Read Diary ..now What?

[STR8UP]

Everyone lies.

EVERYONE.

There's a difference between lying to keep your ass out of hot water when you've done something wrong and lying to protect someone's feelings.

 

[joekerr31]

Joekerr,

I agree about bringing up the past and I also agree about snooping. I see your point about a "pact", with the exception that if that COULD be, wtf would she write it in a diary?

I've been burned enough by girls that lied that it just leaves a very sour taste for me.

there are a lot of lies that are unacceptable. in fact, id argue that very few lies are acceptable. one of the areas that i accept that people are going to lie about, especially women, is their sexual past.

it is such a guarantee that i strongly suggest men avoid asking about it. 99% of the time what you get will not be the truth.

and thats not always a bad thing. perhaps this girl didn't have a pact. BUT, perhaps instead she is afraid that the guy she loves (ie. her bf) will think she is a sl*t.

lets face it, does this guy sound like the type of guy that a girl could tell her past exploits to with a good result? i really doubt.

odds are she doesn't tell him this stuff because she knows he can't handle it. the fact that he's reading her private diary proves he can't!

i dont know, i'm one of hte biggest proponents of the truth. and im always against lying and when you catch a woman lying nexting her.

but in this particular instance, i think we're dealing with an AFC and a woman who has done nothing wrong and who lied most likely either to 1) keep a secret or 2) not to hurt her current bf.

 

[drmeathead]

he shouldnt have looked at the diary. that was wrong, period. however she doesnt get off the hook for lying. her response should have been more forthright and told him that she didnt while they were together and otherwise it was none of his business. there was no need to lie. but whatever it was a small lie. i agree with the above posters.

the other issues are more alarming. the fact that she went and basically ditched him on a night out to talk to this guy and the fact she allowed this other guy to be all over her is also out of line. the fact that her bf (who played it totally wrong btw) to have to confront the other guy to get her away was bull****. she should have seen he was upset and and left with him, period. to do otherwise was blatantly disrespectful.

 

[drmeathead]

**** dont ever ever admit to the diary reading. good christ. deny it unless she catches you or has pictures of you doing. you need to seriously evaluate this girls actions. they arent focused on you. they are focused on her and her alone. you are dildo that poops and buys her **** she wants. go find someone who respects and treasures you.

 

[joekerr31]

haha. you know, personally i think this guy is f*cked no matter how you slice it.

i think she's going to figure out he read her diary whether he does anything from here on in or not. its not that hard to figure to be honest.

second, when he gets caught, whether he confesses or not, he's going to look like an AFC. if she keeps him around he's going to have to put his balls away in the drawer for a long time.

i just had a thought.... you know what he should do... he should start his own diary. then he should hide it in a place where she will find it. i guarantee you she will read it also.

he should fill it up with all kind of bullsh*t about her. how he loves her and shes the best woman ever and he loves it when she can't get enough sex, etc.

man, now that i think about this i should do that.

if i ever get married im going to keep a fake diary 'hidden' from my wife. and ill fill it up with sh*t about how much i love her and how some girl at work hit on me but i turned her away because i love my wife so much blah blah blah...

when my wife finds my fake diary and reads it she'll be making me 7 course dinners every night of the week because she'll think im the best guy in the whole world.

then one day when we are 85 and dying i'll reveal to her that my diary was a fake.

once we die they will make a movie out of it called "The Fake Diary - A tale of true love and deception"

ohhh and theoretically she can't get upset with me for the fake diary, since she shoudln't be reading my diary in the first place!!!!!

man you gotta love the paradoxes diaries create.

 

[aliasguy]

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Lexie wrote:

"If you end up having to talk to her, I would try something like this: "Hey babe, you know that valentine's present I put in your drawer? Well, when I was putting it there, I found your diary and read it. I know it was the wrong thing to do and very disrespectful, but my curiosity got the best of me. I understand if you're mad, and I'm really sorry I used what I read against you, but it really makes me uncomfortable that you lied to me when I asked if you'd slept with Joe. Were you trying to protect me?" "


DON'T do this. Really. Whether it was right or wrong for you to read this thing, I dunno. But if you tell her about it, it does two things. One, she'll be pissed, and make you out to be a sneaky, controlling, non-trusting assh*le (right or wrong.) Two, it will forever ensure that she won't write stuff down anymore, or, at the very LEAST, she won't leave it around for YOU to read.

A confession, with an apology, is likely to push her completely away. She will claim that she's been violated and betrayed, no matter WHAT the incriminating stuff she's written. She'll then feel justified in doing whatever she WANTS with other guys, (because YOU did this 'horrible' thing), and we then have end of the game.




Also, someone above wrote that they didn't understand why she even wrote this stuff DOWN, and worse, left it accessible to you. That, I agree, was STUPID of her. I'd advise everyone reading this to NEVER write stuff down. Keep card inscriptions short. Don't write letters. Be VERY careful with email and texts, too. NEVER keep a journal or a "diary." That stuff will bite you in the as* later.


