Qualities of the AFC

[Bonhomme]

Good post. Based on what I've seen , the #1 AFC trait of all is making an effort not to ruffle her feathers. Fear of confrontation. Excessive agreeability. All part of supplication.

 

[RedPill]

However the question remains; is ONEitis mutually exclusive from being an AFC?

Really it's not. Think about it. Those who are aware they have options, who don't embrace the scarcity mentality, don't fall into the unhealthy mental schemas we've described that define the AFC's paradigm.

Here's something though that I've noticed a lot recently. What about the guy that's good with women, yet believes in the soulmate mythology? He can spin plates and pick up women with ease, but he believes he needs to find "the one" soon and get married, as if he has some sort of biological clock. I've known plenty of guys like this, who can get laid easily, but (due to societal conditioning) feel it's their duty to hack their balls off by the time they're 28 and get married/reproduce as soon as possible, total chump style. It's almost the complete opposite of guys here, they start out as DJs and see being an AFC as the desired end-state.

 

[Macgyver]

Before I came here or even learned about becoming a man, I would always hand my balls over to a woman or even a man cause I couldn't think for myself or instead of blazing my own path I slugged behind someone else's.

Rollo, I don't know what your posted thread serve what purpose, but I think becoming a DJ or a man from an AFC is a long path. I just think people need to understand why they became the Chump/Afc/Nice Guy and work on figuring out how they became and how they can become.

 

[crumpiteer]

in this journey towards DJdom, the RAFC realizes that he has genuine choices about how he reacts when confronted with female sexuality. He realizes that through self-improvement, women will prove their merit to him for a change. He learns that he should let his sex drive serve him, not the other way around.

 

[BobFuest]

Sinster, i liked your post.
I find i have it all but still get caught in emotional web that you talk of. Not much experience in long term relationships and when i get my boat rocked i lose control of the situation entirely. It is because of the one-i-tis or relaxed atmosphere of the LTR that I never see the BS tests coming and in the end it was always a learning experience.

 

[BobFuest]

i also have a question.
you talk about one-i-tis and soulmates all of those things but what about love?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops!


Many on this board love to project the persona that they they have balls of steel and hearts made of titanium. Many guys on this site---even some on the Mature Man boards, are primarily focused on perpetually dating, or are in LTR and WISHING they were perpetually dating.lol Sad...

For guys like this (and we ALL know WHO you are), is the very idea of wanting to choose ONE chick considered a corrupt, self-defeating mindset to you? Is the very IDEA of this alone considered to be a masculinity-deficient, AFC quality?

I'm sure some of the SOsuave posters that this really applies to WON'T answer these questions for us.

So, I'll just put it out there for those of us who are ACTUALLY here to share AND learn:

I'd like to hear an answer to Bobfuest's question:

"What about love?"

Is it an AFC quality? What are some you guys' take on this?

Discuss.



Sorry.



NO peace...Today.

 

[RedPill]

I'd like to hear an answer to Bobfuest's question:

"What about love?"

Is it an AFC quality? What are some you guys' take on this?

Discuss.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100097

Victory, here it is, per request. A discussion on love. It's recent, too.

There are other love threads you can look up, but I think this one has what you're looking for in terms of getting opinions from members here. If not, fire it up again and see where it goes. It starts out on the topic of unconditional love but then morphs into a general love discussion on the second page.

My personal take, and I've stated this before, is that love is like the word sh1t. It has a thousand different meanings, and is used informally many different ways because it is easy to pronounce. As a noun, love is most commonly used in the romantic sense. I'll buy that love exists in the metaphysical sense, but not in the romantic sense. A couple that decides to cohabitate and/or build a family (typically a marriage) is not bonded together by some magical force, as most would have you believe, but by a shared set of goals, compatible personalities, and sexual chemistry.

I don't think there's anything AFC about starting a family, if that's what you want for yourself - provided that you do it for the right reasons and with a healthy relationship. However, most guys who get married do so out of oneitis and societal pressure, and they chalk it up to "love", using the romantic interpretation.

