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Mauser96

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Let's re-visit the original post.




Hey guys.

So I have a situation. Recently I posted about my girlfriend and I having an almost break up. Came real close. I had started acting needy during the relationship, lost my power, and overly emotional. You have still lost your power. Even after your GF having coffee with a guy that massively likes her, and you telling her it is unacceptable, she still refuses to rule out seeing him again. Says "probably" won't. Essentially she is saying "I know he likes me, I know it bothers you, but I won't definitively say I won't see him again.
Since we had a fight two and a bit weeks ago, I’ve adjusted my behaviour MASSIVELY. So much so my girlfriend has mentioned it on multiple occasions. She’s taken aback. Or relationship is much lighter and more free. But as we know when we adjust behaviour in a major way, we get... tested. She’s been sh!t testing me a lot. I’ve passed all; this I can tell.

But here’s another test which I believe I’m in. Before when we first started dating she had friendzoned some guys who we shall refer to as ‘beta orbiters’. She continually assured me they were just friends and no interest. Yet rather than telling the guy NO to a coffee date, she goes on the date, knowing full well it will pisss you off. Seems to me like she HAS interest, doesn't care if it hurts you or pisses you off............and you accepted it. But at the time I was jealous and possessive. I do believe her now. You believe her she has no interes - YET SHE WENT ON THE COFFEE DATE !!!!! Why would she do that if she has no interest? Why would she deliberately hurt you if she cared about you and had no interest in him?
There’s this one guy though, who just has not stopped pursuing her: inviting her to BBQs, to festivals, drinks, etc etc.
I read her texts during a fit of compulsion a while back and it’s classic orbiter.. him suggesting hangouts, her saying ‘yea that could work’ and then her bailing last minute or the day of. Not bailing anymore. Now she is going on dates with the guy

Recently he invited her to a BBQ, she said she would see (this is when we just about broke), then last second she said she was busy (she was with me when things bang to look up) so then he said he would reach out when he got back from wherever in a week. That was this Sunday. Monday he messages and invites her to go to see some jazz.. she says maybe, and thinks coffee is better. SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!! THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!! THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!! THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!!
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!!

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!!

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!!

Last night comes around and she tells me she’s going to see him for a coffee, but she is also communicating that she’s not really looking forward to it, YET SHE WENT even earlier last week said he’s kind of a nuisance and doesn’t know how to take the covert hint. YET SHE WENT Asked me my thoughts on it all..AT THIS POINT YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "IF YOU GO WE ARE DONE" and you don't argue after that. You have stated what will happen and you follow through. I told her ‘you how to handle it best’

So today they are going for a coffee. No jazz. She told me this last night in person..
Her:“So I’m seeing Brian tomorrow.. blah blah”
Me: “what are you guys gonna do?” You ; Ok we are done then"
Her: “just meet up for a coffee when he’s done work. He asked me to go to jazz.. but I’m not doing that with him.. so coffee.. if I even decide to fully commit”
Me: kept doing what I was doing, no response. In hindsight, your silence was weakness.
—subject change—

Before in the start of us dating I would overtly show my discontent and jealousies with her going one on ones with guys who are just ‘friends’ (but guys who once pursued her who she friendzoned quickly, even if they had just one kiss), to which she would use that as a sign that I was being jealous and possessive. Of course, she is twisting it to make the unacceptable seem acceptable, and to gaslight you into thinking it is your fault. THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "NO THANKS, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" !!!!!!

I do trust her, mostly. How about now? But this effing guy CLEARLY likes her and she OBVIOUSLY knows this. And she still went on a date with him She just thinks he’s ‘a nice guy and he’s harmless’. But we all know men.. they are always trying...And she knows this as well. Yet she still went. THIS, is MASSIVELY disrespectful.

And so anytime she’s told me about him recently since after our fight and my behaviour shift, I’ve been totally non reactive. And I think this has taken away some of her power in the manipulation zone in holding this guy around. she went on a date with another man, while leaving her boyfriend sitting at home. Let that sink in.

But there’s a part of me that thinks wtf is the point!!

Thoughts?
I am a little jealous and insecure about this still. You have good reason to be.


