Okay so she's pregnant, but I'm still dating her.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Generation AFC

 

[SoCalMike]

i've never heard anything so crazy. i'm hesistant to believe this. i mean seriously, PRmoon, if this is real WHY? Why man? Have you lost your freakin mind?

How will you feel when's she all big with some other man's child? How will you feel when you're in public and people say things like "aww, when is your wife due?" assumming that it's your child?

How will you feel when you're in the hospital with her and she's giving birth to another man's child? How will you feel when that baby is screaming all night, keeping you up, and it's not yours? How will you feel when you're #2 and another man's child comes first?

Single moms are bad enough (unless you're both old and the children are grown). But a preggo woman is just NUTS.

Dude, this is seriously the most whacked thing I've read on this board. Unless you're deformed, a burn victim, something like that and CANNOT get another woman then GET OUT.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Courts have ruled that when the non-biological "father" steps into that role, he can assume the same liabilities as the actual father. That means that if you play daddy for a while, and then she turns psycho and you split, you could be on the hook for the balance of the 18 years of child support, which is often 20-30% of your pay check. If you start sharing your income with her, and then you leave, you can also be forced to pay alimony in addition to the child support, keep in mind that this is to a woman you never married and to a kid that is not yours.

 

[ElChoclo]

BibleBelt and Latinoman have pointed out one of the practical problems for you. Society might make you liable to pay for that kid if you play husband with her. You did use the word "dating" didn't you?

If its "dating" what do you propose for your nexting strategy. Maybe an email sent to her when her water breaks. Real classy.

If you really do have some deviant needs, like to suck milky titties, that's fine. Just be honest with yourself, and us. BTW when they come, when pregnant, sometimes their tits start to ooze milk.

Dates are always more fun when you can see someone changing a diaper every two hours or so, it adds to the romantic ambience.

Sorry to get so biological with you, but I just don't think that you respond to logical.

 

[joekerr31]

also, when she's having the baby and shes pushing really hard to get it out, often times women push so hard they take a crap.

perhaps while the doctor is cupping the baby in his hands as she pushes it out, you could cup her turd in your hands as shes pushing it out.

that little turd could be your reward for dating a pregnant lady.

:kick:

 

[PRMoon]

Wow I got off of work today expecting MAYBE 6 replies but two pages is a little overwhelming even for me to read. It seems some of you have come to a pretty solid conclusion about my situation but let's reveal a little bit more about me before we start the "AFC" and "Capt'n Save-a-hoe" cheers shall we...okay.

First of all I've been on the club scene here in vegas for the better part of 5 years. I've had more ONS then many of the people on this we site will or could ever hope to have in their lifetime assuming they ever get to a social level nearing mine. I've worked in tourst/social jobs that involve daily, no sometimes hourly interaction with hot girls from just about every corner of the globe. I just spent four months promoting for one of the most sucessful nighlife promotions club in vegas, getting attractive ladies number's was literally my job. I was and am pool and spa manager at one of the more prominate casinos on Las Vegas blvd, and am currently transferining into the casino to a very comfortable hosting position...again where I will doublessly meet even more attractive women as part of my regular job. The only way any of you meet more girls, more attractive and sometimes desperate girls who are starving for your attention is if you work at a modeling or porn company or a strip club.

Okay now that you know a little bit more about me lets get on to the meat of the matter. Guys I'm f*cking TIRED. I mean it I'm exahusted. I have to go to a halloween party at the voodoo lounge where there's a 2,000 dollar costume party to the "best costume" which really reads, whichever girl gets drunk and naked the fastest and has the best body gets the dough...and its f*cking THURSDAY. I have 5 tables to host tomorrow alone, two parties on saturday, one party and 3 tables on sunday, a ring of vip booths and privat rooms on monday, and 4 parties on tuesday (I'm looking at my palm piolet for all this). Sure I'm going to be drunk and have a great time and i'm going to make a boat load of money but I'm physically tired. When I get home at night or in the morning or whenever I've got nothing. I've run through soooo many girls and I know I can't have an actual relationship with any of them. They're serious hoes obviously because I meet them inside of two days before sleeping with them or getting them to things they ought not do.

This girl is different. For ONCE I spent time with a girl and while she was talking my mind didn't wander to the inevitable "Geeze I need another drink" or was thinking about what methods I was gong to use this time to get her into bed. That NEVER happens to me. I have that player "killer" instinct, partly cause it's part of my working life but I'm really starting to think about where that lifestyle is going to lead me. I'm only 25 but it's starting to catch up to me. I live a very risky life. I have and still do deal drugs to my clients, I'm an alcoholic, I have unsafe sex very often with girls I don't know etc etc How does any of that make me cool or even seem like a good way to live? I mean come on guys does doing those things vs spending some time with a girl and yes possibly change/save my life by being a father sound like too out of this world? I'll admit I might be overcompensating somewhat becuase she's already pregnant but a wife, children, dogs, a house, you've gotta see how that MIGHT sound appealing to some one who's been in the game and pretty much done several lifetimes of partying condensed into a few solid years.

