New Scenario With Difficult Coworker

FlirtLife

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I think what is going to save me with this guy is my boss. My boss is super cool and he has said that this guy is a jerk. He also made a comment to me that "(Jerk guy) is NOT your boss, I am. You do not have to listen to him if you choose not to". So officially in a work context I think I will be fine. For me, my original post was actually about trying to adapt to new cultures and figure out if this is normal. Then the second thing is figuring out how to handle my interactions with this guy on a daily basis and not do or say anything I might regret. His cyber security/cybercrime experience is far less than mine. I have worked with it in some way since 1999 including in a sworn law enforcement capacity. He has only worked with it since 2017 and only as a civilian, not as a LEO.
Oh, and here I assumed you moved to a new job (less experience) and he was about to retire (more experience)... You can use your far greater cybercrime experience to correct him - to nitpick on him.

You could start replying to his nitpicks by asking "Did the boss say to do that?" You and your co-worker follow the boss, not whatever annoys your co-worker.

I haven't tried it, but "grammarly" is a tool to fix typos/grammar/etc. If you resolve half of this guys nitpicks by using a tool, that could also make things more tolerable.
 

Murk

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That’s weird behaviour, I’ve been around emails and group email chains my whole working life, nobody has ever called out a typo or misspelling, not publicly anyway.

Saying you must proof read your email is belittling, he’s little bro’ing you. You have grounds to tell him to stfu and mind his business surely, I wouldn’t have that.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Oh, and here I assumed you moved to a new job (less experience) and he was about to retire (more experience)... You can use your far greater cybercrime experience to correct him - to nitpick on him.

You could start replying to his nitpicks by asking "Did the boss say to do that?" You and your co-worker follow the boss, not whatever annoys your co-worker.

I haven't tried it, but "grammarly" is a tool to fix typos/grammar/etc. If you resolve half of this guys nitpicks by using a tool, that could also make things more tolerable.
This is the behavior of someone who feels threatened by the new person with more experience.
 

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This is the behavior of someone who feels threatened by the new person with more experience.
Exactly, which is why there is such a golden opportunity if OP wants to exert himself as the leader here if he’s looking for advancement or at a minimum he’s gonna get his peace of mind back if he just wants to coast. This is a classic mistake on the senior guys part. He probably doesn’t do a good job.
 

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I work in management for a massive corporation (top 30 in the world) and I am sharing from my personal experience. If this has been going on for a while, likely nothing is going to be done about it in this environment when **** is hitting the fan as most work places. It seems to have been tolerated. Not ideal but it is what it is. HR likely turning a blind eye and the company and client likely don't care or are accepting of this.

In a healthy economy, what you said about HR departments is accurate. In this environment with financial tension spreading, they are less worried about that. Entire DEI divisions are being wiped out. Caring about your "feelings" when bankruptcies are increasing, everyone is constantly upset and complaining, and budget for company culture/diversity/branding will all come after surviving and revenue. This is why I originally said, i would have just addressed it myself publicly and called him out but when the old dude is on his way out and literally is displaying IDGAF attitude, OP has more to lose than he has to gain. You definitely don't want to be complaining during these times about trivial stuff like "he told me to fix my spelling mistakes" when people have more important sh1t to worry about.

Putting people in their place works when the other party has something to lose and you make their next move one that has to be so loud, it will make them a fool infront of others. Given that this guy is on his way out, spent many more years at this current company, and OP is brand new there, OP doesn't seem to have much to gain and more to lose given that he's newer, he's still learning to work with people at the company, he's complaining, etc.

As a manager, the worst people are the ones that create problems for me as a manager that can't resolve them amicably among staff. I likely wouldn't be hiring people who are acting like the old dude in the first place, but as a manager the last thing I want to hear is HR pulling me into an office and sharing that my 2 direct reports are bickering over xyz. This does not help move the team towards our objectives nor the individual toward objectives, and the newbie that is complaining potentially labeling himself as a softy.
Why would you ever advocate for an aggressive public response, such a bad idea. Emotional intelligence is so much the better way to go. If OP gets hot then it simply becomes a case of two knuckleheads battling it out for turf.

At the end, when the dust is all settled and OP looks like a seasoned pro putting dude in his place, making peace and taking the lead, he should give all praise and credit in a public way to his manager for bringing the ideas to the table that made peace and productivity possible, which we all know is total crap but guys like you don’t ever see or understand that it’s happening right under your nose, but you’d be afraid otherwise that a dude with intellectual capital and a set of balls would be moving for your job and you’d become his new worst enemy.
 