 

[Hawke]

RedPill, what in your belief is the metaphysical idea of love? And the romantic?

 

[RedPill]

RedPill, what in your belief is the metaphysical idea of love? And the romantic?

Metaphysical love = "the life force" - It involves the spiritual and philosophical aspects of life. The energy that drives us to seek a mate for replication, biomechanics aside. Why do we have the desire to reproduce? Why to we seek to answer the unanswerable? That's metaphysical love, and it's a highly debatable subject.

Romantic love = The end of a romantic comedy when the HB finally falls for the chump, or when the DJ lead character finally goes chump for some chick who's nothing special. It's the magical Disney ending. Fate. Fairy tale. Perfection. I don't buy it for a moment. There can be an emotion of terrific happiness brought about by a deeply fulfilling LTR. However, it shouldn't be confused with the fantasy of romantic love that's constantly being pitched to you by Hollywood and Hallmark.

 

[Vulpine]

How about the fact that AFC's will argue that they don't display any chumpish behaviors. They'll deny their AFCisms and cite "I get women" as if it would discount any AFC claim. Even after having all the info right in front of them in B&W, they'll not believe that they've been suckers/chumps. Therefore, they won't start the process of betterment and recovery - hopelessly destined to remain AFC's until they admit their problem and start learning from their mistakes.

Denial.

In fact, shame on us DJ's for celebrating ourselves over women - "women are god's gift to men".

Also, an AFC bases his happiness on women. An AFC is miserable when women aren't in his life. He feels that he is a failure if there isn't presently a woman attracted to him. A non-AFC would know women can only enhance one's happiness. Should these women start to detract from a non-AFC's happiness, the woman goes "buh-bye" whereas an AFC would fight to keep the woman in his life - unknowingly making the AFC even more miserable than he would've been without.

AFC: women = basis/measure of personal happiness

Let me clarify something here:

In fact, shame on us DJ's for celebrating ourselves over women - "women are god's gift to men".

Apparently, some thought that this was coming from ME. No, an AFC would look at a DJ with disdain for celebrating themself before women. Women are NOT God's gift to men. In fact in the bible, isn't it that Eve was created from one of Adam's ribs? Literally, that would mean that: women actually are a "pain in the side" for men, or, women take away from the "completeness" of men.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_and_Eve#Creation_of_Eve

Yep, it was in the bible as such.

 

[jonwon]

I hit on this term AFC from this board and oneitus, do I associate them as one part of the other, no!

Why:

AFC to me simply means a man who lacks self drive and motivation to derive the best state of life he can get for him-self in the given environment, I am not talking about social boundaries, I am talking about which ever environment he is presented with.

For example cave men days with no social boundaries or limited boundaries it was the survival of the fittest and the top dog stood supreme, male or female! We can see in our make up the greatest of our race are the ones that have risen far above the rest of the crowd. To me the AFC is the sheep that as accepted his lot in life and try’s to mould his life to which ever realty has been painted for him by his superiors in his eyes. This in essence builds sociality with social conditioning, the top dogs get to play on a whole new field supported by the sheep, spinning new web of lies to suit there attitude of superiority, whilst the AFC supports and accepts the subservient role presented to them.

We then see there interaction with the opposite sex, they again want to be lead and strive to find there perfect harmony in outside sources, instead of focusing within and generating there power from there own self beliefs and internal drive.

An AFC is by definition a person who attributes his success to outside influences and is fazed by outside sources that affect his limited self belief. Where has a true man will make is own path, seek guidance when it suits him but no dwell on others limited beliefs and controlling actions but will in-fact rise above it and climb that ladder of self fulfilment.

Then we flip around to oneitus and ‘the one’.

The real man realized there is no crystal ball, if there is such thing as fate, he knows his fate is a good one and not a negative one!
He will shape his world to match his success and when he fails he picks himself back up and learns where he went wrong and grows stronger, more powerful internally. Where has the AFC dwells in the dark resses and is consumed by his outside influences and adopts the blame attitude instead of focusing on his weakness. 'The one' is by definition what ever you perceive it to be, an AFC ideal of 'the one' is someone they meet by chance and it goes perfect. A real man, even in belief of fate, realises the one he is going to have is going to be met on his terms and his beliefs because if fate truly existed then fate would want him to be with his true match and not a pre-chance encounter! A true man will go out and find the one to model his idea of fate and not wait for it to happen! A real man makes his own luck, whilst an AFC dereives his luck from outside sources, ie looking for the ‘one’.