Many of you aren't going to believe HALF of the things I listed there but you know what, that's your problem. Go ahead and post your crap about me being a troll or BSer. I know where I've been and I know certain things about me have to change. If you choose not to believe me and flame, then obviously you can't help.

 

[whistler]

I'll just say that there are quality women out there... who will be more than happy to raise a baby of YOURS with you rather than the child of a third-party.

 

[PRMoon]

PRmoon - i never doubted you, I knew you are a true real player

and like i said, you have PLAYER SYNDROME!!!!!

Yeah thanks for havin my back skip. Player's Syndrome huh? I suppose I can't rule this out. God only know's what will happen to me when I try to change my lifestyle. I may find out that my life is better the way I am. And we're all assuming that this will actually as well. I'll be honest, I've not been very good with LTR's because I've been so affixiated on becoming and being a prince of the night. There's a very good chance that I'll fall flat on my face in this whole thing or she'll think that I'm no where near ready enough to be with her during and after her pregancy. We'll just have to wait and see won't we? I'm not fear less but seeing as I'm no stranger to facing my fears I'm not really shaken by anything that has been said in this thread.

 

[Heretolearn]

we understand what you want. No problem there.

We find issue in you assuming this situation will fulfill what you want.

A LTR is hard enough, without the issues that pregnancy brings. Whatever you choose, all the best and make it work!

 

[Desdinova]

This girl is different.

All women are different. Each has a different set of good qualities and baggage.

I mean come on guys does doing those things vs spending some time with a girl and yes possibly change/save my life by being a father sound like too out of this world? I'll admit I might be overcompensating somewhat becuase she's already pregnant but a wife, children, dogs, a house, you've gotta see how that MIGHT sound appealing to some one who's been in the game and pretty much done several lifetimes of partying condensed into a few solid years.

I'm not going to deny that it's appealing after dating lots of women, encountering many bimbos, and other women who are flakey. But all you're doing here is settling for a woman who seems "different" because she doesn't act like a typical American woman. I'll tell you right now, there's lots of women like this one out there. I can't tell you how many SMs I had the opportunity to date and start a LTR with. I turned them all down. Why? Because raising someone else's kid SUCKS.

SMs are much more appealing, especially to DJs because they have no choice but to grow up, and become responsible adults. But when it comes to raising other people's kids, it's a goddam nightmare. I've been there, and I never want to do it again.

Instead of landing a woman who's forced to "grow up", you're much better off to look for a woman who is "different" because she's gone out, lived life, had fun being single, and is now ready to settle down because it's time.

I can't understand why someone would sell themself short on a woman they're planning on spending a lengthy amount of time with. You're much better off creating your own family with a valuable woman than adopting a ready-made one.

If your schedule's tight now, just wait until she wants you staying up half the night with the baby that isn't yours, and expecting you to fill your fatherly role in your ready made family. Also, are you going to take time off from work to support this woman in the delivery room? You're in for one hell of a rough ride.

 

[Tyrone Biggums]

Savior Schema - or in layman's terms "Cap'n-Save-A-Ho" to the rescue.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Without making this a d!ck measuring contest, I've got a comparable background to your own. In my 20's I came up in the Hollywood metal scene and played for 2 of the most popular local bands at the time. Trust me, I didn't do it because it paid so well, I had more ass in my face than any man deserves in a lifetime. Once I decided to leave L.A. I wound up as the Art Director for the largest casino in Lake Tahoe and then again as the Art Director for the Silver Legacy in Reno while I finished my degree. Needless to say there are countless opportunities to hook up with the perks that came along with all of those jobs. Unfortunately that still wasn't enough to make me any less an AFC at the time, nor does your position make you any less an AFC. Some of the most legendary PUAs are utter and hopeless AFCs when it comes to their ability to cope with a LTR. It's not the 'getting', it's the 'having.'

At 25 you hardly qualify for a 'settling down' instinct. The reason I cited this situation as a Savior Schema is because I've dealt with guys in your situation before. Stop and think for a second why you think this is a good idea in the long term.

Flash forward to just 3 years from now. You're 28, this woman's child is now 3 and you've dealt with the dirty diapers, the screaming kid at 3am, the post-partum depression, the "my ass got fat after pregnancy" depression, and the daily life issues of making rent, and the responsibilities continuing on in your line of work make seeing this woman increasingly difficult. You'll still have beautiful women surrounding you continually, but you'll be going home to her and a host of responsibilities that should never have been yours to begin with. Or maybe you'll give up the whole lifestyle and truly settle down. Now, not only are you saddled with a single mother, but you'll get to live with the knowledge that you settled for her rather than starting something fresh with one of the many single women you knew "back in the day."

