Hello Friend,

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New here, need some advice how to proceed

BackInTheGame78

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Hey guys, I'm new here, been single again for about 6 months, things have been going decently well for me, in a situation now and need some advice on how to proceed so I don't screw myself over.

Met this woman, went out, very good first date, had the feeling I could have kissed her any point after the first 20 minutes, after I initiated Kino within the first few minutes and kept it up the entire time with some breaks...massaged her neck/shoulders, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear, etc...I could tell she was enjoying it because she kept playing with her hair and looking at me with a look, lol

I tell her I had to leave, walk her to her car. was getting ready to tell her I had fun and kiss her when she turns to me and says "It was nice meeting you", and before I could even open my mouth to say a word, she grabs me and starts kissing me...first the soft, I want to see how this goes type of kiss, then she starts introducing a little tongue...after a few minutes she says "I don't like making out with all these people around" and goes to get in her car...I follow her and as she sits down tell her "I need one more before I go" and we make out again for a few minutes even more passionately than before(had to meet some friends or I would have invited her back)

I leave, text her later the next day that I enjoyed meeting her and we should do it again sometime and she replied "Yeah, it was nice meeting you too, we should definitely get together again"

Waited a couple days( til yesterday) and texted back asking what her schedule was like the rest of the week so we could meet up, and she said that she was really busy this week but maybe next week? I said it should be ok but didn't know my schedule yet so I'd let her know...

Now, I know this could mean she isn't really interested, but I don't think that's the case as she said the same thing the before the first date(she is a teacher and just went back to school), and then said the next week was good and we ended up meeting.

So as today is now Wednesday after I just texted her Tuesday, what's my next move? No texts til next early next week, or should I text in a few days like Friday just to make sure I don't get put in the forgotten about zone?

Just interested on how not to screw this up
 

Stugots26

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"You know what, it'll be easiest if you just check your calendar and figure your schedule out, and get back to me with which nights next week you're free to get together. Have a nice weekend."

Insist that she give you HER availability, and you're reconfirming that she will reach out to you when she's ready and that you're okay with it. Then go ghost until she actually gets back to you. If she wants to see you again, she'll get back to you. The cat wants to roam the neighborhood and make sure that her man (you) is strong and centered enough in her absence not to chase her or freak out. In fact, it goes beyond that and puts some final punctuation on the back and forth scheduling and lets her know that YOU'RE DONE THINKING ABOUT IT (AND POSSIBLY HER) UNTIL SHE GETS BACK TO YOU.

She will not forget about you. Don't fall under the illusion of action, because that's the best way to be forgotten about. You want her to wonder if you're forgetting about her.

Whenever she does get back to you with her schedule, you make a definite date for a few days into the future. A definite date meaning a definite time and place to meet and you say, "If anything comes up, let me know, otherwise I'll see you there" or "I'll pick you up" or whatever it is. Then you go silent again. No confirmations on the day of or the night before. Making a definite date is a confirmation.

You want her to get in touch hours before and say, "Are we still on for tonight?" If she gets uncomfortable about having to do that or about possibly showing up without confirmation, it's showcasing her own insecurity. I've had girls cancel and tell me later it's because I didn't call to confirm. I told them we could have talked about it in person and it was passive-aggressive of them to try to punish me and make a stink. Better you find out in advance if that's the case so you can end it faster.
 

BackInTheGame78

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So you are suggesting I text again on like Friday with that? If you had to gauge interest level out of 10, what would you give?

I also think she might be trying to put in the relationship zone because about halfway into the date she started asking questions like "what are you looking for?" "Are you seeing anyone else?", etc...those are not questions you bother asking someone if you have no interest, imo..

Not the best place to be, but better than the friend zone I guess...

I typically don't like going longer than a week past the first date without seeing someone again...it usually ends up slowing things down in regards to building on momentum...

She told me she was a terrible cook, so my suggestion will likely be for me to come over with a bottle of wine so I could help teach her how to cook better, have dinner and then "watch a movie"(aka bang)...
 