So oneitus, a real man finds his one from many years of trial and error and whittles down all the potentials to find the one that is truly compatible to him. He then shares his life with his partner and take in all the good and bad that come's with it. They become like a rock supporting each other and they grow together, if it does not work the real man knows the one he has found helped him to grow and not fill a void in his life. He likes companionship but he does not need it. Where has an AFC dwells in the lonely theory and pours is weak frame onto his believe that he does not want to be alone since he lacks the courage and conviction to make his own luck and path in life! He is by essence trying to avoid the fate he sees for him self which is negative and pours it onto an outside source to avoid the truth which is loneliness or sme other social conditioning like pleasing an ideal rather then his true self. But the true man realizes the one is never men’t to make him feel complete she is merely ment to help him GROW, this is the true path of completion. This is the definition of oneitus to me, the deferential perception of how the term can be perceived.

So with that could it be argued that every girl/women that has been in your life was infact the one all along, each and every one of them all made you GROW! its the AFC that does not realize women are not meant to be anything other then a means to GROW as a person, likewise for them.
Far out but holds alot of truth when you think about it.

 

[S.S.N. 318]

good topic....verry nice....

 

[azanon]

Lots of words of wisdom here; what a great group of guys that participate in this forum.

The thing i have to keep working on is that I have issues "fighting" some AFC tendencies (rAFC type struggles) when i'm losing the power struggle. Does that make sense, and has it ever been discussed? What i mean is, lets say i'm spinning plates with 4 women. With 3 of them, I may be winning the power struggle (meaning their interest level is higher than mine), so acting in a DJ manner comes easily for me because i know i can afford to make mistakes or be brazen without repercussion.

But when i'm losing the power struggle, but its someone I dont want to walk away from, i find myself having to actively analize my next move, which is practically AFCish in its very nature, and perhaps in doing so, I just make the situation worse. I think its because I have a hard time accepting that i cant win them all, so instead of just walking away, I start making poor moves that you might very will find in RT's initial itemized list. Perhaps the problem often is that i'm simply doing something else to "fix" this, when I should just opt for just doing nothing. But doing nothing just feels so weak to me, that its hard for me to accept that it very well could be the right move.

Azanon

 

[Latinoman]

Lots of words of wisdom here; what a great group of guys that participate in this forum.

The thing i have to keep working on is that I have issues "fighting" some AFC tendencies (rAFC type struggles) when i'm losing the power struggle. Does that make sense, and has it ever been discussed? What i mean is, lets say i'm spinning plates with 4 women. With 3 of them, I may be winning the power struggle (meaning their interest level is higher than mine), so acting in a DJ manner comes easily for me because i know i can afford to make mistakes or be brazen without repercussion.

But when i'm losing the power struggle, but its someone I dont want to walk away from, i find myself having to actively analize my next move, which is practically AFCish in its very nature, and perhaps in doing so, I just make the situation worse. I think its because I have a hard time accepting that i cant win them all, so instead of just walking away, I start making poor moves that you might very will find in RT's initial itemized list. Perhaps the problem often is that i'm simply doing something else to "fix" this, when I should just opt for just doing nothing. But doing nothing just feels so weak to me, that its hard for me to accept that it very well could be the right move.

Azanon

You simply become "scarce"...and by becoming "scarce" (or doing "nothing")...you are actually doing something. Because it takes a LOT of effort to do that under the conditions you described.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

What i mean is, lets say i'm spinning plates with 4 women. With 3 of them, I may be winning the power struggle (meaning their interest level is higher than mine), so acting in a DJ manner comes easily for me because i know i can afford to make mistakes or be brazen without repercussion.

