Not sure how to be happy as I get older

[Pierce.Manhammer]

One thing I have noticed is that younger men and women - those who grew up with social media - are largely living lives of dissatisfaction. They seem to suffer from a severe lack of self-esteem and a debilitating "pick me" attitude. When all they see is all these people on Tiktok and Instalonde or this gram and whatever living this seemingly impossible life, they feel diminished.

Even here, where forum members are definitely more enlightened than the populace as a whole, there seems to be an undercurrent of "who is hotter, this brunette" guys seem to want a consensus on what they should consider attractive - this seemingly stems from the need for approval.

Young(er) men of SS: make your own way, don't care what others may think of you, never compare yourself or allow yourself to be told what you should want from life. The grass is always greener on the other side: BECAUSE ITS ASTROTURF!

Find your thing, get hobbies, get passionate AND STOP FROM POSTING YOUR WHOLE LIFE STORY ON SOCIAL MEDIA; it's not necessary - you want to be different? Don't be like all the cookie-cutter people in your age group - stay out of the SM trap - trust me, you'll be noticed more as a non-conformist than your pic of you eating a donut will on Insta.

 

[pipeman84]

I'm 33 and I have to accept as I get older I won't get the attention i got in my 20s.

I went to amusement parks, and many chances of befriending women etc and I get jealous of younger males with groups of women.

You have to find the attention you're looking for outside, inside you. Once you become aware of your inner worth, you'll radiate a different vibe and attract people towards you. You used the word 'jealous' twice in OP, that's plenty evidence you need to work on yourself.
At 33 you're at a point where youth's vitality meets the maturity one gets after one's lived a bit of life...you're at the perfect place to be. Looking back at my past 5 years, the inner growth, general understanding and general happiness have increased tremendously. 10 years ago I was a chimp, comparatively speaking, and knowing that's true for most people, no need to feel jealous of younger guys.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I’m 33 as well. I empathize with you, OP. We have entered middle age. Things are different.

Focus on the value you create to the world and start taking your health very seriously. One thing I’ve noticed since about 31-32 is that people no longer give a fvck about my personality, it’s about my productivity and competence. Women, including all female coworkers, my wife and my own mother have zero empathy for middle aged men. Then it the next sentence will extend women and children the utmost empathy. People just expect us to “get it” by now. It’s tough to reckon with some days.

 

[BadBoy89]

You’re not alone. Growing older and apart from your friends is unfortunately common especially if you don’t go the traditional route of marrying early and starting a family. I find that over time you just get used to it. Just don’t wait too long otherwise you’ll end up a depressed older man like my friend who is about to hit 50. He partied his ass off til his 40s then it all came crashing down. Females are no longer interested in him and he has a genuine hatred for women now.

Starting a family will cure depression?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Happiness comes from within, not from material things, not from women, not from money.

Money gives you more options. Selecting the right options brings happiness.

Effectively happiness is you making decisions that help you get closer to what YOU want your life to be.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

This resonates. Just turned 32 last week and I am like trying my hardest to not let a gust of depression swipe me with a one hitter quitter.
Real talk I been my happiest and the motivation to go on a money killing spree when I have had 2-3 girls in the pipeline that all wanted to chill.
I feel alive and primal when a woman comes to me for pleasure. There is solace and peace in that.
To me that is her giving you her best. They come to your vicinity for your masculine energy and protection.
I been seriously lacking with women as of lately.
The 21 year old young mack me would molly wop me in a quickness cause im slippin.
I need to sack up and start approaching again.

My man what you need is a ride or die girlfriend in this life of sin. These times are too cold to be alone for a long time especially at our age. You start being a prisoner in your own mind. If you going thru hell keep going.
Survival of the fittest
Im living it in the flesh right now

 

[rick.deckard]

I believe that you need not to be sad.