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[aliasguy]

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Joekerr, you MUST be kidding.

If your woman found a diary with that kinda stuff in it, you'd be TOAST.

She'd know, in her own mind, for sure that she had you on a leash, and it'd be all over.

Gotta keep them guessing, and having to TRY HARDER. Your fake diary would make her complacent, and thus...... y'know.

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[ketostix]

Everyone lies.

EVERYONE.

There's a difference between lying to keep your ass out of hot water when you've done something wrong and lying to protect someone's feelings.

That is how I see it.

Had she said to the OP, "yeah I had sex with him" in the context of his questioning of her, I'd find that to be her being more disrepectful to him than a lie.

I can't understand your people's logic that say it was wrong to read her diary out of one side of your mouth and then out the other say she can't keep a secret from him-basically a lie.

 

[aliasguy]

If you read my entire post, you can see that I said this might be a good thing to say IF he ended up having to talk to her, and IF she was going to find out, it would be better for him to come forward with the info instead of having her pull it on him. I wasn't stating that he should run up to her and apologize.

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OK, Lexie, sorry. I guess I didn't read your post closely enough. You're right. I will endeavor to be more attentive, sweetie.

Do ALL the women who post here have some kinda thing that makes them so hypersensitive to perceived slights?





I don't care WHAT happens, the OP should DENY, DENY, DENY.

NEVER admit seeing this diary. Just like when you get cornered on messing around. ADMIT NOTHING.

Groucho Marx said it: "Who are you gonna believe? Me, or you own lying eyes?


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[drmeathead]

exactly admit nothing. i did that once...once and holy **** did i hear about it for months.

 

[ketostix]

So he should deny reading the diary just like she denied having sex with that guy. Why don't they just call it even lol? This is actually a good defense for reading her diary.

But seriously i'm not so sure I would deny reading the diary if pressed, but I definitely would first reframe it into a positive thing, I would never apologize first and do what Lexie said. You would be making it into a big deal.

 

[aliasguy]

Thanks sugarplum.

And no, it's not all women who post here, it's all women everywhere.

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WOW!!!!

GREAT reply, L.
I'm impressed.

Thanks.
Really.

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[aliasguy]

So he should deny reading the diary just like she denied having sex with that guy. Why don't they just call it even lol? This is actually a good defense for reading her diary.

But seriously i'm not so sure I would deny reading the diary if pressed, but I definitely would first reframe it into a positive thing, I would never apologize first and do what Lexie said. You would be making it into a big deal.

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No, you see, ketostix, we're talking about him, here, and how HE should handle this.

We're sorta on HIS side, by default.

So, we're gonna give him advice based on HIS situation, and what we believe is best for HIM, not her.

He's here, he's asking, so we try to help HIM. She's not asking for our advice.

I've already said I'm not sure if it was right or wrong for him to read this document that she left around in his home, readily accessible to him. I'll leave that to the self-appointed "moral police" around here.

Is it "even"? Does he owe it to her to let her know what he knows? I dunno, but if I were him, I'd keep my mouth shut, and keep my eyes wide open.
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[Luthor Rex]

As a proud realist, I will take that as a compliment. But since you weren't complimenting me- :moon:

You seem to be more cynic leaning than realist... but that's besides the point. As a general principle jophil is right about the 'anything goes' mentality.

If happiness is a goal in your life, then not all life choices are valid. I know how badly everyone wants to believe they are the masters of their destinies and they have free will, etc. etc.. The truth is... and goddamn this was a hard pill for me to swallow... Pook was right about the Nature thing.

To paraphrase the Stoics: Mother Nature is holding all of our leashes, we can either follow her, or be dragged by her. We all share a common human nature that is driving us, and that means our wills are boxed in by that nature.

Communism and the other failed social experiments of the 20th century were wonderful social systems... for ants, but not for human beings. Those systems failed because they went against human nature, and not with it.

Men experience intense jealousy and the desire to possess and control women because of the deeply rooted genetic fear of cuckoldry (unknowingly raising someone else's child). What the original poster is feeling is just a natural response. What he should do about it is another story all together.

The men who don't care if the baby they are taking care of is or is not their own genetic offspring aren't the men who populated the human race. It was men who ensured as best they could that they were the fathers that build civilization.

If you read about the evolutionary history of the mating habits of humans and other mammals you'll find rather disturbing child-murder, mothers killing infants so they could get the Bigger Better Deal for a mate, males killing a females's children so she would go into heat and give him new offspring... obviously I'm not just talking about humans here, but our species does it too.

Actually... come to think of it, you may enjoy reading about evolutionary psychology you cynical bastard!

 

[Colossus]

A little while back a chick tried that sh!t with me. We were talking about another girl I know, and she blurts out "You haven't slept with her, have you?"