Stugots26

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Questions show that she's wondering about you. I wouldn't be opposed to sending that now. But after that text you cannot be in any form of contact until she gets back to you.

Feel free to try the your-place date as your second date. I typically make that my third. But either way, focus on having fun, hanging out, and hooking up, and let her eventually try to lock you down.
 

Mr Wright

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Just text her like 4 hours before your date telling her you're going to be half an hour late. That way you don't look needy in asking if she's going to turn up and if she is going to flake you've given her the chance to not waste your time. As for the general situation, she seems into you so don't worry about it. But if you don't want a relationship, don't have any sleep overs, it sends a clear message that you want to slow things down...and I've found if you don't want to relationship, keeping these girls for week nights is a better options. Weekends are your time and for girls you're interested in seeing further.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship, I just want to learn more about her before going down that road. We have a lot of similar interests...working out, eating healthy, carb cycling, etc...she plays/loves sports---she plays in a coed football league and we love the same football team...

On top of that she is really easy to talk with...it was kind of funny because as we were talking she was telling me sometimes she has a hard time communicating what she is feeling and that there were times in the past that guys she felt attracted to had no idea she was because she might not have showed it on the outside...

Actually as I write that, it almost seemed like a subtle or not so subtle hint that I didn't necessarily pick up on at that moment...lol
 

BackInTheGame78

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Stugots26 said:
Questions show that she's wondering about you. I wouldn't be opposed to sending that now. But after that text you cannot be in any form of contact until she gets back to you.

Feel free to try the your-place date as your second date. I typically make that my third. But either way, focus on having fun, hanging out, and hooking up, and let her eventually try to lock you down.
I am a little gun shy about trying that approach as the same thing has happened before with her and she still ended up going out...here is a brief synopsis:

-Got her #

-Texted a few days later, maybe a Wednesday, said she was going on vacation til Monday

-Texted her Tuesday, said she was really busy that week because school was getting ready to start but next week would be ok...

-Texted Tuesday and set up date for Thursday at 7:30pm...texted her around 7:30 and she said she didn't know if we were still meeting because she didn't hear from me and would 8 be OK...I said 8 was fine, and she asked would it be better to reschedule? I said that's cool, she asked what day am I free I said Saturday and she said that works...

-Met Saturday, things went well acted very chilled and laid back

-Texted Sunday afternoon that I enjoyed, she said same

-Texted Tuesday afternoon to set up 2nd date, she said really busy with school stuff this week, maybe next week. I said should be ok once I know schedule I'll let her know

And that brings us to where we are now...the vibe I get from her is that she doesn't deal with stressful situations well and that she would shy away from things rather than confront them...so I don't want to go with an all or nothing approach when being relaxed, not desperate acting at all, and basically calm and cool but persistent has worked already...

Just my thoughts, I could be wrong...
 

BackInTheGame78

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Can someone PM Brad80 to comment on this thread...I've read a lot of his stuff and we seem to think similarly about things...I'd appreciate his opinion...

I don't have sufficient privileges to PM yet...
 

GS750

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BackInTheGame78 said:
Can someone PM Brad80 to comment on this thread...I've read a lot of his stuff and we seem to think similarly about things...I'd appreciate his opinion...

I don't have sufficient privileges to PM yet...
I tried. Check that screen name...pm system says it's not a valid user.
 

marmel75

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Lol, this must be a standard woman response...I literally had exactly the same thing happen at the end of a date where I Kino'd the hell out of a chick...at the end she said exactly the same thing "It was nice meeting you" and then before I could even open my mouth she started kissing me...

Obviously she was digging what you were doing cause that was 100% her on the kiss
 

Skyline

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You could have fvcked this girl, or at least on the second date. I've had this happen to me a few times and left myself a little confused as well. But the thing that stood out as the biggest error was not escalating more quickly or far enough. When a woman gives you those signs, you escalate then stop. Then you escalate again then stop, you basically go on and off. First touching, then holding, then usually kissing, then usually a little bit of grabbing, then usually kissing somewhere else like her neck. You slowly escalate toward sex, kind of like exploring her body and seeing how far she will go. This is where you went wrong. You kino'd her for a year then she had to throw herself at you near the end. This would have been okay if you were teasing her a bit more. Like the massaging, sneak a kiss in that area or maybe smell her neck! That is if she is giving you the signs, which she was. If she's asking for it, you give it to her!

