you got it.'

Dang. She was cold.

Bro, you know girls will forget you after the first day. Your mistake was waiting a "few" days later to contact her. LOL

Girls that give their numbers too fast or put out too fast, you are just a number to them and nothing special. Just another notch in their belts...

 

[bat soup]

So this guy (30/m) I’m (22/f) seeing just broke up with his ex recently. He wanted to marry her but it didn’t work out. He met me, we hooked up, and spent a week together when I flew out to see him. 2 days later he sends me a text saying he’s working things out with his ex, that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on my Instagram story down (from the week we spent together), then he unfollowed me and I saw that he added his ex back. Fast forward 2 weeks later he added me back on social media and saw that he and the ex unfollowed each other. He told me that broke up again the night before. Anyways, I flew back out to see him 3 weeks after they broke up again.

The first time I was here (last month) as I said he called me his friend and told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys. Now that I’m back out here his friends wanted to go out so I went with him which I took as a good sign that he wanted me to meet his friends. So now I’m convinced he only said those things (saying we were just friends and not to get in the way of meeting other men) because he felt forced to by the ex and didn’t really mean it.

Here’s a little more back story:

We met through my cousin and they’re really good friends. My cousin is also really good friends with the ex. Both parties have confided in so my cousin so she has the inside scoop.

They were broken up for 5 months. Went full NC for 2 or 3 months. I met him months prior, no hanging out yet. He unfollowed me on IG when when they started talking again but not together. He was supposed to go be with her and her family for the holidays and then that’s when they went full NC for 2 months. He added me back and then eventually made plans to see him vday weekend.

During the 2 months they went NC I was told he was crying over her, making posts about her, 2 days before I flew out there he even made a post with her initials saying he missed her, bought tickets for a June concert because he knew she’d be there and was hoping to run into her, and even contacted her mom. So apparently he kept trying but she kept ignoring him. Then on vday, when I was here, he contacted her to say happy vday. I left a few days later and that same day that I left he asked her to go to dinner. This is when he texted me saying he was working things out with her, they had gone to dinner, and that we were just friends, stop making and to take down all posts about my visit. He was also upfront with her about me.

So while they briefly got back together he had talked about how she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. So he found out that she had seen someone while they were broken up. He got really upset and angry about it and told her now he’s unsure if he wanted to be with her. She in turn got all dramatic and she kicked him to the curb a few weeks later. He begged for her to stay but she still broke up with him. The very next day after their breakup he added me back on social media, and 3 weeks later now I’m here. So I’m out here with his friends again. I do know after meeting me the first time his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”. So I thought he was bringing me around again so that his friends could get to know me better. So all good signs?

So yea, all of this was told to me by cousin and she and she showed me some of the screenshots.

So my question is, has he developed feelings for me/like me? I don’t think a man will spend days with you (I’m out here for a week) and have you meet his friends unless he has feelings for you and it’s not about sex. So am I right?

He just wants to bang. It's quite obvious from his behaviour that this is all that it is.