One-Sided Monogamy / Threesomes

[Money & Muscle]

Y'all know my story. Married as a 21 year old virgin, have a bodycount of 1. Now I look like I do, make $150k/yr and have options I've never had before.

I don't want to leave my wife. I get laid whenever I want, she is mostly submissive to me (still working on that, it's been a long road) and has been faithful to me even during our worst times - even when I was broke and didn't look like this.

But I want to experience being with other women... Have my cake and eat it too.

Call me a hypocrite but I wouldn't allow my wife to be with any other man, so I am interested in a one-sided monogamy and threesomes (FFM) only. I know the only way this can work is if she wants to do this for me - as in, it cannot be coerced; I cannot make her agree to it (I could, but that's not what I want). Has anyone managed to make this work in a way that doesn't blow up their marriage? How much trouble am I asking for?

 

[SW15]

Caleb Jones (Alpha Male 2.0, formerly known as Blackdragon) has written extensively about open marriages and open relationships. He has a system for creating open marriages/open relationships where he claims the man can have more extra-relational sex than the woman has. I've been a bit skeptical of his claims, but the 2 books he wrote about that are near the bottom of this link (under Relationship Books)

Product Store

store.calebjones.com

I haven't read this books on open relationships so I can't endorse. My sense is that it is very difficult to create a relationship where you have sex with other women but your wife doesn't have sex with other men.

Caleb Jones is a bit of a controversial figure in the Manosphere. PUA Nick Krauser did an infamous hit piece on him in 2019....

BlackDragon is a pathetic delusional cuck

I promised myself that this year I would resist the temptation to play PUA Police. The world is so full of bull****ters and charlatans that exposing them is like a game of whack-a-mole. A wannabe s…

krauserpua.com

 

[Money & Muscle]

He has a system for creating open marriages/open relationships where he claims the man can have more extra-relational sex than the woman has. I've been a bit skeptical of his claims

Yeah I absolutely would not let my wife be with other dudes. It's one-sided monogamy and threesomes only for me. if the deal was "Open Relationship or no deal", I'd just stick with monogamy. I'm VERY skeptical of opening a relationship on both sides. I know I look good, I know I can pull girls, but I KNOW I don't have the sexual options of any attractive woman.

 

[SW15]

Yeah I absolutely would not let my wife be with other dudes. It's one-sided monogamy and threesomes only for me. if the deal was "Open Relationship or no deal", I'd just stick with monogamy. I'm VERY skeptical of opening a relationship on both sides. I know I look good, I know I can pull girls, but I KNOW I don't have the sexual options of any attractive woman.

It's very difficult to open up a previously closed relationship. It's easier to start with the frame of open relationships for the men who are open relationships men. There are men who will establish their frame as "I do not promise monogamy".

You would have good sexual options with your physique but not the options of an attractive woman. On swipe apps, average to below average women get 3-4x the Likes of the 90th percentile + men in looks.

Your primary choices right now are likely to be staying in your current monogamous relationship or divorcing.

You could have an affair and there would be two ways to do it. I would not recommend either way. You could either pay directly for sex or seduce a woman who isn't a sex worker. Either way, you could slip up and get caught.

Doing nothing and staying in your current relationship is likely your best option, given that the relationship is generally good from what you're saying.

 

[Money & Muscle]

It's very difficult to open up a previously closed relationships. It's easier to start with the frame of open relationships for the men who are open relationships men. There are men who will establish their frame as "I do not promise monogamy".

You would have good sexual options with your physique but not the options of an attractive woman. On swipe apps, average to below average women get 3-4x the Likes of the 90th percentile + men in looks.

Your primary choices right now are likely to be staying in your current monogamous relationship or divorcing.

You could have an affair and there would be two ways to do it. I would not recommend either way. You could either pay directly for sex or seduce a woman who isn't a sex worker. Either way, you could slip up and get caught.

If I'm going to sleep with another woman, I want it to either be with my current wife, or with her blessing. And yes, I know that's stupid, but that's where I'm at.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This will end up backfiring on you spectacularly over time, even if it starts out great...

5 years in you will be wishing you could go back in time.

No woman who has a man all to herself will want to share him and especially not for any length of time.

It will slowly build up a burning disgust, hatred and loathing for you that nothing you can do will fix. The kind where she can't stand to be in the same room or even look at you. She will start to feel she has no idea who you are as a person or man and will start to question everything about you, the marriage and the relationship.

The only way this could possibly work is if she is as excited about this possibility as you are. Anything other than that and it will be a crash and burn with an unknown time lapse between the two.

But even then, if she is that into it then she will likely start doing stuff outside what is agreed upon sneakily and then one day she tells you she wants a divorce...why? Because she found someone that made her feel the way you did when you first started dating and it's an intoxicating feeling that she hasn't felt in a long time most likely.

Honestly the best case scenario for you would to have some work trips out of the area you could go on every month or two and just get it out of your system...that way nothing is put into jeopardy with her unless you do dumb stuff to get caught.

