Need some help pretty quickly regarding my LTR...

[cordoncordon]

Thank you for your advice. I really wasn't thinking too deeply about remaining in a holding pattern for her... That would be destructive for me.

I'm just going to her apartment to drop off a few of her things, and pick up a few of my things...give the talk, which will be "you seem to want to go, so you'll do what you want to do. I've had a great time with you up to this point, and wish you the best in the future. However, I don't want to talk with you again after today except if one of the following is true. 1) You discover you still have something of mine and need to return it 2) You decide in the next few days that you are able to commit to me and not let anyone convince you that you're somehow missing out by not spending time with these guys."

Something along those lines. And I'll get in my car and go home.

I wouldn't give her any type of ultimatum. I would just say, it's been fun, you are very dear to me, but it's time for you to see what is out there, and if our paths cross again, then it was meant to be.

Put the tide or emphasis of the breakup on you. That it was your idea. Don't let a teenager control a grown man's life. She may be doing that at the moment, but don't let her think she is.

 

[Justaguy254254]

I wouldn't give her any type of ultimatum. I would just say, it's been fun, you are very dear to me, but it's time for you to see what is out there, and if our paths cross again, then it was meant to be.

Put the tide or emphasis of the breakup on you. That is was your idea. Don't let a teenager control a grown man's life. She may be doing that at the moment, but don't let her think she is.

You are correct, this is better. I shall do so.

Thanks for sharing a bit of history about your similar situation, it was helpful.

 

[cordoncordon]

You are correct, this is better. I shall do so.

Thanks for sharing a bit of history about your similar situation, it was helpful.

Best of luck!

 

[romangod]

I'm just going to her apartment to drop off a few of her things, and pick up a few of my things...give the talk, which will be "you seem to want to go, so you'll do what you want to do. I've had a great time with you up to this point, and wish you the best in the future. However, I don't want to talk with you again after today except if one of the following is true. 1) You discover you still have something of mine and need to return it 2) You decide in the next few days that you are able to commit to me and not let anyone convince you that you're somehow missing out by not spending time with these guys."

Something along those lines. And I'll get in my car and go home.

I would avoid telling her option #2. It gives her an "out" and she'll know she can have her cake and eat it too. The best thing to do is step back with dignity and move on with your life. If she decides that she wants to commit to you she'll make it clear. Don't try and be emotional or rational with her. Indifference and resolve is the best approach. Good luck.

 

[LegendaryGame]

For you man, I think you're doing the right thing. Although it may be hard and you didn't do anything wrong. The best advice is to not go back ever to a girl who doesn't consider you her top 1. If she chose other men over you, its over. Its a wrap. If she comes back, make her earn it and truly see if she wants that. But since 19 is so young you'll be looking for more mature women by then.

 

[Justaguy254254]

For you man, I think you're doing the right thing. Although it may be hard and you didn't do anything wrong. The best advice is to not go back ever to a girl who doesn't consider you her top 1. If she chose other men over you, its over. Its a wrap. If she comes back, make her earn it and truly see if she wants that. But since 19 is so young you'll be looking for more mature women by then.

I think it is the right thing too.

Her deciding I'm not number 1 at this time is based upon ignorance of relationships and life in general... I have to accept that and let her move on with her decision. I mentioned it earlier, it is something that I knew in the back of my mind would happen sooner or later, given her lack of history and age.

You're also right that if she does come back I will probably have moved on myself and not want anything to do with her. Time resolves everything, one way or another

 

[iqqi]

Put the tide or emphasis of the breakup on you. That is was your idea. Don't let a teenager control a grown man's life. She may be doing that at the moment, but don't let her think she is.

EXACTLY. You might want to write this on your mirror with her lipstick.

 

[Colossus]

...Or should I take the approach of telling her to go ahead and hang out with them, and do so with the utmost confidence and with the air that she'll still be wanting me the most after everything? I am guessing that in this situation, that might be the best thing to do.

Wrong.

Dude, her interest is waning. Let go of the reigns and start to develop other plates. I would say move on from her completely.

You are dating a 19 year old with very little experience---what do you think is going to happen?? The longer you try and 'hang on' the worse it is going to end for you. Take my word for it. This is a 'pay me now, or pay me later' scenario.

You're 28? My advice to you is to NOT seriously date girls who are under 25. If you associate with kids dont be surprised if you end up playing kid's games.

