Need some perspective on my 3y relationship

Realthangpoon

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Some background:
I'm 31, she's 27. Been together for 2,5 years. We bought a house together (I know I know, but houses are nearly unaffordable alone where I live).
No kids.

Long stort short, just before we got together I was doing well in the marketplace and made a relationship choice out of two options:
1) A chick I really resonated with (same personality, same hobbies, ...)
2) My current girlfriend, who fell head over heels with me.
I know #1 had been f*cking other guys lately so, although I had oneitis for her, I chose the 'safe' and rational option, which is my current girlfriend.
My girl had all the qualities I was looking for: beautiful, intelligent, low notch count, family-oriented, wants to have kids etc.

She still has the qualities, but lately I'm not feeling too good in our relationship. Some of the the issues:
- We share the same values, but we're wired completely different. Some examples: she takes my ironic sense of humor seriously, she doesn't understand why I need alone time to charge my batteries, she's a bomb of energy and I like to be more laid back/quiet, ... This can be frustrating.
- She's extremely feminine, and her emotional rollercoaster sometimes sucks the life out of me. I know I should weather all storms as a man but she's a f*cking tsunami and I'm a poor fisher in a lil boat.
- The non-stop talking and the discussions. I feel like I can't get peace anymore and that I don't have my own thoughts anymore.
- She talks a lot about kids and it brings a lot of pressure. If it's up to her we have 3 kids next week.
- Her insecurities on our relationship and the constant need for my validation. She's probably feeling my doubts, so that's partly on me.
- Her relentless show of affection and love can be really nice, but it's also smothering me.

This all sounds very negative, but she's still a caring, loving partner. She's loyal, hard-working, ...
I can be a selfish d*ck too so it's not one sided. Maybe she's just not for me.

I've been worrying a lot over this lately and am not sure if or how to continue.
I'm starting to grow resentful and if I'm not being cautious she will too and the relationship will be over.

If we break up I know it will wreck her and it will be brutal because our families have become very intertwined. The house might have to be sold etc.
On the other hand it's better to do it sooner than later because of her child wish. I'm not looking forward to sifting through the dumpster fire that is the dating market (although that is not a reason to stay together).

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get if off my mind and could use some thoughts on this.
Honest feedback is very welcome.
 
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My thoughts: most of your issues could be solved by you taking a more pro-active masculine frame in the relationship. Establish boundaries and make her respect them.

P.S. Realistically, you should've done that before/at the start of the relationship, but it's not too late.
 

All_Kindz_Of_Gainz

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Well man, you don't anyone telling you what to do, you gotta make the decision for yourself, if its a bad decision you'll handle it, will move on eventually, if its a good one you'll be okay eventually as well.

One thing for sure, you can't be paralyzed in making a decision, in today's wold 99% of the decisions aren't life or death deal, you'll never have the whole information before making one.
 

pipeman84

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If she's so intelligent, how come she can't read the room and keeps pestering you about kids? :rolleyes:
low notch count
If she was a virgin, I fully stand by @AmsterdamAssassin suggestion above. If not, that means she either had a party phase or sucked the life out of some other poor sap and you're next in line ... either way, probably best to abort mission before she gets pregnant (accidentally or in one of your moments of weakness).
 

BaronOfHair

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Some background:
I'm 31, she's 27. Been together for 2,5 years. We bought a house together (I know I know, but...
Obviously you DON'T know. You wouldn't be making excuses otherwise. Houses are expensive everywhere and at all times in human history... If anything, this is MORE incentive to NOT buy one with some broad that you haven't thoroughly vetted and selected




- She's extremely feminine, and her emotional rollercoaster sometimes sucks the life out of me
Brings us back around to a discussion we were having elsewhere

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/women-are-cold-as-ice-and-thats-oke.282221/page-2#post-3118669 Read the 9th post

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/women-are-cold-as-ice-and-thats-oke.282221/#post-3118479 Read the 7th post

If friends(I.E. Folks who won't be a feminine rollercoaster of emotion) are what you're in the market for, seek that from your fellow men, not a woman. Her role in a union is to be her man's lover and assistant, not a "friend" or drinking buddy. From what you're describing, girl doesn't seem to be upholding her end of the bargain

The information you've shared with us thus far doesn't bespeak of a relationship that's especially sturdy, thus it'll behoove you to start familiarizing yourself with the legalities of what becomes of the house(Namely, who's on the hook for what, financially), once you all split up

You can rebound from all of this... It's just imperative to be well-prepared, and not wait around for s-it to befall you
 

BackInTheGame78

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Simply sounds like two people who don't understand how to compromise and who each need to have their own way too often.

