Probably Immature of me, but something trivial has been bothering me with my GF.

[lorekeeper]

Ok, this is possibly very immature (or childish) of me. (even though I'm 31) and I feel my beta-ism starting to nag at me about this.

I've been seeing my GF for 5-6 months and I've always stated out past was not important. she's been obsessing over how many girls I've slept with. I blew it off 3 times, but the 4th time she was adiment to find out. I eventually caved (yeah way to stick to my convictions) and told her i was embarrassed to say cause the number was low. the second I said that she was super relived and told me it was good that it wasn't a high number. I confessed I've been with one girl before her and she was like "then how do you **** so well?" (which i to this day belive she's saying to boost my ego)

anyways I never asked her about her past, and still think it's kinda unimportant, but part of the conversation led to "I don't know what kind of women you hang out with, but most don't sleep with other guys in the same period of time"

fast forward a month or so; I asked her when we first started sleeping around, after the first few times she backed off, to the point that even though I was trying to "get with her" and it wasn't working, I started to lose interest, and I asked her "why?" (basically)

she told me "I had unfinished business, I was really into this guy, and was with him, but he wasn't into me" ... "I started to find you cute and finished it off with him, basically he didnt want a relationship so I waited for him to get intrested and he didn't so I broke it off" (meaning she slept with him, and me, then didnt see me for a month or so, and was with him, then "got over him" and hooked up with me again)

The problem?

Well, since last night I've felt like I've been "second best" and been a "backup boyfriend"

I know it's pretty ****ty of me, but I've been kinda having an increased heartbeat and thought a night of sleep would fix it, but still feeling bad about it.

I'll just keep it to myself i think, but she noticed I was acting a bit weird last night, i played it off as I was tired. do I man up and keep this to myself or do i bring it up with her? If I do? what should i say?

edit: LOL! turns out he's coming to Christmas dinner at her parents (he's a family friend) with his wife. Did not expect this of my GF. not expected at all.

 

[Boilermaker]

why do you care about her past relationships if you chose this woman?

If she's with you right now, and if that's what you want why do you even care?

I am wondering the look on your face when she spilled all this. Just be confident, get over it, and don't interrogate women about their past unless you think they are really promiscuous ..

 

[Kailex]

This is why you never ask or you never answer the question of: How many?

Always play it off and if she gets to the point where she demands to know... you tell her that the past before you is not important to either of you. You don't want to know how many she's been with and it shouldn't matter how many you've been with.

I never understand why people do this to themselves. The answer to the question NEVER truly relieves anyone unless the number is REALLY low... and even at that point, some people begin to wonder: Why so few? Is something wrong with him/her that no one else would want to bang them?


But, the cat has already been let out of the bag.

Lorekeeper, I've always found that it never matters whether I was the third string quarterback or the star in the spotlight as long as I was the one throwing that last second touchdown for all of the glory.

It's never mattered to me what it "felt" like to not be Option #1... I find that a lot of times, we're never Option #1, but we BECOME Option #1.

So, don't pay attention to the fact that you started out being Plan H or Plan K, right now, you're Plan A and hopefully it stays that way.

 

[PokerStar]

the truth hurt a little didnt it.

now that you know, accept it and be proud that a guy like you with little sexual experience was able to satisfy your current girlfriend.

anyway, you will discover stuff that you like and dislike about your girl. its all apart of the relationship process.

just learn to accept it for what it is.

BTW EVERYONE is EVERYONE'S sloppy seconds.

 

[samspade]

What matters more are her actions toward you now. As long as you think her interest level is sufficiently high and she's treating you with respect, don't worry about all of that.

And keep the past in the past.

 

[Colossus]

So you got branch-swung on....it's probably happened to all of us. I'd be less concerned about that and more concerned with the fact that she was knowingly hooking up with a married man....just my .02.

 

[lorekeeper]

Thanks guys.

I am wondering the look on your face when she spilled all this. Just be confident, get over it, and don't interrogate women about their past unless you think they are really promiscuous ..

i like to THINK I looked calm, but I started to get a small panic attack and havnt got that since I met my GF.

What matters more are her actions toward you now. As long as you think her interest level is sufficiently high and she's treating you with respect, don't worry about all of that.

It's just that I pulled a life 180 when she gave me the cold shoulder, hit up the gym, ignored her, got on with my life, and i thought THAT was what got her re-intrested in me. this little "episode" (for lack of a better word) just negated that. i was feeling good that it was somethign _I_ did. She treats me really good. I'd think her intrest is pretty damn high, but she still holds her own.

you tell her that the past before you is not important to either of you. You don't want to know how many she's been with and it shouldn't matter how many you've been with.

pretty much my exact answer word for word the first few times. but she started getting angry the last time "i know its not important, but why is it so important to YOU to keep it a secret?" I caved, i know, I shouldent have, but I need to learn from these. Next time i'll stick to my guns on this.

I'd be less concerned about that and more concerned with the fact that she was knowingly hooking up with a married man....just my .02.

just found that out this morning, it was in cc'ed email regarding the dinner. I reconised the name, and his wife was in there too. that's what bothered me the most, very disappointed in her for that.


I've been high-strung all day but starting to calm down now.

 

[Mr.Positive]

She treats me really good. I'd think her intrest is pretty damn high, but she still holds her own.

I've been high-strung all day but starting to calm down now.

If she treats you well, and has high interest, and you are happy with her. That is what is important.

The best way to cure being high-strung is great sex. Go bang this gal right now!

