Radio Breakup

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Is justice somehow rendered as "less than justice" when it is administered by your OWN HAND?"

Therein lies the rub. There will always exist an element of bias (revenge) whenever one enacts what they perceive as justice. Women are almost universally absolved of this. Carrie Underwood can write a chart topping song about vandalizing the truck of a cheating lover that women (and men) will gleefully cheer along with, but let a man publicly humiliate a cheating lover and "he's less of a man" and runs the risk of having his personal life ruined as a result.

As far as this guy breaking Iron Rule #4; yes, the guy's a fool for having done so for 3 years, and I'd go so far as to say an even bigger fool for being monogamous with a solitary woman for 5 years during his prime (I assume Chris was in his 20's). My point was to illustrate his degree of commitment (he bought a ring) not to justify his having lived with her as long as he did. In the Tiger Woods thread a lot had been made about commitment being tantamount to male virtue, so my emphasis was his readiness to commit and the gravity it bears on a man's life.

There was another aspect that I hadn't considered in this. I don't entirely believe that reversing the roles to understand a contrast would be applicable in this case. Generally women don't ask men to marry them. I understand it happens, but never to the degree that a man must prepare to make a proposal of marriage. Chris had resolved in his mind to marry the girl, and acted on this resolve by buying a ring and planning to propose on V-Day. Women simply do not have a parallel experience for this.

I understand this is a bit of a stretch, but for a moment lets assume Chris knew exactly the future liabilities of his commitment - all of those high-road, morally binding liabilities Tiger reneged on in his marriage - should his response to her deception be any less measured than what he did when you think of what he'd almost committed to?

Think of the impact his commitment to her would've entailed; think of how it would effect their families, his career and / or educational opportunities, their future children and their personal decisions, his finances, his psychological well being, their quality of life, and the list goes on, but essentially he was betting his future life on this girl. The guy was a hair's breadth from making that commitment when he discovered the deception. I think she got off rather lightly.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Chris probably was an afc just like all of us on here have been at some point in our life. AFC is a learned behavior just as being a DJ. Chances are good that this event changed his life and how he will interact with women.

I love how some members on here bash poor old afcs knowing damn good and well they have been one and some point in their life... WE ALL HAVE!!! It is what makes life just that, a learning experience.

Put yourself in this poor dude's place. One, he was oblivious to what was going on and there is no telling how much he wasted on that ring. He wasted several years of his life on this sorry women. Do you really think if given the chance you would not do what he did? The main thing is he gave her a valuable education on HOW NOT TO DO people.

Victory made some eye opening statements about she was not fully into him which seems apparent after what happened.

Revenge in my opinion is when you ruin someone's life, he made his life better and SHE ruined her own life. Chances are good she will harbor ill feelings towards men and her behavior will not change. The main thing to consider is how will Chris behave from now on???

 

[thissucks003]

Dude, none of us feel bad for her. We don't care about her. The situation is not about her, it's about how a real man handles his business.



Yes, have the courage to end it, yes end it emphatically, but do it IN PRIVATE. What part of this is confusing to you? You don't air your dirty laundry out in public on some radio show. This is not junior high.

Agree with all said!

I live in the city where the radio show is. I listened to the show once. It wasn't my cup of tea. It wasn't surprised to see the radio show on the link because of how they are on the show.

St. Louis is not a very big city. It is a mid size city. There are so many connections of people knowing someone that it still surprises me how now.

I can understand Chris going the route he did. I can understand seeking revenge and getting back to even. I have done so myself, not so much to his extent. It felt right at the time. Years later I totally regret how I handled it. It has in some ways come back to bite me in the azz. I still have stress over it and it has been over 10 years. Every time I have had a clean break in any relationship, it has made me a better person.

I will not be surprised that this won't hurt Chris in the long run.

Good luck them both! They will need it!

 

[samspade]

Therein lies the rub. There will always exist an element of bias (revenge) whenever one enacts what they perceive as justice. Women are almost universally absolved of this. Carrie Underwood can write a chart topping song about vandalizing the truck of a cheating lover that women (and men) will gleefully cheer along with, but let a man publicly humiliate a cheating lover and "he's less of a man" and runs the risk of having his personal life ruined as a result.

I was about to question this, but then I realize the key difference. A woman trashing a man's things is an act of rank immaturity and blind retribution. A man getting the information out publicly - the facts - and then dumping her is MORE than fair. He didn't slash her tires, he didn't beat up the other guy, heck, he didn't (we don't know anyway) post her naked pictures online. He sounded fairly restrained, even when he said "screw you." The only thing she really lost was a boyfriend and the expectation that she was set for life. She probably doesn't even have the shame to admit she was wrong and will blame it on him, anyway.

