Please help with this club/bar situation

[Plinco]

*To make this constructive, do not tell me not to hit on college girls.

I was at a club/bar on this Thursday night and after direct cold approaching five young ladies I get approached by a bouncer telling me to leave because he said that he got a couple of complaints about me from girls, and he didn't like the fact that I had circled the area a few times. He said that I could come back but I should buy something next time.

I was thinking, for the next time I go there, since I don't drink alcohol, I can offer to tip them 20 bucks, and I should be a bit more discreet about circling the dance floor area. I thought about going back there next week.

As far as approaching, I don't think I did anything wrong there.

If you think I should do anything different, please let me know.

 

[BPH]

We can talk about this on our call this week, but how did the approaches go with the girls? If you're being honest with yourself.

If they went poorly, and you are circling the dancefloor looking for girls to talk to, without having bought any drinks, then maybe some people will find that strange, like this bouncer.

That's why my advice to you is always to have fun first.

 

[Plinco]

We can talk about this on our call this week, but how did the approaches go with the girls? If you're being honest with yourself.

If they went poorly, and you are circling the dancefloor looking for girls to talk to, without having bought any drinks, then maybe some people will find that strange, like this bouncer.

That's why my advice to you is always to have fun first.

Check the chat. I put a little more detail there.

As far as the approaches go, I don't think I did anything wrong. I was in a pretty good mood so I was a bit surprised that I was told to leave.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Plinco,
Learn to Dance and many of your troubles will be over.

 

[Plinco]

Hi Plinco,
Learn to Dance and many of your troubles will be over.

That's actually good advice. I'm very fidgety, but I haven't danced in years.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Plinco,
You are a born Flamenco dancer,why on your Avatar you seem to be executing a passable Zapapatcado LOL,If your past dancing knowledge is within retrieval,and you like Rhumba,may I suggest Salsa? Similar but much faster...If not then Argentine Tango,hard but with a solid gender advantage for Males...Check out your local scene,could well be Country and Western,is Flavour of the Month with the age group of Women you fancy.

 

[The Duke]

You put the bouncer in a tough position. I think the bouncer made the right decision and handled it well. Women at a bar are a valued commodity. Its why men come. Men are a dime a dozen.

I'm guessing there wasn't much conversation before you asked for a number? Why did you creep these girls out? Did you make enough casual conversation? Or was it a minute into the interaction you asked for a number? Were they out of your league?

You state that you don't think you did anything wrong, but I question your awareness level not being enough. Did you look for any interest from these 5 girls, or just mass approach blindly? And 5 women in a single venue is a lot even for large places. You also stated you are fidgety, you need to work on that. I'd bet its because you need to improve your conversational skills. Your awkward vibe is why these girls were creeped out.

In the future buy something, and if its not alcohol tip very well. Make conversation with the staff. Learn to dance.

One nite I set up shop right outside the womens bathroom seated on a window ledge. I talked to all the girls coming and going. I even said, "it took me half my life to figure out the best place to pick up girls was outside the womens restroom". And they all laughed. I didn't get one complaint because I didn't come across as awkward or fidgety. I was being friendly with EVERYONE, not just hot girls. And if they didn't give me eye contact or smile, I left them alone.

Never make it your mission to get a girls number. Never make it your misison to get sex. Make it your mission to attract and seduce and the numbers and sex falls right into your lap. They will be trying to give you their number. They will suggest going home with you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I would always pull up at the bar, watch some tv, stand / lean in do not sit for a bit, make some convo with the bartender, grab a plastic cup and fill it with redbull which looks like beer. Don’t rush out of there so you establish a presence. If you do this, the bar will eventually come to you. Since you’re not really drinking, tip well. I would throw a $5 down and usually, not always, that would get me free drinks. If it doesn’t, ok. Either way you’re establishing a good relationship with the staff.

You can have a lot of good, natural conversations with the women who come up to get more drinks by doing this and you can’t be intruding because they’re coming into your space. Then obviously if it doesn’t vibe with that set don’t force it, more will come. Eventually, you can go do a lap or two through the dance floor. First one make it look like a trip to the bathroom. Second time you can take a real lap.

Should be no issue, you’ll meet the staff and you should be welcome back.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Was the bar or club really crowded that night, with a lot of people and women around?