She is either shopping for options, or massively trying to mind-**** and manipulate you. Neither of which is acceptable.
This reminds me of one I dated - sweet as pie the first three months, then the mind games started. Continuous mind games, continually starting arguments, and she would delight in it. After one particularly huge fight she was storming out of the hotel room, and glanced back to see if I was following her to stop her.

She was actually grinning. And a sick grin, like you would see on the face of someone who is insane. She actually delighted in the chaos and fighting. Many posters here scoff at BPD/NPD. I don't. whatever the case, the girl I dated had some serious mental issues. Master manipulator, sexy as hell.

Yours reminds me a lot of her.

She is fcking you around, on purpose.
 
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soulforge

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Op is a cuck.

1.) you have a GF who is meeting up with another dude who clearly wants to bang her. You dont see a problem with that?

2.) She NEVER submitted to you in the first place. Any woman that was submissive to her man would respond back to orbiters with "I am happily involved with someone and not interested. Anything beyond that, and even entertaining another dude's offer is instantly me walking away. And she is MEETING the dude?

I dont care if she is meeting him for a drink, jazz music or to do a coloring book together. HER INTENT SHOULD BE TO KEEP YOU HAPPY. IF NOT, TELL HER TO GO KICK ROCKS.

3.) You say that you have


No you havent. This chick is now going on DATES with other dudes and you just sit there and pound your keyboard asking us for advice.

Here is my advice- when she gets back from the coffee date and tells you how bad it was, tell her "thats too bad. I dont have exclusive relationships with people who go out with others. Take care".

You need to do some serious work to your frame, mindset and what standards you have for yourself. Until you do that, nothing will change except the name of the chick that is taking advantage of you.
This is spot on.. I wouldn't expect this kinda shyte at all.. Sometimes you just got to drop a woman and move onto better things.
 

Mauser96

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This is appropriate here.


 

In2theGame

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I dunno. Says he’s JUST a friend.
LOL Classic.
Female patterns repeat themselves over and over again. It's always he's JUST a friend until he's not.
 

In2theGame

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Guys in here giving good advice wont matter, in my experience, OP will continue on until he get's his azz roasted by his GF. There's only one true way to learn and it's by getting burnt in order to really understand.
 

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guru1000

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OP, I’m going to go against all the advice given to you in this thread. Not because they are wrong but because they are right.

But no matter how logical a point seems to be, you won’t truly understand it without experiencing it for yourself. And so it must be to be.

The main lesson here you will learn is you can’t negotiate desire. And that is what you are attempting to by correcting your frame with tips and tricks. The tips and tricks are the consequence of a man having sovereignty, not the reason why they work. Holding sovereignty will allow you to behave in a way as you should. This is the deeper lesson and not something you can just blink your eye and implement. It takes time.

Just be happy you have a band of guys here that will support you when the inevitable does come. All the best.
 

Spaz

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After reading ur latest responses, I'm actually hoping ur girl leaves ur noob ass OP.

All women deserves to be led by a proper man, its mandated by every known God and demanded by mother nature herself.

Even the fvcking animals knows it.

If you cant set boundaries and followed by enforcement then u r no good to any women.

Even ur own forefathers are turning in their graves as I post this, ashamed of being associated with a cowardly blood relative, they must be wondering where there went wrong.

I am actually wondering how is it that ur girlfriend hasn't left you yet, but I do hope it's soon.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man.

By a strong manly man who can bring her femininity to the fore where she can be truly happy.

She'll moan and have the greatest orgasms when he's pounding her tight ass.

You at this moment in time, are weaker then the weakest worm.
 

soulforge

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After reading ur latest responses, I'm actually hoping ur girl leaves ur noob ass OP.

All women deserves to be led by a proper man, its mandated by every known God and demanded by mother nature herself.

Even the fvcking animals knows it.

If you cant set boundaries and followed by enforcement then u r no good to any women.

Even ur own forefathers are turning in their graves as I post this, ashamed of being associated with a cowardly blood relative, they must be wondering where there went wrong.

I am actually wondering how is it that ur girlfriend hasn't left you yet, but I do hope it's soon.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man.

By a strong manly man who can bring her femininity to the fore where she can be truly happy.

She'll moan and have the greatest orgasms when he's pounding her tight ass.

