nicksaiz65 Odyssey

[GrowingPains]

I still encourage you to think about why you're doing comp sci and why you want to make music for a living.

What is it about using CS to solve problems (which problems?) that interests you so much? How can you change the world, even if it is in a small way, by doing CS? Similar to music.

I suggest you identify the answers to those things. Because when it gets tough and you're sitting there saying "Why the fvck am I doing this" you will need an answer, or you will end up doing a poor job or quitting.

It is great to be motivated. But motivation is over rated. If you identify your 'why' then you don't need motivation. All you need is self-discipline. In a way, that's motivation, but what I'm defining motivation as in this context is being all hyped up and feeling good about the task at hand. There will be MANY days where it fvcking sucks. And you don't want to sit down and do what you have to do. And in those moments you won't feel motivated, you will need to remind yourself why and be self-disciplined enough to power through. Because you understand that the struggle you're facing in that moment will all be worth it in the end.

This is not an easy thing to identify. But it's the hard questions that need answering that will bring you clarity and direction.

I was in your shoes when I was a sophomore. I just wanted to make money from my engineering degree and play soccer. I lost sight of why I was taking classes. I did have an idea about why I wanted to do engineering when I was young, I wanted to save the world (CO2 emissions) and make water-powered cars. I lost track of that after some time. While that's not possible (at least in the way I was imagining it), I am back on track to sustainable transportation and it helps keep me going to remind myself of why I need to nut up and get the task at hand done.

The phrase 'born to do xyz' is bullsh!t. No one is born to do anything. How could they be? Did they have a computer in the womb? A basketball? A surgical knife? Everyone is a product of their environment. It influences how they think about/relate to certain things and it leads them to identify their calling. You will struggle. If you're not struggling then you're not pushing hard enough. You cannot grow without struggle - think about building muscles. Struggle is a healthy thing. But every time you conquer struggle, you get stronger. More competent. And can take on the next task more tactically and quickly than the last. Create an environment where you are immersed in an area of CS that you enjoy and allow that environment to shape you into a CS beast. Go to talks. Do projects. Ace your classes. Be friends with the best of the best. It will be hard, but it will be extremely rewarding. Especially once you identify your why.

I blabbered a lot here. But hopefully the points were obvious enough to catch.

TLDR; Find your why.

Tips:
Think about what you think is wrong with the world and how you can solve it. This is a grand question but there are big problems and there are small problems too. In my opinion, anything that improves the human condition is worth considering.
How can CS be a solution to such problems?
What are some of the major questions in CS now?
What companies are doing meaningful work? Why is it meaningful?
What skills do you need to do meaningful CS work?
Can you talk to people in the field to ask them what their why is? This is a great opportunity to network. People love helping people - especially young people. Think about it... all of us have been commenting here to help you. We're real people but we're interacting with you online. Imagine how well received you'd be in person by someone that could see that you are genuinely curious and want to learn from them.

Godspeed.

 

[nicksaiz65]

@GrowingPains

That's a really deep question. I'd have to reflect on that a bit more before I can give you a detailed answer. But I can at least give you a basic answer for the time being before I go to the gym.

Well the whole reason I got into CS is because I always had an interest in technology/video games especially when I was a kid. Instead of just thinking of them as magic in a box, I asked myself "how does this actually work? What's going on behind the scenes here?" I did some research and eventually discovered programming. I read books on the subject and found it fascinating. Anything I imagined, I could code it and make it a reality. I started building basic games, went to beginner code bootcamps, and eventually made a musical generation sightreading app that actually won a competition. I originally wanted to be an English Major haha. Because I like reading and I'm the creative type. But for me, it made more sense to go into Computer Science. That's why I'm gonna finish my degree even if I got sidetracked and it takes me longer than normal.