That won't work.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Realthang,
The list of her sins is very short indeed,you could do worse...But you are just not ready for a Family,that really is a non-sequitor as is your financial situation...I counsel doing nothing,nothing at all,just placate and prevaricate.but be very careful about birth control,these matters have a way of sorting themselves out.
 

pipeman84

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Are you a virgin bro? Cause you like to throw that word in every post. Are you waiting for a virgin to take your virginity?
No. I mention that word when it's about LTRs, marriage/children because it's often the elephant in the room.
 

SpartanWarrior77

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Sounds like you need to dump this chick, go through the dumpster fire and then realize what a mistake you made and find a slightly better chick, hopefully younger.
 

Dr.Suave

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Some background:
I'm 31, she's 27. Been together for 2,5 years. We bought a house together (I know I know, but houses are nearly unaffordable alone where I live).
No kids.

Long stort short, just before we got together I was doing well in the marketplace and made a relationship choice out of two options:
1) A chick I really resonated with (same personality, same hobbies, ...)
2) My current girlfriend, who fell head over heels with me.
I know #1 had been f*cking other guys lately so, although I had oneitis for her, I chose the 'safe' and rational option, which is my current girlfriend.
My girl had all the qualities I was looking for: beautiful, intelligent, low notch count, family-oriented, wants to have kids etc.

She still has the qualities, but lately I'm not feeling too good in our relationship. Some of the the issues:
- We share the same values, but we're wired completely different. Some examples: she takes my ironic sense of humor seriously, she doesn't understand why I need alone time to charge my batteries, she's a bomb of energy and I like to be more laid back/quiet, ... This can be frustrating.
- She's extremely feminine, and her emotional rollercoaster sometimes sucks the life out of me. I know I should weather all storms as a man but she's a f*cking tsunami and I'm a poor fisher in a lil boat.
- The non-stop talking and the discussions. I feel like I can't get peace anymore and that I don't have my own thoughts anymore.
- She talks a lot about kids and it brings a lot of pressure. If it's up to her we have 3 kids next week.
- Her insecurities on our relationship and the constant need for my validation. She's probably feeling my doubts, so that's partly on me.
- Her relentless show of affection and love can be really nice, but it's also smothering me.

This all sounds very negative, but she's still a caring, loving partner. She's loyal, hard-working, ...
I can be a selfish d*ck too so it's not one sided. Maybe she's just not for me.

I've been worrying a lot over this lately and am not sure if or how to continue.
I'm starting to grow resentful and if I'm not being cautious she will too and the relationship will be over.

If we break up I know it will wreck her and it will be brutal because our families have become very intertwined. The house might have to be sold etc.
On the other hand it's better to do it sooner than later because of her child wish. I'm not looking forward to sifting through the dumpster fire that is the dating market (although that is not a reason to stay together).

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get if off my mind and could use some thoughts on this.
Honest feedback is very welcome.
Maybe your gut Is telling you that you can do even better than her and at 31, It Is possible to do better than her but luck can be a factor
 

evan12

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Some background:
I'm 31, she's 27. Been together for 2,5 years. We bought a house together (I know I know, but houses are nearly unaffordable alone where I live).
No kids.

Long stort short, just before we got together I was doing well in the marketplace and made a relationship choice out of two options:
1) A chick I really resonated with (same personality, same hobbies, ...)
2) My current girlfriend, who fell head over heels with me.
I know #1 had been f*cking other guys lately so, although I had oneitis for her, I chose the 'safe' and rational option, which is my current girlfriend.
My girl had all the qualities I was looking for: beautiful, intelligent, low notch count, family-oriented, wants to have kids etc.