Now whether or not you will get a second chance is a real question. In my experience, I've pretty much never gotten a second date when I encountered a situation like this. Which I understand is my fault, I should have been escalating more and more! I shouldn't have been afraid to embrace my sexual desires. Your best bet is to wait for her to contact you, even then I wouldn't get any hopes up. Lack of escalating is a major error, unless you're a millionaire+. That immediate text shouldn't have happened by the way, should have waited at least a few days.

Go ghost spin plates!
 

pyros

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BackInTheGame78 said:
I am a little gun shy about trying that approach as the same thing has happened before with her and she still ended up going out...here is a brief synopsis:

-Got her #

-Texted a few days later, maybe a Wednesday, said she was going on vacation til Monday

-Texted her Tuesday, said she was really busy that week because school was getting ready to start but next week would be ok...

-Texted Tuesday and set up date for Thursday at 7:30pm...texted her around 7:30 and she said she didn't know if we were still meeting because she didn't hear from me and would 8 be OK...I said 8 was fine, and she asked would it be better to reschedule? I said that's cool, she asked what day am I free I said Saturday and she said that works...

-Met Saturday, things went well acted very chilled and laid back

-Texted Sunday afternoon that I enjoyed, she said same

-Texted Tuesday afternoon to set up 2nd date, she said really busy with school stuff this week, maybe next week. I said should be ok once I know schedule I'll let her know

And that brings us to where we are now...the vibe I get from her is that she doesn't deal with stressful situations well and that she would shy away from things rather than confront them...so I don't want to go with an all or nothing approach when being relaxed, not desperate acting at all, and basically calm and cool but persistent has worked already...

Just my thoughts, I could be wrong...
Don't you see you'r chasing her way too much? you're texting her every other day while SHE IS DOING NOTHING.

I would stop texting her so much and wait to see if she texts you. If you do so, you stop looking like a desperate man, and also if you do so and SHE texts you, you can know her interest level.

If she doesn't text you after all those texts you've sent her already? well, she's not into you dont you think?
 

Harry Wilmington

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Changes that need to be made to your game:

BackInTheGame78 said:
after I initiated Kino within the first few minutes
Ideally, you need to wait until they initiate kino with you. It's more of an impact to a woman if the guy she's out with is showing restraint - her coming to you = less likely of a chance she'll reject you or your date offers later on.
BackInTheGame78 said:
I leave, text her later the next day that I enjoyed meeting her and we should do it again sometime and she replied "Yeah, it was nice meeting you too, we should definitely get together again"
So, you basically texted her with a non-conversation? No bueno. After a date, you should go ghost for 4 days to give her time to think about you, miss you, and wonder about whether or not SHE showed YOU a good time on the date. Also, no more messages reassuring women you enjoyed meeting them - reassuring them doesn't help your game any; if anything, it lets her know she already has you, which makes you less of a challenge, which decreases the likelihood of her going out with you again.

BackInTheGame78 said:
Waited a couple days( til yesterday) and texted back asking what her schedule was like the rest of the week so we could meet up, and she said that she was really busy this week but maybe next week? I said it should be ok but didn't know my schedule yet so I'd let her know...
I just talked about this on another post (which you can read HERE). In short: stop asking women what their schedule is like, or to "let you know when they're free." Doing that is akin to saying to her "choose any of the 7 days of the week you'd like to go out and I'll be there!" It's weak, it's not taking the lead, and it's giving her too many options to choose from, which will result in her either not choosing or giving you a blanket statement like "I'm not sure about this week, maybe next week?"

Plus, when you say something like this, what is there for her to look forward to or get excited about? Which invite sounds more like something that would get her to say yes?

