Post 3rd date - Quick Advice

[ThePhilosopher]

Hi all,

Will try to be very quick, since no one likes reading big texts.

Met a girl online. Both over 30s. She is not a local at my country yet, but traveling back and forth (couple of weeks here and then couple of weeks back to her country). She wants to move here though, she already found a place.

Date 1: Smooth, ended making out in the end.

Date 2: Good laughs and chemistry, made out harder and more touching.

Until here she never initiated anything, even a little text. Nevertheless she replies very soon each time and with big texts and follow ups. She never ends chats, I do, same with dates, she seems to enjoy her time with me a lot.

For Date 3 due to logistics (me traveling with job for 10 days and her hosting a friend), Date 3 would be at least 2 weeks far. So, since I also wanted to see if she would initiate sth, I decided to leave the ball at her court to plan something before I leave.

And she did actually text me, to come over to her rented apartment to enjoy the hot tub, before I leave.. So we ended up finishing each other through hand stimulation, but said she did not want to proceed further that night to sex.

Important that the above dates happened very quick, within 8 days.

Now the advice. Based on our talks, I do not consider her LTR but would like to have further fun and enjoy her as long as it lasts.

a. Since she is not the reserved and shy type, you think she did not want to proceed to sex to play hard to get a little bit, to play me in general and check my reaction (I was pretty laid back about it), or she might want a relationship? From what she said the online meeting played its part into that.
b. You think I should keep the same approach, considering I will also be away with work for the next days? Meaning, still initiating and keep some contact or wait from her to see if she texts first?

Many thanks.

 

[spred]

a. You are probably right.
b. Initiate once per week if she doesn't

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi all,

Will try to be very quick, since no one likes reading big texts.

Met a girl online. Both over 30s. She is not a local at my country yet, but traveling back and forth (couple of weeks here and then couple of weeks back to her country). She wants to move here though, she already found a place.

Date 1: Smooth, ended making out in the end.

Date 2: Good laughs and chemistry, made out harder and more touching.

Until here she never initiated anything, even a little text. Nevertheless she replies very soon each time and with big texts and follow ups. She never ends chats, I do, same with dates, she seems to enjoy her time with me a lot.

For Date 3 due to logistics (me traveling with job for 10 days and her hosting a friend), Date 3 would be at least 2 weeks far. So, since I also wanted to see if she would initiate sth, I decided to leave the ball at her court to plan something before I leave.

And she did actually text me, to come over to her rented apartment to enjoy the hot tub, before I leave.. So we ended up finishing each other through hand stimulation, but said she did not want to proceed further that night to sex.

Important that the above dates happened very quick, within 8 days.

Now the advice. Based on our talks, I do not consider her LTR but would like to have further fun and enjoy her as long as it lasts.

a. Since she is not the reserved and shy type, you think she did not want to proceed to sex to play hard to get a little bit, to play me in general and check my reaction (I was pretty laid back about it), or she might want a relationship? From what she said the online meeting played its part into that.
b. You think I should keep the same approach, considering I will also be away with work for the next days? Meaning, still initiating and keep some contact or wait from her to see if she texts first?

Many thanks.

Stopped reading at 30.

Geriatric pregnancy isn't attractive. News flash OP.

Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday. Step your game up.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard. I’ll see you’re new here. Unfortunately, sometimes as a newbie… this will attract members that feel the need to swagger (this might be their only opportunity to feel self importance - and so take their posturing with a grain of salt).

Due to the complexities of women and not being present to observe nuances, it’s doubtful that anyone can conclude her thoughts. I’ll throw a few theories out.,

Her lack of initiating conversation as much could be a result of three things. Actually it could be more but these are the three that come to mind.

1. If she is ‘dating up’ (or not as intellectual) then she could be a little intimidated on how to proceed

2. If she’s a male magnet, then she’s had enough experience to know how to operate; realizing she doesn’t have to put forth a lot of effort to get a lot in return.

3. (and if I was placing a bet, I’m thinking it’s this). She views you as potential relationship material. Therefore she’s setting a tone that she’s not a quick hook up, but someone to gradually know.

The fact that she reached out; in order to see you before the visit gap between you two, would indicate interest on her part.