The only reason I can think of for why they complained might be that you accidentally crossed some personal boundaries. For example, if you kept approaching after they covertly showed disinterest, stood too close, or stared a bit too long, that can come across as uncomfortable or even as harassment, even if you didn’t mean it that way.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I was at a club/bar on this Thursday night and after direct cold approaching five young ladies I get approached by a bouncer telling me to leave because he said that he got a couple of complaints about me from girls, and he didn't like the fact that I had circled the area a few times. He said that I could come back but I should buy something next time.

I was thinking, for the next time I go there, since I don't drink alcohol, I can offer to tip them 20 bucks, and I should be a bit more discreet about circling the dance floor area. I thought about going back there next week

There's generally food and soda/mock tails on the menu at most establishments, for patrons who've sworn off booze. If you really MUST continue hunting cooter at night clubs, "circling" is less advisable than sitting on a playground bench come Saturday afternoon, pantsless and recreating Paul Reubens's typical visit to his neighborhood porn theater

Fellas were already getting thrown out of bars and clubs for that back in The 2000s and likely all decades prior, loooooooooooooong before the moral panic we've been in since '16.... This'll likely to continue to be the case, even after MeToo has become more quaint than graffiti coats and anyone taking The Geneva Conventions remotely seriously

 

[Tilex]

I think when a bouncer gets involved, it must be really serious!
He seemed genuinely respectful towards you, which is surprising.
I remember when bouncers used to strong-arm people at the club.

 

[Plinco]

Hi Plinco,
You are a born Flamenco dancer,why on your Avatar you seem to be executing a passable Zapapatcado LOL,

It's from this scene in The Wolf Of Wall Street

I'm guessing there wasn't much conversation before you asked for a number? Why did you creep these girls out? Did you make enough casual conversation? Or was it a minute into the interaction you asked for a number? Were they out of your league?

I directly approached five girls within the two hours I was there that I felt attracted to. @BPH discussed this before, and we both agreed that it's a good idea to gauge interest level right away, plus being direct is my style anyway. None of the girls were interested, and I ended every conversation politely.

As far as creeping these girls out, I didn't feel creepy myself but apparently I creeped one or probably two out. I would say some variant of "hey I noticed you from where I was sitting and thought you looked really pretty. What's your name?" I only approach when I'm sincere. I didn't ask for any of their numbers because none of them were even remotely interested.

As far as leagues go, I don't believe in them. I only approach girls whom I'm attracted to.

You state that you don't think you did anything wrong, but I question your awareness level not being enough.
You also stated you are fidgety, you need to work on that. I'd bet its because you need to improve your conversational skills. Your awkward vibe is why these girls were creeped out.

I have what I like to call retard confidence. Reading into people's emotional states is something that I've struggled with all my life.

Did you look for any interest from these 5 girls, or just mass approach blindly?

I don't spam approach if that's what you're asking. I only approach the girls I'm attracted to. Until I get some kind of interaction from, I have no way to know for sure if any of them would be interested in me or not.

And 5 women in a single venue is a lot even for large places.

Didn't @Solomon and @BPH say that approach upwards of ten girls in a night? I'm not sure if that's the same venue though.

In the future buy something, and if its not alcohol tip very well. Make conversation with the staff. Learn to dance.

I agree with you and @Scaramouche I think these are good ideas. This puts me in a position where I have to dance. As the saying goes, smooth seas don't make a skilled sailor.

Never make it your mission to get a girls number. Never make it your misison to get sex. Make it your mission to attract and seduce and the numbers and sex falls right into your lap. They will be trying to give you their number. They will suggest going home with you.

My mindset is above all, about honesty and integrity.

I would always pull up at the bar, watch some tv, stand / lean in do not sit for a bit, make some convo with the bartender, grab a plastic cup and fill it with redbull which looks like beer. Don’t rush out of there so you establish a presence. If you do this, the bar will eventually come to you. Since you’re not really drinking, tip well. I would throw a $5 down and usually, not always, that would get me free drinks. If it doesn’t, ok. Either way you’re establishing a good relationship with the staff.

You can have a lot of good, natural conversations with the women who come up to get more drinks by doing this and you can’t be intruding because they’re coming into your space. Then obviously if it doesn’t vibe with that set don’t force it, more will come. Eventually, you can go do a lap or two through the dance floor. First one make it look like a trip to the bathroom. Second time you can take a real lap.