Look at me. I'm about 20 years older than you. Went through a hell of a lot of ups and downs during my life. But only recently I saw the light (or at least a flicker of it). I have been interested in music since I was ten. It became a huge part of my life. Did a great amount of DJing back in the day. Now I just started learning the skills of digital DJing, and also attempt to learn to play the piano. Do I deem myself as being too late for anything related to music? No never. Sometimes one just has got to come to terms.

That being said, music can also be a means of overcoming just any obstacle in life. That's why nearly the whole pop and rock music of the 20th century relates to the Blues, which is right the cure for what it is named after.

And then, stay physically active. You really don't need to hit the gym and compete with other guys who might look more defined than you deem yourself. Not to mention women in the gym wearing their darn earbuds. No, get one or two kettle bells and start working out at your home. That's what I do and you will notice a significant increase of the Big T when you do it.

Also, you may go on the bicycle and go swimming. And last but not least consider doing martial arts. It's not something you do in order to impress other human beings, it's something you do solely for yourself, and for your physical and mental health. You want to stay active, healthy and strong until you will fall off dead somewhen in your 80ies.

Always remember these two memes:

Don't worry about getting old. Worry about thinking old!

You don't stop doing things because you get old. You are getting old because you stop doing things!

Have a great 2023!

 

[VirtuousD]

I’m 33 as well. I empathize with you, OP. We have entered middle age.

 

[EyeBRollin]

What’s the problem with that statement?

 

[VirtuousD]

What’s the problem with that statement?

Everything.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Everything.

A 33 year old is not considered middle aged?

 

[VirtuousD]

A 33 year old is not considered middle aged?

 

[Pierce.Manhammer]

loll. how old are u again?

5 decades. Long ago, I figured out that if you can turn off electric power and it no longer exists, it truly doesn’t matter.

 

[Plinco]

I'm 33 and I have to accept as I get older I won't get the attention i got in my 20s.

I went to amusement parks, and many chances of befriending women etc and I get jealous of younger males with groups of women.

I have a stable job, I'll inherit this house and as I get older my finances will be good.

I do have a few female friends however they have their own family, lives.

When I was young, I had a lot going on for me and a lot to look forward to. Forums, sports practice, watching sports, video games, backyard cricket, forums, college etc.

Possibly their could be some venture opportunities, self employment opportunities as I get older.

Im passionate about life, watch horror stuff etc. I have another cousin who I watch this stuff.

I'll travel, however underneath I wish to be in my 20s.

However I'm a sort of group person and I sort of always envisioned myself and get jealous of younger males having a fun time with females at the cinema and experiencing life.

I'm a group person and maybe a should join a private paid membership club or something or nightlife etc.

I'm friendly and get on well with people, i know I'll have male friends.

I just feel very sad.

When you are young, things sometimes get handed to you. As you get older, you have to make things happen. This is a problem of you not properly asserting yourself.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You make your own luck, OP. I’m 38. I feel like I have a second lease on life. You should have money in the bank, the ability to travel and do as you please, health, and hopefully friends and family. These are your prime years.

 

[LTG71]

OP is depressed due to living an a system of atomization that causes loneliness, boredom, lack of meaning etc. Humans are social creatures and the current state of the world is greater atomization which is problematic. Self-Improvement, suck it up, grow up etc is not the solution to this. You can make it more bearable by throwing yourself into work, money, fitness, relationships etc but it is not a real solution.

It is not helped by men thinking a relationship or nuclear family set up is the solution. The only solution is the building of communities.

I was in the same place as OP a few years ago. I remembered my best times was when I was young in school, had friends and a community to belong too. I remembered around 35 that my best times where when I was 12 years old and I organised a local soccer meetup where lots of my local friends and relatives came and every week we played soccer. It was like a community friend group thing.

Knowing at 35 that was my biggest personal achievement and happiness is what caused me to go down the path of community building, hoping to get back that feeling of 'connectedness' and community.