She still has the qualities, but lately I'm not feeling too good in our relationship. Some of the the issues:
- We share the same values, but we're wired completely different. Some examples: she takes my ironic sense of humor seriously, she doesn't understand why I need alone time to charge my batteries, she's a bomb of energy and I like to be more laid back/quiet, ... This can be frustrating.
- She's extremely feminine, and her emotional rollercoaster sometimes sucks the life out of me. I know I should weather all storms as a man but she's a f*cking tsunami and I'm a poor fisher in a lil boat.
- The non-stop talking and the discussions. I feel like I can't get peace anymore and that I don't have my own thoughts anymore.
- She talks a lot about kids and it brings a lot of pressure. If it's up to her we have 3 kids next week.
- Her insecurities on our relationship and the constant need for my validation. She's probably feeling my doubts, so that's partly on me.
- Her relentless show of affection and love can be really nice, but it's also smothering me.

This all sounds very negative, but she's still a caring, loving partner. She's loyal, hard-working, ...
I can be a selfish d*ck too so it's not one sided. Maybe she's just not for me.

I've been worrying a lot over this lately and am not sure if or how to continue.
I'm starting to grow resentful and if I'm not being cautious she will too and the relationship will be over.

If we break up I know it will wreck her and it will be brutal because our families have become very intertwined. The house might have to be sold etc.
On the other hand it's better to do it sooner than later because of her child wish. I'm not looking forward to sifting through the dumpster fire that is the dating market (although that is not a reason to stay together).

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get if off my mind and could use some thoughts on this.
Honest feedback is very welcome.
She look a normal woman, feminnie women are full of energy and mood changes they are like the sea with waves, also good she look to have children this much , most women these day look at children as their enemies.
 

pipeman84

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More like the search for the holy grail by delusional males these days
Investing time, emotions, money in a woman with a proven track-record of failure is what males who are not delusional do? :rolleyes: :D
Marriage and children means at least a 20yrs commitment ... but sure, let's go down that road with a woman who has proven several times she can't stay more than 2 years in a relationship.
 

Vanderdonck

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Some background:
I'm 31, she's 27. Been together for 2,5 years. We bought a house together (I know I know, but houses are nearly unaffordable alone where I live).
No kids.

Long stort short, just before we got together I was doing well in the marketplace and made a relationship choice out of two options:
1) A chick I really resonated with (same personality, same hobbies, ...)
2) My current girlfriend, who fell head over heels with me.
I know #1 had been f*cking other guys lately so, although I had oneitis for her, I chose the 'safe' and rational option, which is my current girlfriend.
My girl had all the qualities I was looking for: beautiful, intelligent, low notch count, family-oriented, wants to have kids etc.

She still has the qualities, but lately I'm not feeling too good in our relationship. Some of the the issues:
- We share the same values, but we're wired completely different. Some examples: she takes my ironic sense of humor seriously, she doesn't understand why I need alone time to charge my batteries, she's a bomb of energy and I like to be more laid back/quiet, ... This can be frustrating.
- She's extremely feminine, and her emotional rollercoaster sometimes sucks the life out of me. I know I should weather all storms as a man but she's a f*cking tsunami and I'm a poor fisher in a lil boat.
- The non-stop talking and the discussions. I feel like I can't get peace anymore and that I don't have my own thoughts anymore.
- She talks a lot about kids and it brings a lot of pressure. If it's up to her we have 3 kids next week.
- Her insecurities on our relationship and the constant need for my validation. She's probably feeling my doubts, so that's partly on me.
- Her relentless show of affection and love can be really nice, but it's also smothering me.

This all sounds very negative, but she's still a caring, loving partner. She's loyal, hard-working, ...
I can be a selfish d*ck too so it's not one sided. Maybe she's just not for me.