Should be no issue, you’ll meet the staff and you should be welcome back.

That's a good mindset except I wouldn't even drink redbull. I've been to this place at least seven times in the last three months and haven't spent more than five dollars total, which is not a very nice thing to do. I think tipping the establishment 50 bucks next time I go there would be appropriate considering.

Was the bar or club really crowded that night, with a lot of people and women around?

The only reason I can think of for why they complained might be that you accidentally crossed some personal boundaries. For example, if you kept approaching after they covertly showed disinterest, stood too close, or stared a bit too long, that can come across as uncomfortable or even as harassment, even if you didn’t mean it that way.

It was packed.

I suppose that's possible, or probable.

 

[The Duke]

It's from this scene in The Wolf Of Wall Street



I directly approached five girls within the two hours I was there that I felt attracted to. @BPH discussed this before, and we both agreed that it's a good idea to gauge interest level right away, plus being direct is my style anyway. None of the girls were interested, and I ended every conversation politely.

As far as creeping these girls out, I didn't feel creepy myself but apparently I creeped one or probably two out. I would say some variant of "hey I noticed you from where I was sitting and thought you looked really pretty. What's your name?" I only approach when I'm sincere. I didn't ask for any of their numbers because none of them were even remotely interested.

As far as leagues go, I don't believe in them. I only approach girls whom I'm attracted to.



I have what I like to call retard confidence. Reading into people's emotional states is something that I've struggled with all my life.



I don't spam approach if that's what you're asking. I only approach the girls I'm attracted to. Until I get some kind of interaction from, I have no way to know for sure if any of them would be interested in me or not.



Didn't @Solomon and @BPH say that approach upwards of ten girls in a night? I'm not sure if that's the same venue though.



I agree with you and @Scaramouche I think these are good ideas. This puts me in a position where I have to dance. As the saying goes, smooth seas don't make a skilled sailor.



My mindset is above all, about honesty and integrity.




That's a good mindset except I wouldn't even drink redbull. I've been to this place at least seven times in the last three months and haven't spent more than five dollars total, which is not a very nice thing to do. I think tipping the establishment 50 bucks next time I go there would be appropriate considering.



It was packed.

I suppose that's possible, or probable.

So what do you think would have happened if you would have started a few conversations indirectly with anyone and everyone, perhaps seated at the bar?

Sometimes a little investment paves the way for future success.

Outsiders are always observing from afar. So when you get a conversation going in a small group of strangers, it draws others attention. A lot of times it will lower their defenses, pique their curiousities, paint you in a positive light, and make it easier for you to converse with later on.

Another thing to consider is when at a bar, most of your less conversational folks will position themselves on the outskirts. Thats why they are called wall-flowers. The more extroverted, easier to talk to people are front and center where the conversations happen.

Its really easy to walk up to the main bar, and place your drink order right next to the hot girl. While you are waiting you feel her out to see if she is open to you. If not, no big deal. Its like you approached but no one noticed. It looked like you were ordering a drink. So there are ways to do what you are doing more discretely if necessary.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Quit going to clubs and bars for women!

 

[Bible_Belt]

It would be smart for the bar to have a policy of throwing out anyone who is the subject of complaints. Because if you were then alleged to have assaulted someone after that point, the victim could sue the bar for negligence. So don't take it personally from the bouncer.

Having said that,

hey I noticed you from where I was sitting and thought you looked really pretty. What's your name?

this is cringe. Everything about it is wrong. A simple "Hi" would be much better.

 

[sevbucmash]

*To make this constructive, do not tell me not to hit on college girls.

You're 41 (or a little bit older ) and hitting on college girls who are in their early 20's. That's weird by itself.

I'd try to check yourself on tea app https://decrypt.day/app/id6444453051

What it takes to photo your face from afar, and do a search on you? Nothing. Maybe you have something there about yourself.

 

[sevbucmash]

I approached five girls within the two hours I was there that I felt attracted to

WTF you were doing there 2 hours without drinks? Conversating with someone? Dancing? Listening to music?

What?


Anyway, you need a wing.

 

[BPH]

I would say some variant of "hey I noticed you from where I was sitting and thought you looked really pretty. What's your name?"

We've talked about this before, but I'll reiterate my suggestion.

I'm well aware that you need to be "sincere" in your compliment when you approach a girl. My suggestion has always been simply:

"Hey, I thought you were gorgeous and had to come say hi, what's your name?"