But when i'm losing the power struggle, but its someone I dont want to walk away from, i find myself having to actively analize my next move, which is practically AFCish in its very nature, and perhaps in doing so, I just make the situation worse. I think its because I have a hard time accepting that i cant win them all, so instead of just walking away, I start making poor moves that you might very will find in RT's initial itemized list.

AZANON, as most of the regular posters on this forum already know, you've been spinning the same plate since you were 21 (and probably before then). Pardon my confusion, but are you changing your story with this or are you being hypothetical here? Because, for a guy married for 15 years, your concerns seem kind of irrelevant.

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

There's been a LOT of AFC s**t on this board lately. A lot of "why did she leave me?" "why doesn't she like me?" "What should I do?" wah wah wah blah blah blah.

Five years ago I was all caught up in my ex wife, oneitis, kissing her a$$, worried about keeping the relationship going -- it was disgusting. I thought I was doing the right thing, and life wound up and gave me the b1tch slapping I needed and deserved.

A really nice, younger AFC friend of mine has been having all kinds of classic "nice guy" problems recently. I've been trying to save him from his own mistakes. I consulted a friend of mine on how to get through to him. He said:

"Just tell him one time, even though you know he won't listen, and let him go and do what he's gonna do. Getting f***ed over is the only way they learn. That's what I did with YOU, and you eventually figured it out."

BRAVO

 

[azanon]

AZANON, as most of the regular posters on this forum already know, you've been spinning the same plate since you were 21 (and probably before then). Pardon my confusion, but are you changing your story with this or are you being hypothetical here? Because, for a guy married for 15 years, your concerns seem kind of irrelevant.

There you go with those assumptions again. I haven't said anything untrue yet on these forums. The problem you keep consistently making with me RT, is assuming. I said i'm married. I said I love my wife. I said she's hot.

When you go adding to those things, that's your doing, not mine. Without me doing it for you, try to least at least 2 assumptions you just made.

...........

BEFORE i was married, i was as AFC as they come, if you must know. Though i had sex with 7 women, i turned down at least 5 more opportunities as a teenager, half of the time because i was a c******sh**. That's right. When i was 15, i actually said no once because i was just too damn scared. I had a second time as a 16 year old, where some girl went around saying i was gay because i said no. It wasnt until i finally gave in (at almost 17) that i saw it wasnt a big deal, and started going for it like any other man. Between 17 and 19, i had the 7 different women. By the 7th woman i had sex with, i met my wife.

I dont regret marrying my wife, but i do regret the 5 or so i turned down prior to becoming sexually active. I wish i had just had a bit more guts. But i'm not going to be too hard on myself; i was 15-17 afterall.

You should know i dont envy you because you had 40 women. When i reflect on that, I just think you're lucky that you havent caught anything or have a few love children out there. Maybe you have/do? I'm sure we'd never know. I assume you used a condom most of the time. IMO, f******* with a condom is the suck.

 

[PRMoon]

I think alot of AFCs see how times have changed in the status between men and women and their roles and are having a great deal of trouble adjusting to it. The womens lib movement and their bogus "equality stuggle" has poisoned alot of men into thinking it's okay to give up their power in relationships, when in fact the power was already balanced equally in some form or another. It's gone from men seeking parnters to a tooth and nail fight for who's right and who's wrong. I watch this war from the sidelines everyday and I'll tell you who's not winning and those men are todays AFCs. The worst part is they THINK they're ahead and they're getting their balls handed to them and don't even know it. It has to be the saddest thing I've seen in my lifetime and it makes me very angry.

If you're not going to be a traditional male ie keep the power balanced and know your role, then you have to learn how to fight in their battle correctly. You have to learn tactics and skills to turn the tide back in your direction and make sure you lead them to a place where both of you can be happy and respect one another. There are GAPING holes in the offensive onslaught brought on by the modern woman and thier mindset that you can get to but you have to have a cool head and sometimes check your emotions at the door to get that kind of perspective. You have to take what you're doing, hold up all your values and beliefs and seriously ask yourself "Is this what I really want to believe?" A serious of other self checks will follow when you pose that question and that's where it all begins.