I've been worrying a lot over this lately and am not sure if or how to continue.
I'm starting to grow resentful and if I'm not being cautious she will too and the relationship will be over.

If we break up I know it will wreck her and it will be brutal because our families have become very intertwined. The house might have to be sold etc.
On the other hand it's better to do it sooner than later because of her child wish. I'm not looking forward to sifting through the dumpster fire that is the dating market (although that is not a reason to stay together).

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get if off my mind and could use some thoughts on this.
Honest feedback is very welcome.
Been there.

Emotional rollercoasters = red flag. Last thing you want is a woman who can't corral her emotions. Obviously some emotion is normal but too much is exhausting.

Kids - you gotta be on the same page about this.

Insecurity - no good. Find a woman who's confident in herself. I know a lot of RP dudes will say they want a girl wrapped around their finger, but once she starts thinking you're cheating/looking at other girls all the time it's also exhausting.

Smothering behavior - see insecurity.

Some of this can be charming at the beginning but just becomes dreadful. Better to be single than to be stuck. That's my opinion anyway.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Investing time, emotions, money in a woman with a proven track-record of failure is what males who are not delusional do? :rolleyes: :D
Marriage and children means at least a 20yrs commitment ... but sure, let's go down that road with a woman who has proven several times she can't stay more than 2 years in a relationship.
Keep telling yourself that...in many cases it's because the woman has nobody to compare you to because you are insecure about your performance is in the bedroom. Or you feel a lack in other areas but because she has nothing to compare it to she won't know. Effectively you many times it's insecurity and hoping to be able to hide flaws in plain sight they otherwise wouldn't be able to.

That argument is completely illogical because at one point all those women were virgins. So your argument is to just stick with the first person you date even tho they are the wrong person for you? Got it...makes total sense. Why don't you just go date someone you have no interest in after 1 month and be with them forever just because you dated them first. Does that make sense to you?

So the argument is to take a woman who has no idea what a relationship is.

Got it...this is the height of delusion today.
 
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pipeman84

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Keep telling yourself that...in many cases it's because the woman has nobody to compare you to because you are insecure about your performance is in the bedroom. Or you feel a lack in other areas but because she has nothing to compare it to she won't know. Effectively you many times it's insecurity and hoping to be able to hide flaws in plain sight they otherwise wouldn't be able to.
A guy wanting a virgin for LTR/marriage&children because he's insecure about his bedroom performance is a ridiculous assertion. First off, if all he cares about is sex, then why would he limit himself to just one woman instead of having sex with as many women he can?

Secondly, the notion that a virgin has nothing to compare him with is laughable. This is not 1800s. She has a phone in her hands and she can easily see that there are guys that are bigger, more shredded and who last longer in bed. She can also read romance novels and watch sex education on YouTube. Did it occur to you that because of her intelligence, high standards and self restraint she reached 20yrs old being a virgin? If a guy is into trying to hide insecurity and flaws, a ditzy bimbo 'who is discovering herself' and 'exploring her sexuality' would be a more suitable candidate, wouldn't you say?

That argument is completely illogical because at one point all those women were virgins. So your argument is to just stick with the first person you date even tho they are the wrong person for you? Got it...makes total sense. Why don't you just go date someone you have no interest in after 1 month and be with them forever just because you dated them first. Does that make sense to you?

So the argument is to take a woman who has no idea what a relationship is.

Got it...this is the height of delusion today.
Now you're building a strawman ... who suggested dating a woman one is not interested in, let alone entering a relationship with her?
Of course there has to be mutual attraction, love, respect, world-view and so on for an LTR to be considered.
 

Dr.Suave

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Ah, the virgin thing. We can go around and around for years (we have already been, in fact). And its usually the same members, repeating the same stuff, sometimes with a little improvement to their arguments and sometimes not even that.

I dont think its worthy of discussing at this point. I think virgin discussion should be banned from the forum. But I will at least say this:

I can understand both sides, both of you have some good points. But maybe its missing the forest for the tress: At the end of the day, the main thing is that its up to every man to cartefully choose which woman he is going to give exclusivity to and why, if at all.
 
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