 

[Kailex]

Anyone willing to bet that Eric is now the "main man" in that chic's life? I don't know, but that thought randomly popped into my head.

Of course, WE all know that she definitely WASN'T meeting up with Eric to tell him that she couldn't go through with it anymore.

But this Eric person HAD to have known that she was living with someone else, right?

Wonder if Eric turned her down now that she's "free".

 

[Nutz]

Wow can girls lie. As someone who grew up priding himself in his honesty, I'm continually amazed. How casually they'll cheat, deny it to the grave, and paint you out as the world's biggest a-hole for even suggesting the possibility.

Give this a read--it explains half of why women are like you describe:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1607877#post1607877

The other half is that society lets them get away with it, which my earlier post in this thread explains what we as men need to do to put a stop to it.

Furthermore:

http://elusivewapiti.blogspot.com/2010/02/conservative-womens-attitudes-are-issue.html

Watters conveniently misses the fact that women also need incentives to commit to one man for life, and those incentives have all but disappeared in today's culture, a culture that enables, even encourages serial polyandry, a culture that extends in a lesser but still substantial degree to the Church. Don't believe me? Ask yourself this: when was the last time a Body expelled a woman, particularly a choice mommy, for divorcing her perfectly good beta or delta husband?

Exactly.

 

[Warrior74]

Her fight-or-flight response is to CRY and to call everyone else MEAN and that she hates them.

which is exactly what my 8 year old daughter tries to do when I hold her responsible. Of course we don't allow that crying and name calling to adults in my house. My cousin's teenage daughters do this all the time when they get caught doing something they aren't suppose to do. They cry, blame, shame, name call and slam doors...anything to get sympathy and get the blame off of them and on to the other person.

 

[Trader]

I was about to question this, but then I realize the key difference. A woman trashing a man's things is an act of rank immaturity and blind retribution. A man getting the information out publicly - the facts - and then dumping her is MORE than fair. He didn't slash her tires, he didn't beat up the other guy, heck, he didn't (we don't know anyway) post her naked pictures online. He sounded fairly restrained, even when he said "screw you." The only thing she really lost was a boyfriend and the expectation that she was set for life. She probably doesn't even have the shame to admit she was wrong and will blame it on him, anyway.

What he did was absolutely *fair* - if you are talking about an eye for an eye.

No one is disputing that.

But is what he did *classy*? Would a man of class and sophistication do what he just did?

Would James Bond do that? James Bond would be rough with the girl and tell her off, but I highly doubt he would deliberately set it up so that he could shame her at a party, he's got bigger fish to fry than to indulge in some petty revenge.

which is exactly what my 8 year old daughter tries to do when I hold her responsible. Of course we don't allow that crying and name calling to adults in my house. My cousin's teenage daughters do this all the time when they get caught doing something they aren't suppose to do. They cry, blame, shame, name call and slam doors...anything to get sympathy and get the blame off of them and on to the other person.

Yes, at the end of the day, women are just little girls.

But you cannot use that to justify Eric's public shaming of his gf. There are a different set of expectations for guys and girls. Men are adults, girls are children.

As an adult, you do not expect your 8 year-old daughter to be responsible. You are not in any way surprised when she throws off tears to deflect responsibility. She's just a girl.

 

[Reyaj]

Dude, none of us feel bad for her. We don't care about her. The situation is not about her, it's about how a real man handles his business.



Yes, have the courage to end it, yes end it emphatically, but do it IN PRIVATE. What part of this is confusing to you? You don't air your dirty laundry out in public on some radio show. This is not junior high.

Why shouldn't he have made it public? This girl was seen in "public" making out with her so called guy friend. Why didn't she cheat privately? Do you see the point? There is no set ettiquite for cheating just like there isn't for the consequences of it.

I feel that without breaking the law he really could have handled the situation any way he wanted to. I happen to think the way he did was both innovative and exclamatory. Like I said I think this girl learned a hard lesson and will think about 5 times before she cheats again on someone.

I have absolutely no pity for this woman what so ever. Yes some guys could have been cool about it and made the break up non-chalant.... but when you spend 3 years (living together none the less) with someone and she cheats on you as you were planning a proposal.... well the gloves are off in my opinion

A classless woman doesn't deserve a classy break up.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Why shouldn't he have made it public? This girl was seen in "public" making out with her so called guy friend. Why didn't she cheat privately? Do you see the point? There is no set ettiquite for cheating just like there isn't for the consequences of it.

I feel that without breaking the law he really could have handled the situation any way he wanted to. I happen to think the way he did was both innovative and exclamatory. Like I said I think this girl learned a hard lesson and will think about 5 times before she cheats again on someone.

