Question about successful LTR's

[Answers]

I have a question about it. Do you need to be best friends as well as lovers to have a successful long term relationship? I know the friends word isn't very popular here but is combining the 2 the way to a successful LTR?

 

[DoctorLW]

I have a question about it. Do you need to be best friends as well as lovers to have a successful long term relationship? I know the friends word isn't very popular here but is combining the 2 the way to a successful LTR?

Having had a few LTR's with girls I cared nothing for, and only one LTR that meant anything at all to me... I'd say this is definitely true.

 

[Answers]

Having had a few LTR's with girls I cared nothing for, and only one LTR that meant anything at all to me... I'd say this is definitely true.

Yeah I know what you mean. They say opposites attract but I think that must just be a short term thing.

For LTR's 2 people have to have the same outlook on life IMO.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Best friends? Nah... Special friends, absolutely. It's a completely different type of relationship, it's a partnership.

 

[Answers]

Best friends? Nah... Special friends, absolutely. It's a completely different type of relationship, it's a partnership.

Whats the difference? Is special friends not best friends and lovers in one?

Maybe they don't have to be best friends but very good friends..

 

[comic_relief]

Best friends? Nah... Special friends, absolutely. It's a completely different type of relationship, it's a partnership.

agreed, it goes beyond best friends.

The basic concept is the same though. You must be friends.

comic_relief

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Whats the difference? Is special friends not best friends and lovers in one?

Maybe they don't have to be best friends but very good friends..

Think about your best friend. How often have you woke up with him sweaty and sticky? Yeah, it's an extreme picture but you don't treat your girl like your best friend. Do you want your girl to treat you like her best friend? Are you going to sit with her on Sundays and watch entire seasons of "Sex In the City" on DVD instead of football? C'mon, you don't see a difference?

 

[penkitten]

the friendship that you share with that person, develops over time.
you do not start off with that special friendship.
many of us think we are supposed to, as in all childhood fairy tales, but it just has to have time to build.
you start with a certain foundation of friendship, and through the course of the relationship and being lovers, it develops into its own kingdom.

 

[I Am Sam]

Do you need to be best friends as well as lovers to have a successful long term relationship?

Plain and simple. Yes. I understand what FdA is saying about you don't wake up all sweaty and sticky next to your best friend... but I see it as the same concept.

I was talking to my friend Qdawg about the subject and he told his girlfriend that she "wasn't just his girlfriend and someone he hooked up with" she was his "best friend" too.

A best friend is someone who you get along so well with and can say anything to without worrying what they'll think. With your guy best friends, your not gonna be also trying to get with them too, but with girl best friends, that's a legitimate way to look at things.

So if you skipped all that, yes, with MY definition of a best friend, you do need to be just that with your partner for the relationship to last.

 

[comic_relief]

Think about your best friend. How often have you woke up with him sweaty and sticky? Yeah, it's an extreme picture but you don't treat your girl like your best friend. Do you want your girl to treat you like her best friend? Are you going to sit with her on Sundays and watch entire seasons of "Sex In the City" on DVD instead of football? C'mon, you don't see a difference?

My girlfriend and me watch football on Sunday.

I think I choose to use the word "Best friends and then some."

comic_relief

EDIT: Maybe it is just because I go after the tomboys.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Question for all of the guys (no offence Pen), how many of you are willing to tell your girls all of the things that your best friend know about you? How about talking about all of the things that you talk about with your best friend? How many of you have told your best friends about SoSuave? How many of you have told your girls?

Believe me, if you are with a woman who expects to be your best friend, she'll want to know all of your dirt!!! Anything that you say can be held against you at some point during the relationship!!! Want proof? How many of you realized it was a good thing to divulge how many women you've slept with to your girl?

I can go on fellas but I'm telling you, treating your girl as your best friend is the worse thing you can do. She will appreciate you more if you create something special for her that is hers and only hers. She'll see it as intimacy and you'll see it as sanity.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

My girlfriend and me watch football on Sunday.