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FlirtLife

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Exactly, which is why there is such a golden opportunity if OP wants to exert himself as the leader here if he’s looking for advancement or at a minimum he’s gonna get his peace of mind back if he just wants to coast. This is a classic mistake on the senior guys part. He probably doesn’t do a good job.
The "Did the boss say to do that?" is a trap. If the nitpicker says "Yes", you check with the boss and discover he's lying. After that, any nitpicks become just "Tell it to my boss". ("you liar" can be left unsaid)
 

AAAgent

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Why would you ever advocate for an aggressive public response, such a bad idea. Emotional intelligence is so much the better way to go. If OP gets hot then it simply becomes a case of two knuckleheads battling it out for turf.

At the end, when the dust is all settled and OP looks like a seasoned pro putting dude in his place, making peace and taking the lead, he should give all praise and credit in a public way to his manager for bringing the ideas to the table that made peace and productivity possible, which we all know is total crap but guys like you don’t ever see or understand that it’s happening right under your nose, but you’d be afraid otherwise that a dude with intellectual capital and a set of balls would be moving for your job and you’d become his new worst enemy.
As a manager at a fortune 500 company, the last thing i want to be dealing with, especially in this environment where teams/divisions/management are all facing pressure to improve their P&L/financial reports is dealing with this trivial bullsh1t.

You're grown adults. I hire people because they know have to act like adults and navigate the corporate environment. I don't hire people to waste their time and more so, my time to resolve disputes. Especially when your arriving at a new place. Take the trial by fire and survive and learn to navigate it. If you can't even navigate inter team politics, how can you navigate intercompany politics, let alone work with external clients.

This is the difference of having a bad manager making a bad hire and having a strong and seasoned leader. If within the first month or two, you're already not getting along with someone, can't resolve the issue yourself, and need to bring it to my attention, I immediately see red flag and will question my decision of hire.
 

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As a manager at a fortune 500 company, the last thing i want to be dealing with, especially in this environment where teams/divisions/management are all facing pressure to improve their P&L/financial reports is dealing with this trivial bullsh1t.

You're grown adults. I hire people because they know have to act like adults and navigate the corporate environment. I don't hire people to waste their time and more so, my time to resolve disputes. Especially when your arriving at a new place. Take the trial by fire and survive and learn to navigate it. If you can't even navigate inter team politics, how can you navigate intercompany politics, let alone work with external clients.

This is the difference of having a bad manager making a bad hire and having a strong and seasoned leader. If within the first month or two, you're already not getting along with someone, can't resolve the issue yourself, and need to bring it to my attention, I immediately see red flag and will question my decision of hire.
I thought about just giving you a ‘like’ for the above for the warm and fuzzies you’d get from it but I realized it would be too subtle of an illustration of the point you just made for me in the thread. We’re talking about a small police department in butt fvck county Florida dude.
 

AAAgent

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I thought about just giving you a ‘like’ for the above for the warm and fuzzies you’d get from it but I realized it would be too subtle of an illustration of the point you just made for me in the thread. We’re talking about a small police department in butt fvck county Florida dude.
the problem and methods will illicit the same responses no matter if you're in butt fvck county or NYC/LA/SF, etc. Only the scale will differ. Learn to resolve the problems yourself. If it's very important, then involve HR/manager, etc. Problems involving a manager shouldn't be happening within the first couple of months at a new job.
 
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You're grown adults. I hire people because they know have to act like adults and navigate the corporate environment. I don't hire people to waste their time and more so, my time to resolve disputes.
Unless you work in HR, you're right it's not your job to resolve employee disputes. It's HR's job and they receive training for this and a good reputable company who cares about their employees and employee relations encourages employees to bring their disputes to them rather than handle on their own.

Employees trying to resolve disputes on their own often makes it worse, even resorting to work place violence in some cases, I've seen it!

After which the company is liable for any injuries, physically or mentally under federal and state labor laws.

Especially things like racial slurs, remarks about age, one's gender or sexual or religious preference; such remarks can have a negative impact on an employee's performance which is why it's encouraged to bring the concern or dispute to the attention of HR, that's one of the aspects of their job as an HR manager.

The Law is pretty clear on this so don't bother refuting it.
 