INVITE #1: "So, I was thinking we could go out sometime next week, let me know what your schedule is like?"

INVITE #2: "So, there's this new restaurant in town that I've been DYING to try, and I'd love to take you - I'm available on Tuesday and Thursday, which one would work best for you?"

Invite #1 is bland, sounds wimpy, and - worst of all - it doesn't look like I've planned anything for us to do. It's basically saying "You tell me a day, and I'll come up with something last minute." It's not getting her excited, and it will be easier for her to blow off.

Invite #2 shows you're a man with a plan, you're putting together something to try and impress her, and you've narrowed down the day choices for her which (a) means she doesn't have to think as hard about what day would work best, and (b) subtly lets her think you must be a busy/popular guy that has other things going on in his life since you, apparently, only have 2 days in which you're available - and women like to date guys that have other things going on because it means he won't be all obsessed about spending all his time with her.

BackInTheGame78 said:
should I text in a few days like Friday just to make sure I don't get put in the forgotten about zone?
Does this chick have Alzheimer's? If not, I got news for you... a woman that's interested in you isn't going to forget about you in 3 days if you don't text her. I have girls I haven't seen in years that, were I to hit them up, they'd remember who I was. You thinking that is your ego messing with you - in reality, the LESS you contact her between dates, the MORE she's going to think about you because she's going to be wondering when you're going to call. Again, that's IF she really has an interest in you. Besides, you're not going to forget about her, right? Her memory is just as good as yours is, pal!

BackInTheGame78 said:
So you are suggesting I text again on like Friday with that? If you had to gauge interest level out of 10, what would you give?
The only way to gauge interest in the beginning is to take her out on a date, show her a good time, then wait to see if she accepts a 2nd date... then a 3rd date... then a 4th date... as long as she's accepting dates, she's interested (attention wh0res excluded, of course). Until she says "no" or flakes on you, there's NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

BackInTheGame78 said:
I also think she might be trying to put in the relationship zone...
Okay, Imma stop you right there. It's only been ONE date. You need to have it in your head that there is to be no thoughts of being in a relationship with a woman until the 3rd month, that way you won't jump the gun. So, if she's asking you feeler questions early on, GREAT! But do not equate them with anything other than she sees you as potential. In reality, she could be asking that same line of questioning to 4 other guys she's going out with, which is all well and good - but NONE of you have made the running yet. It's only ONE date. Take the questions in stride, but don't equate them with anything yet other than she's seeking information.

BackInTheGame78 said:
I typically don't like going longer than a week past the first date without seeing someone again...it usually ends up slowing things down in regards to building on momentum...
And that's good - ideally you're only seeing new chicks once a week for the first couple of months.

BackInTheGame78 said:
She told me she was a terrible cook, so my suggestion will likely be for me to come over with a bottle of wine so I could help teach her how to cook better, have dinner and then "watch a movie"(aka bang)...
Do this and you're shooting yourself in the foot. You'll end up being like all the other guys she's currently NOT dating who invited themselves over to her place too soon and made it look like they were only about sex. Wait until SHE makes the suggestion for you to come to her place or for her to go to yours. Trust me on this - every chick I've been with, the first invite was from them, and usually on the 2nd date. Why? Because I didn't spend the first date talking about sex stuff or initiating kino or asking them to come to my place... all of which makes them feel comfortable with me, and all of which then makes them feel like they need to justify to their ego that I like them by giving ME the invite to their places, as well as to do physical stuff with them later.

As for the answer to your question: she said "maybe next week," so hit her up next week. Call her on Sunday or Monday (read: CALL, don't text) with a specific idea for a date - "Hey, there's a show/restaurant I'd like to take you to" - along with a choice of two days - "I'm free on Tuesday and Thursday, which day works best for you?" Then, SHUT UP and wait for her to give you an answer. Even if there's a sudden pause in conversation, don't say anything else until she gives you an answer. If she says "yes" to either day, say "great, let's meet up there at/I'll pick you up at (time). See you then!" and don't initiate contact with her again until you see her at the day/time/place you agreed upon. If she says "I can't go either of those days, how about x-day instead?" It's a counter-offer, so take it! If she says "Oh, this week's not good, how about next week?" It's another blow off, she's not interested - just say "okay, no problem" then hang up and throw the number away.