You at this moment in time, are weaker then the weakest worm.
She might be a fatty with zero other options, that's why still sticking around.

OP should have had stronger boundaries from the offset... She either complies or op walks away.

Bit late to be laying down the law, this late in the game.

OP I understand what you're kinda going through.

I just had a situation, where a sleazy old pornographer was stopping over and sleeping at my girlfriends house..

She has rapidly been dumped.

I will tell you now, dumping her is really your only option.

A good woman should instinctively know that meeting up with dudes one on one, is very damaging to a relationship.

She clearly doesn't CARE... You are holding on to a woman who will eventually burn you, or you will end up a cuck.

She may even start banging other dudes infront of you... Believe my shyte like that happens.
 

Brooks

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After reading ur latest responses, I'm actually hoping ur girl leaves ur noob ass OP.

All women deserves to be led by a proper man, its mandated by every known God and demanded by mother nature herself.

Even the fvcking animals knows it.

If you cant set boundaries and followed by enforcement then u r no good to any women.

Even ur own forefathers are turning in their graves as I post this, ashamed of being associated with a cowardly blood relative, they must be wondering where there went wrong.

I am actually wondering how is it that ur girlfriend hasn't left you yet, but I do hope it's soon.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man.

By a strong manly man who can bring her femininity to the fore where she can be truly happy.

She'll moan and have the greatest orgasms when he's pounding her tight ass.

You at this moment in time, are weaker then the weakest worm.
Wow this is insanely messed up.
 

soulforge

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Wow this is insanely messed up.
Harsh realty Bruv... This how men become cuck... When you become a slave to her every whim.

When you simply are not willing to walk away, they literally have you by the balls.

If you carry on down this road, she will cuck you man?

Do you know what a clean up cuck is?
 

Brooks

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you are talking too much about that "coffee situation"... that doesnt bring you anywhere. stop discussing that, see what shes doing and act.

do yourself a favor and stop overthinking.
Yea this site causes overthinking for sure.

If I were you, I would be livid.
We just had sex 4 times between last night and this morning. Hard to be livid. Annoyed at the situation, but hard to really believe she’s being shady when she’s still being super affectionate and we’re sexing...

I think she was purposely trying to mindfvck me and get a rise. You’ve been correct, I believe? In a lot of your theories and are level headed in all this
So today they are going for a coffee. No jazz. She told me this last night in person..
Her:“So I’m seeing Brian tomorrow.. blah blah”
Me: “what are you guys gonna do?” You ; Ok we are done then"
Her: “just meet up for a coffee when he’s done work. He asked me to go to jazz.. but I’m not doing that with him.. so coffee.. if I even decide to fully commit”
Me: kept doing what I was doing, no response. In hindsight, your silence was weakness.
i think my silence relayed to her that I didn’t care about her and I anymore. So by her seeing the guy and bringing him up a few times it was her way of seeing if I did truly still care. Immature? yes. Lame? Yes.



The main lesson here you will learn is you can’t negotiate desire.
But she’s still pouring energy in to us. Still wanting the trip, etc. We had sex 4 times between last night and this morning. That’s desire of a degree. Maybe not love.. but it’s something surely.

Harsh realty Bruv...
I think relaities can be given without putting someone down even further.
 
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Brooks

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Thanks everyone for the responses. I know this must all seem frustrating for even you guys cause many of you have been in similar situations and know how it will end.

I think I’ve accepted it is a short-term thing. And it does have its day of reckoning looking in the future. Whether that’s me walking, or her doing something putrid.

For now I am slowly detaching. I will go on the trip with her and take it all from there afterwards. I don’t believe she would ever cheat as that’s not in her to do based on her childhood, but if she finds someone else, so be it..

I don’t think she respects me in the sense of a lover. I think she respects me as a person and cares to degrees, but like I said; not as a lover. This sucks. But those were my follies in not setting firmer boundaries in the start. And so now I am paying the piper for it.

I’m taking to trip wth her because I want to travel and get away, and she knows the area really well which will expand my world view and depth. Plus we do have fun together and there is great sex. So I think it’s about taking the pressure and care off in some ways. She’s good about splitting costs too, so not a terrible travel companion. I know this may even seem crazy to some here. But whatever.

