"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Playing hard to get v. asking out

Maeisgood

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How do you ask out a girl AND act like you don't want her? That seems contradictory and confusing.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

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gravstar

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Act really confident about it, expect that she will say yes. and if she doesn't just pretend that you don't care, just brush it off, there are plenty more.
 

azn_alex

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personally i never ask a girl out. i go thru the PU stages. then wen u're kissing then soon enough she'll let the word 'girlfriend' slip out and then u can work from there
 

undesputable

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Youre playing the game with the wrong ball....like playing golf with a basketball, the damn ball will never go in. The trick here is not to make her think you dont want her. Youre right that is contradicting, what you want to do is ask her out, and dont worry about it. Afterall the reason you ask her out is bc youre interested. The trick is letting her know that youre interested, but youre not needy, and you need to show her youre a real man.
 

B-Lemond

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You could try this.
"Me and some friends are going ______ later on, you can tag along if you want."
Her possible responses:
1) No thanks. - Doesn't matter cause in her eyes your not desperate because your gonna go no matter what even if she wasn't going to come. It's like you were doing her a favor by letting her be part of the fun too.

2) Sure/Yes/Ok - At this point you got your self a date. Meet her wherever you guys are going or you can pick her up, whatever you'd like. When you get to the place say in a playful way "O well, looks like they, (your friends), didn't show up."
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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JSH

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I love newbies giving advice to newbies. All that happens is the same old advice is recycled.

There are many different ways of getting a girl to want to go out with you. One method is to act like you are not interested in her, of course she has to be a little interested in you first. The real thrust in this method is not that you do not want her, but that you do not need her, YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE.

Of course when you ask a girl out, you are committing and showing that you want to spend time with her, the whole point of a relationship, you like the girl. So it does look as if the advice is in complete juxtaposition. Act like you do need her rather than do not want her. Since, if a girl acts like she does not want you, you are less likely to ask her out.

Remember play nice.
 

azn_alex

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^JSH..wtf? at least other ppl gave advice, all u did was highlight his problem which he already knew existed..
 
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Maeisgood

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Very good. Thanks everyone for helping to clarify that for me.
 

incognito42

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Originally posted by azn_alex
^JSH..wtf? at least other ppl gave advice, all u did was highlight his problem which he already knew existed..

No, actually he made more sense than anyone...


One method is to act like you are not interested in her, of course she has to be a little interested in you first. The real thrust in this method is not that you do not want her, but that you do not need her, YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE

I dont consider myself a DJ, or an AFC, but this makes a lot of sense to my current situation. I was really thinking about this girl a lot, too much, borderline oneitis going on. So a week and a half ago I decided to stop talking to her and stop hanging out with her because I knew she either wasnt interested or was playing games, either way I wasnt in good shape. I didnt call her this past weekend, and she called on Sunday. We talked for a couple minutes, just basic BS "how are you" yada yada and we hung up. She said she was just calling to say whats up and we hadnt talked, I told her not to be afraid to call but made sure not to say Id call and didnt try and make plans to hang out. 30 minutes later she called me back on my cell phone and said she wanted to hang out with me. I was on my way to play basketball and told her Id call her when I got back. we didnt hang out and she called back again today and said she wanted to chill tonight. I went from thinking about her a lot and her being in control (which I think she waa really getting a thrill out of), to not thinking about her much and not caring and having her really come out of her shell and make it pretty evident she is interested and inturn seemingly making her even more interested than she might have been. This may not work for your situation but it worked for me
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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JSH

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Sorry, I was in a rush, I had to work on my A levels.

They work best as two different methods, but can be combined.

The essence in getting a relationship with a girl is that you want her but do not need her. (assuming some basics)

Asking her out shows that you want her.

Playing hard to get shows that you need her.

The best way of combining the two is for her to believe that you have value (ie other girls want you) and for you to ask her out. They are not contradictory is essence but are difficult to demonstrate at the same time. The way in which I do this is through teasing and social value (having a reputation and girls wanting to go out with you). You can even build your own social value, by telling stories of what you have done, but make them believable and occasionally show that you can do these things you talk of.
 
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