"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Query

DJ Novice

Senior Don Juan
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I seem to be attracting women who want long term relationships.

While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again. Too many legal risks and other downsides (e.g. quality and quantity of bedroom activities decrease due to lack of competition anxiety, familiarity, domesticity, hedonic adaptation etc. results in a gradual deterioration in the other relationship aspects over time).

As I mentioned in another post I’m currently dating a Vietnamese girl whom I know wants a father figure for her 10 year old son and eventually living together or marriage. She is 9 years younger than me, stylish and attractive, slim and while we haven’t progressed to the bedroom she is very open about satisfying bedroom needs through talks we have had.

She has actually done lots of research and talking to her friends on the subject with her most recent partner as she has only ever been with two guys in her life. I’ve already told her my bedroom drive is high and variety, surprise, experimentation etc. is important and she is on the same page.

Yet to be proven through actions obviously but it sounds like physical compatibility may be quite high. The issue is it will eventually come to an end as she will push for more commitment as mentioned above.

Do I just enjoy it for as long as it lasts? I don’t particularly like stringing women along but if I was honest with her about the end game she would pull the pin now and I do want to sleep with her (yeah, selfish I know but isn’t that why most of us guys are all on here?). Besides with anything new you need at least 6 months plus to see if the initial chemistry is sustainable. It’s easy for women to put out in the beginning to obtain a commitment but once commitment is given rarely continues from my experience.

If the physical side of things ends up being good it’s going to be hard to walk away but maintaining that long term is not a price I’m prepared to pay and she will probably make the decision for me. I don’t want to develop oneitis and do something I regret just for the sake of great bedroom fun.

I’m just finding spinning plates very logically difficult with the women I date as they all want to see me at the same time as things progress so 2 is my limit and even that is hard. There are a few others in the mix but I’ve had to let many go due to competing logistics and better options coming up.

Part of me thinks should I find someone who is more open to not living together etc. because every moment with the current girl (as great as the bedroom activities may be) is potentially a moment wasted with someone else that could last longer.

Advice welcome.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Hamurabimbi

Master Don Juan
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You have to be strong & firm. As they will attempt to wear you down. And they are relentless. I caved.
 

Manure Spherian

Master Don Juan
Joined
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I seem to be attracting women who want long term relationships.

While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again. Too many legal risks and other downsides (e.g. quality and quantity of bedroom activities decrease due to lack of competition anxiety, familiarity, domesticity, hedonic adaptation etc. results in a gradual deterioration in the other relationship aspects over time).

As I mentioned in another post I’m currently dating a Vietnamese girl whom I know wants a father figure for her 10 year old son and eventually living together or marriage. She is 9 years younger than me, stylish and attractive, slim and while we haven’t progressed to the bedroom she is very open about satisfying bedroom needs through talks we have had.

She has actually done lots of research and talking to her friends on the subject with her most recent partner as she has only ever been with two guys in her life. I’ve already told her my bedroom drive is high and variety, surprise, experimentation etc. is important and she is on the same page.

Yet to be proven through actions obviously but it sounds like physical compatibility may be quite high. The issue is it will eventually come to an end as she will push for more commitment as mentioned above.

Do I just enjoy it for as long as it lasts? I don’t particularly like stringing women along but if I was honest with her about the end game she would pull the pin now and I do want to sleep with her (yeah, selfish I know but isn’t that why most of us guys are all on here?). Besides with anything new you need at least 6 months plus to see if the initial chemistry is sustainable. It’s easy for women to put out in the beginning to obtain a commitment but once commitment is given rarely continues from my experience.

If the physical side of things ends up being good it’s going to be hard to walk away but maintaining that long term is not a price I’m prepared to pay and she will probably make the decision for me. I don’t want to develop oneitis and do something I regret just for the sake of great bedroom fun.

I’m just finding spinning plates very logically difficult with the women I date as they all want to see me at the same time as things progress so 2 is my limit and even that is hard. There are a few others in the mix but I’ve had to let many go due to competing logistics and better options coming up.

Part of me thinks should I find someone who is more open to not living together etc. because every moment with the current girl (as great as the bedroom activities may be) is potentially a moment wasted with someone else that could last longer.

Advice welcome.
She has a ten year old son and she is looking for a father figure for him. This is a serious aim. Why not just leave her alone, don’t waste her time, and find someone who doesn’t have this? I certainly would not meet the son if I had your intention.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Newsflash.

Almost all women "want" long term relationships.

It's up to you not to give in to what they want unless they have earned it.

However, your typical "relationship" will not last more than 2-3 months if she doesn't see any progress so you'll need to do a lot of rinse and repeat with new women.
 

BaronOfHair

Master Don Juan
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While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again
Then don't!!! As of this writing, The Alt Right hasn't seized power and set up a dictatorship where we're all legally mandated to marry, produce 5 or more kids, and mistake The King James Bible and the scribblings of Rollo Tomassi for unassailable truth

Enjoy this freedom while it lasts
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Manure Spherian

Master Don Juan
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BackInTheGame78

Moderator
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Mine stick around a lot longer, but maybe I give them more incentive to do so.
You have to at least let them "think" there is hope for a long term relationship at some point. If they keep running into walls every time they try to move forward they just stop trying eventually.
 

BackInTheGame78

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No, they know from the start that I'm non-monogamous and non-exclusive. I don't ask them why they stick with me, but I figure they cannot get from other men what they get from me, so that binds them to me. Not a promise of exclusivity.
I never said you "promised" them exclusivity. But you allow them to push it forward in some way.

No relationship will last if a woman is stonewalled at every turn. At least none with any woman who isn't desperate or has any self esteem.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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