I've been playing violin since I was a kid. As long as I applied myself, I found myself pretty dang good at it. I always was a huge classical music fan, although I play other kinds of music too because I realized how important it is to be versatile as a musician. Not everyone likes Classical Music. I like classical music because it's such a rich sound, and I can express myself and tell a story through music. That goes for other types of music too. I love challenging myself and learning new music. I always hear the sound in my head first: how do I want this to sound even before I put the bow on the string? How can I create that type of sound with the technique that I know? Does that sound right? If I paid for a concert, would I want to hear a sound like this? No? Then what can change? How can I learn this difficult passage? It's very dynamic. I always loved the idea of a violin virtuoso and I dream to be one. One advantage of me fvcking up college is that I'll have more time to study and become the virtuoso that I always dreamed of being. Realistically, I need to manage my time better and practice more or I'm in for an ass kicking once I graduate and try to go professional. Just because I'm good doesn't mean I can get c0cky.

I'm not that great at music composition yet, I've been doing it for only about a year. But I find synthesis really fascinating, and I love the idea of being able to write your own music that you hear in your head instead of just playing others music. I've been doing violin for almost 17 years at this point so of course I'm not that great at composing yet. But I got a ton of books on the subject and it's already helping break my Writers' Block. The main issue right now is that my chordal vocabulary is limited and my melodies are simply getting dragged around by my harmonies. The book I'm reading warned against that. But I've released some of my compositions. I've gotten really positive feedback on them. People say that they can hear a lot of potential in my music. I want to start a side business to have a passive income. AMS and RSD Derek say for that, you need some kind of product. I think being a producer(I'm already going to be a violinist on the side) makes the most sense there. Great way to get some passive income even when I sleep. So I'm putting in more time and working on improving my compositions. Another reason I love being a producer is with a DAW, you kind of have an "orchestra in a box." It could be 2 AM and I get hit with a really cool melody. I can load up FL Studio and hear what the final product could sound like instantly. As opposed to being a classical composer where I'd just have to write it and have other musicians play it later. I can lock myself in my room and put together a creative endeavor all by myself if I want. Girls seem to like this kind of stuff too, which is only a bonus. Even if they didn't like it I'd still do it. It's another method of me expressing myself. I've been told I'd have better luck monetizing my passion in EDM though. The hip hop market is crazy oversaturated with rap's popularity.

Sorry that went a bit long. Hopefully you guys can understand where I'm coming from a bit better now. I've gotten really distracted trying(and failing somewhat) to reinvent myself in college so that's why I've been messing up. But this is a good chunk of my original goals.

 

[Papa_smu]

Sorry that went a bit long. Hopefully you guys can understand where I'm coming from a bit better now. I've gotten really distracted trying(and failing somewhat) to reinvent myself in college so that's why I've been messing up. But this is a good chunk of my original goals

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just accept who you are, and those doors you desperately chase after just to open will just show up and open.

Women tend to like a guy that's pretty at peace with himself.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just accept who you are, and those doors you desperately chase after just to open will just show up and open.

Women tend to like a guy that's pretty at peace with himself.

That's one thing I'm continuing to work on. Presenting myself to the world instead of trying to be someone I'm not. Weirdly I feel like that'll come easier as I get in the gym more

 

[nicksaiz65]

Never forget that. ^^^^

As I see it, telling stories, and conveying emotion through music, will give YOU tremendous satisfaction, and in a very deep way Nick!

It is a big part of why you FEEL so much!!!

Consider that all these ups and downs and twists and turns that you have felt along the way, in your “progress” in life have actually been gifts. They will give you a HUGE advantage, in telling stories through your music!! YOU have FELT so much!!!! That is prime fuel, for composing and playing music that actually conveys emotion and truly tells a story!!!! Then you are not making it up or imagining it from scratch, rather you’ve actually have really felt that deep and you are sharing that!!!!! HUGE!!!!

Side note- I knew a man who is/was paid to play the cello around the world. He teaches at a conservatory when he’s home. His wife plays too. Her passions have taken her beyond her music. She does other things now too. They are great people! Great life! All kinds of wonderful possibilities for you Nick!!

Glad to see you reconnect to your desire around programming too!

Lot of clarity this week!!!
Absolutely!!!
Later in life, do not let yourself mix up being “at peace” with allowing yourself to become stagnant. Two very different things!