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the problem and methods will illicit the same responses no matter if you're in butt fvck county or NYC/LA/SF, etc. Only the scale will differ. Learn to resolve the problems yourself. If it's very important, then involve HR/manager, etc. Problems involving a manager shouldn't be happening within the first couple of months at a new job.
Well, we do agree on one point. Whether it’s in an office or a local police department, you guys are all the same. You spend every day in your career looking to justify the expense of keeping you employed. You don’t assist in local matters because it would shine light on your inability to create a productive cohesive environment and hire talent that can work well together in the sandbox. As a manager, you’re the most ruthless guy in your department. You just do it with a tie on. You can and do throw anyone under the bus that you need to in order to protect your existence.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Unless you work in HR, you're right it's not your job to resolve employee disputes. It's HR's job and they receive training for this and a good reputable company who cares about their employees and employee relations encourages employees to bring their disputes to them rather than handle on their own.

Employees trying to resolve disputes on their own often makes it worse, even resorting to work place violence in some cases, I've seen it!

After which the company is liable for any injuries, physically or mentally under federal and state labor laws.

Especially things like racial slurs, remarks about age, one's gender or sexual or religious preference; such remarks can have a negative impact on an employee's performance which is why it's encouraged to bring the concern or dispute to the attention of HR, that's one of the aspects of their job as an HR manager.

The Law is pretty clear on this so don't bother refuting it.
It really is amazing how people think corporate policies override laws. As if them saying in a court that their policy makes it OK to do so allows them to ignore Labor and Discrimination Laws.

Also amazing how many companies don't have any training on this stuff until they have been fined heavily and then either are forced to make employees take training on this as part of their settlement or do so willingly to ensure it's well known. Although even more amazing how so many at these companies completely ignore them in their day to day at the job.

No wonder why so many companies end up running amok of them. Even the ones with HR Departments...sometimes especially the ones with HR departments because they are the ones coming up with the policies.

I'm permanent remote so I don't have to deal with this office nonsense anymore and I'm pretty happy about it.
 
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Machine10033

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it".. He also jabs on "American Culture" and constantly makes racial remarks about Americans. Day after day after day. My boss said "just ignore him, he's a jerk and he is retiring in three years"
if he is a complete Jack off then file an eeo complaint. I have worked for perfectionists they were annoying as hell but always were professional.
 

BoomToTheMoonAlice

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Tell him to shut the **** up and stop talking down to you because it's really pissing you off.

I dunno wtf you guys are doing. These little sh1t bags are everywhere now. I tried to deal with two of these c0cknockers in a school a ways back. Everytime I'd say something to a staff member in the room about Canada, this sh1t bag from across the country would stand up and say "ACTUALLY" and proceed to try and correct me. It made me so angry, eventually, I stood up and said "Actually, if you don't shut the fvck up right now, we're going to go and settle this sh1t outside. You and I don't see eye to eye, no, shut the fvck up and s1t the fvk down and let me speak or lets settle this now".

People don't tell these a$$hats to stfu enough publicly. These pompous little pieces of sh1t exist in coddled little limp wrist manbun circles their entire lives so they develop this air of superiority. They don't fear getting their teeth kicked in back home.

He went to the boss... but he stopped talking to me afterward and he stopped doing that sh1t. Later his wife left him for a local and I smiled through every tear at the bar. His name was Tim. If you see this Tim, fvck you.

I punched the other guy out during a children's christmas pagent.

(The law doesn't really interfere in China)

Have you considered becoming an ESL teacher? :)
 
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AAAgent

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Well, we do agree on one point. Whether it’s in an office or a local police department, you guys are all the same. You spend every day in your career looking to justify the expense of keeping you employed. You don’t assist in local matters because it would shine light on your inability to create a productive cohesive environment and hire talent that can work well together in the sandbox. As a manager, you’re the most ruthless guy in your department. You just do it with a tie on. You can and do throw anyone under the bus that you need to in order to protect your existence.
There are obviously good managers and bad managers as well as good employees and bad employees. OP didn't share enough details and i'm obviously not trying to diminish the value of the legal system. I do understand how difficult it is for the legal system and understand the company's main focus is to protect and do what's best for the company, not the employee.