Hope this helps!
 

Stugots26

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My god, HW, that's some real $hit advice.

"Hey, there's a show/restaurant I'd like to take you to" - seriously? Approval-seeking behavior. If a woman's attracted to you, she's going to want to see YOU. Not the show or restaurant. She won't care what the hell you two do. End of story. If she's not interested in you or on the fence, it's okay, BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE HER ANYWAY.

Bottom line I'm seeing different mentalities here. Don't be so worried about getting the date - you have to detach yourself from that outcome. If you don't get the date with a woman who is not really interested in you or has lukewarm interest, you're actually better off. Your desired outcome should be for you to have the best time on a date yourself, and the best chance of that happening is with a woman with high interest.

That means that you assume that she wants to see you, and when you ask when she's free, she'll tell you because SHE WANTS TO HELP YOU. Because she likes you. Then you choose from her availability and set the date. The top five text threads on my phone are: "Sounds good!" They are all from women in response to me choosing a night from among the nights they tell me they are free and setting a place and time. Done, over, out. It didn't matter which place I named on any particular night. They want to see me. All they have left to do is let the hamster run and build anticipation to see me. I usually get texts in the hours before the date from the women asking if we're still on - and I know that the pu$$y is tingling.

Don't try to sell her with "I've got this place I want to take you." Stop selling yourself, stop seeking her approval. You're the prize. She shouldn't care what you're doing and be there to see you. It's that simple.

Remember - if she's not interested, so what? Her loss, and your win because you're not wasting your time and effort trying to change her mind.
 
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apprenticedj

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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Stugots26 again.

This guy is in a great position but I fear he may overthink himself right out of the p*ssy.

OP take a step back and relax dammit! This chick would've ****ed on the first night but YOU had another engagement, that's never a bad thing. Judging by the type of questions she was asking you she is DEFINITELY interested. RELAX!

Stugots26 said:
"You know what, it'll be easiest if you just check your calendar and figure your schedule out, and get back to me with which nights next week you're free to get together. Have a nice weekend."
I love this idea. Consensus around here seems to be take charge, make a date around your schedule etc, which I do agree with but I try to remember life can be hectic at time. I know personally I have a hard time clearing up my schedule for the next week. You lob this line at her, it puts the ball in her court so that when she hits you up you damn well she's down for some D. Also it says something about your relaxed attitude, subconsciously displaying an abundance mentality.

I remember when I pulled off my first bar hookup, I wanted so badly to text her during the week to set up something concrete but I knew, from reading countless threads here, that I needed to be chill. I lobbed a similiar line at her and I got no response. I thought I messed up but low and behold the next Saturday I get a text at 10 PM, "wanna grab a drink tonight?".

The banging commenced. The key is to be relaxed and TRY to not overthink everything, when they want you, they want you. You'll be just fine.
 

rascal99v

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Always think of a new chick like a race.

You start out at the starting gate and keep moving forward to the finish line.

It all starts out as you get her number and then escalates until you get her into bed.

Once you have a good first date, you want to keep escalating forward progress for the next date. You never want to regress what you had the first date by diminishing your success on the second date and in between. It's a steady forward pace that you want to see go as smooth as possible.

Our Anti Texting friends will tell us that you should only use texting to set up dates. Well, they are wrong again, because all that texting of setting up dates is getting you into trouble.

You should always call the chick to set up your date, because it is your job as the man to let the chick know exactly what you want. Telling her where and what you want shows her that you are a dominant and confident man. Not only that, there will be no confusion where she can't say "I didn't hear from you" because the plans will set. Also, texting a chick to set up a date will result in flaking just like this one did when she wanted to reschedule.

Never tell a chick that "you are dying to take her somewhere". That will make you look like a desperate beta with no other options. It makes you appear to be obsessed about spending all your time with her trying to be overly impressive. That is a bad vibe that you do not want to give off.