Also, the fact that you were able to go further with each date, and the third, she ‘relieves your pressure’… would also indicate that she’s not selfish or necessarily wasting your time.

It’s possible that the upcoming two week visit gap, could change things. If it doesn’t, you’ll probably get laid on the fourth encounter. Keep in mind though that it sounds like she’s wanting something more than you are wanting.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Welcome aboard. I’ll see you’re new here. Unfortunately, sometimes as a newbie… this will attract members that feel the need to swagger (this might be their only opportunity to feel self importance - and so take their posturing with a grain of salt).

Due to the complexities of women and not being present to observe nuances, it’s doubtful that anyone can conclude her thoughts. I’ll throw a few theories out.,

Her lack of initiating conversation as much could be a result of three things. Actually it could be more but these are the three that come to mind.

1. If she is ‘dating up’ (or not as intellectual) then she could be a little intimidated on how to proceed

2. If she’s a male magnet, then she’s had enough experience to know how to operate; realizing she doesn’t have to put forth a lot of effort to get a lot in return.

3. (and if I was placing a bet, I’m thinking it’s this). She views you as potential relationship material. Therefore she’s setting a tone that she’s not a quick hook up, but someone to gradually know.

The fact that she reached out; in order to see you before the visit gap between you two, would indicate interest on her part.

Also, the fact that you were able to go further with each date, and the third, she ‘relieves your pressure’… would also indicate that she’s not selfish or necessarily wasting your time.

It’s possible that the upcoming two week visit gap, could change things. If it doesn’t, you’ll probably get laid on the fourth encounter. Keep in mind though that it sounds like she’s wanting something more than you are wanting.

I'm thinking #3 as well. If this girl was intimidated or a male magnet, i'm not sure you'd see the immediate responses every time.

The never initiate/respond immediately thing is a strong tell of a relationship girl.

 

[ThePhilosopher]

Thank you both for the feedback.

I would suspect (3) as well. However if she sees me as relationship material I would not expect the following:

a) She let’s say devalued herself in my eyes, with past experiences and not “serious” things that she told me she did. She could be more cautious with what she said if she wanted to be careful, since a couple of things I found out are why I decided to not want anything serious with her.

b) If she wants relationship why wouldn’t she initiate texting at all? From my experience, all the interested into relationship girls reach out a little bit at least.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Thank you both for the feedback.

I would suspect (3) as well. However if she sees me as relationship material I would not expect the following:

a) She let’s say devalued herself in my eyes, with past experiences and not “serious” things that she told me she did. She could be more cautious with what she said if she wanted to be careful, since a couple of things I found out are why I decided to not want anything serious with her.

b) If she wants relationship why wouldn’t she initiate texting at all? From my experience, all the interested into relationship girls reach out a little bit at least.

A) She wants to see if you will accept her at her worst, before she gives you her best

B) She wants you to chase and to see how hard you will work

I'd shorten her leash and pull back emotionally. The lack of penetrative sex before an extended 10 day absence is a red flag. Women like this often will use that as an excuse to "start over" meaning you will be back at date #2 or date #3 stages, instead of the date #4 stage where you actually phuck. They'll want an extra date before phucking because of the time distance.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP you got paralysis by analysis.
OP you cant make a horre into a housewife but you can make a housewife into a horre.
You are over thinking this way too much.

It's relevant imo, it sounds like a Comfort Sh1t Test, which is a red flag if done often.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Relevant to what exactly?
If OP is in his 30s. Even low 30s his targets should just be leaving college. Not some 30 yr old with some new age epiphany. Ffs

Relevant to OP's scenario. I think he mentioned the girl was in her 30's.

I agree though, if I was in my 30's I'd avoid my age-peers as well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ehh, hard to say. Might be a case where she isn't that interested(which is typically why sex doesn't happen), or that she wants to wait until she is there more permanently.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

or that she wants to wait until she is there more permanently.

If this is the case, I suspect she'd want a "refresher" date before actual sex. Personally, I try to avoid pursuing women if we both aren't going to be in the same location in the immediate future.

Kinda sounds like she's interested enough given that she invited him over for the hot tub.

OP, next date with her, whenever that is, I'd take it a little slow at first and let her lead, follow her signs.