I have absolutely no pity for this woman what so ever. Yes some guys could have been cool about it and made the break up non-chalant.... but when you spend 3 years (living together none the less) with someone and she cheats on you as you were planning a proposal.... well the gloves are off in my opinion

A classless woman doesn't deserve a classy break up.

You never know how you will react until it is you this sort of thing is happening to. I concur with you all gloves are off.

Besides, what if he spent a ton of loot on her ring. There are some guys that will drop 10k on that princess. He could have taken out a second mortgage on his castle. Not to mention she ripped his heart out and was cheating on my man in public and one of his boys saw it!!! That alone could be rough on the ego!

Trader, I believe mentioned James Bond. Bond is Fleming's fictional character and this is real life. Sometimes, when you wrestle with a pig, you just get messy, but in this case he got messy but loved the mess. I am not saying do it because it is fun, but he did what he felt necessary.

Sure if this Chris guy was not set on spending his life with a "soul mate", or so he thought, he would of and probably would have just privately next her. But to simply just let her walk away in private would suggest the man has no emotions. Men have emotions and as Jayer suggested, he broke no laws.

Rollo, this is a hot topic man and would have loved to see how the poll turned out. How can you bring such a great discussion up and not want to see what we think?

Still I like this discussion as the mature section gets stale at times.

 

[C-quenced]

I think this girl learned a hard lesson and will think about 5 times before she cheats again on someone.

I highly doubt she even learned her lesson. Remember the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? Lets also not forget that women are hypocrites beyond belief and are ruthlessly spiteful.

 

[samspade]

Would James Bond do that? James Bond would be rough with the girl and tell her off, but I highly doubt he would deliberately set it up so that he could shame her at a party, he's got bigger fish to fry than to indulge in some petty revenge.

This is starting to get ridiculous, but most of us are not international spies. This guy was planning a life with his girlfriend - so it WAS his fish to fry at that juncture. I understand the point that you are trying to make, that we should aspire to be as cool and unflinching as James Bond, who is emblematic of a man with places to go and plenty of female options.

So perhaps the question is, "would a man [alpha] with options do this?" Highly unlikely. But we are talking about a guy who probably was NOT an alpha, and was about to cross a serious rubicon with the wrong girl. Perhaps down the road he will learn and change from this, but considering his situation, and the path probably 80% of men would take, I'd say what he did was a huge step forward and hopefully a lesson learned.

 

[Colossus]

I think this girl learned a hard lesson and will think about 5 times before she cheats again on someone.

I highly doubt she even learned her lesson. Remember the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? Lets also not forget that women are hypocrites beyond belief and are ruthlessly spiteful.

Yep.

She might be gun-shy in the future about cheating, but I guarantee you she will take this whole experience and use it as a rationalization for her behavior and run into the arms of her other guy. Expecting a woman to be accountable is like expecting a snake not to bite you. It's what they do.

 

[DMSR76]

I highly doubt she even learned her lesson.

I doubt if she learned anything either... at least not from the standpoint of changing her behavior. It takes an introspection and humility to learn lessons and change behavior accordingly. I highly doubt this broad has heard of either concept.

 

[DMSR76]

Anyone willing to bet that Eric is now the "main man" in that chic's life? I don't know, but that thought randomly popped into my head.

Of course, WE all know that she definitely WASN'T meeting up with Eric to tell him that she couldn't go through with it anymore.

But this Eric person HAD to have known that she was living with someone else, right?

Wonder if Eric turned her down now that she's "free".

I can almost guarantee you that Eric will also kick her to the curb after he taps that a55 few more times. That's when the consequences of this chick's actions will really start to hit home. Right now she isn't feeling the full sting of this breakup because she thinks she has a branch available to swing on.

 

[grinder]

H.S Forum.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

How would James Bond have reacted to this situation??????

 

[Nutz]

Finally found the War of the Roses one where they slut gets busted trying to commit paternity fraud:

http://tinyurl.com/y9ntgvx

It's the one from 7/16/2009 on here:

http://hot995.kaneshow.com/cc-common/podcast/single_podcast.html?podcast=kane_roses.xml

 

[ThunderMaverick]

H.S Forum.

Thank you!

What matters is that actions that you take that are going to make you a better person (a better man). The steps that you make to cut a cancer out of your life might just make you grow another one in the process.

Now I'm not saying the guy is going to be worse off. Just from my personal experience....anytime I've seen a man do something similar...it doesn't seem healthy.

 

[synergy1]

How would James Bond have reacted to this situation??????

dude he's a 27 year old virgin, what do you expect?