Man, I have counseled so many guys who're on the opposite side of what you're about to enter into. The "I'm tired of it all" or the "I've outgrown all of that" excuse is so common it's a cliché now. Young guys ready to cash in at 25 are a dime a dozen now. Let me tell you what's really tiring - routine. Not having the time to pursue what used to be your passions and ambitions because you voluntarily signed up for the position of surrogate daddy and the responsibilities consume every minute of your time not spent at work. That's fukken tiring. What will be tiring is waking up 10 years from now at 35 and wondering where all that went. The 5 or so years you've been doing what you are now will be a blink of an eye in the long term. What you will be dealing with in the long term will hinge on your decision to connect with this single mommie in the now. I wonder if you'd be so quick to jump on this girl if she hadn't been pregnant?

 

[MacAvoy]

I can certainly understand where your coming from. I go from extremes when it go from ONS to LTR. I've done everything most guys dream of when it comes to women but at the end of the day, you realize how easy it is to get what you want from women and there is that underlying craving for steady attention from a wife, dog, kids, white picket fence.

My problem is I go from skanks to do good angels. And my past always catches up with me and the angel along with her morals / family etc do not accept my past.

That being said, your not going to learn until you try. There are going to be huge factors with a pregnant women. But they don't have to be. You have to make her realize that this is not your baby and that if she wants to be with you, you are not obligated to be with her, but you are going to be with her because she has to make you want to be with her.

That is the key. She has to know that she has to do things to keep you attracted to her. She can't be giving you the oh I'm tired, fat & ugly lines because its not your baby and you don't need to stick around, so she better please you if she wants to keep you.

The other very important thing to keep in mind is if you make it past the next 9 months be prepared. You will develop a close bond with this kid. So if you spend the next two years with this women, it will be a lifetime because this child will be just like your own.

I'm not going to tell you to walk away because your not ready to. Your in a certain place in life, and she has a void that she can fill for you. However, it comes with a price. Remember that, your going to pay for this emotional attachment for years to come.

However if it lasts, then your better off dating a single parent who's baby is not born yet that way it grows up with you as its parent the whole life. It can make raising someone else's child that much more rewarding. Essentially you are taking ownership for the child, it becomes your own.

You need to take a step back and evaluate the entire situation.

 

[PRMoon]

Thank you for your imput gentleman, your arguments have been duely noted and will be taken underadvisement. I have alot of thinking to do about the situation and as I am not in too deep with this girl If I decide to back out "ninja out" here, I'm sure that won't be an issue. Like I said though, I'm not sure what kind of chance this whole think has. At this point I'm not sure I could get out of my lifestyle even if I wanted too. I have a long and expencive client list that my bosses aren't going to let me toilet without possibly contracting a hit on me first. So in addition to my lack of maturity with the girl, I've got several external factors plotting against me as well. Maybe it's just a dream or potentially a hope that after a few more years of "work" that I can have all these things I'm seeking now. If anything it is a call for change because I do have a very destructive lifestyle and unfortunately more then half of it's legal and lucrative (building more so daily) so it's unlikely anything will be changing anytime soon.

Des - sounds like you're speaking from first hand experience, which is what I asked for in the first post, so thank you. I did say negative stories were appreciated didn't I? If I didn't I appologize, I want truth not affirmation so what you posted was much appreciated.

Rollo - It's funny I asked you several months ago what casino you worked in and got no response. It took me making a thread about dating a single pregnant mom to call you out about working at...harrah's isn't it in tahoe? Anyway you're comletely right about me being fustrated about LTR's. I really can't do them. I mean I'm physically and mentally able to accomplish this but again my lifestyle isn't exactly accomodating to the role. Maybe I'm jumping the gun about settling down and I'm just feeling old because I'm thinking to far forward in my life. My parents birthed me at 33 dad and 32 mom, and I thought that seemed old to me. Me at 25 soon to be 26 maybe thought that that getting an early start might of been a good idea. Prehaps waiting till later isn't that bad afterall. I'm not sure if I want to or even can surrender my youth at this point in order to "grow up". Oh and I was attracted to this girl BEFORE I found out she was pregnat. I was working on gaming her at work and no lie, she wasn't showing and I didn't think to ask around about her avaiabily or maternity status.

Thanks for your time gentleman. Meeting adjurned.

 

[Sinistar]

[Disregard if you want, I saw your post arrived before mine]

PRMoon,

When I read your second post two words came to mind - rationalization & justification. If you reread your words a few months from now I believe you'll see how you're trying to rationalize/justify something your subconciously incongruent with.