What you've written above is an overcomplication. It sounds like you've been staring at her for quite some time before mustering the confidence to come talk to her, as opposed to it being an impulsive, involuntary reaction to you finding her attractive.

As far as sincerity goes, I can find a woman attractive because she has really nice boobs, but my opener is not going to be:

"Hey, you have fantastic tits, what's your name?"

The point I'm trying to make is that you can pick and choose some variation of what I'm suggesting above, but you shouldn't be adding layers to it.

Didn't @Solomon and @BPH say that approach upwards of ten girls in a night? I'm not sure if that's the same venue though.

I rarely do that many approaches a night. I'll have either run out of women I find attractive at the venue, or I'll have met somebody and hit it off by that point.

I read that you did these 5 approaches over the course of 2 hours, so it's not like you're spam approaching, which is good. There's a lot of context that's missing that we cannot realistically understand: your body language, tone of voice, what you're doing when you're not approaching, etc.

Because of your age and target demographic, you'll run into this. If you read that other thread of mine, I'm running into this A LOT lately, and I'm a decade your junior. I have a friend who's very good-looking who used to come out with us, who is 43. He's getting the same responses and reactions as you're getting, just with a little less bouncer intervention.

If this is the same bar as you've mentioned before, the fact that it's 18 to enter also means that age gap will be viewed more poorly.

I'm not suggesting you need to adjust your goals, but you may have better experiences at venues where younger women are present, but are not the ONLY demographic, where you'd stick out like a sore thumb more.

 

[characternote]

Just reading between the lines because I wasn't there, but it just sounds like an unfortunate sign of the times to some extent.
Me and my friends used to 'burn venues down' when we were looking to pull and approach a tonne of hot young girls since we all know it's a numbers game. When I was getting my lay count way up there and getting laid on a large percentage of nights I went out, I was probably approaching like 50+ hot girls per night who were usually half my age lol (them 18, me 36)

But even that is maybe getting harder and harder to do as simply being seen 'hitting on girls' isn't really allowed anymore, depending on which country or state you live in.

You might need to limit your approaches too just a handful and then move too a different bar to hit on new girls! rinse-repeat

In terms of being 'creepy', again, I wasn't there, but i'm gonna assume you weren't being 'creepy'. That is mostly just a term girls use when a guy who they don't think is 'hot' (and thus aren't attracted too) shows a clear romantic interest in them. You just have to eat that i'm afraid! It's always been that way!

 

[Plinco]

Anyway, you need a wing.

You're 41 (or a little bit older ) and hitting on college girls who are in their early 20's. That's weird by itself.

I'd try to check yourself on tea app https://decrypt.day/app/id6444453051

What it takes to photo your face from afar, and do a search on you? Nothing. Maybe you have something there about yourself.

I'm not normal anyway. Thanks for the info!

this is cringe. Everything about it is wrong. A simple "Hi" would be much better.

Everything about it is wrong? Being direct fits me pretty well I think, but what would you do?

Quit going to clubs and bars for women!

Do you have a better idea?

So what do you think would have happened if you would have started a few conversations indirectly with anyone and everyone, perhaps seated at the bar?

Sometimes a little investment paves the way for future success.

Outsiders are always observing from afar. So when you get a conversation going in a small group of strangers, it draws others attention. A lot of times it will lower their defenses, pique their curiousities, paint you in a positive light, and make it easier for you to converse with later on.

Another thing to consider is when at a bar, most of your less conversational folks will position themselves on the outskirts. Thats why they are called wall-flowers. The more extroverted, easier to talk to people are front and center where the conversations happen.

Its really easy to walk up to the main bar, and place your drink order right next to the hot girl. While you are waiting you feel her out to see if she is open to you. If not, no big deal. Its like you approached but no one noticed. It looked like you were ordering a drink. So there are ways to do what you are doing more discretely if necessary.

When I get there again next Thursday, I'll tip the staff 50 dollars and mention that to the bouncer who told me to leave. I'll converse with some of the staff and hopefully that will make them feel a bit more at ease with me. I'll dance but there's no guarantee I'll do that well. I'm not going to go out of my way to do any approaches that night.

I really want to keep this place because it's the only place and time that I know of in my town that has a concentration of attractive women for a radius of about 50 miles. Even finding this venue really felt like a stroke of luck.