 

[Money & Muscle]

The only way this could possibly work is if she is as excited about this possibility as you are.

That's what I'm trying to get to. A destination that may or may not be possible to reach.

I don't think women really know what they want. I've had a few hard "no" bedroom activities turn into "fvck yes" activities with my wife, n=1, but this phenomena is not unique - it seems most women don't know what they want.

So I've been trying to lead her there through dirty talk and fantasies, of which my wife has participated in and gotten off to.

 

[Ricky]

I am at work but will weigh in with alot of case studies and my own sad story as well.

i think this is a very valuable topic to discuss here

 

[Money & Muscle]

I am at work but will weigh in with alot of case studies and my own sad story as well.

i think this is a very valuable topic to discuss here

thank you. I know what I want but I don't know the risks and I don't know what it would look like. It's very hard to be objective for me, being in this position now.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Even if you get her to agree, the first time you leave your underwear on the bedroom floor, leave the toilet seat up or <insert some other offense, real or imagined>, she will say f-this! He got to f-around I’m going to as well.

Mark my words brother. DO NOT GO THERE.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Even if you get her to agree, the first time you leave your underwear on the bedroom floor, leave the toilet seat up or <insert some other offense, real or imagined>, she will say f-this! He got to f-around I’m going to as well.

Mark my words brother. DO NOT GO THERE.

Well, I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm not trying to coerce this. I don't want to just corner my wife into agreeing to something she doesn't want to do.

She's been with chicks before. I want to help bring her around to wanting this too. I know the only way this works is as BITG described:

The only way this could possibly work is if she is as excited about this possibility as you are. Anything other than that and it will be a crash and burn with an unknown time lapse between the two.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well, I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm not trying to coerce this. I don't want to just corner my wife into agreeing to something she doesn't want to do.

She's been with chicks before. I want to help bring her around to wanting this too. I know the only way this works is as BITG described:

So I’ve had discussions with bi-sexual chicks about this stuff, they do not feel like it’s the same as you sleeping with another woman, they probably, will say “if you decide to sleep with another man, that I would not have an issue with”. It’s a great argument for them. Can’t argue with that, could you?

Women in general reserved the right to change their mind on the fly. Do not open Pandora’s box brother. This is the last thing I’ll say on the subject.

 

[Ricky]

Finally got an opportunity and a nonwork laptop to work on. I've had to often comment using my personal iphone.

Not sure if you guys are familiar with the concept of a bull but i was one.. I slept with married women when their husband wanted to watch. I was in incredible shape and had the endowment they needed and the social skills to pull it off.

I never really delved into the psychology of the couples as this was my wild oat phase. I did it with a grand total of 3 couples ever. Craigslist and other methods used to make it much easier to find. I played multiple times with one couple, and the two other couples were one offs although in both cases had i not moved they requested a repeat performance.

The thing is, once you are a bull.. your mind kind of can't process it well. In a sense you were a porn star for the couple. It feels powerful and fun. Some men take this as a point to humiliate the womans husband. I'd never do this.

Also keep in mind this is a very dangerous game.. a few years after i had done this i heard of a story where a guy went over and believed he had permission to have sex with the guys wife. Well no matter what happened the outcome was as bad as it could be because the husband killed the bull. It was super sad for all the reasons as the guy who went over as the bull was married and had his own family.

That and getting married convinced me to avoid it for the most part.

However what was even worse for me is my mind started to consider the inverse. What would it be like to see my wife get banged...

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Your daughter deserves better.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Good luck. I don’t see this ending well.

Just bang a side piece when the urge becomes too much and be discreet about it. Then live your life. This new age swinger bullshvt doesn’t work.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

This is an exceptionally BAD idea.

You got married at 21 (my son is about to do the same next summer) and now you think because you are fit and making a decent income you are ENTITLED to more than the faithful woman who promised, probably in church, to be your wife and yours alone.

So now suddenly you think you are exempt from those same vows?

And they still apply to her?

Oh the devil himself is out to destroy you. Your family, your marriage, your extended family, your children’s lives, your social reputation.

All because you suddenly think you are entitled to some strange hoo-ha.

I know couples who have tried variations on this theme. Let me relate 2 examples. People I know personally.

Example A. College sweethearts. Both very attractive people. Two children, son and daughter who are now grown & well adjusted. They were discreet to a degree, trying to shield the children, but it went terribly sideways and ended in a nasty divorce that cost him (a Goldman Sachs type private finance guy) tens of millions of dollars AND his ex-wife, a size 2 hot blond with money to get top notch work done, lives bicoastally and travels worldwide w h o r I n g around as she pleases. Disgusted yet?

It started with him cheating for reasons similar to the ones you state. He was bored & felt entitled because he had money. She caught him.