I'm only 25 but it's starting to catch up to me. I live a very risky life. I have and still do deal drugs to my clients, I'm an alcoholic, I have unsafe sex very often with girls I don't know etc etc How does any of that make me cool or even seem like a good way to live?

Think about this for a bit - it sounds like what you really is want to change your life. So why then use a [pregnant] woman to do so?

From the entire 2nd post and specifically the quote above, you do not seem at peace or in control of your life. Why not find that first on your own, then no one can take it away. BTW, I'm no bible thumper. By peace I mean family, friends, education, career, home, location and hobbies/interests that all add positive meaning to your life. And simply nix anything negative (ie unsafe s3x, drugs, alcoholism,etc). When you round that corner, and probably before you expect it, you'll find yourself meeting HB's worthy of your time and worthy of a LTR.

 

[NewMan]

All other factors aside Captn' - there's one other thing that you've not elaborated on - and that's the woman and how she became pregenant - when and by whom and where is that guy now?


I'll tell you one thing, this 'Ho is preggy with someone else's kid - and before she's poped the little fvcker out, she's dating guy #2. This speaks volumes for the kind of woman she is.

Think about that also from a woman's perspective. When your preggy, that's not the time to be out and trying to meet Mr. Right now.....

 

[WestCoaster]

Think your tired now? Wait till the baby starts crying in the middle of the night/early morning every day of the week. Now that's tiring, not being fatigued about pulling tail. What's also tiring, nagging, chores, no down time, no alone time away from woman/kid, no social life with the guys, your hobby time getting reduced ... THAT'S tiring.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

PRMOON:

Dude your a sharp guy, that's why I'm a little shocked that your choosing to act like your not in this case. It has nothing to do with this girl (she's not using you, at least not yet. She's not crazy and she's not unstable, even if she is that's not the point), it has EVERYTHING to do with you!

I totally understand your thoughts about settling down a bit. Playing girls and sleeping around becomes numb afterwhile, the excitement starts to fade and there's really not much to look forward to.

However in this case I think your landing on top of the ladder, instead of taking your time and climbing up it. In effect, your idealizing this girl (she's different, we connect so well) and your incredibly high interest level is blinding you to the truth of this situation. It has nothing to do with whether she is interested in you or not, we are ALL trying to warn you about the future!! Its a lot easier to say you'll be there for her and her kid now, wait until that time really comes. And no matter how much you think she likes you, once her child is born you will NEVER be #1, especially since your not the father.

I've followed a lot of your FR's including this situation. More than anything else I think you need a change of scenary and a new job, rather than jumping into a made for TV soap opera.




PIMP

 

[Latinoman]

Unfortunately that still wasn't enough to make me any less an AFC at the time, nor does your position make you any less an AFC. Some of the most legendary PUAs are utter and hopeless AFCs when it comes to their ability to cope with a LTR. It's not the 'getting', it's the 'having.'

I agree with this 100 percent.

What distinguishe a DJ from a PUA is his ability to keep a woman into him for a long time (or until he gets tired). In fact, a DJ might have difficulty finding lot of women...because DJs tend to be very selective on the kind of women they want to laid.

That's why I differentiate one with the other.

 

[Latinoman]

PRMoon,

We cannot tell you what to do.
I understand what you mean about leaving a self-destructing live. I did that once when I joined the military. And then did it again when I married very young and had my first child.

I would be dead right now if not because of those two decisions that literally changed my life. I admit, I still slept around…but I was more aware of my decisions as it would impact others other than me. It is call Responsibilities for the life of others.

I don’t know how this girl got pregnant. Was she in the party scene before she got pregnant? Is she settling down now that is pregnant and then might revert back to her lifestyle once the baby is older? Is she a widow?

Man, I have two children. It is a huge responsibility raising kids. But I do it happily, because they are my own.

I understand that your case is a unique one as you want to slow down and leave a self-destructing life. I would tell you more, if meeting a single mother is the solution…then so be it. However, you are with a pregnant one. That on itself takes a lot of hormonal situation into account. What make you think she would want to be with you after the baby is born? Or that she might want to keep you around and then dump you?

LOT of women change after the birth of their child. It happens a lot. It is a hormonal thing.

And you cannot just be with a woman…and then dump her after the birth of a child. That’s simply wrong.

Whichever case, you must put YOUR life in order first. How can you be responsible of a child if you lack self-control and self-responsibility? Do you think that’s fair for that child? And yes, I strongly believe that once a man accepts a woman with small children and engages into a LTR…that that man is also saying he will be an influence to those children.

That’s all I have to say without knowing how she got pregnant and the whereabouts of the father of the child.