Not going to go into detail about management or keeping the house together with someone that clearly isn't able to do that but understand that if your first instinct is to go cry to the teacher, you won't get far in life.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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He's likely got a friend higher up I'd be careful, over 50% of people are hired by association, you have to assume over half the people you work with have some informal association to somebody in the peripheral, usually how powerful that person is dictates now obnoxious these people are.

He's probably got somebody in his back pocket he wants to get a job for or whatever, gonna try to force out whoever, most immigrants are a part of a tight network and are constantly trying to add numbers to the better opportunities for more workplace leverage, it's just what people do.

Document everything, get witnesses, assume he's doing the same.
 

BoomToTheMoonAlice

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He's likely got a friend higher up I'd be careful, over 50% of people are hired by association, you have to assume over half the people you work with have some informal association to somebody in the peripheral, usually how powerful that person is dictates now obnoxious these people are.

He's probably got somebody in his back pocket he wants to get a job for or whatever, gonna try to force out whoever, most immigrants are a part of a tight network and are constantly trying to add numbers to the better opportunities for more workplace leverage, it's just what people do.

Document everything, get witnesses, assume he's doing the same.
If you have to do this in a job, is it really worth keeping?

That first job I mentioned above sucked so bad because of the atmosphere. It was all wimpy beta losers from Vancouver and Seattle and one b1tchy western chick. I usually went home at night depressed and angry. When I went across the street and picked up a similar job with more laid-back co-workers, I had zero issues and things just flowed for the next 6 years. I also made a lot more money because I was legitimately enjoying myself and took every opportunity to spend overtime at work. (During the 'winter holiday', my boss penciled in over time hours for all the time we spent together in the office playing League of Legends (9 am to 9 pm)).

I had a security job here in the West where all the co-workers and I took care of each other. I spent 12 hours a day either sleeping, playing in VR or watching TV. I legitimately feel like I spent years in Skyrim and No Man's Sky and got paid for it. My co-worker brought women in and we had a little rave in the cafeteria after he 'accidentally' disabled the computer that controls the cameras. He had HOT women in this place his entire shift, banging and playing boardgames. Another co-worker spent his entire day watching and jerking off to porn, he was our 'commanding officer' so as long as no one said anything, everyone was cool. He eventually got nailed because he was using so much bandwidth, that someone at head office took notice. The government couldn't do anything about it because the facility was 'off the books', the guys were all veterans and the wiring system was from the 80's and besides, the facility technically doesn't exist anyway so neither did we. It took 4 years before they found someone who could get the clearance to fix it properly and because they kept sending government employees, it never got done. If you find the right people, the job can be an absolute vacation, and the money, is just an added bonus. You should consider working in government again, just in a different capacity. It took ONE young, recent ex-ARMY a$$hole to ruin it for everyone. He took himself and the job so seriously, he would sit and stare at the cameras for 12 hours without blinking, wouldn't let cops into the facility without paperwork, ordered everyone around, and confiscated all of our self-defense stuff to head office complaining it wasn't standard issue (and therefore illegal)... he was a typical brown nosing fvck and a model employee. He tried to pick up our one good-looking girl at the facility, I remember her walking off the job that day, she never came back. Of course, they promoted him. He insisted everyone refer to each other by rank... If Dwight Schrute had joined the army, it would have been this dude. Dude told everyone he was a chopper pilot but it turned out he was just some infantry retard, probably a reserve. Because he was our regional guy, everyone at the other facilities knew him, you'd only have to say his name and everyone would laugh and nod or curse and shake their heads.

Usually, I don't work in the West because of my anger issues. I can't be around social justice fcks without completely losing it. Thus I only work online, around people I really like/respect or when I'm in the East. It's better for the mind and body. You should probably define the terms you need to work and take those to your next job. Co-workers can make or break you.
 
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alicentjenner

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Seriously it can be a bit difficult with co workers and to adjust with them in an environment. But it will be fine.
 

BackInTheGame78

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He's likely got a friend higher up I'd be careful, over 50% of people are hired by association, you have to assume over half the people you work with have some informal association to somebody in the peripheral, usually how powerful that person is dictates now obnoxious these people are.

He's probably got somebody in his back pocket he wants to get a job for or whatever, gonna try to force out whoever, most immigrants are a part of a tight network and are constantly trying to add numbers to the better opportunities for more workplace leverage, it's just what people do.

Document everything, get witnesses, assume he's doing the same.

Bet he doesn't have a "buddy" who is a Federal attorney with the Board of Labor tho.
 
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