If you give her options of different days and times she will still decline when she has no intentions of going out. She will still say she is busy no matter what. Also, by doing that you are trying to make it more convenient for her. She will take notice of that and it will lower your value. Chicks will be always free when they want to go out. So, you don't have to worry about that.

Again, texting should not be used for setting up dates. Texting should be used for escalation for getting her panties wet and into bed.

You had a nice make out at the end of your date. You want to continue that and escalate the next time you meet to get further. And when you can do that through texting, all the better, because you can game her getting her horny for you without even seeing her. Doing that makes your chances much greater of getting laid on the next date.

That is the formula that I have used which results in a high second date lay.

I don't like the fact that you're getting excuses and being shoved off until the next week. That means that you aren't a top priority even after your make out. One make out doesn't guarantee you will be getting laid no matter what anybody tells you.

I had chicks who said they were busy during the week and still made time to go out. Sh1t, some even had a fully loaded day with school and work but had me come over to watch movies and fvck.

When there's a will, there's a way. Horny chicks will always find a way for you to fvck them. If you're getting excuses, you wont be fvcking them, but somebody else will. Just remember that.

Understand that this is a race for forward progress and you are starting to regress in the race diminishing your good results. Shoving you off until the next week does just that instead of escalating what you started.

I suggest that you stop texting her boring sh1t like setting up dates and give this chick a reason to go out instead of holding you off. Good texting does just that. Call her for your dates. If you see a lack of interest in her texts and you get another excuse, then you know she lost interest and you should move on.

Use this wisely and to your advantage for all your future dates. :up:
 

Stugots26

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Someone thinks they need to text a woman to wet her panties...when the anticipation of the date should be able to do that for you if she's really interested in you.

It doesn't matter what method you use to set up dates, call or text, as long as that's all you use the phone for. Set up the specifics of the date in as few steps as possible and get off the phone and let her wonder about you. It'll have more of an effect on her than any amount of flirtatious text will, because she'll have her beta orbiters texting her in your absence to demonstrate the contrast.

The reason I use text is because I'm a lawyer, and I prefer having things in writing, and unless a woman loses her phone between setting the date and the date itself, she'll have the details of your date, including any addresses, in writing. Even if I set the day we're meeting on the phone, I get back to them soon afterwards via text with the place and time so it's in writing, so that there's no misunderstanding.

I've minimized contact between the setup and the date because it allows me to see what happens in the interim. Women have gotten frustrated with me for not confirming a date in the hours before, and tried to cancel to punish me, and I will NOT confirm an already definite date. That's their own insecurities. If they get in touch hours before wanting to know if we're still on for the evening, which they usually do, it's because they're thinking and wondering about me and want to see me.
 

Harry Wilmington

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Stugots26 said:
Someone thinks they need to text a woman to wet her panties...when the anticipation of the date should be able to do that for you if she's really interested in you.

It doesn't matter what method you use to set up dates, call or text, as long as that's all you use the phone for. Set up the specifics of the date in as few steps as possible and get off the phone and let her wonder about you. It'll have more of an effect on her than any amount of flirtatious text will, because she'll have her beta orbiters texting her in your absence to demonstrate the contrast.

The reason I use text is because I'm a lawyer, and I prefer having things in writing, and unless a woman loses her phone between setting the date and the date itself, she'll have the details of your date, including any addresses, in writing. Even if I set the day we're meeting on the phone, I get back to them soon afterwards via text with the place and time so it's in writing, so that there's no misunderstanding.

I've minimized contact between the setup and the date because it allows me to see what happens in the interim. Women have gotten frustrated with me for not confirming a date in the hours before, and tried to cancel to punish me, and I will NOT confirm an already definite date. That's their own insecurities. If they get in touch hours before wanting to know if we're still on for the evening, which they usually do, it's because they're thinking and wondering about me and want to see me.
Amazingly, I agree with all of this - it's the exact same stuff I've been saying on here for YEARS.
 
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