Well, if someone's gonna ask me such a stupid, immature, INSECURE question like that, they deserve to be LIED TO. And that's exactly what she got. And I didn't feel a damn bit guilty about it. SHE DESERVED IT. She put me on the spot and asked a question that was none of her business.
Too bad cause the OP put the nail in the coffin by getting into her sh!t.

Str8up I gotta disagree with you here. What he said to her was reeking of insecurity, but if someone asks a question like that they deserve a straight answer.

If a girl were to ask me that today i would simply say 'what difference does it make?' If she continued to push it then she deserves the truth. "Yes i slept with her. We werent together at the time. It happened, its done, and im with you now." If she wanted to leave because of that, the fine, she did me a favor. At least i could have a clear head about being honest.

But to say someone 'deserves' to be lied to is a slippery slope. By lying to her you actually told her what she wants to hear, that no, you didnt sleep with her. If you told her the truth and made no bones about it, then you just slapped her with that cold trout of truth. Let her deal. She would probably either leave (which would be a gift) or not ask you that question again. Everyone wins.

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I dont always agree with Joekerr, but the OP really is screwed any way you slice it.

Her behaviors are, in my opinion, grounds for walking away. Furthermore, our OP is handling it like an AFC. Its apparent this is not a relationship based in mutual respect. But regardless of her behaviors around other men and how you interpret them, he made that fatal mistake when he bit the apple and opened that diary. Like i said before, point of no return. He is head f*cked.

And whatever you decide, mr. Davenjuan, DO NOT EVER tell her about that. Nothing good will come of it, mark my words. If you do you will be so f*cked youll be crying back here for months.

 

[STR8UP]

But to say someone 'deserves' to be lied to is a slippery slope. By lying to her you actually told her what she wants to hear, that no, you didnt sleep with her. If you told her the truth and made no bones about it, then you just slapped her with that cold trout of truth. Let her deal. She would probably either leave (which would be a gift) or not ask you that question again. Everyone wins.

And deal with the ramifications of the truth? No thanks. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Incidentally I had no commitment with this woman whatsoever.

She was a hypocrite. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Yes, she did deserve to be lied to because she had no right asking a question that she had no business asking and that if answered "incorrectly" she would have held it against me UNFAIRLY for awhile. I don't ask ANY woman about her sexual past. And I don't expect to be interrogated about mine either.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Slap her in the crapper then be done. Make sure you leave a bookmark on the page where she admitted banging this idiot.

 

[iqqi]

haha. you know, personally i think this guy is f*cked no matter how you slice it.

i think she's going to figure out he read her diary whether he does anything from here on in or not. its not that hard to figure to be honest.

second, when he gets caught, whether he confesses or not, he's going to look like an AFC. if she keeps him around he's going to have to put his balls away in the drawer for a long time.

i just had a thought.... you know what he should do... he should start his own diary. then he should hide it in a place where she will find it. i guarantee you she will read it also.

he should fill it up with all kind of bullsh*t about her. how he loves her and shes the best woman ever and he loves it when she can't get enough sex, etc.

man, now that i think about this i should do that.

if i ever get married im going to keep a fake diary 'hidden' from my wife. and ill fill it up with sh*t about how much i love her and how some girl at work hit on me but i turned her away because i love my wife so much blah blah blah...

when my wife finds my fake diary and reads it she'll be making me 7 course dinners every night of the week because she'll think im the best guy in the whole world.

then one day when we are 85 and dying i'll reveal to her that my diary was a fake.

once we die they will make a movie out of it called "The Fake Diary - A tale of true love and deception"

ohhh and theoretically she can't get upset with me for the fake diary, since she shoudln't be reading my diary in the first place!!!!!

man you gotta love the paradoxes diaries create.

lol! funniest sh!t i read all night! I'd give you rep points... but you suck in general.

 

[iqqi]

Is it "even"? Does he owe it to her to let her know what he knows? I dunno, but if I were him, I'd keep my mouth shut, and keep my eyes wide open.

This gets my vote.

 

[Colossus]

And deal with the ramifications of the truth? No thanks. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Incidentally I had no commitment with this woman whatsoever.

She was a hypocrite. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Yes, she did deserve to be lied to because she had no right asking a question that she had no business asking and that if answered "incorrectly" she would have held it against me UNFAIRLY for awhile. I don't ask ANY woman about her sexual past. And I don't expect to be interrogated about mine either.

Fair enough. I could see why you might do that in some situations, to bypass any crap afterwards.

I dont ask women about their sexual past either, and i wont address it if i am asked. There was an occaision where I got back with a certain girl after an interim, and while i didnt directly ask, i basically said if there has been anyone else im no longer interested. Thats just me, and that was totally situational. Maybe she lied, who knows. I didnt think it was unreasonable because it was a statement, not a query, and i had no problem with walking.