I see what you're saying! That's a really interesting perspective on things. Music is such a great outlet for me... Which is exactly why I need to put in more time and hone my skills

 

[nicksaiz65]

There is surface level entertainment.

Then there is music that touches your Soul. You feel it!!
You not only hear and feel the resonance and/or emotion of the music. It also resonates that emotion/feeling, inside the listener. It's profound.

One thing at a time Nick. Homework!!

Yup I was just about to say that lol. Bit of studying then I'm going to sleep so I can get up in time for the gym tomorrow.

But I will say one more thing about Music Composition/books in general. I've been reading Music Composition for Complete Idiots and I'm learning a ton. Way more than any academic textbook. So there's no shame at all in reading these For Dummies(or just non-school textbooks in general) Books to learn stuff for my professional career.

I can't wait until I take my Automata Theory classes and then I get to kill it with the Automata Theory for Dummies/Demystified books. That stuff is really interesting to me for whatever reason.

 

[nicksaiz65]

New Shoes

Hey guys, I just got out of class and I have a minute so... I checked my mailbox and my package came in!

A while back I had been complaining about how these flat skater shoes have been killing my feet. So I got some rep Air Max 97s. Very cheap so I can save money for school. But fresh af in my opinion as well.
The DHGate Reviews were really good so I'm gonna trust them.

Idk how you guys like sneakers, but I was curious as to what some of you all thought!

Let me know what you guys think! Now back to my work for today. If I'm gonna make a perfect score on a test, which I have done before, I need to go in.

Air Max 97

http://imgur.com/a/hMsBVFt

 

[nicksaiz65]

I'm not even gonna lie to you guys I was super nervous about rocking rep sneakers. But I wanna dress super nice for the b*tches and this is the best way to do it cheaply. The reviews on DHGate were great, so I'm trusting them! When I get more money after I graduate I'm gonna get into RepFam heavy.

 

[GrowingPains]

I'm not even gonna lie to you guys I was super nervous about rocking rep sneakers. But I wanna dress super nice for the b*tches and this is the best way to do it cheaply. The reviews on DHGate were great, so I'm trusting them!

Just wear what you wanna wear. Who gives a fvck.

If my boys clown me for anything I'm wearing and I think that sh!t is fresh... then I look in the mirror, remind myself that 'damn, that sh!t is fresh' and tell 'em they wish they could get like me. If someone clowns you, just laugh or tell 'em to fvck off. Don't let it phase you. Materialistic things don't matter as much as we make them out to.

Also, you could hit em with that 'Oh you mad cuz you payed full price'. They'd be so thrown.

As for my thoughts on the shoes: Not my style. But good luck keeping them sh!ts clean my G. And wtf would you wear it with? Boutta be wearing colors that have you looking like Fresh Prince, but that's kinda fly.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Just wear what you wanna wear. Who gives a fvck.

If my boys clown me for anything I'm wearing and I think that sh!t is fresh... then I look in the mirror, remind myself that 'damn, that sh!t is fresh' and tell 'em they wish they could get like me. If someone clowns you, just laugh or tell 'em to fvck off. Don't let it phase you. Materialistic things don't matter as much as we make them out to.

Also, you could hit em with that 'Oh you mad cuz you payed full price'. They'd be so thrown.

As for my thoughts on the shoes: Not my style. But good luck keeping them sh!ts clean my G. And wtf would you wear it with? Boutta be wearing colors that have you looking like Fresh Prince, but that's kinda fly.

Yeah man Fresh Prince is what I thought too haha. I had to get new shoes cause my feet were frigging killing me. I could barely walk across campus with those flat shoes.

I want to look fresh but I'll never spend $200 on shoes. I could invest that in myself. My philosophy is I'm gonna look fresh/rich as fvck but it's actually gonna be cheap. As they say on Reddit, rock your reps with confidence. I was sick of wearing basic ass shoes too. And no one will ever know with the reps! I only buy reps that have good reviews.

Keeping these clean is gonna be awful haha. And I can wear them with pretty much anything that's not a button down or dress shirt really

 

[shouldbefun]

Just wear what you wanna wear. Who gives a fvck.