I think I choose to use the word "Best friends and then some."

comic_relief

EDIT: Maybe it is just because I go after the tomboys.

That's just a friend thing (which is good), but when girlfriends want to be your best friend, it's a entirely different thing.

 

[penkitten]

Question for all of the guys (no offence Pen), how many of you are willing to tell your girls all of the things that your best friend know about you? How about talking about all of the things that you talk about with your best friend? How many of you have told your best friends about SoSuave? How many of you have told your girls?

Believe me, if you are with a woman who expects to be your best friend, she'll want to know all of your dirt!!! Anything that you say can be held against you at some point during the relationship!!! Want proof? How many of you realized it was a good thing to divulge how many women you've slept with to your girl?

I can go on fellas but I'm telling you, treating your girl as your best friend is the worse thing you can do. She will appreciate you more if you create something special for her that is hers and only hers. She'll see it as intimacy and you'll see it as sanity.

how many guys honestly want to know everything a gal tells her best friend? how many want to know every detail about her? how many want to know every detail of every sexual encounter? the information would overload you!
it is best for both of you to have a special relationship that does not share every single detail that made you who you are... but a unique relationship that shares other things.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

how many guys honestly want to know everything a gal tells her best friend? how many want to know every detail about her? how many want to know every detail of every sexual encounter? the information would overload you!
it is best for both of you to have a special relationship that does not share every single detail that made you who you are... but a unique relationship that shares other things.

Damn... It takes a girl to understand....

 

[Answers]

I hear what you're saying Fd'A and Penkitten but just because somebody is your best friend it doesn't mean you have to tell them everything. I wouldn't tell anybody everything about me.

Also there are things you could talk about with you girlfriend that you couldn't with a male friend.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The first thing you can do is to stop thinking about an LTR in terms of 'success' or 'failure'. It's not a goal and it's not a pass/fail test. There are plenty of 40+ year marriages where both partners cohabit in utter misery, is that a "success"? There are likewise wonderful STRs where one partner dies or something unavoidable happens and they split, is this a "failure"? The first key to enjoying a healthy relationship is to pull your head out of thinking of an LTR as a goal state.

To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship. I know guys will come out of the woodwork now to say how shallow this sounds in some effort to claim some kind of moral high ground, but honestly, it's mutual desire that is the glue for a solid relationship. Friendship, companionship, empathy, compassion are all very important aspects in a good LTR don't get me wrong, and I can experience all of these with my mother, brother and best friend, but I have no desire to ƒuck them. Sustained, prolonged desire makes the difference.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Your parents are not your friend nor is your "girlfriend" - I assume when you say "lover" you mean "having sex" - having sex has nothing to do with love!

The "Friend" & "Partner" term and concept and the "Lover" term and concept was created and pushed, yes you guessed it, by the feminist movement - as an attempt to corrupt the natural order of things!! Remember - I grew up watching and hearing this bastardization!!

 

[Señor Fingers]

To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship. I know guys will come out of the woodwork now to say how shallow this sounds in some effort to claim some kind of moral high ground, but honestly, it's mutual desire that is the glue for a solid relationship.

True..that is usually the progression and very important for AFC's with one-itis for their girl friends to understand.

Having said that, I have hooked up with my female friends before and they turned out to be my best relationships.

For example, I was friends for my wife for 2 years before we hooked up.. she had a BF when we met and deflected my best attempts at seducing her, that actually earned my respect and we went on to become good pals. Eventually she dumped the loser and I took full advantage

The "Friend" & "Partner" term and concept and the "Lover" term and concept was created and pushed, yes you guessed it, by the feminist movement

Have you ever even had a successful LTR? I'm sincerely curious.

 

[iqqi]

I would venture to say though, that a truly successful relationship transcends friendship, wandering into the territory of family.

Truer words were never spoken.

 

[MacAvoy]

Have you ever even had a successful LTR? I'm sincerely curious.

That is irrelevant, the only thing that matters are his principles.