 

[decades]

Do you really expect a 19 year old to give up all the learning and living she has ahead of her simply because you are infatuated with her? Look you're 28 and you had a nice long "ride" with a teenager. But it wasn't and couldn't be forever. Right now you're assuming the role of the pathetic clingy guy. Let her move on and you move on. You're trying to control her. It is INEVITABLE that she is going to have someone else. How do you feel about that? Get over your ONEitis and let go and let her live her life. She is a teenager and in this day and age, teenagers don't get married unless there is a shotgun involved. Move On with your head held high. And don't try and be her "friend" either.

 

[jophil28]

Her deciding I'm not number 1 at this time is based upon ignorance of relationships and life in general

No - her "decision" is based on falling IL in you and her curiousity and desire to be with other guys, Grab your nuts and what is left of your self-respect and LJBF her before she insults you any further.
Would you really want her back after she has slept with other guys?

Best strategy - dump her and date other women - start today

 

[Latinoman]

Thanks for your input. I agree that just leaving her is a definite possibility. Maybe the best one... but I am thinking there's a chance that by saying she should go ahead with it, she'll go out with this guy and see that the unknown is not so amazing as what she has already.

If that unknown happens to be somebody like ME...a assure you, she would forget you in less than 1 hour after sex.

Listen...just let her go.

I cannot even believe you have been ONLY with her (considering her age) for over a year. If I was in your shoes (and your age), I would have been with 3 or 4 women in a constant rotation. I cannot believe a teenager has so much CONTROL over YOUR life.

 

[Justaguy254254]

It's done...was easy enough. I could tell she was a little upset, and I remained calm...even laughed a little at how silly everything seemed. I felt quite serene, really. I noticed she seemed taken aback and upset when I said that I didn't want to talk anymore...she asked if I wanted to. But the experience wasn't bad at all, in fact quite beneficial to me.

I said good luck in the future... and went home.

 

[Justaguy254254]

No - her "decision" is based on falling IL in you and her curiousity and desire to be with other guys, Grab your nuts and what is left of your self-respect and LJBF her before she insults you any further.
Would you really want her back after she has slept with other guys?

Best strategy - dump her and date other women - start today

That's what I meant, we are saying the same thing regarding her reasons and thinking.

See above, I did the deed.

 

[jophil28]

That's what I meant, we are saying the same thing regarding her reasons and thinking.

See above, I did the deed.

Good job !

Now you need to do two things -

1. Actively pursue and date other women. Do not sit around silently hoping that you G/f will do a 180. She wanted to date other men - thats a dealbreaker, it is not negotiable.

2. Rehearse what you are going to say to her if or when she comes slithering back. It is likely but not certain.. You need to be prepared to reject her advances with a prepared response. Do not allow yourself to be hoovered back in. She had her chance with you and she passed you up in favor of dating other guys,

 

[jophil28]

...and I remained calm...even laughed a little at how silly everything seemed. I felt quite serene, really.

That "serene" feeling comes from taking charge and doing what you needed to do. It is the feeling that flows from firm control, acting as a leader and managing the situation well..

Congratulations.. mission complete.

 

[guru1000]

Your desire for her is your need for emotional intimacy. She is telling you she will be pulling out her emotional investment with you.

Let's use an analogy.

You work for financial independence.

Let's say you are employed and your boss tells you one day he will not be paying for your services any longer. He wants to check out other prospects but you are free to stick around without pay.

Why do you walk away?

You want a paycheck (emotional validation) and your services are no longer appreciated. So what do you do? You take your services to someone who can appreciate them and reciprocate your time and energies.

 

[Justaguy254254]

That "serene" feeling comes from taking charge and doing what you needed to do. It is the feeling that flows from firm control, acting as a leader and managing the situation well..

Congratulations.. mission complete.

I agree. I appreciate your advice, along with the advice of the others who have posted.

I also agree that it is reasonably likely she'll try contacting me sometime in the future. That ought to be interesting...

 

[iqqi]

That "serene" feeling comes from taking charge and doing what you needed to do. It is the feeling that flows from firm control, acting as a leader and managing the situation well..

Congratulations.. mission complete.

EXACTLY.

 

[iqqi]

I also agree that it is reasonably likely she'll try contacting me sometime in the future. That ought to be interesting...

It would be best to avoid any conversation for awhile, just don't pick up the phone when it is her. Let it go to VM.

Keep us posted!

 

[mintxx]

do not hope for or expect her to come back. if there is a 5% chance that it happens, it will only happen when you genuinely stop caring whether it does. like that guy in the movie 'swingers' says: 'somehow they know not to come back until you really have forgotten about them'.