I had this realization too. When I was a kid, we had 20+ kids in the hood that did all kinds on stuff together. Games, sports, meet ups, chasing girls, all kinds of stuff. Now at 50, it’s mostly work and responsibilities, that fun group vibe is a distant memory. But you gotta put in the effort to create what you want. I have a small group of buddies that like to get together on a semi-regular basis but it takes some effort. At to be honest, that is apart from my wife and kids because sometimes I need a break from them too. Don’t expect happiness to automatically happen because you checked off some milestones. Create what you want, you’re only 33. I wish I was still that young.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

If I could reach thru this computer and smack somebody on the back of the head it would be OP and anyone who agrees with your 30's being middle aged and past the prime.

At 42 I rebuilt myself post divorce and dated attractive 20's & 30's women with ease, and now years later I'm rebuilding my game for the 3rd time in my life at almost twice your age.

The glass half empty defeatist mentality I read here is astonishing, when you have so much in front of you. You should still be decent looking enough (unless you let yourself go) and experienced enough by now to mack most of the 20something women that used to turn you down. If not, get back to the gym, read up, and get out there.

What I wouldn't do to be in my 30's again.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If I could reach thru this computer and smack somebody on the back of the head it would be OP and anyone who agrees with your 30's being middle aged and past the prime.

At 42 I rebuilt myself post divorce and dated attractive 20's & 30's women with ease, and now years later I'm rebuilding my game for the 3rd time in my life at almost twice your age.

The glass half empty defeatist mentality I read here is astonishing, when you have so much in front of you. You should still be decent looking enough (unless you let yourself go) and experienced enough by now to mack most of the 20something women that used to turn you down.

What I wouldn't do to be in my 30's again.

Especially if OP is childless. May have some issues that could benefit from therapy, but I’ve always found focusing on my health to be the best thing for me. Get exercising, get a blood test done focusing on hormonal numbers, and see what happens. So much of your personality comes from that simple mix of chemicals it’s uncanny.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I'm 33 and I have to accept as I get older I won't get the attention i got in my 20s.

I went to amusement parks, and many chances of befriending women etc and I get jealous of younger males with groups of women.

I have a stable job, I'll inherit this house and as I get older my finances will be good.

I do have a few female friends however they have their own family, lives.

When I was young, I had a lot going on for me and a lot to look forward to. Forums, sports practice, watching sports, video games, backyard cricket, forums, college etc.

Possibly their could be some venture opportunities, self employment opportunities as I get older.

Im passionate about life, watch horror stuff etc. I have another cousin who I watch this stuff.

I'll travel, however underneath I wish to be in my 20s.

However I'm a sort of group person and I sort of always envisioned myself and get jealous of younger males having a fun time with females at the cinema and experiencing life.

I'm a group person and maybe a should join a private paid membership club or something or nightlife etc.

I'm friendly and get on well with people, i know I'll have male friends.

I just feel very sad.

Dude you are still young ffs. Don't squander your youth away. You will dearly regret it later.

The thing is; if you cannot be happy in your own skin all by yourself (Lets say you were all alone, stranded on a island or whatever), you will never be happy. The journey always starts from within and if you are happy with your own company that will reflect back and potentially attract other people into your life. There is nothing worse than having people around you that expects from you to make them happy.

People like that are needy, desperate (and usually negative/boring too) and that is really annoying.

My 5 cents tho

 

[threeforfree]

If you were making something of yourself you wouldn't feel that way.

I'm 51, divorced late 2021. I feel better than I did in my 30s. I date women 20 years younger. Full head of hair. I go to the gym 3x a week and am in great shape, and now that I'm older and more distinguished I've really picked up my style game and it's made a difference. Over the years I curated my career after reading The Four Hour Workweek and I've been fully remote for the past 10 years. I can travel anywhere I want and work from anywhere for extended periods. I have a boat which isn't a bad thing when it comes to women, but I'm picking up more hobbies for self-development... my next goals are SCUBA diving and a different style of martial arts (I earned a black belt when I was in my late teens and was active in it into my 20s).

Work on yourself, lead a kick-ass life, and the women will follow as long as you don't let them walk all over you.