Question about friendships and attraction

[superpud]

I guess this post wasn't necessary, and yeah, you're right Elfie. I've known a few girls who I let drive me crazy like that. What was I thinking?

 

[superpud]

The older I get, the better I get in handling these situations, and the more possibilities I see. It's a matter of getting over the BS! in my own mind and what other people say.

 

[Elfynne]

Originally posted by superpud
I guess this post wasn't necessary, and yeah, you're right Elfie. I've known a few girls who I let drive me crazy like that. What was I thinking?

Well, now that you have experienced such situations for yourself, you know exactly the type to avoid.

 

[superpud]

True Elfie. Not many Becker, but I'm improving all the time.

 

[rgeere]

Re: Re: Re: Question about friendships and attraction

Originally posted by Elfynne
With me personally, attraction is very emotional as well as physical; I'm rather sentimental and I always develop feelings for someone I'm attracted to.

Originally posted by rgeere
Take notes gentleman, the cat's out of the bag. All women are pretty much like this...

Originally posted by Elfynne
Ummm....no, they aren't. The female equivalents of Don Juans that are always being described with such disgust on these forums, are not like this at all.

I'm not talking about what you mean by the supposed dirty, filthy, self-absorbed, catty, manipulative female equivalent of don juans. It's actually an insult to think that those girls are equivalents to don juans.

What I said has absolute truth in the matter. For women attraction is an illogical/emotional thing where as for men attraction is basically logical. As far as sex is concerned women want it just as bad as men and there are a few that are just as aggressive about getting sex, and they don't use logical means either.


I know you're possibly going to pop up and deny what I just said, and by all means go ahead. I've heard about every argument in the book on why a woman thinks this isn't so and I would be delighted to hear a new one, but from my own experiences and successes I would say that attraction from a woman's stand point is nothing short of an illogical sexual attraction.

 

[Amalthea]

... Waiting for something more...

Originally posted by becker
How many of these friendships ever turned out to be anything more?

I have to admit that I'm close to the same (rare?) type as Elfynne - If I like a guy and something more is impossible, I still like to keep in contact with him (this, however has proven to be dangerous - I like to tempt myself ;-) ) all the while knowing that I could be playing with fire...

I have several guy "friends", but I am convinced that women and men can't be friends in a general sense; maybe they have periods when they're just "friends", but something more inevitably devlops at certain moments -

There have been two cases, so far, in which the friendship has developed into something more:

In one case, I was "friends" with and mutually respected and admired a guy for 10 years (starting from the age of 10) before something physical happened between us - it ultimately ruined the friendship.

In the other case, I met a guy (who had a gf) while I had a bf and we developed feelings for each other, but nothing ever happened... We were "friends" until two more years down the road, when he and I had both already broken up with our significant others (for various reasons)... We slept together only a month ago, three years after having met...

I then moved back overseas because he was emotionally unavailable (still brokenhearted and dealing with past emotional trauma/alcohol/abuse issues) and we are still "friends"...

The rest of my guy "friends" have either said at one time or another that they want to sleep with me, have looked at me in that "funny" way or have made blatantly sexually provocative comments like, "I want to see you masturbate" or "you should become a stripper - you'd make a lot of money" - all said in "fun" but, as we all know, not only...

Also, two of the guys with whom I was able to remain "friends" were friends long distance...

So, judging from that experience, wouldn't you agree that women and men can't simply be friends?

Oh, with one exception - when the relationship was based on friendship, grew into romance, and then the romantic part ended -
My ex-bf of 6 yrs and I are now in the "friend" zone, although I broke up with him last year. To get to this stage, of course, takes time... But that friendship "love" is still there and that's why we're still friends...:woo:

 

[Docs]

I've been wondering. I really like a close friend of mine. We've been friends for 3 years and going. I get along really well with her parents, and she does with mine. Ahh, I guess for more background history, i've been single for 8 months and she's never had a boyfriend (not that either of that matters). I'm 18, she will be 17 in 2 weeks. She's a real sweetheart, definitely not like the majority of girls I meet, and that's very attractive for me, (aside from the fact that she can look really good at times )

I'm not interested in sex, not for a long long time, I'm interested in developing this friendship into a relationship. As of current, I guess she's never made much of a 'move' that could suggest liking me, except for the fact that she enjoys me around whenever I am (I have a weird work life). As for me, I make it a point to always find a way to Kino, either by tapping her on the shoulder when I need to talk to her, and hugs. Last christmas, a small present I gave her, I kissed her on the head (kinda like a caring kiss type-deal).

I'm known around my friend circle as a real sweetheart, a very nice person, caring, etcetc. I have a ex-gf that is in the friend circle and she knows exactly how I act if I get well..abused for my niceness. Just yesterday, my other friend was INCREDIABLY impressed that I went out of my way to get tickets for a concert she really wanted to go too, but she got someone to go with already.

So, back on track now..I would love to someday make my friendship into a relationship and I was wondering if any of you girls here could help give a few pointers or things I can work on that could increase the chance of it

others: I don't want flaming posts on how you think it might never work, i'm giving a limb, I don't want to be chewed apart.

Thank you for any comments that assist..

 

[Hound_of_Love]

So, back on track now..I would love to someday make my friendship into a relationship and I was wondering if any of you girls here could help give a few pointers or things I can work on that could increase the chance of it

Not intending to flame but...don't ask girls how to do this. Even girls don't understand girls.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by Elfynne
Reading the "Ladder Theory" article made me raise this question: If you are attracted to someone, or vice versa, is it possible to still be just good friends with them?

I suppose I'm just curious because I once liked a guy who had a girlfriend already. I knew I didn't have a chance, but I thought that if I could be his friend, that would be better than being his nobody. With me personally, attraction is very emotional as well as physical; I'm rather sentimental and I always develop feelings for someone I'm attracted to. Anyway, I never even spoke to the guy because I was far too scared to approach him. It may sound weird, but I am usually very intimidated and even frightened of guys that I like.

So, anyway, I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

the ladder theory article was written by a sad and bitter group of people.
that can only bring you down.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by Elfynne
and I would wait for him to make the first move. I'd never make the first move...I suppose I'm a little Victorian when it comes to female aggressiveness.

Naw it just makes you have no balls... and is a bit of a turn off even for men (me at least) towards women. Maybe you're a hypocrite too.

Figuratively.

 

[griffon65]

I think its rare for a girl and guy to be just friends without at least one of them wanting something physical from it. Usually its the guy. I personally dont think I can start off as friends with someone who I'm attracted to. I would jsut stay away if they werent willing to be physical with me.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

What the hell are you gay or something? Geez we're getting some weird posters these days.

 

[RaWBLooD]

am i the one with a blanket over my eyes, or are you?
i see everyone as equal, until they show they can be better.
Do you talk to women other than your age?
I mean if you are a healthy male, you will be physically attrated to many women, doesnt mean u cant be friend with them.