PS..lot's of very good advise in this thread.

 

[jophil28]

I've been seeing my GF for 5-6 months and I've always stated out past was not important.

Lorekeeper- the statement above is inconsistent with the contents of your thread starter. Why say that to her if you did not really mean it ?
Was it some stupid desire to appear "cool" and therefore not insecure?
Maybe you were trying to impress her with your worldliness .
Now you are faced with a dilemma which calls that into question because she now knows that what you said is not how you really feel...." Lorekeeper, but you said that the past does not matter !!!"
It is better to subtly introduce her to your standards and expectations early in the relationship. The problem is that most guys are so grateful to get some hot pvssy that they dump their own rules.
Then when they find out some of her 'juicy' past, they are floored in disgust.

IF I know women, she will also use your incongruent statement as a last gasp diversion if she feels cornered by your questions about her past.

Secondly, it is true enough that women who hound you to reveal YOUR sexual past usually have some unsavory events of their own to hide. These eventually come up into the sunlight , one c0ck at a time.

Having said all that, I would be also disturbed by what you have found out.
I do not agree with some of the other replies which dismiss her past as irrelevant .
A woman's past is often a pointer to your future with her .

Good luck with this-

 

[cordoncordon]

I'm kinda confused. Are you saying your gf was interested in, and dated for a while, a married man? And that that man and his wife are now coming to a family Xmas dinner?

 

[lorekeeper]

Secondly, it is true enough that women who hound you to reveal YOUR sexual past usually have some unsavory events of their own to hide. These eventually come up into the sunlight , one c0ck at a time.

well, thanks for bringing my anxiety up again, :cheer:


lol, no seriously, i didn't even think about that, but I'm not going to let it bother me, THAT does not matter. her sexual past does not matter, she slept with one of my close friends, that does not matter, what matters, and what made me feel bad in the first place was that it seemed like i was the "fallback" plan, she blew me off to be with another guy, and when he wouldent get with her, she reverted back to me. THATS what made me feel like crap.

The best way to cure being high-strung is great sex. Go bang this gal right now!

dude! we're both so sore! she texted me not even 10 min ago "my legs are so sore... i spent too much of sunday with my legs wide open! "

i admit, our sex life is dying down (one we went at it 6 times in a day, I even woke her up at 3:30am) we now go a few days without sex, but Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon and sunday evening were really fun

yeah, i lost my v-card really late (30) and it was a mercy-**** but this woman... I ravage this woman.

 

[lorekeeper]

I'm kinda confused. Are you saying your gf was interested in, and dated for a while, a married man? And that that man and his wife are now coming to a family Xmas dinner?

yes.
but I do not know if he JUST got married, or 5-6 months ago he was single.
he is a close friend of the family (I think his mom and my gf's mom are friends) so they still meet at functions. also, nobody but her brother and I know.

 

[jophil28]

...what made me feel bad in the first place was that it seemed like i was the "fallback" plan, she blew me off to be with another guy, and when he wouldent get with her, she reverted back to me. THATS what made me feel like crap.

Yeh,I get that. Perhaps you can deal comfortably with that in time -perhaps not.

Geez, Christmas day is gonna be fun...

 

[samspade]

yes.
but I do not know if he JUST got married, or 5-6 months ago he was single.
he is a close friend of the family (I think his mom and my gf's mom are friends) so they still meet at functions. also, nobody but her brother and I know.

Think about it - if he JUST got married, chances are he was with this woman 5-6 months ago, and they were serious.

Unless his wife is a Russian mail order bride.

 

[Nkognito]

The next time you are with her, play this and tell her to listen to the guy in the hat (bob) very, VERY careful to the story he explains. Maybe she and you will get it the moral to the story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFw7Myb34zw

 

[Zarky]

OP, you are dating multiple women right?

NEVER tell women how many women you've slept with. This is a number that you should take to the grave.

 

[lorekeeper]

OP, you are dating multiple women right?

NEVER tell women how many women you've slept with. This is a number that you should take to the grave.

lol.

uh, no she's my girlfriend of 6 months. we're kinda exclusive

 

[backbreaker]

truth be told, we've all done the same thing.

I remember my last REAL long term GF.. i was at the beginning of my real plate spinning, she wasn't even option C.. she was like... E or D. I mean, she was hot, but I still had a bad oneitis and regardless of what i said, had she made it known at that time she was interested i would have dropped all my plates, happily.

It took a while to realize just what i had in the girl. she was smokin hot, she had her quirks but was GREAT in the sack, and most of all, liked me for me. I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't around her. She supported me.. she grew on me. After 5-6 months she really was the only girl i wanted to see.

 

[lorekeeper]

Ok, turns out I put 2 and 2 together and came up with 3. The guy Is not married. I saw someone with the same last name in an email, and saw a picture of him in an album on FB with some girl tagged with a ring. turns out it was his sister. My bad. Never approched her about this, nor have i talked to her, but went over for a movie last night and when I left this morning I told her we had dinner at a friends place that i've been brushing off. she told me we already had a date and it kinda went downhill from there. i've already made the plans so i told my friends that she cant make it (they wanted to meet her)

anways, still feeling like ass, but at least not as much as yesterday.

 

[mrRuckus]

I dont even know my number. I'd have to sit down and figure it out. Who knows off the top of their head unless it's like 2-5? I don't even think i do that many women at all, but I started losing track around 6. And to guess now i'd probably be off by 10-15 in either direction.

So i could truthfully respond with "i don't know."