If my boys clown me for anything I'm wearing and I think that sh!t is fresh... then I look in the mirror, remind myself that 'damn, that sh!t is fresh' and tell 'em they wish they could get like me. If someone clowns you, just laugh or tell 'em to fvck off. Don't let it phase you. Materialistic things don't matter as much as we make them out to.

Also, you could hit em with that 'Oh you mad cuz you payed full price'. They'd be so thrown.

As for my thoughts on the shoes: Not my style. But good luck keeping them sh!ts clean my G. And wtf would you wear it with? Boutta be wearing colors that have you looking like Fresh Prince, but that's kinda fly.

Feels weird bro, i mean I had friends talking about my size of bicep, and I cut them off. And no, they weren’t real friends. ****s cringey, no one has time for it. Its not highschool. Or guys that talk about height, cut them off. ****heads everywhere. It just reeks of insecurity. To anyone, wear clothes that make you feel good. Dont go full retard but just don’t fit into a specific niche, if you know what im sayin!

But I do have to say, dress normally and you won’t be given two ****s by anyone.
Now obviously if its winter and everyones in some jackets, and I roll in some bear coat, this screams attention seeker and money waster, so it just depends. If I roll in a jacket, they’ll think Im a normal middle class dude who wants to study and be a normal dude. Unless you are mystery or some arts student. Obviously your matter is different, but Im just giving an example.

The shoe is fine, but damn, white is such a color that no shoe remains white, unless its in a cupboard. But whatever, wear them till they break. No point in being simpy about dem shoes! Congrats

 

[nicksaiz65]

Feels weird bro, i mean I had friends talking about my size of bicep, and I cut them off. And no, they weren’t real friends. ****s cringey, no one has time for it. Its not highschool. Or guys that talk about height, cut them off. ****heads everywhere. It just reeks of insecurity. To anyone, wear clothes that make you feel good. Dont go full retard but just don’t fit into a specific niche, if you know what im sayin!

But I do have to say, dress normally and you won’t be given two ****s by anyone.
Now obviously if its winter and everyones in some jackets, and I roll in some bear coat, this screams attention seeker and money waster, so it just depends. If I roll in a jacket, they’ll think Im a normal middle class dude who wants to study and be a normal dude. Unless you are mystery or some arts student. Obviously your matter is different, but Im just giving an example.

The shoe is fine, but damn, white is such a color that no shoe remains white, unless its in a cupboard. But whatever, wear them till they break. No point in being simpy about dem shoes! Congrats

White shoes are so fire but they get dirty so easily. I'm gonna have to learn to clean them

 

[mrgoodstuff]

White shoes are so fire but they get dirty so easily. I'm gonna have to learn to clean them

Part of your routine

 

[nicksaiz65]

Part of your routine

As in just clean them every day?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As in just clean them every day?

After the wear and returning to closet. Have 3-5 nice shoes and at least 3 sneakers.

 

[GrowingPains]

Yeah man Fresh Prince is what I thought too haha. I had to get new shoes cause my feet were frigging killing me. I could barely walk across campus with those flat shoes.

I want to look fresh but I'll never spend $200 on shoes. I could invest that in myself. My philosophy is I'm gonna look fresh/rich as fvck but it's actually gonna be cheap. As they say on Reddit, rock your reps with confidence. I was sick of wearing basic ass shoes too. And no one will ever know with the reps! I only buy reps that have good reviews.

Keeping these clean is gonna be awful haha. And I can wear them with pretty much anything that's not a button down or dress shirt really

Just wear them sparingly. And when you know you won't be walking a lot. Basically never.

Lmao jk on the last thing obv.

I avoid buying shoes with white bottoms like the plague. Too much to worry about. I do have a pair of all white leather Converses though. They were 30 bucks so duh I had to cop. I only wear them if the wind is 3.7 mph, no chance of rain, streets recently cleaned and my throne bearers aren't busy.

 

[nicksaiz65]

After the wear and returning to closet. Have 3-5 nice shoes and at least 3 sneakers.