Now. You make only 150K annually. That is pocket change. This guy was worth over 100M. You are utterly replaceable if your wife is relatively attractive. A guy worth 100M is providing a lifestyle not easily replaced. So she loved her high brow lifestyle, which is LITERALLY out of the Eagles song “Life in the Fast Lane”……so she caught him but at first looked the other way and wouldn't divorce him because of the lifestyle. She then told him he was a pig and she was getting a boyfriend and so she did. And the boyfriend, which became boyfriends as time passed were years younger & more handsome than the husband. They still had sex some, they swung, it was every kind of unhinged coked up debauchery imaginable.

She came to utterly and viciously HATE him for defiling her, himself, the family, the marriage (which became a total sham).

Then she lawyered up because one her hot boyfriends was a very smart attorney and explained to her that she didn’t need to live with a pig of a man who caused all this with his entitlement attitude.

She took him for about 50M in the divorce. And then she got as far away from him as she could.

It took about 6 years to completely unravel.

All started with the same flawed justification you are thinking of.

The husband was not ruined financially although he lost half his net worth, and she is now openly a w h o r e in rich society, which is rather yucky, but she looks amazing.

Fabulous parenting don’t you think?

Next example to follow.

 

[BeExcellent]

Second example: Real Estate Broker married to a NP. He is average looking, she is also but is very fit with a yoga model/swimsuit physique. Three kids but no children together.

They are eclectic people. They were married but lived in different residences for a number of years because the children didn’t get along with either the step siblings or step parents. They experimented with swinging MFF and the husband having dalliances, but eventually the husband became emotionally attached to the extramarital female. In response/retaliation the wife took lovers openly, male or female, of her choosing. Much sorrow & hurt ensued.

They were always kind of hippies in their lifestyle so they were both on board with swinging and sexual exploration but there are serious risks emotionally and those nearly destroyed their marriage. They had very rocky years during that period but they both realized they were consensual in experimentation and that the result was not healthy for the marriage, which they both valued.

So through trust and communication they closed the relationship, chose monogamy, and they are still together & going strong, just saw them socially out and about this past weekend.

But theirs is a very rare success story (so far).

Next post I’ll explain how what you are considering will undermine and destroy your marriage in all likelihood.

School is about to be in session.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok. Buckle up because I’m not going to pull punches. You chose to take vows to your wife including (I assume) “forsaking all others” sexually.

So if you start having sex with other women you are breaking that vow.

That means your word isn’t worth shjt and you are UNTRUSTWORTHY.

It doesn’t matter if you are open about it (that is going to be an icy conversation) or you sneak around.

Either way here is what you would communicate to your wife:

HONEY YOU AINT SHJT. SATISFACTION OF MY SEXUAL URGES IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, AND I NO LONGER SEE YOU AS VALUABLE ENOUGH TO WARRANT MY LOYALTY.

I ALSO DONT CARE HOW MY BEHAVIOR AFFECTS OUR FAMILY. FVCK THE MARRIAGE BECAUSE IM SELFISH, ENTITLED AND BORED (And I’m bored because you ain’t shjt.)

Isn’t that a wonderful affirmation for your loyal wife to receive?

Just how do you think that will go over OP?

Did you read Example A above? Coming soon to a family you have.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Ok. Buckle up because I’m not going to pull punches. You chose to take vows to your wife including (I assume) “forsaking all others” sexually.

So if you start having sex with other women you are breaking that vow.

That means your word isn’t worth shjt and you are UNTRUSTWORTHY.

It doesn’t matter if you are open about it (that is going to be an icy conversation) or you sneak around.

Either way here is what you would communicate to your wife:

HONEY YOU AINT SHJT. SATISFACTION OF MY SEXUAL URGES IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, AND I NO LONGER SEE YOU AS VALUABLE ENOUGH TO WARRANT MY LOYALTY.

I ALSO DONT CARE HOW MY BEHAVIOR AFFECTS OUR FAMILY. FVCK THE MARRIAGE BECAUSE IM SELFISH, ENTITLED AND BORED (And I’m bored because you ain’t shjt.)

Isn’t that a wonderful affirmation for your loyal wife to receive?

Just how do you think that will go over OP?

Did you read Example A above? Coming soon to a family you have.

From the replies, the forum thinks women are interchangeable, most of these guys are losers and will forever be. The latest iteration of SS has made me really re-think PUA. I used to believe PUA tactics were for shy guys to improve their game and stop taking abuse. I now agree with most of the articles written against the movement. 90% of these dudes are the absolute dregs of society.

 

[Ricky]

I think the point of this thread has been made. There are extreme risks to even suggesting this lifestyle.

i was wild when i was single and played with couples.
All these years later i have no idea how things have gone for the couples in

I think only the strongest relationships can handle this. Pretty much everyone has some degree of jealousy and the number of outcomes that can go wrong outnumber those that can go right.

As a counter though maybe we are hearing a bit of an anti-survivorship bias. We hear of the cases that went spectacularly wrong because it makes good gossip. The situations that may be working and we dont even know about because its not easy to talk about in politie society.

good discussion here for sure that many can benefit from