@guru1000 is right. I can’t see the logic of it even though I know everyone here is right. It’s something I need to learn on my own. And it’s funny that even I know what he sees. But there’s an emotional learning which I don’t fully understand in this, that time will reveal in the end.

@Glassguy is right in all his perceptions. I have no arguments anymore. But at the end of the day, I just still care about her and she doesn’t yet seem to really treat me poorly. She just doesn’t respect me as a lover. And that’s sad. But it’s certainly not the end of the world. Because I’m just with a plate who I care about at the end of the day.

She ain’t the love of my life.
But I still have fun with her and she still cares about me. She reaches out and always wants to spend time together. She cares enough to want to know what’s on my mind.

So maybe it’s not all about respect or all this masculine crap. Or boundaries. Maybe I’m just dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship or doesn’t have the emotional capacity as she always tells me. Not everything is so by the book like we make it out to be. Do this.. get this.. do that.. get that.
I know many here think it is. But if it was like that.. why are all you here?

But I take responsibility and know I have work to do.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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After reading ur latest responses, I'm actually hoping ur girl leaves ur noob ass OP.

All women deserves to be led by a proper man, its mandated by every known God and demanded by mother nature herself.

Even the fvcking animals knows it.

If you cant set boundaries and followed by enforcement then u r no good to any women.

Even ur own forefathers are turning in their graves as I post this, ashamed of being associated with a cowardly blood relative, they must be wondering where there went wrong.

I am actually wondering how is it that ur girlfriend hasn't left you yet, but I do hope it's soon.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man.

By a strong manly man who can bring her femininity to the fore where she can be truly happy.

She'll moan and have the greatest orgasms when he's pounding her tight ass.

You at this moment in time, are weaker then the weakest worm.
At least 1/2 of the female population in the United States will disagree with you.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Thanks everyone for the responses. I know this must all seem frustrating for even you guys cause many of you have been in similar situations and know how it will end.

I think I’ve accepted it is a short-term thing. And it does have its day of reckoning looking in the future. Whether that’s me walking, or her doing something putrid.

For now I am slowly detaching. I will go on the trip with her and take it all from there afterwards. I don’t believe she would ever cheat as that’s not in her to do based on her childhood, but if she finds someone else, so be it..

I don’t think she respects me in the sense of a lover. I think she respects me as a person and cares to degrees, but like I said; not as a lover. This sucks. But those were my follies in not setting firmer boundaries in the start. And so now I am paying the piper for it.

I’m taking to trip wth her because I want to travel and get away, and she knows the area really well which will expand my world view and depth. Plus we do have fun together and there is great sex. So I think it’s about taking the pressure and care off in some ways. She’s good about splitting costs too, so not a terrible travel companion. I know this may even seem crazy to some here. But whatever.

@guru1000 is right. I can’t see the logic of it even though I know everyone here is right. It’s something I need to learn on my own. And it’s funny that even I know what he sees. But there’s an emotional learning which I don’t fully understand in this, that time will reveal in the end.

@Glassguy is right in all his perceptions. I have no arguments anymore. But at the end of the day, I just still care about her and she doesn’t yet seem to really treat me poorly. She just doesn’t respect me as a lover. And that’s sad. But it’s certainly not the end of the world. Because I’m just with a plate who I care about at the end of the day.

She ain’t the love of my life.
But I still have fun with her and she still cares about me. She reaches out and always wants to spend time together. She cares enough to want to know what’s on my mind.

So maybe it’s not all about respect or all this masculine crap. Or boundaries. Maybe I’m just dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship or doesn’t have the emotional capacity as she always tells me. Not everything is so by the book like we make it out to be. Do this.. get this.. do that.. get that.
I know many here think it is. But if it was like that.. why are all you here?

But I take responsibility and know I have work to do.
Someone who wants to see you in that capacity doesnt need to be forced or have strict boundaries.
 

Brooks

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A little. Youd be tearing that azz up and she would be pleasing you. Nothing to piss you off.
She used this guy to reveal my feelings about her and see i still care after my Behavior switch.. she’s immature and being silly.

She is pleasing me and I am tearing it up..
 
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