I have a pair of Black Chuck Taylors, Red Checkered Vans, and these new Air Max 97s. They look way better in real life than in that picture I posted: the shape is pretty damn close and no one would be able to tell it's a rep. They look like the ones that Jose Zuniga was wearing, honestly. I love reps.

And then a black and brown pair of dress shoes of course, one pair of Chukka Boots and then just my athletic running and lifting shoes.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Just wear them sparingly. And when you know you won't be walking a lot. Basically never.

Lmao jk on the last thing obv.

I avoid buying shoes with white bottoms like the plague. Too much to worry about. I do have a pair of all white leather Converses though. They were 30 bucks so duh I had to cop. I only wear them if the wind is 3.7 mph, no chance of rain, streets recently cleaned and my throne bearers aren't busy.

I feel you on that. The white is just sooooo fresh to me lol.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Gym/Test Lifestyle

So I just got back from the gym. Did 1-1 of Podrunner Intervals. I've always wanted to finish this program, so I'm working towards that. I feel great. One day I'm gonna bag me an athletic cutie, so like Pook said I have to work on my body/athleticism as well.

Tomorrow is weights. I need to either get there right as the gym opens(6 AM) or just wait on people to be done if I expect to secure a Squat Rack. I'd rather go early. I fvcking hate waiting on gym equipment. Makes me miss my home gym.

I'm getting protein and not eating a bunch of bullsh*t... protein powder is very helpful. The protein is filling me up as well. I may go to the store and buy some beans while I'm at it too like they suggest on Scoobysworkshop. A great bodybuilders' meal.

I think I should be caught up with every lecture by Tuesday. That's a good goal. I'll read the book chapters too. Then I can go to the review on Wednesday, and just do practice problems until the test. I need that 100.

After this test, I'm gonna be hanging out with some new people this weekend. I need to make sure that I have a social circle that I can work with. I'd like to be more social and go to more parties. And not with thugmaxxxers tbh. We don't click.

I'm looking into setting up an appointment with the Counseling Center sometime this month. I really don't want to go tbh, but I'll do it since you guys said I should.

I need to get my Alternate PIN at some point so that I can register for classes... also need to set up some form of housing. Do I want to stay on campus or get an apartment? All I know is I want a single room. So I need to get on all of that stuff ASAP.

So I'm gonna brush, study, and go to bed so I can get up early.

 

[GrowingPains]

Gym/Test Lifestyle

So I just got back from the gym. Did 1-1 of Podrunner Intervals. I've always wanted to finish this program, so I'm working towards that. I feel great. One day I'm gonna bag me an athletic cutie, so like Pook said I have to work on my body/athleticism as well.

Tomorrow is weights. I need to either get there right as the gym opens(6 AM) or just wait on people to be done if I expect to secure a Squat Rack. I'd rather go early. I fvcking hate waiting on gym equipment. Makes me miss my home gym.

I'm getting protein and not eating a bunch of bullsh*t... protein powder is very helpful. The protein is filling me up as well. I may go to the store and buy some beans while I'm at it too like they suggest on Scoobysworkshop. A great bodybuilders' meal.

I think I should be caught up with every lecture by Tuesday. That's a good goal. I'll read the book chapters too. Then I can go to the review on Wednesday, and just do practice problems until the test. I need that 100.

After this test, I'm gonna be hanging out with some new people this weekend. I need to make sure that I have a social circle that I can work with. I'd like to be more social and go to more parties. And not with thugmaxxxers tbh. We don't click.

I'm looking into setting up an appointment with the Counseling Center sometime this month. I really don't want to go tbh, but I'll do it since you guys said I should.

I need to get my Alternate PIN at some point so that I can register for classes... also need to set up some form of housing. Do I want to stay on campus or get an apartment? All I know is I want a single room. So I need to get on all of that stuff ASAP.

So I'm gonna brush, study, and go to bed so I can get up early.

SOUNDS LIKE A MFER IS ON HIS GRIND. DAS WHAT WE LIKE TO SEE MY G.

"We do it not because it is easy, but because it is hard." JFK